The Escapist "Help" council

[Random Argument Man]

Doc, I'll be frank with you...I have a problem.

Ever wanted to give some wacky advice? Someone arrives with a problem and you just give a random answer? Well, I'm going to give you that chance. The object of the game: Help someone in a wacky way. After that, post another problem for the next wacky helper.

I'll give you an example.

Spoiler: Click here for help

Person A:
Problem: Doc, I've always had problems with girls. Do you have a solution that might help me?

Person Below him (see what I did there?):
Answer:BUY MUFFINS! EVERY GIRLS LOVES A GOOD MUFFIN!
New Problem: Doc, I liked Superman 64. What should I do?

And so forth...Let's get right to it.

Problem: Doc, I liked Jennifer's Body. My friends told me that I have no taste in movies. What can I do to prove them wrong?

 

[TheNumber1Zero]

Beat them to death with Evil Dead 2, they'll never call you wrong again. (Furby has begun to infect my mind)

Doc, I cut off my foot in the hope that a never ending supply of Ramunes would appear, what should I do?

 

[Random Argument Man]

Eat them! Keep it all to yourself! Share none with your entourage!

Doc...Someone said that Bob Dylan sucked. With what should I kill him with?

 

[CounterAttack]

A razor-sharp can lid, a Molotov cocktail and a screwdriver. The drink, not the tool.

Doc, I've never liked the Halo series. What's wrong with me, if anything?
[sub]Sorry, best I could come up with right now.[/sub]

 

[Broken Orange]

Nope, you are perfectly fine.

Doc, Someone said that Bob Dylan didn't suck, how should i destroy him?

 

[Random Argument Man]

You shouldn't destroy him. You should have dinner with him in a flower garden with lemonade and a t-bone steak.

Doc, someone tried to play my own game against me. What should I do?

 

[TheNumber1Zero]

Hate the player

Doc, I found someone who thinks Canadia isn't an Awesome name, what should I do?

 

[Neonbob]

You obviously need to slap him with a girder.
It's the only sensible option.

Dear god, Doc, you've gotta help me!
My fingers are plotting against me! What should I do?

 

[Sleekgiant]

Force them to type until they submit

Doc why do birds suddenly appear everytime your near

 

[Neonbob]

You obviously have some birdseed in your hair that is spread when I approach. You should go see a bird specialist.

Doc, my ears are on FIRE! HELP!

 

[j1-2themax]

Maybe you should just calm down. I know a guy who knows a guy who can set you up right.

Help, I can't see myself in the mirror anymore. What's going on?

 

[elementsoul]

You are looking into the wrong side of a double sided mirror.

Doc, my sister is watching Twilight. How do I kill her discretely?

 

[S.R.S.]

There's nothing we can do. The twilight virus has already taken over her mind.

Hey doc, I think I've got an STD.

 

[CounterAttack]

Well, talk to my associate and she'll "fix you up", if you know what I mean.

Doc, I can't stop singing U2.

 

[Sleekgiant]

Just realize how uncool a name like The Edge is, you'll stop immediately

Doc, I like reality shows, please help

 

[CounterAttack]

Get some manly Man Cooking in your stomach. Reality shows aren't manly!

Doc, I'm addicted to LoadingReadyRun!

 

[Sleekgiant]

Sorry that's not really bad enough to treat

Doc I went fursuiting

 

[Trivun]

Register on Fur Affinity then shoot a rabbit with a paintball gun.

Doctor, Doctor, I keep missing lectures because I sleep all day and stay awake all night!

 

[Sleekgiant]

Impale your heart with a wooden stake.........Sucker*snags wallet*

Doc I'm a cleptomaniac

 

[CounterAttack]

Dear God. It's taken hold. There's nothing we can do. You have about six days before it consumes you. I'm so sorry.

*waves, acts out a glass wall, leaning on air and drinking a glass of water*
Translation: Doc, I can't speak English! I can only communicate through mime!