The Three Questions You Would Ask Your God (that aren't philosophical)

[eternal-chaplain]

1. When will I die?
2. Will Half-Life 3 be any good?
3. If I ask for Super Powers, is the answer to that question the same as your answer to this one?

 

[Gincairn]

1) Be honest, that whole "I'm the Son of God" thing was bollocks right?

2) You have a choice, you can give me the power of flight, telekinesis or invisibility which is it?

3) Do you really get pissed off when people take your name in vain, and if so, is it upsetting when it's screamed out mid-coitus?

 

[katsumoto03]

Can I have super powers?

Please?

Pleeeeeeeeeease?

 

[sr.orgasmo]

Does atlantis exist?
can i get a bigger penis?
if yes
can i have a threesome with shakira and that chick from transformers 3?
if not
why?

 

[Gincairn]

can i get a bigger penis?

Why would you ask God that? Just check your email on a daily basis, eventually you'll get one telling you that you can indeed have a bigger penis

 

[Nouw]

1.When is Daft Punk's new album coming out?
2.When is Daft Punk touring again?
3.Will Daft Punk win an award at the Grammys?

I must know!

 

[sr.orgasmo]

can i get a bigger penis?

Why would you ask God that? Just check your email on a daily basis, eventually you'll get one telling you that you can indeed have a bigger penis

you are underestimating how small my penis is,i need some godly help with this thing.

 

[Naeo]

What one secret bit of amazing knowledge would suddenly let me just know all math and be able to do it without problem?

...could you teach me this thing?

...and Finnish, Hngarian, German, Icelandic, Gaelic, Welsh, Russian, Japanese, Ithkuil, Old English, Old Church Slavonic, Ancient Greek, Inuktitut, Shoshoni, Nahuatl, Italian, Frensh, Arabic, Hebrew, Spanish, Lithuanian, Basque, Korean, Maori, Armenian, Georgian, Abkhaz, and all those other really cool and weird languages while you're at it?

 

[Harbinger_]

Whats with Atlantis?
Whats the best way for me to be successful?
Who is the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with?

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Why do you let asswipes live while you let babies die?
What was the origin of life and what are the ancestor species we don't know about that led to the species we have now?
How old is the universe?

 

[Innegativeion]

1. Soul mate. Where is she?

2. Friendly Aliens. Where are they?

3. Sentient Robots. When?

 

[Sewer Rat]

Me: So you are God?
God: Yes
Me: Really?
God: Yes
Me: You?
God: Yes... I hope this has been enlightening.

Cookie to whoever gets the reference.
But at any rate will probably ask When the hell is HL2 E3/ HL3 coming out?

 

[emeraldrafael]

Whats your actual name?

Whats gabe's problem with success?

What do the atheists say when they meet you?

 

[Nightshine]

okay I'll make this quick

Chicken or the egg?

Ask a few Atheist god conundrums

 

[Infernai]

1. When are you going to get around to patching Life? There's alot of bugs...
2. Can't you introduce Magic into humanity?
3. Why did you kill the Dinosaurs?

 

[Lady Nilstria]

Who are you and where is Morgan Freeman?
If you love us all equally, why sentence us to Hell for eternal torture?
Why would you send us to Hell for not loving you?

I will let C.S. Lewis answer this, since he was such an eloquent fellow.

"God, in the end, gives people what they most want, including freedom from himself. What could be more fair?"

God is perfect, therefore His domain is perfect, and He cannot tolerate sin in His perfect domain (heaven). The people who don't want to be in heaven (because they don't want to be with God for any multitude of reasons) must logically have another place to go, therefore what is known as hell. Hell is simply the name given for the place where people can exist eternally without God.

No one goes to Hell that didn't chose to go there. A person either wants to be with God or without God. For example, Lucifer wanted to be god himself, God couldn't be there for that to happen, so Lucifer did not want to be with God. It is not a matter of punishment or torture, but rather that being without God for eternity is a mode of existing, just like being with God is a mode of existence.

To a Christian, being without God is the ultimate torture and punishment, but to someone like say Richard Dawkins, Bertrand Russell, or Stephen Hawking, they do not want anything to do with God. God does not force Himself upon anyone. You chose to be one way or the other, with God, or without. You chose where you want to go, heaven, or hell.

C.S. Lewis was so funny. "My symbol for hell is something like the bureaucracy of a police state or the offices of a thoroughly nasty business concern...held together entirely by fear and greed." - The Screwtape Letters, preface

You should read the Screwtape Letters. That senior devil is so funny. "Research is in progress. Meanwhile you, disgusting little- [Here the MS. breaks off and is resumed in a different hand.] In the heat of composition I find that I have inadvertently allowed myself to assume the form of a large centipede. I am accordingly dictating the rest to my secretary."

Now, as to Morgan Freeman...he certainly has quite the voice, doesn't he?

 

[Lady Nilstria]

1)What is your opinion on crazy, preachy fundamentalists being evil in your name?

2)What about smug antitheist douches acting morally and intellectually superior to religious people and citing the actions of said fundamentalist minority as justification?

3)Can I please please please please please have sex at some point in the near future? Preferably more than once?

1. Revelation 3:16 - So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.

God does not approve. Nothing does quite so much damage to the effectiveness of Christianity as places like Westboro.

2. Without God, there can be no morality (as in, a fundamental moral law above every single person without exception), so how can anti-theist people be morally superior when they have refused the source of morality itself? Also, it is perfectly possible to be the most intelligent person alive and still as dumb as a rock, for there is a great difference between intelligence and wisdom.

3. ...

 

[jaketaz]

Why did you make a bunch of awesome things that are terrible for us?
Why did you send your son to die for our sins when you're the one that determines what sin is?
Why do you leave no evidence of your existence, but then also make atheists such a bunch of conceited assholes?

 

[a ginger491]

1)Could you make GabeN and everyone else at Valve stop what they're doing and work on HL3 until you deem it worthy for relese?
2) Can we have technology to produce spacecraft with super FTL drives capable of getting us from one side of the universe to the other in a few decades without destroying the universe?
3) Is the meaning of life really 42?