The Next-Gen In Hands-Free Technology

Andy Chalk

One Flag, One Fleet, One Cat
Nov 12, 2002
45,698
1
0
The Next-Gen In Hands-Free Technology


Straight from Japan (naturally) comes the SOM, the ultimate convergence of technology, pornography and those long, lonely winter nights in February.

Despite its appearance, this is not a kitchen appliance, unless you happening to be cooking in the kitchen of love; this is, in fact, a solo sex machine that connects to your PC via USB port, offering hands-free operation and complete control over the device's various functions. The SOM comes in three flavors: Petit [http://www.somjapan.com/us/mens_som/], which is actually a scaled-down, portable version of the men's device. The naughty bits in each SOM are made from "septon," a new material which the company claims "is so safe that [it is] used in medical service," and the manufacturer is so certain of your "super-satisfaction" that they guarantee maintenance of the device absolutely free.

But what good is a USB-controlled wanking machine without some audio-visual stimuli? Fortunately, 0verflow, another Japanese company, has developed Cross Days, an "erotic game" that Kotaku [http://kotaku.com/5103900/erotic-game-makes-next+gen-hands-free-a-scary-reality] says works with the device by "[moving] in real time to corresponding on screen motions during climax scenes." Whether or not the game supports both the Men's and Lady's versions of the device is mercifully unclear.

To find out more about the SOM - for strictly academic purposes, of course - check out the manufacturer's amusingly Engrish website at here [http://www.somjapan.com/us/index.html], but only if you're fluent in Japanese. Ah, Japan. Is there anything you won't do?


Permalink
 

Yog Sothoth

Elite Member
Dec 6, 2008
1,037
0
41
it never ceases to amaze me the lengths that some people will go to avoid having to manually masturbate themselves... fleshlight, realdolls, now this...
 

Ranooth

BEHIND YOU!!
Mar 26, 2008
1,778
0
0
Japan, the only country in the world that's crazier then the Joker.
 

Slayer_2

New member
Jul 28, 2008
2,475
0
0
Um, WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! A wanking machine?!? Huh? What is happening to this world?!? If you wanna wank, use your hands, unless you lost both hands somehow, then I guess you have an excuse :p
 

Limos

New member
Jun 15, 2008
789
0
0
What?

...

Seriously. What?

...

I can't believe such a device even exists.
 

bodyklok

New member
Feb 17, 2008
2,936
0
0
Oh god I hope that Yahtzee reviews this game obviously not showing any pictures... or well you know gay stuff.
 

Shadows Walking

New member
Dec 9, 2008
3
0
0
Malygris said:
The Next-Gen In Hands-Free Technology
a solo sex machine, offering hands-free operation and complete control over the device's various functions. The SOM comes in three flavors. which is actually a scaled-down, portable version of the men's device. The naughty bits in each SOM are made from "septon," a new material which the company claims "is so safe that [it is] used in medical service," and the manufacturer is so certain of your "super-satisfaction" that they guarantee maintenance of the device absolutely free.
Ah, Japan. Is there anything you won't do?
Permalink
You had me at sex machine
 

Anton P. Nym

New member
Sep 18, 2007
2,611
0
0
This is self-correcting in a generation or two; don't worry, in the long run our species will be just fine. (Though I gotta admit this is damned weird...)

-- Steve
 

Syndef

New member
Nov 14, 2008
315
0
0
The first thing I saw on this page was the picture, and immediately my mind went "Sex toy! It's a super-duper SEX TOY!" And then I rationalized and said "No wait, it looks like a microscope." For once my dirty thoughts were accurate.