The things we like are just "things"

[Redd the Sock]

But nerd hobbies are "unimportant and unvalued" so it's perfectly okay to disrespect efforts put into them, and turn around the elitism by claiming that, no, the nerds are now really the ones doing it wrong because they should only find self esteem in things society at larges thinks are important.

Where you find your self esteem is your business. If you want the world to care about you, you have to do something that the world wants or needs. Doing nerd things for your own amusement is fine - just don't expect the world to stop and wonder. And if you try and stand up and shout and scream that the world ought to care then you'd better have a hell of a show planned because, if not, what have you done but wasted the world's time? What right would you then have to take offense if the world responded with withering commentary when you interrupted them with nothing to sell and nothing to show?

I'm largely fine with this as long as it's two way. Don't expect me to concern myself with the self esteem of a casual whose feelings I might hurt if they aren't going to concern themselves with mine because they aren't doing shit for me either.

I mean, ironically, I'm not trying to be defensive about my personal choices, but rather spell out a cause of the tension felt. That the people wondering why hardcores have issues with casuals respond with vilification, indifference, hostility and efforts (perhaps unintentionally) to dismantle and devalue the source of their self esteem, then get surprised when people treated like that don't suddenly want to be best friends. I just wouldn't expect to be welcomed to any kind of club or social grouping by insulting the people in it.

 

[Phasmal]

I'm largely fine with this as long as it's two way. Don't expect me to concern myself with the self esteem of a casual whose feelings I might hurt if they aren't going to concern themselves with mine because they aren't doing shit for me either.

I mean, ironically, I'm not trying to be defensive about my personal choices, but rather spell out a cause of the tension felt. That the people wondering why hardcores have issues with casuals respond with vilification, indifference, hostility and efforts (perhaps unintentionally) to dismantle and devalue the source of their self esteem, then get surprised when people treated like that don't suddenly want to be best friends. I just wouldn't expect to be welcomed to any kind of club or social grouping by insulting the people in it.

I think the problem everyone seems to be contributing to is presenting this issue as just two sides.

First of all, we have no definitive way to determine whether someone is `Hardcore` or not, what makes someone hardcore is a very subjective thing to most people.
Secondly, not all hardcore people are angry or `tense` at casuals at all. I feel no hatred towards casuals, I welcome them. More the merrier.
I can have self esteem in my hobby while others think it's stupid and childish.

Casuals aren't asking to become your best friend. They're asking not to be dismissed on that basis.

 

[Eclectic Dreck]

I mean, ironically, I'm not trying to be defensive about my personal choices, but rather spell out a cause of the tension felt. That the people wondering why hardcores have issues with casuals respond with vilification, indifference, hostility and efforts (perhaps unintentionally) to dismantle and devalue the source of their self esteem, then get surprised when people treated like that don't suddenly want to be best friends. I just wouldn't expect to be welcomed to any kind of club or social grouping by insulting the people in it.

If you're digging around trying to find some philosophical justification for being a jerk you won't find it in my post. You are not "the world" - you're just a person. And when you are in a game with people and you start yelling and shouting and saying whatever it is you are likely to say to a filthy casual who isn't playing well enough for your liking then you are failing at the bargain just as assuredly as they are. What you are offering in that context is your participation and your skills. If you offer up a side of petulant jackassery your other contribution is nullified instantly which leads directly back to the part where you aren't offering the world anything worthy of its time.

To use a sports metaphor if you are in a game and you're being a jerk because your team isn't putting in an effort that you are satisfied with that makes you into the sadistic coach who works people to collapse without any design or purpose. You are the asthma that conspires to leave them gasping. You are their mortal fear of heights and cold that sways most people from ever climbing a rock. You are an obstacle in their story. You are the bad guy. You become the person who, if the story goes well, they had to triumph over on their way to success.

If there is a lesson there its simple: if you want to be valuable having skills is important. Managing your reactions and emotions to a useful end is one of the most useful skills you can offer the world (Even if the world will never ask for that directly). Don't be an obstacle - people have plenty of them without your help and at best all you'll ever be is a problem they overcame. At best that route only leads to defeat. Learn what it means to teach and at worst you gave the undeserving an effort. At best you share in their future victories just the same as if you took the field with them. At worst you still win and at your best you get to win many times long after your time with that other person is finished.