The Joke Topic (literally)
- Thread starter The_Pen_is_Mightier
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A mathematition, a Physicist and a Geologist are in a room, there is an empty coffee mug in the middle of the room. The lights go out for a second and suddenly its gone. Who ate it?
The mathematition, he thought it was a doughnut.
(If you understand the joke you are offically smarter than all the people who dont get it)
The mathematition, he thought it was a doughnut.
(If you understand the joke you are offically smarter than all the people who dont get it)
No dude, the third one ducks. He saw the bar and walked under it. The other two didn't see the bar so they walked into it.stinkychops said:
You know a joke is bad when you have to explain it to someone, haha.
This one's a bit dirty, but oh well..
So a man is going away on a business trip for a long time and his wife is known for cheating. He wants to get her something that will keep her from getting friendly with someone else while he is away so he decides to go to a sex shop. He's looking around the store and doesn't really find anything. He is about to walk out of the store when the shopkeeper asks him, "Hey, you looking for anything special?"
"Well, I'm going on a business trip and I want something to keep my wife busy so she won't cheat."
"Ah, I've got just the thing." So he pulls out this box with mysterious carvings all over it and opens it up.
"What's so special about that it looks like a normal dildo"
"This one is a special voodoo dildo. Watch. Voodoo dildo, door!"
The voodoo dildo then flies out of the box and starts fucking the door.
"Voodoo dildo, box." The voodoo dildo then flies back to the box.
"Wow!" says the man. "I'll take it!" and happily walks out of the store.
Later, he goes to his wife with the voodoo dildo and says "I have something special for you that will remind you of me while I'm gone." He brings out the box and opens it up.
"Why is that so special?"
"Here watch this. Voodoo dildo, vagina!"
The voodoo dildo starts doing his wife and he says "Voodoo dildo, box!"
The wife says, "Wow this is great! Oh thank you so much!" and she hugs him and wishes him a happy trip.
So later the wife is getting bored so she decides to use her new gift. She does, but can't remember how to get it back in the box. She says all the things that come to mind, but can't get it to stop. Later she is in the car with the voodoo dildo still going at it. She's swerving, and she hears sirens and pulls over. She covers up and the cop comes over.
"Lady, why were you swerving?"
"Well it's a long story" and she tells him what's happened.
"And now it won't stop doing me."
And the cop says, "Ha! voodoo dildo my ass!"
So a man is going away on a business trip for a long time and his wife is known for cheating. He wants to get her something that will keep her from getting friendly with someone else while he is away so he decides to go to a sex shop. He's looking around the store and doesn't really find anything. He is about to walk out of the store when the shopkeeper asks him, "Hey, you looking for anything special?"
"Well, I'm going on a business trip and I want something to keep my wife busy so she won't cheat."
"Ah, I've got just the thing." So he pulls out this box with mysterious carvings all over it and opens it up.
"What's so special about that it looks like a normal dildo"
"This one is a special voodoo dildo. Watch. Voodoo dildo, door!"
The voodoo dildo then flies out of the box and starts fucking the door.
"Voodoo dildo, box." The voodoo dildo then flies back to the box.
"Wow!" says the man. "I'll take it!" and happily walks out of the store.
Later, he goes to his wife with the voodoo dildo and says "I have something special for you that will remind you of me while I'm gone." He brings out the box and opens it up.
"Why is that so special?"
"Here watch this. Voodoo dildo, vagina!"
The voodoo dildo starts doing his wife and he says "Voodoo dildo, box!"
The wife says, "Wow this is great! Oh thank you so much!" and she hugs him and wishes him a happy trip.
So later the wife is getting bored so she decides to use her new gift. She does, but can't remember how to get it back in the box. She says all the things that come to mind, but can't get it to stop. Later she is in the car with the voodoo dildo still going at it. She's swerving, and she hears sirens and pulls over. She covers up and the cop comes over.
"Lady, why were you swerving?"
"Well it's a long story" and she tells him what's happened.
"And now it won't stop doing me."
And the cop says, "Ha! voodoo dildo my ass!"
I am offically impressedjedstopher said:
have 10 points, if you get to 100 then i'll become offically very impressed!
I have a whole crap load of long ones, so you and I are going to be good friends before i am done with you.
*1 A blonde walks into a library and goes up to the libarian and ask her "Can I have a cheese burger and fries?" and the libarian says "Mam! This is a library!" The blondes then replys "Oops, sorry" then whispers "can i have a cheese burger and fries?"
*2 A three legged dog from the wild west goes into a bar and says "I am looking for the man is shot my paw (as in 'father')
*3 There was a little boy from the deep south who's family has a outhouse (a crapper with no plumbing) by the river, which he hates with the fury of a thousand suns.
He decided one day to push it in to the river. so he pushed and pushed with all his might, and it helped that it has been raining hard, and it fell into the river and drifted out of sight. He felt so happy for getting rid of a eye sore.
But at dinner, his dad came in furious, and shouts at the boy, "Did you push the got dang' outhouse in the river?" the boy, who had just learned the story of George Washington how had as kid cut down the cherryt tree, told the truth and got out of trouble, told his dad that he did. Then the dad told him to go to the wood shed (AKA: a spanking). But the boy yelled out "But George Washington told the truth about cutting the cherry tree down, he didn't get in trouble". Then the dad replys "I don't think that Washington's dad was in the tree when it got cut down."
I done for now, but i will be back in after a while with more Groan-Inducing jokes.
*1 A blonde walks into a library and goes up to the libarian and ask her "Can I have a cheese burger and fries?" and the libarian says "Mam! This is a library!" The blondes then replys "Oops, sorry" then whispers "can i have a cheese burger and fries?"
*2 A three legged dog from the wild west goes into a bar and says "I am looking for the man is shot my paw (as in 'father')
*3 There was a little boy from the deep south who's family has a outhouse (a crapper with no plumbing) by the river, which he hates with the fury of a thousand suns.
He decided one day to push it in to the river. so he pushed and pushed with all his might, and it helped that it has been raining hard, and it fell into the river and drifted out of sight. He felt so happy for getting rid of a eye sore.
But at dinner, his dad came in furious, and shouts at the boy, "Did you push the got dang' outhouse in the river?" the boy, who had just learned the story of George Washington how had as kid cut down the cherryt tree, told the truth and got out of trouble, told his dad that he did. Then the dad told him to go to the wood shed (AKA: a spanking). But the boy yelled out "But George Washington told the truth about cutting the cherry tree down, he didn't get in trouble". Then the dad replys "I don't think that Washington's dad was in the tree when it got cut down."
I done for now, but i will be back in after a while with more Groan-Inducing jokes.
Geez, I leave you guys alone for a few hours and all hell breaks loose. Im referring to the last two posts, but never spoil a good exaggerated story with the truth.