The Worst character ever

[elvor0]

Thinking back, even in 1996 I found Duke Nukem to be an unimaginative creation. 3dRealms banked his popularity entirely on immature tweens that thought the ability to make a stripper "shake it" was badass because they couldn't do it themselves. I'm sure some game designers just got together at lunch and asked...

"So young boys are our biggest demographic. What do they like?"

"Well when I was a young boy I liked stuff I wasn't supposed to have or see. Even if it was crap."

"Well what's popular nowadays in our heroes?"

"Well ridiculously huge steroid enhanced muscles. Oil them up too."

"Big guns that include parts that don't even make sense."

"Sunglasses"

"Low soft voices."

"John Carpenter and Bruce Campbell movies."

So they pieced together a character from parts of 90's action heroes, a Clint Eastwood impersonation and lines stolen from the Evil Dead series and John Carpenter's Them. It's so sad to see that there are still fans who await Duke Nukem Never as second coming when the the exalted Duke3D was just Doom with the ability to take a piss and see some boobies.

It was fun when I was eight but there are far more palatable things to our tastebuds right now. I might as well blow eight bucks on some Lunchables.

It was an awesome game though, you have to give it that

 

[Christemo]

Jonas Brothers. nuff said.

 

[Charli]

Colette from Tales of Symphonia, even being the cannon-friend intrest, no one wanted to end up with her at the end knowing you could change it. So. Annoying.
Shes everything you hate about female intrests

Kidnapped: Check
Stupid secret that she keeps to self for no adequate reason: Check
Parent complex: Check
Stupid as hell blonde: Check
Googly eyed over hero but doesnt say anything: Cheeeck
Crap in battle: Check
Says Sorry every 5 minutes!!!1: ...check for the love of God CHECK.

I could go on but you get the picture, I've found it hard to top her in a game.

 

[sgtshock]

"I know, let's make up a story to pass the time. Once there was a guy. His name was Jumping Joe. One day, aliens invaded, and started blowing up his whole town, and everyone was scared! And what did our hero do you ask? He ran away like a baby! Waah, waah, waah! And everyone made fun of him. The End!"

"..."

*Sledgehammer turns his head into pulp*

 

[Valentine82]

OMG I forgot about Noober and Neeber from BG 1 and 2...

I HATED THEM!

Oh and the First Citizen in Fallout 2, Lynette or something, I had to reload so many save games due to how hard it was not to kill her. Mentate popping ......... *reload*

 

[Christemo]

G.W Bush. the worlds biggest fail ever.


in gaming, id say maybe the faction leaders in WoW. THEY ARE TOO WEAK. if they can do what they could in WC3 and the lore, they should be able to roast a whole raid on 1 spell.


and the Farseers Taldir and Caeris in dawn of war: dark crusade (taldir) and Soulstorm (caeris). they say things like "we will strike with the speed of lightning when your back is turned, and when you turn and shoot, we will be gone" while i ran around with 2 squads of Flash Gitz and my GorGutz and big mek destroying entire bases. that gives them both the title of "DOUCHE"

 

[elvor0]

Colette from Tales of Symphonia, even being the cannon-friend intrest, no one wanted to end up with her at the end knowing you could change it. So. Annoying.
Shes everything you hate about female intrests

Kidnapped: Check
Stupid secret that she keeps to self for no adequate reason: Check
Parent complex: Check
Stupid as hell blonde: Check
Googly eyed over hero but doesnt say anything: Cheeeck
Crap in battle: Check
Says Sorry every 5 minutes!!!1: ...check for the love of God CHECK.

I could go on but you get the picture, I've found it hard to top her in a game.

Dear god, I'd forgotten all about her, she was annoying as heck.
"Are you interested Lloyd?"
"Yup"
"Ok I'll be interested too!"

 

[Jingermanoo]

"BEEEEEGGG AMERICAN TEEETEEEEES!"

Need I say more?

 

[ICantBelieveItGoesBoom]

Moira from Fallout 3. She's just so freakin' chirpy, and thanks to the lame character models her face was always a slab of dead meat with eyes like bulletholes in a refrigerator.
AND THEN, you go ahead and nuke Megaton thinking "well, she's done for now". But she isn't, is she? Noooo, she's a ghoul now and will probably live for another eight hundred years.
Thank god you die at the end of the game.

Did you try speeching her to stop making the survival guide? I was hoping that she would cry horribly making me feel good for all of the shit she put me through (I was at the end of the second chapter by now) but noooo she had to take it as helpful advice and become even more chirpy!

 

[Symp4thy]

Thinking back, even in 1996 I found Duke Nukem to be an unimaginative creation. 3dRealms banked his popularity entirely on immature tweens that thought the ability to make a stripper "shake it" was badass because they couldn't do it themselves. I'm sure some game designers just got together at lunch and asked...

"So young boys are our biggest demographic. What do they like?"

"Well when I was a young boy I liked stuff I wasn't supposed to have or see. Even if it was crap."

"Well what's popular nowadays in our heroes?"

"Well ridiculously huge steroid enhanced muscles. Oil them up too."

"Big guns that include parts that don't even make sense."

"Sunglasses"

"Low soft voices."

"John Carpenter and Bruce Campbell movies."

So they pieced together a character from parts of 90's action heroes, a Clint Eastwood impersonation and lines stolen from the Evil Dead series and John Carpenter's Them. It's so sad to see that there are still fans who await Duke Nukem Never as second coming when the the exalted Duke3D was just Doom with the ability to take a piss and see some boobies.

It was fun when I was eight but there are far more palatable things to our tastebuds right now. I might as well blow eight bucks on some Lunchables.

I hate Master Chief for the same reason. He's just the latest thing for little boys to drool over. At least back in the 90's we were drooling over boobs...