The strangest thing a teacher ever told you about themselves

[The Funslinger]

I'm sure that in our formative years, we all had teachers who at some point took time to share anecdotes from their lives. These can range from boring, to genuinely interesting, but also to the downright strange.

I remember a couple of years ago, in my Year 11 English class, our teacher shared with us this:

He was on holiday in Paris, quite some years ago and needed to use a phone booth. The nearest one was already occupied, so he waited. And waited. Eventually, he opened the door, and saw the man tottering there, with the phone dangling off the hook. He tapped the evidently shit faced man on the shoulder. The man turned round and started gibbering at him, getting all in his face. Out of alarm, he shoved the drunk, who fell hard against the inside of the phone box and sank to the floor. A pool of blood started to spread.

My teacher ran off, and returned to his hotel room, freaked out by what had just happened. He'd just killed a man. After some deliberation, he decided to turn himself in. The French police were understandably alarmed by a sudden confession of murder, especially having not received any calls about a body being found. At their request, he took an officer to the phone booth where it happened, but there was nothing there. The booth was empty. As they were leaving, and my teacher was preparing for a fine for wasting police time, he noticed the drunk he'd pushed standing with a friend. The man notices them and shouts something to the effect of 'hey, there's the prick who made me break my bottle of wine!'

Your move, Escapists.

 

[Terminate421]

"I intercept messages and then send them right back to their sender" This was before he intercepted a text message being sent in the middle of class and then humiliated the person doing it.

He was the greatest teacher ever though.

 

[Jazoni89]

My college tutor once told me that he caught a couple having oral sex in the campus once.

Apparently the girl's excuse was that she was scratching an itch on his nutsack.

 

[Vern5]

I had this one teacher back in middle school who used to wear a strange pendant. One day, I noticed that there was a latch and hinges on that pendant so it stood to reason that there must be something inside it.

So, I asked this teacher what was inside this pendant of hers. She smiled and said that, if she told me what it was, she would be fired.

What the hell could she possibly be keeping in that thing?

 

[DoPo]

Well, one of my teachers told us how he had built a spaceship in his basement. But he forgot to take the basement into his calculations, so now the spaceship is too big to come out. On top of that, his tinkering had attracted the attention of the FBI, CIA, MI6, Interpol, Mossad, and KGB, so all these have sent secret agents to spy on him. But since they are operating "under the radar" and on foreign territory, the only way to do anything is to either get in the basement (impossible - no warrant) or to catch him taking out the spaceship (impossible - he can't), so...they are kind of stuck there - pacing back and forth around his home.
In case it wasn't obvious, no he wasn't being serious
Same guy but not with my class - he told them he was able to bottle up heat (or energy, I don't remember well).

Oh, yeah, before you ask - he was teaching pilosophy.

 

[sky14kemea]

I remember having the weirdest teacher for Sex Ed... When we were doing the condom class, she warned us not to take any... I think her exact words were "Don't take the flavoured ones, they're my favourite!"

...

*sobs*

 

[Frezzato]

I had this one teacher back in middle school who used to wear a strange pendant. One day, I noticed that there was a latch and hinges on that pendant so it stood to reason that there must be something inside it.

So, I asked this teacher what was inside this pendant of hers. She smiled and said that, if she told me what it was, she would be fired.

What the hell could she possibly be keeping in that thing?

Coolest. Teacher. Story. Ever.


I on the other hand learned one good lesson from a teacher and a history lesson from another.

My sixth grade teacher once told the class that she only had one lung. She had spent time in Alaska and wore a parka that didn't have a fuzzy border around the hood. Apparently that fuzzy layer is meant to warm the air before it gets into the lungs (as the Eskimos are stereotypically imagined wearing) and she ended up getting frostbite in one of her lungs. Lesson learned, preemptively.

Another teacher randomly told the class that we went to college on a ship. Like a cruise ship. Then he immediately went off about how he was taking skydiving lessons decades ago and a woman died during a jump. She was training for the Bay of Pigs invasion.

 

[Hazy992]

One of the geography teachers came into my RE class one day and started chatting with the class. She was getting married that weekend and told us that she hadn't shaved under her arms in a while as she wanted to do it nearer the wedding so she has smoother underarms. She then said the problem with that is it was making her sweat more then she started touching her armpits.

Then a regular supply teacher told us that he'd met Osama Bin Laden and Margaret Thatcher back in the 80s, that he once punched a teacher up a flight of stairs and that he once had over a tonne of coal dumped on his friend's driveway for a joke.

 

[Zykon TheLich_v1legacy]

I remember having the weirdest teacher for Sex Ed... When we were doing the condom class, she warned us not to take any... I think her exact words were "Don't take the flavoured ones, they're my favourite!"

...

*sobs*

Could be worse. Fortunately being a guy I was not subject to the full version of this, but after a sex ed class the girls told us that the teacher had told them that every woman should keep a cucumber in the house at all times. She regretted that one I can tell you.

 

[soren7550]

My forensics teacher was a huge conspiracy theorist. He taught us how such things as 9/11 and the Kennedy assassination were done by the government. I think that's what led to him being fired (that along with the fact that like everyone else, he didn't like or respect the principal).

He was a cool teacher in spite of that.

 

[sky14kemea]

I remember having the weirdest teacher for Sex Ed... When we were doing the condom class, she warned us not to take any... I think her exact words were "Don't take the flavoured ones, they're my favourite!"

...

*sobs*

Could be worse. Fortunately being a guy I was not subject to the full version of this, but after a sex ed class the girls told us that the teacher had told them that every woman should keep a cucumber in the house at all times. She regretted that one I can tell you.

...That's possibly worse than mine! D: And we were in a mixed class...

Why do all the weird teachers do Sex Ed ;_;

 

[Siege_TF]

Short version's in quotes, context is spoilered.

"Siege, I've been married for fifteen years. You will never, ever, win the arguement. Even when you're right, you'll be wrong. That's just how it works."

Spoiler

In English 12 we were going through Othello by having random classmates actually read out the lines for whatever characters they got assigned that day. In this particular session I was Othello himself. There's a certain scene in which Othello and Desdemona (the missus) is arguing about a hankerchief that he gave her as a token of affection, which is lost. Iago, the antagonist stole it, but Desdemona eventually admits she might have carelessly lost it, at which point Othello goes 'Ha!'.

Reading into the mood I don't just go 'Ha.', but actually slammed my hand down on my desk, pointed at the girl playing Desdemona and exclaimed 'Ha!'.

Then the teacher slammed his hand down on his desk, pointed at me, and exclaimed 'Stop!'. I stopped, a beat passed, and I slammed my hand on my desk again and asked 'What?'. He then demanded to know why I said that line like that, so I explained I had caught her and was about to win the argument.

"I'm going to be retiring in a few years, and to supplement my pension I'll be publishing a book. You're going to be in it now."

Spoiler

In Bio we dissected a frog to see how it works. Following Bio I had shop. In shop we were learning how the brake lathe works. You can probably already tell where I'm going with this, but anywas it's a device that extends the lives of brakes by smoothing the contact points out. The teacher pointed at the worky part of the thing and said "I want you to take apart the machine." This was the wrong thing to say. I stopped when I got the thing down to the motor and wires. I was supposed to take the brake drum that was on the machine and remove it from the machine. Nothing more.

 

[ohnoitsabear]

My physics teacher told us many stories about how his sister was a worthless waste of space that just did drugs and watched reality tv, and how his stepson was really, really dumb.

I learned next to nothing in that class, but man, was it entertaining.

 

[Ryan Hughes]

Yeah, very strange. My fifth grade teacher once told us all that in the future all humans will be amorphous blobs of flesh because we are all so lazy, and evolution will punish us for it. . . People talk (correctly) about the dangers of teaching creationism, but don't seem to see that weird people are weird, and regarless of what they teach, it is gonna be wrong.

Also, in French Language class in 8th grade, the female teacher -just as a sort of aside- mentioned to all the female students "Ladies, the first time you see a boy naked, just start laughing. You will find that you have complete control over the situation from that point on." All the girls laughed, and one said: "too late." And as a result all the boys present were traumatized for life.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

I had this one teacher back in middle school who used to wear a strange pendant. One day, I noticed that there was a latch and hinges on that pendant so it stood to reason that there must be something inside it.

So, I asked this teacher what was inside this pendant of hers. She smiled and said that, if she told me what it was, she would be fired.

What the hell could she possibly be keeping in that thing?

Coolest. Teacher. Story. Ever.


I on the other hand learned one good lesson from a teacher and a history lesson from another.

My sixth grade teacher once told the class that she only had one lung. She had spent time in Alaska and wore a parka that didn't have a fuzzy border around the hood. Apparently that fuzzy layer is meant to warm the air before it gets into the lungs (as the Eskimos are stereotypically imagined wearing) and she ended up getting frostbite in one of her lungs. Lesson learned, preemptively.

Another teacher randomly told the class that we went to college on a ship. Like a cruise ship. Then he immediately went off about how he was taking skydiving lessons decades ago and a woman died during a jump. She was training for the Bay of Pigs invasion.

Birth Control perhaps? or is this one of those times that my utter ignorance (though I prefer innocence) of certain things in this world has made me look like an idiot again?

 

[Lt._nefarious]

My old chemistry teacher heard 2 guys talking about porn, and more appropriately the fact that porn where women are hairy... Y'know down there and my chemistry teacher just said "Barely any women I've dated have no hair, and the best ones didn't shave down there at all!" he was the best. He went on voluntarily set his hand on fire and talk about the time he developed back problems from trying to hold his girlfriend up for too long...

 

[Yopaz]

My biology teacher in my final year of high school told me that he had once met a guy while he was studying and they had a few beers before they ended up at his place. Now he didn't really think anything of it, but you all see where this is going. Anyway they got to his place and the man pins him down on his bed and tries to kiss him. My teacher panics and ends up biting his lip as hard as he can breaking the skin and causing him to bleed like hell.

He says that was the most embarrassing thing he's ever experienced.

 

[Worgen]

One of my teachers had a student who tried getting access to the department of defense, about a week after he tried doing that he stopped showing up to class.

 

[Fappy]

Some crazy shit happens in my school district despite how highly ranked our schools in that area are. There was one teacher at my old high school (wasn't my teacher) who alluded to her students that she would murder her mother. That night she was arrested for beating her mother to death with a hammer and throwing her down a flight of stairs.

I had a math teacher who always talked about how crazy her mother-in-law was. My teacher disappeared for a week and the students weren't told why. When she came back we found out that her mother-in-law actually assaulted our teacher and went to jail.

I had a political science professor in college that told us a few Vietnam stories. Holy shit that war was crazy. He was almost a victim of friendly-fire on his first day of action.