The Sydney Funnel Web: Unfair

[megapenguinx]

If I can try to prompt some discussion from you fine folks, is there any animal you are particularly proud of from your country? Have you ever encountered said animal or one of the ones I mentioned? (for the fellow aussies).

I am quite proud of my resident bastard:

I love your rattlesnakes. They had one of these guys at the Reptile park, the rattle is an awesome sound. That said, I'm fairly sure they don't chase you, as they're ambush predators and the entire point of the rattle is to make you go away. Their multiple bites are only to ensure their venom goes off because evolution has made them kind of venom-impotent, and they cant move fast when in the 'S' shaped strike position, the reason the death rates are low is because they have a habit of firing blanks on anything larger than a rat. Still, striking at hundreds of kilometers and hour is just fucking awesome.

That said, I could be dead wrong. Dead wrong.

The problem we have isn't the big ol' rattlers, but the babies who's rattles you can barely hear. Also they have a nasty habit of dumping their whole supply of venom in one bite, whereas the adults sometimes don't use any at all.

 

[Pimppeter2]

Ewww spiders. I hate insects

 

[Stevedave00]

Ewww spiders. I hate insects

Bugatarians love them!

 

[Internet Kraken]

Ewww spiders. I hate insects

Spiders ain't insects! They're arachnids!

I thought that was the useless bit of trivia that everyone knew.

 

[Internet Kraken]

If I can try to prompt some discussion from you fine folks, is there any animal you are particularly proud of from your country? Have you ever encountered said animal or one of the ones I mentioned? (for the fellow aussies).

I am quite proud of my resident bastard:

I love your rattlesnakes. They had one of these guys at the Reptile park, the rattle is an awesome sound. That said, I'm fairly sure they don't chase you, as they're ambush predators and the entire point of the rattle is to make you go away. Their multiple bites are only to ensure their venom goes off because evolution has made them kind of venom-impotent, and they cant move fast when in the 'S' shaped strike position, the reason the death rates are low is because they have a habit of firing blanks on anything larger than a rat. Still, striking at hundreds of kilometers and hour is just fucking awesome.

That said, I could be dead wrong. Dead wrong.

I like Rattlesnakes.

They are one of the few animals that are kind enough to warn you when you are about to step on them. You don't see stone fish doing that.

 

[tsb247]

Where I live, we have the brown recluse spider... Their bites can cause full necrosis. i.e., your skin falls off, the remaining tissue gets infected, and you lose a limb.

 

[Ultrajoe]

They are one of the few animals that are kind enough to warn you when you are about to step on them. You don't see stone fish doing that.

I've always had the horrible feeling that the deadly poison is the warning, it's just a combative little shit. I don't know what the actual attack is, perhaps it bites of your genitalia and lays eggs in the wound. Or steals your identity and gets you arrested for fraud and child porn, and then tattoos 'Free Rides' on your lower back before you go to prison.

I wouldn't put it past him.

 

[Internet Kraken]

They are one of the few animals that are kind enough to warn you when you are about to step on them. You don't see stone fish doing that.

I've always had the horrible feeling that the deadly poison is the warning, it's just a combative little shit. I don't know what the actual attack is, perhaps it bites of your genitalia and lays eggs in the wound. Or steals your identity and gets you arrested for fraud and child porn, and then tattoos 'Free Rides' on your lower back before you go to prison.

I wouldn't put it past him.

Stone fish camouflage to hunt for fish. They just lie on the sea floor all day, and every time a fish swims near them, they swallow the poor thing whole.

I've never understood why it poisons you for stepping on it. It can't be a defense to keep you from stepping on it, because even if you are trying to avoid the stone fish you will step on it because it looks like a fucking rock.

 

[mshcherbatskaya]

My theory is that Australia is the result of a Darwinian biological arms race amongst the wildlife. "Well, that one over there has big teeth, so I need claws." "That one has claws, so I need spines!" "That one has spines, so I need poison spines!" and on and on. Mutually assured destruction, so they all have to agree not to bite each other or everyone dies.

 

[Labyrinth]

My theory is that Australia is the result of a Darwinian biological arms race amongst the wildlife. "Well, that one over there has big teeth, so I need claws." "That one has claws, so I need spines!" "That one has spines, so I need poison spines!" and on and on. Mutually assured destruction, so they all have to agree not to bite each other or everyone dies.

Of course! It's why our Ninjas are better than anywhere else too. They have to hide, wearing black, in the middle of the fucking desert.

 

[Escapefromwhatever]

This is why I'm not leaving the helicopter when we touch down in Australia on my visit-all-continents tour. Hmm...imagine if they made "Sydney Funnel Web Spiders On A Plane" into a movie.

P.S. That was one of the most hilarious things I have ever read. You should do newspaper columns.

 

[wwjdftw]

*snip

Spoiler: Don't click

*snip*

I LOVE THOSE SPIDERS! i always jut call them the "awesome kind" because they just look wicked the biggest i have ever seen was three inches long and legs went out about 4 inches i got him to go onto my hand and i played with him a bit i tried to piss him off and couldn't so they seem harmless

 

[Jinx_Dragon]

I know I am late coming but I saw somewhere on a documentary a interesting fact I should share: The funnel web venom is actually a mix of 'custom designed' poisons, each one specialising in killing something as quickly as possible. They are looking at it for insecticides and such now, given this form of specialised 'toxic brew.'

YET! This proves his theory even further though.

The male contains a chemical called Robustoxin which specialises in killing humans! It is likely what makes the males more dangerous, they have a poison designed to kill just us in that toxic brew while the female bite just contains poisons that will kill us as a side effect.

Why the hell did it develop it? Doubtful the natives hunted this type of spider for food so self defence is out. Only thing I can think of is it saw a human and thought: I want to eat that!

 

[Jinx_Dragon]

A note of the trees: We had one growing in our school, right near to some water fountains! Don't know how it got there, but damn fun getting the younger students to poke the fuzzy tree. Then they would try and wash the stinging hairs from their hands, which is always a great laugh.

Hey, got to teach them young that even the trees in this country will hurt you.

 

[Labyrinth]

I know I am late coming but I saw somewhere on a documentary a interesting fact I should share: The funnel web venom is actually a mix of 'custom designed' poisons, each one specialising in killing something as quickly as possible. They are looking at it for insecticides and such now, given this form of specialised 'toxic brew.'

YET! This proves his theory even further though.

The male contains a chemical called Robustoxin which specialises in killing humans! It is likely what makes the males more dangerous, they have a poison designed to kill just us in that toxic brew while the female bite just contains poisons that will kill us as a side effect.

Why the hell did it develop it? Doubtful the natives hunted this type of spider for food so self defence is out. Only thing I can think of is it saw a human and thought: I want to eat that!

Face it. The little bastards are talented assassins. It's why the trained platoon that the Australian Defence Force has is so dangerous.

 

[vampirekid.13]

I'm Not Trying To Look Bigger. I'm Preventing Your Escape.​

that really made me lol.

actually im still laughing, that shits hilarious.

 

[Labyrinth]

When i lived in Australia i had them inside my house a few times.....fun times *shudders*.

Lots of lovely critters in the house.

 

[bjj hero]

A note of the trees: We had one growing in our school, right near to some water fountains! Don't know how it got there, but damn fun getting the younger students to poke the fuzzy tree. Then they would try and wash the stinging hairs from their hands, which is always a great laugh.

Hey, got to teach them young that even the trees in this country will hurt you.

Whats the tree called? I want to look it up.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

Face it. The little bastards are talented assassins.

No shit!


They're not just "assassins", they're friggin ninjas!

I once saw a show about this other amazing jumping spider species, that barely had a brain but could still find it's prey through dizzying labyrinthine pathways. It even preyed on other spiders that spun nets, by sneaking up on them without the other spider knowing. How? They picked at the web in roughly the same motions that wind and raindrops does while approaching the other spider, so the little webber camper just thought it was a rainstorm brewing.

Ninja spiders ftw!

 

[Abengoshis]

Awesome! I love spiders, scorpions and especially tarantulas. I held one once and it crawled all the ay around my hand. It felt a bit like a gerbil. Well, 8 thin ones.