The 'whats the point in marriage?' debate :)

[jboking]

This is just me, but whenever I see someone arguing against marriage, I assume they are a teenage boy, or they have the maturity level of a teenage boy.

*And after checking the age of everyone else that has posted, and finding the oldest of you is 22, I kind of stand by that.

This is probably not just me, but whenever I see someone condescendingly dismissing a post without argument and refusing even to comment on the matter (not to mention inanely and idiotically taking someone's maturity as a gauge of the validity of their argument) I assume they are an ignorant arsehole.

It would be hypocritical not to chuck in my two cents at this point, to use an old, hackneyed (yet true) phrase 'variety is the spice of life', there is a huge amount of experience out there in the world and consigning yourself both sexually and emotionally to one person is unrealistic apart from anything else (look at the high number of affairs etc.) You may write this view off as immature and you would have a point; maturity is typically characterized by a satisfaction with what you already know, and complacency that counteracts natural curiosity; fuck maturity. Marriage is like vowing only to eat potatoes and no other food, yes you may love potatoes, yes you may want to be able to eat potatoes the rest of your life, yes potatoes come in many exiting shapes, forms, varieties and preparation methods, and you could probably survive.

But what a terribly boring way to live.

It's certainly immature. Assuming that life must be boring because you aren't sexing up everything and forming dozens of relationships is extremely immature. The thing is, once you hit marriage, it's not a dead stop. It doesn't mean you can't experience new things. It means you explore the relationship you have. In another person, you can find enough depth to last you a lifetime.

Also, if you don't agree with that, you might consider open marriages while making friends who you can be emotionally attached to.

 

[RicoADF]

Well, first off, marriage is not strictly related to religion. People have been getting married before Christianity even existed for example. Non-religious people usually don't have a religious ceremony in a church, they have what's called a civil ceremony. And they can chose where they have this ceremony, ei. City Hall, outdoors etc.. So they don't employ the church's services at all. I don't know where you got the idea that marriage has to go through the church.

Second of all, from your post, I'm going to assume that you don't know that marriage is actually a legally binding contract that the government recognizes. There are a couple benefits to this: like certain social services, certain tax breaks, also can make a joint bank account that can come with lots of other financial benefits.

And thirdly, and this is probably the most important point of marriage, is that it's a commitment. When you marry someone, your basically telling them in a fancy, and elaborate way that you will love, and support them, and be faithful to them for the rest of your life. If you think of marriage in a cold, rational way, then you will never understand. You have to use your emotional side. I really hate to pull the age card, but how old are you? It's likely that you'll understand this concept when your older.

I'm 24 and I've understood the point as long as I remember, some people just don't get it/are too immature, nothing to do with age.

 

[ShakyFiend]

This is just me, but whenever I see someone arguing against marriage, I assume they are a teenage boy, or they have the maturity level of a teenage boy.

*And after checking the age of everyone else that has posted, and finding the oldest of you is 22, I kind of stand by that.

This is probably not just me, but whenever I see someone condescendingly dismissing a post without argument and refusing even to comment on the matter (not to mention inanely and idiotically taking someone's maturity as a gauge of the validity of their argument) I assume they are an ignorant arsehole.

It would be hypocritical not to chuck in my two cents at this point, to use an old, hackneyed (yet true) phrase 'variety is the spice of life', there is a huge amount of experience out there in the world and consigning yourself both sexually and emotionally to one person is unrealistic apart from anything else (look at the high number of affairs etc.) You may write this view off as immature and you would have a point; maturity is typically characterized by a satisfaction with what you already know, and complacency that counteracts natural curiosity; fuck maturity. Marriage is like vowing only to eat potatoes and no other food, yes you may love potatoes, yes you may want to be able to eat potatoes the rest of your life, yes potatoes come in many exiting shapes, forms, varieties and preparation methods, and you could probably survive.

But what a terribly boring way to live.

It's certainly immature. Assuming that life must be boring because you aren't sexing up everything and forming dozens of relationships is extremely immature. The thing is, once you hit marriage, it's not a dead stop. It doesn't mean you can't experience new things. It means you explore the relationship you have. In another person, you can find enough depth to last you a lifetime.

Also, if you don't agree with that, you might consider open marriages while making friends who you can be emotionally attached to.

Isnt it quite a naive view to assume that marriage is going to be a twenty years +
roller-coaster of excitement and happiness? Statistically (in the UK anyway)the majority of marriages tend to be negative experiences for both concerned (if you include the break-up which two thirds of them end in after less than five years); the stress and damage of this divorce counteracts the original happiness brought by the marriage in most cases.

Assuming that life must be boring because you aren't sexing up everything and forming dozens of relationships is extremely immature.

Quite inevitably you have created a straw man argument by assuming I was talking just about sex; I was not, in fact I think enforced sexual monogamy can be a good thing (although in a lot of cases it simply puts an ineffective reign on our natural lusts; just look at the high proportion of affairs). And also I agree it is possible for one person to have enough depth for the two of you to have enough shared experience to build a successful and loving long term relationship.

But that is exactly my point; human beings have such incredible depth, complexity and emotion, why would you consign yourself to one for the rest of your life? Yes, that would be fine if all you are seeking is contentment (perhaps in old age). Marriage seems to me to be like being surrounded by thousands of glorious rooms which you can examine and enjoy: only in the name of contentment (and for the sake of ease) you choose just one and lock the door.

 

[jboking]

Isnt it quite a naive view to assume that marriage is going to be a twenty years +
roller-coaster of excitement and happiness? Statistically (in the UK anyway)the majority of marriages tend to be negative experiences for both concerned (if you include the break-up which two thirds of them end in after less than five years); the stress and damage of this divorce counteracts the original happiness brought by the marriage in most cases.

You are assuming now that I would say that marriage was going to be some giant bout of happiness all the time. Of course it's not, it's silly to assume. However, it is better than the alternative. Have you ever heard of the rates of suicide among the lonely(especially around this time of year)? Perhaps people that have an incredibly poor opinion of themselves because they aren't with someone (Look at RaktheUndead up there)? Those people aren't crazy, they've just been detached from a serious relationship with someone else for so long that they feel depressed. The road without someone committed to you (and without a sense of security that they aren't being used), they are likely to commit suicide. In some sense, marriage could be a means of survival.

Assuming that life must be boring because you aren't sexing up everything and forming dozens of relationships is extremely immature.

Quite inevitably you have created a straw man argument by assuming I was talking just about sex; I was not, in fact I think enforced sexual monogamy can be a good thing (although in a lot of cases it simply puts an ineffective reign on our natural lusts; just look at the high proportion of affairs).[/quote]

there is a huge amount of experience out there in the world and consigning yourself both sexually and emotionally to one person is unrealistic apart from anything else (look at the high number of affairs etc.)

I assumed nothing. With this line, your argument insinuated what you were arguing marriage cuts off. Sexuality with others, and other relationships of the same type. I also made room for both sexuality and emotionality.

And also I agree it is possible for one person to have enough depth for the two of you to have enough shared experience to build a successful and loving long term relationship.

But that is exactly my point; human beings have such incredible depth, complexity and emotion, why would you consign yourself to one for the rest of your life? Yes, that would be fine if all you are seeking is contentment (perhaps in old age). Marriage seems to me to be like being surrounded by thousands of glorious rooms which you can examine and enjoy: only in the name of contentment (and for the sake of ease) you choose just one and lock the door.

So tell me, why can't you explore others minds and personalities while married? You get to explore the deepest depths of your partners personality, and you get to explore others personalities as well. You can go into any glorious room you want and examine anything you want. Marriage does not mean the only person in the world afterwards is your partner, which is what I am understanding you believe from your text. The only thing you really can't do is have sex with someone else or get married to someone else. You can still have friends, close friends even. I think this accounts for this issue if you, as you say, are not focusing just on sex.

 

[Minky_man]

You're Assuming that I'm Assuming that you're Assuming about your Assumptions!

 

[CarpathianMuffin]

Honestly, I see no point in it. I guess it helps two people feel even closer than they are, but if that's needed, then I don't think it's a real solid relationship.

 

[Minky_man]

Honestly, I see no point in it. I guess it helps two people feel even closer than they are, but if that's needed, then I don't think it's a real solid relationship.

It's not a solid realtionship if you don't want to be as close as two people can be?

 

[CarpathianMuffin]

Honestly, I see no point in it. I guess it helps two people feel even closer than they are, but if that's needed, then I don't think it's a real solid relationship.

It's not a solid realtionship if you don't want to be as close as two people can be?

It's possible to be that close without being married. Attempting to further a relationship by saying that you're going to be together forever in a lavish ceremony just seems unnecessary to me. I wouldn't call it an outdated principle, but it isn't necessary for somebody to live comfortably in society these days.

 

[Minky_man]

Honestly, I see no point in it. I guess it helps two people feel even closer than they are, but if that's needed, then I don't think it's a real solid relationship.

It's not a solid realtionship if you don't want to be as close as two people can be?

It's possible to be that close without being married. Attempting to further a relationship by saying that you're going to be together forever in a lavish ceremony just seems unnecessary to me. I wouldn't call it an outdated principle, but it isn't necessary for somebody to live comfortably in society these days.

Well as much as I like the idea of saying "Love you forever and ever babez" it always sounds so damn pre-teen and fake. I agree that it's no longer necessary to be married. Too many of my old school friends 5 years back were getting married not 5 months after going out, it's turned the romance and meaning of modern day marriage into nothing more than showing off and bravado.
That's not to say that's Marriage in a Nutshell, but FAR too many people get married for the wrong reasons, many of those being guilted into it from both sexes with the nasty line of "If you really loved me...."

End of the day, I'm not against marriage and wish to one day get married myself, there is a point to it even if it baffles people who aren't married.

 

[CarpathianMuffin]

Honestly, I see no point in it. I guess it helps two people feel even closer than they are, but if that's needed, then I don't think it's a real solid relationship.

It's not a solid realtionship if you don't want to be as close as two people can be?

It's possible to be that close without being married. Attempting to further a relationship by saying that you're going to be together forever in a lavish ceremony just seems unnecessary to me. I wouldn't call it an outdated principle, but it isn't necessary for somebody to live comfortably in society these days.

Well as much as I like the idea of saying "Love you forever and ever babez" it always sounds so damn pre-teen and fake. I agree that it's no longer necessary to be married. Too many of my old school friends 5 years back were getting married not 5 months after going out, it's turned the romance and meaning of modern day marriage into nothing more than showing off and bravado.
That's not to say that's Marriage in a Nutshell, but FAR too many people get married for the wrong reasons, many of those being guilted into it from both sexes with the nasty line of "If you really loved me...."

End of the day, I'm not against marriage and wish to one day get married myself, there is a point to it even if it baffles people who aren't married.

Don't get me wrong, if somebody wants to get married and they're happy doing so, then I'm happy for them. I just see it as a nice frivolity is all. If two people are really happily married, then I have respect for that.

 

[nunqual]

Maybe there isn't a definite reason to get married anymore, but that's not the point. If people wanna get married, let them. It's a very nice tradition that says: I love you, and I will spend the rest of my life with you. Not to mention the cool ring you get to wear.

 

[Crystalite]

Well, the point of marriage is the same as the point of music, art and games. It is called emotional satisfaction. Sometimes, when people love each other, they want to take vows and celebrate one another.
This is called marriage.
I realise that it is expected of you to be all dark and edgy and never see any point in anything remotely romantic or simply beautifull, but I do ask myself what you are doing on a videogameforum.

But then, if someone opens a thread asking what the point of love is, most answers would go along the lines of "nobody needs that, I am a robot hurrhurr..."

Sorry, but this really pisses me off.
If there is no reason for you, that does not mean there is no reason to it.
These things are personal, and have personal meaning.