The Sydney Funnel Web: Unfair

[PyroZombie]

I think i am going to leave this thread, because i already got enough nightmare fodder for one night.

EDIT: Oh good we're on trees now.

I guess that's okay, as long as it doesn't grow for legs, teeth, 8 eyes, and a voice that cleary says; "PyroZombie, I am going to murder you in the most painful way possible", with all the guttural sounds of Mike Patton.

 

[Ultrajoe]

Well ... that's an unpleasent way to die. I would not want to be bit by a Sydney Funnel Spider. By the same token, the fact that you have to basically offer yourself to it with a written invitation, (I believe Ultrajoe said it had a bite range of zero and couldn't move once it struck a fighting pose), does lessen my trepidation of it.

The problem is that their favored hiding places are your clothes. It does not sleep, it waits.

 

[Crabturtleking]

The problem is that their favored hiding places are your clothes. It does not sleep, it waits.

My god, we have Chuck Norris spiders. So much for a explodey type apocalypse...

 

[Khedive Rex]

Well ... that's an unpleasent way to die. I would not want to be bit by a Sydney Funnel Spider. By the same token, the fact that you have to basically offer yourself to it with a written invitation, (I believe Ultrajoe said it had a bite range of zero and couldn't move once it struck a fighting pose), does lessen my trepidation of it.

The problem is that their favored hiding places are your clothes. It does not sleep, it waits.

Clothes? I wouldn't think of clothes as remotely funnel shaped. Plus if you had them hanging (like clean clothes typically are) the spider wouldn't be able to get inside them without a ridiculously unnecessary amount of effort.

I don't know ... Perhaps I'm not looking at it right. There are very few animals that genuinely terrify me; most I just think of as an irritation.

 

[Torque669]

"And this little prick of an animal will bite you multiple times, if he can get you, because he feeds on your tears." I think I laughed a bit too hard at that bit.

But this is why I dont live in Australia. I love spiders. My grandad collects them like stamps. But this just adds to my opinion that there is no God.

 

[Beefcakes]

...It does not sleep, it waits...

It does not walk, it stalks
I could do this all day...

 

[Rhayn]

Phew, thank you cold Finnish climate.

The worst we have is a simple Adder, with a venom so not-potent it can't even kill a larger dog as long as you give the dog anti-venom within a couple of hours. A human can get bitten and survive even without antidote, as long as you're not allergic.

Hell, more people die to wasp- and beestings than to adderbites.

Then, we have the oh-so-pointless Grass Snake, who's only purpose in life seems to be to get it's head cut off by an axe by people who think it's an Adder. The Grass Snake is not venomous, the bite doesn't hurt that much (I've been bit a couple of times), It doesn't even have teeth, and it tends to flee from anything larger than a Chin Chaua. It doesn't even have teeth.

As for spiders, nothing even remotely dangerous lives here, allthough I've been told that the Black Widow supposedly could live here if it somehow got transported by container.

...and the most dangerous fish we have over here is the Pike, responsible for ocassionally biting someone's toe off.

 

[Khedive Rex]

Actually, I've figured out what scares me in my part of the world.

Spoiler: This Grotesque Killing Machine

[http://img31.imageshack.us/i/burgerd.jpg/]

That, my friend is a burger. Some may call it 'unholy' others merely call it lunch... I think I hate the south.

 

[S.H.A.R.P.]

Beautiful story Ultrajoe, thanks for the nice and very entertaining story. If ever I'll go down south, I'll be wary with putting on my shoes, and sticking anything in funnel-y things like webs and old lady's erm..

Anyway, I do enjoy wildlife. You know, deers hopping around, birds chirping happily in the air. It's good to live in the Netherlands. You just keep your little spiders to yourself, OK?

 

[Higurashi]

*Scandinavian fauna*

Yeeup. Go where only one animal can really adapt: the cold north. Humans are the only dangerous animals that stay in Sweden too. Well, we do have some bears, wolves and wolverines, but nothing poisonous. That's for the warm places. I like my country. It has beautiful nature too. ^_^

 

[Knight Templar]

So now when camping not only must I check my clothing/camp for spiders, snakes, gaint lizzards and birds, but now for trees?
I know they are not where I live but it won't stop me worrying.

*Scandinavian fauna*

Yeeup. Go where only one animal can really adapt: the cold north. Humans are the only dangerous animals that stay in Sweden too. Well, we do have some bears, wolves and wolverines, but nothing poisonous. That's for the warm places. I like my country. It has beautiful nature too. ^_^

Yeah your animals are the fighting kind, ours are cheap bastards.
Apart from the Croc I guess.

 

[Labyrinth]

This is why America has invested so heavily in the Air Force/Navy. So we can blow everything up without setting a damn foot in any country(or continent) we don't want to because of their crazy ass wildlife.

What makes you think you'd see them coming?

 

[Kevvers]

Wow I'd heard that redbacks were the evilest spiders down-under, but man nothing can be nastier than that thingy.

 

[smallharmlesskitten]

Volcanoe Rant here

I think I win..

Auckland has 20. And they expect a new one to pop up in.....the next 10-20 years.

 

[IceStar100]

I now belivie in in haven and hell. You Aussy live in hell.

 

[Lonko]

Quick note: You cannot drive to Ayers Rock in a day, this country is not small, we just hug the edges because the inside is really hot and we like to keep it beautiful and building-free.

My old school used to have this exchange student program going on with some American school. When they arrived, rather than spend time in our classes (which I always thought was the point of exchange programs), wanted to check out Australia. For example, they wished to drive up to Darwin (from Sydney) for pancakes. Why Darwin and why pancakes, I shall never know.

 

[Time Travelling Toaster]

Thank fuck I live in Scotland after seeing all of these animals :|, we have puff adders(very rarely) and freaky big unharmful spiders, so I think I'll stick to the cold climate here rather than have slightly warmer temperatures and about every possible area of the world trying to kill me or harm me in some way, The Stinging Tree, seriously? What the fuck?

 

[Ultrajoe]

The Stinging Tree, seriously? What the fuck?

Artist's Impression​

 

[King_Julian]

ah how lovely it is to live in ireland where the scariest most lethal thing we have are the leprechauns, seriously they will mess you up!!!

na seriously though australia is not as bad as everyone makes it out to be even though i have a terrible fear of spiders.

am going over to youtube to look at some more funnel webs.

 

[Matty819]

Im from adelaide (yep the city the TF2 sniper is supposed to be from, Ha take that victoria ) and i remember growing up and learning, You see a snake or spider, turn around and move speedily away, cause you will die....

Having said that most of these animals dont scare me, infact there was a baby brown snake (those from here would know how deadly they are)in my factory a few months ago.

Except spiders.....i hate spiders. They all need to die, evil walking death machines....