The Unboxing

[RJ 17]

I like the cute little hat on her pet rat. :3

His name is Suchong!!!

Pfffft, Suchong is dead, remember? I don't know who his replacement is, but that is NOT the Suchong we all knew and loved!!!

Blasphemer!! Your hut will burn as your goats are added to my own!
Suchong is not a mere rat. He is an ideal! Many rats have carried this title. Each earning the right to be called Sucong.

He is not dead...He has been reborn!

You're the blasphemer for falling in line and worshiping this false idol! The body of the true Suchong wasn't even cold before some other rat came up to take his place! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!

The body of Suchong was cremated, so that his mind and soul would bond with the new Avatar of Suchong.
He merely shed his used mortal form, so that he could use a new one to fulfill his destiny!

Keep telling yourself that, heretic. You will not be spared once the Crusades begin. The new Suchong is a fake! An impostor! He is the Anti-Suchong incarnate and you shall suffer the wrath of the True Suchong upon his glorious return! Because in the words of Shirou: "People die if they are killed!" This applies to divine beings inhabiting mortal shells as well!

Let us not wait for your mythical crusades to come! We will gather our armies and clash upon the fields of Battlefield and let our steel and claymores decide who is the true heretic. Know this, your blood will lubricate my door hinges, your skull will be part of my rewrite of Hamlet and your girlfriend/fiance/wife/only female friend will watch as I own thine ass.

As it is said in the gospel of Suchong: "Getting shot in the head is deadly."

Only blasphemers and non-believers play Battlefield. No, you shall stand before the inquisitor after you are defeated in the grand, ancient arena of DBZ: Raging Blast 2. There I shall rip your intestines out and use them as a prophylactic as I fornicate with your cranium. The forum will run red with the bitter-sweet sanguine that leaks from your ears, eyes, and nose after I summon Trevor Phillips from the depths of hell to move into your apartment/house. The women of your village shall wail, the men shall gnash their teeth as your lifeless corpse is paraded down the street to be fed to a pack of rapid Creepers! Repent now, lest ye be judged!

 

[RJ 17]

I like the cute little hat on her pet rat. :3

His name is Suchong!!!

Pfffft, Suchong is dead, remember? I don't know who his replacement is, but that is NOT the Suchong we all knew and loved!!!

I don't...really keep up with continuity of silly web comics but..didn't the comic where the rat died imply that this isn't the first time it's happened? And that there's been a long succession of "suchongs" that Erin has no idea about (because it always happens when she's out of the room)

the suchong we all knew and loved was probably about 40 different suchongs

Which is my point exactly, my friend. The lie has been exposed, the fraud has been brought into the light. There has been naught but imposters sitting upon a dead throne for ages.

 

[Something Amyss]

I thought Erin was a pc master race, so console opening shouldn't thrill her.

Maybe that little black box brings back fond memories of her childhood or something.

PC's my primary platform these days, but this strip still gave me the warm fuzzies from those days when I first unboxed my NES, my SNES, my Playstation, etc.

Pfffft, Suchong is dead, remember? I don't know who his replacement is, but that is NOT the Suchong we all knew and loved!!!

Suchong is dead! Long Live Suchong!

 

[Renegade-pizza]

I like the cute little hat on her pet rat. :3

His name is Suchong!!!

Pfffft, Suchong is dead, remember? I don't know who his replacement is, but that is NOT the Suchong we all knew and loved!!!

Blasphemer!! Your hut will burn as your goats are added to my own!
Suchong is not a mere rat. He is an ideal! Many rats have carried this title. Each earning the right to be called Sucong.

He is not dead...He has been reborn!

You're the blasphemer for falling in line and worshiping this false idol! The body of the true Suchong wasn't even cold before some other rat came up to take his place! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!

The body of Suchong was cremated, so that his mind and soul would bond with the new Avatar of Suchong.
He merely shed his used mortal form, so that he could use a new one to fulfill his destiny!

Keep telling yourself that, heretic. You will not be spared once the Crusades begin. The new Suchong is a fake! An impostor! He is the Anti-Suchong incarnate and you shall suffer the wrath of the True Suchong upon his glorious return! Because in the words of Shirou: "People die if they are killed!" This applies to divine beings inhabiting mortal shells as well!

Let us not wait for your mythical crusades to come! We will gather our armies and clash upon the fields of Battlefield and let our steel and claymores decide who is the true heretic. Know this, your blood will lubricate my door hinges, your skull will be part of my rewrite of Hamlet and your girlfriend/fiance/wife/only female friend will watch as I own thine ass.

As it is said in the gospel of Suchong: "Getting shot in the head is deadly."

Only blasphemers and non-believers play Battlefield. No, you shall stand before the inquisitor after you are defeated in the grand, ancient arena of DBZ: Raging Blast 2. There I shall rip your intestines out and use them as a prophylactic as I fornicate with your cranium. The forum will run red with the bitter-sweet sanguine that leaks from your ears, eyes, and nose after I summon Trevor Phillips from the depths of hell to move into your apartment/house. The women of your village shall wail, the men shall gnash their teeth as your lifeless corpse is paraded down the street to be fed to a pack of rapid Creepers! Repent now, lest ye be judged!

Nay fool! The war for Suchong cannot be decided in 47 episodes! I know not who this Trevor Phillips is, but I will banish your soul to the deepest pits of Hell (EA marketing). Your women will become my concubines, unless I find them unattractive. The men of your village will weep as I take their chickens. I do not stand alone. The soul of Suchong fuels my faith. As the PC is to the console wars, I will reign supreme.

 

[RJ 17]

Nay fool! The war for Suchong cannot be decided in 47 episodes! I know not who this Trevor Phillips is, but I will banish your soul to the deepest pits of Hell (EA marketing). Your women will become my concubines, unless I find them unattractive. The men of your village will weep as I take their chickens. I do not stand alone. The soul of Suchong fuels my faith. As the PC is to the console wars, I will reign supreme.

Oh you poor, blind sheep...you have indeed strayed far from the path of righteousness. It has already been established that your faith is fueled by a false idol unworthy of standing in the light of the one true Suchong who, though he has passed, lives on within the hearts and souls of the true believers. Suchong seeks not a conqueror to reign supreme over all people's, but rather a humble shepherd to distribute Skittles amongst the masses and spread his Word.

That said he did order the Grand Inquisition to root out false believers like yourself and demanded that they have their hearts dug out with sporks. Or to have their feet pounded with hammers until the bones are naught but dust, allowing the feet to be gruesomely tied into a knot so that the blasphemers might be hung upside-down by them on rusty meat hooks. The battle for your soul shall not be decided in 47 episodes, but rather in two minutes. And as your charred body lies smoking in a crater as the buzzards soar overhead, you will know your faith has been misplaced with an impostor. For Suchong protects and rewards the righteous believer, and punishes the sinners so easily swayed by a false image of the glory that is Suchong.

 

[Renegade-pizza]

Nay fool! The war for Suchong cannot be decided in 47 episodes! I know not who this Trevor Phillips is, but I will banish your soul to the deepest pits of Hell (EA marketing). Your women will become my concubines, unless I find them unattractive. The men of your village will weep as I take their chickens. I do not stand alone. The soul of Suchong fuels my faith. As the PC is to the console wars, I will reign supreme.

Oh you poor, blind sheep...you have indeed strayed far from the path of righteousness. It has already been established that your faith is fueled by a false idol unworthy of standing in the light of the one true Suchong who, though he has passed, lives on within the hearts and souls of the true believers. Suchong seeks not a conqueror to reign supreme over all people's, but rather a humble shepherd to distribute Skittles amongst the masses and spread his Word.

That said he did order the Grand Inquisition to root out false believers like yourself and demanded that they have their hearts dug out with sporks. Or to have their feet pounded with hammers until the bones are naught but dust, allowing the feet to be gruesomely tied into a knot so that the blasphemers might be hung upside-down by them on rusty meat hooks. The battle for your soul shall not be decided in 47 episodes, but rather in two minutes. And as your charred body lies smoking in a crater as the buzzards sore overhead, you will know your faith has been misplaced with an impostor. For Suchong protects and rewards the righteous believer, and punishes the sinners so easily swayed by a false image of the glory that is Suchong.

I know not who this so-called Grand Inquisition claims to be, but they do not speak for Suchong. For Suchong is a rat and cannot speak. Your blindness has allowed their lies to claim your mind. Suchong would not condone the needless suffering of the innocents. He would show compassion and share skittles. He slew the Devil cats that were sent to destroy his line and he easily defeated them.

And know this. Even if you destroy my mortal form, my soul will be reborn, just as Suchong's has more times than even history can remember. While you sip wine to celebrate your fleeting victory, I will gather the true believers and purge the heresy from you with both flame and more flames.

For Suchong cleanses himself with fire, and so shall I, you.

 

[2xDouble]

I like the cute little hat on her pet rat. :3

His name is Suchong!!!

...and he is adorable in his little blue top hat.

I should have known Erin was a wizard, just look at the monocle! (Achievement unlocked: Classic reference. 10G) I wonder, does Suchong also have a tiny monocle? Difficult to see, but I'm going to assume he does. Because he's fancy like that... and also also a wizard.

PS:

I hope she didn't catch the PS4 when she flung it. Its mere existence defiles the gaze of the master race!!

Clearly it is the tech heresy and must be eliminated. For the Emprah!

 

[RJ 17]

Nay fool! The war for Suchong cannot be decided in 47 episodes! I know not who this Trevor Phillips is, but I will banish your soul to the deepest pits of Hell (EA marketing). Your women will become my concubines, unless I find them unattractive. The men of your village will weep as I take their chickens. I do not stand alone. The soul of Suchong fuels my faith. As the PC is to the console wars, I will reign supreme.

Oh you poor, blind sheep...you have indeed strayed far from the path of righteousness. It has already been established that your faith is fueled by a false idol unworthy of standing in the light of the one true Suchong who, though he has passed, lives on within the hearts and souls of the true believers. Suchong seeks not a conqueror to reign supreme over all people's, but rather a humble shepherd to distribute Skittles amongst the masses and spread his Word.

That said he did order the Grand Inquisition to root out false believers like yourself and demanded that they have their hearts dug out with sporks. Or to have their feet pounded with hammers until the bones are naught but dust, allowing the feet to be gruesomely tied into a knot so that the blasphemers might be hung upside-down by them on rusty meat hooks. The battle for your soul shall not be decided in 47 episodes, but rather in two minutes. And as your charred body lies smoking in a crater as the buzzards sore overhead, you will know your faith has been misplaced with an impostor. For Suchong protects and rewards the righteous believer, and punishes the sinners so easily swayed by a false image of the glory that is Suchong.

I know not who this so-called Grand Inquisition claims to be, but they do not speak for Suchong. For Suchong is a rat and cannot speak. Your blindness has allowed their lies to claim your mind. Suchong would not condone the needless suffering of the innocents. He would show compassion and share skittles. He slew the Devil cats that were sent to destroy his line and he easily defeated them.

And know this. Even if you destroy my mortal form, my soul will be reborn, just as Suchong's has more times than even history can remember. While you sip wine to celebrate your fleeting victory, I will gather the true believers and purge the heresy from you with both flame and more flames.

For Suchong cleanses himself with fire, and so shall I, you.

The day of your reckoning shall soon be upon you, for you cannot even keep your own story straight. Such is the muddled confusion that lies within the mind of one who has been bent by a false image. You claim Suchong wants not for the suffering of innocents - and rightly so - a single breath after claiming to enslave women to pleasure you sexually unless their forms are not pleasing to your eye? For shame! Even for a heretic that is just foul. This discussion is over, and by the right hand of Suchong thou shalt be smote upon his righteousness for thy transgressions against Him.

 

[Covarr]

C'mon, Erin, the PS4 and Xb1 don't even have good exclusives yet. Nothing to get excited about until spring at the earliest.

P.S. Thanks

 

[Renegade-pizza]

Nay fool! The war for Suchong cannot be decided in 47 episodes! I know not who this Trevor Phillips is, but I will banish your soul to the deepest pits of Hell (EA marketing). Your women will become my concubines, unless I find them unattractive. The men of your village will weep as I take their chickens. I do not stand alone. The soul of Suchong fuels my faith. As the PC is to the console wars, I will reign supreme.

Oh you poor, blind sheep...you have indeed strayed far from the path of righteousness. It has already been established that your faith is fueled by a false idol unworthy of standing in the light of the one true Suchong who, though he has passed, lives on within the hearts and souls of the true believers. Suchong seeks not a conqueror to reign supreme over all people's, but rather a humble shepherd to distribute Skittles amongst the masses and spread his Word.

That said he did order the Grand Inquisition to root out false believers like yourself and demanded that they have their hearts dug out with sporks. Or to have their feet pounded with hammers until the bones are naught but dust, allowing the feet to be gruesomely tied into a knot so that the blasphemers might be hung upside-down by them on rusty meat hooks. The battle for your soul shall not be decided in 47 episodes, but rather in two minutes. And as your charred body lies smoking in a crater as the buzzards sore overhead, you will know your faith has been misplaced with an impostor. For Suchong protects and rewards the righteous believer, and punishes the sinners so easily swayed by a false image of the glory that is Suchong.

I know not who this so-called Grand Inquisition claims to be, but they do not speak for Suchong. For Suchong is a rat and cannot speak. Your blindness has allowed their lies to claim your mind. Suchong would not condone the needless suffering of the innocents. He would show compassion and share skittles. He slew the Devil cats that were sent to destroy his line and he easily defeated them.

And know this. Even if you destroy my mortal form, my soul will be reborn, just as Suchong's has more times than even history can remember. While you sip wine to celebrate your fleeting victory, I will gather the true believers and purge the heresy from you with both flame and more flames.

For Suchong cleanses himself with fire, and so shall I, you.

The day of your reckoning shall soon be upon you, for you cannot even keep your own story straight. Such is the muddled confusion that lies within the mind of one who has been bent by a false image. You claim Suchong wants not for the suffering of innocents - and rightly so - a single breath after claiming to enslave women to pleasure you sexually unless their forms are not pleasing to your eye? For shame! Even for a heretic that is just foul. This discussion is over, and by the right hand of Suchong thou shalt be smote upon his righteousness for thy transgressions against Him.

You truly are blind! Suchong has lived more lives than you could possibly comprehend. It is to his followers that he gives his orders. It is to us, that he told to take the beautiful women for ourselves, so that they could also receive the gifts that he has bestowed upon us. He understands that we are but mortals and are still distracted by the physical forms that he has shed so many times.

He does not judge them as you or I. He has returned before and will do so, long after our war has been forgotten by those who merely glimpsed it. I know not what power you claim to serve, but Suchong uses only his disciples to spread his teachings.

Your order will fall. Make no mistake. Suchong may promote peace, but he will fight to protect the richous. When your body lies broken and exposed to the elements, I will show you the mercy of a quick death.
For Suchong commands it.

 

[knight4light]

Renegade and RJ. It pains me to see such a fight when both of you are horribly mistaken. Suchong isnt all knowing. He isnt devine. Suchong is the title and name given to the rat whos purpose in life is to accompany Erin. He is no god. He is no holy being who will smite the "heritics". He is a knight. A knight who when his life comes to an end they chose the next in line. They give that young rat the title and name of Suchong. Those of you who argue Suchongs divinity do not understand. The past Suchongs, the present Suchong, and the future Suchongs will forever be Knights of Erin. Born of Fancy Rats.

 

[Draconalis]

It's kinda like the F-117 Nighthawk. You take one look at it and go 'Pfft, that'll never fly'. And that's exactly what they WANT you to think...

Having now googled the F-117 Nighthawk, I can only say, "Holy shit! That jet has a NAME?! I thought it was just called 'stealth fighter'."

 

[Renegade-pizza]

Renegade and RJ. It pains me to see such a fight when both of you are horribly mistaken. Suchong isnt all knowing. He isnt devine. Suchong is the title and name given to the rat whos purpose in life is to accompany Erin. He is no god. He is no holy being who will smite the "heritics". He is a knight. A knight who when his life comes to an end they chose the next in line. They give that young rat the title and name of Suchong. Those of you who argue Suchongs divinity do not understand. The past Suchongs, the present Suchong, and the future Suchongs will forever be Knights of Erin. Born of Fancy Rats.

Your skull will feature in my cosplay...

 

[warmachine]

Why is Erin so excited when she says there's no games on it worth playing? I guess I'm not as materialistic as her.

 

[TheDoctor455]

Why did Erin turn into Totalbiscuit in the second panel?

 

[2xDouble]

Why did Erin turn into Totalbiscuit in the second panel?

She didn't. She and Suchong are just fancy, as TB is (hence the top hat insignia).

 

[immortalfrieza]

"Step Three: Maintain credibility as grumpy cynic by publicly bashing the console via social media"

By Jove! This rectangular device functions as though it is horse excrement! What what. And now for my daily tea.

 

[Darth_Payn]

Now this strip has me questioning what the Escapists own writers really think of their PS4's and XBones. I get why they're given for free, because it makes no sense to pay money to do your job. What is this, the Krusty Krab?

Pfffft, Suchong is dead, remember? I don't know who his replacement is, but that is NOT the Suchong we all knew and loved!!!

Suchong is dead! Long Live Suchong!

I never got that phrase "[X] is dead! Long live [X]!" It sounds self-contradictory.

 

[Clankenbeard]

Thank you Mrs. Yeisley (senior English, 1986) for forcing me to learn this alternate definition of the word "affect". It was 27 years ago and this is the first time I have made mental note of an actual usage "in the wild". She's probably dead now. And if she is, I'm positive that she rolls in her grave for every "your/you're" misuse on the internet by you insensitive bastards.