Things you WANTED to tell people on Facebook, but didn't

[anthony87]

Well there's this girl I know and she's always....ALWAYS posting those bullshit "inspirational" pictures on facebook. Ones like:
(Spoilered for space)

and

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/550866_10151041140088593_1391139543_n.jpg

It was still annoying at first but it was also fun because myself and a couple of my other friends would be more than happy to point out the flaws in that kind of logic, as well as let her know that it's a painfully selfish/naive way of looking at a relationship but it's gotten to the stage now where she just deletes the comments instead of trying to come up with some bullshit justification for her nonsense.

Another thing that gets to me is people who post about friends/family members who've died. "Yes, I'm sure it was a tough time and it was a horrible loss....FOR YOU. But seriously, all they're doing is shoving their troubles into other peoples faces in the hopes for a few fucking sympathy likes. If you want to remember a loved one then just fucking remember them, no need to go putting that shit on facebook for the whole fucking world to see."....

.....is what I'd like to say to the people who do that. But of course if I did then I'd be the asshole instead of the people using the memory of a dead person to fish for fucking pity a slew of "heartfelt" comments that are just the usual nonsense "Awh..thinking of u hun xxx" or "Such an angel I'm sure s/he is smiling down on you" etc. fucking etc.

.....Huh. That got a tad more ranty that I'd anticipated.

 

[Spambot 3000]

I saw some friend and his other friends (who I didn't know)actually being excited, get ready, excited ... that Big Brother was coming back on television.
I SHIT YOU NOT. BIG BROTHER. AND THEY WERE LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
I wanted to say 'I would rather sit down and watch my own mother lactate for half an hour than that blood-speckled pile of complete SHIT' but I didn't.
In retrospect, if I was going to say something, it should've been something more thoughtful and personal. Like, 'Go throw yourselves into a ravine'.

I always thought that show had the potential to be good if they find the right personality. Just find someone who acts like Abed from Community, actively trying to entangle the group in classic sitcom scenarios, and it could be amazing. For an example, here's an idea off the top of my head:

If I remember correctly that show has one housemate do the shopping for a week right? Well the sitcom-obsessed character could blow half the budget on Aloe Vera oil and spend an episode making sexual noises in the bathroom. Then during the inevitable two dickheads flirting when the lights are out he could make masturbation noises.

I COULD TRIPLE THAT SHOW'S RATINGS IF I WENT ON THERE, DAMMIT!

That sounds like it could work - unfortunately the show is just about watching unfunny losers be unfunny at the moment. Oh and I suppose your idea would be 'too rude' for younger viewers but anyone who lets their kids watch that turd of a show should be slapped anyway.

 

[Death Carr]

I have two.

This guy who I used to be quite good friends with changes girlfriends more than he changes socks. Everytime he's completely in love with the girl and would never leave her for his life. Each relationship averages a week before they break up and he has a 5 minute cry and is onto the next chick with big tits and a nice arse. Anyway, with his latest one he posted a rather lengthy message on her wall about how much he loved her and how he wished he could spend the rest of his life with her. Every time I see him do something like that I feel like pulling up osme metrics on high school relationships and crushing him so he never wants to go out with another girl again.

Then there's this chick who's completely obsessed with South Korea. She constantly posts Korean music videos and stuff which by itself doesn't bother me. But, she's also a massive whiney *****. I try to cheer her up when she bitches about something by making jokes, but she always bitches at me, then deletes the comments. No shit, she's the only person I know who actually deletes peoples comments.

 

[Palademon]

I'm very tempted to tell my friend (who makes massive paragraphs of a status, then adds to it in the comments, supposedly about reviewing games, which basically comes to "These games I just bought months after they came out are good", with maybe an extra comment about why) is not a professional reviewer, just because he "reviews" things, or because he has a website to "review" things.

 

[Fasckira]

Someone I know isn't very bright but I dont hold that against them - for the most part shes generally nice enough and a decent human being. However, she has a total gibbon of a friend who posts theses political images (most being racial intolerance themed ones) with the "Share if you aren't fooled by propaganda" style tag lines.
As a result, you can see her sharing this crap on a frequent basis while not understanding why - I wouldn't mind if she genuinely agreed with it as that would be her call but she just shares it in an almost knee jerk reaction. I tried reasoning with her once about it but she just deleted my comments. Now I just hide her shares, easier.

 

[Sexy Devil]

That sounds like it could work - unfortunately the show is just about watching unfunny losers be unfunny at the moment. Oh and I suppose your idea would be 'too rude' for younger viewers but anyone who lets their kids watch that turd of a show should be slapped anyway.

If you do a masturbation joke right the kids will have no idea what you're on about!

 

[Sean Hollyman]

You are ugly
Those duck lips look horrible
Nobody cares if you'd hit the like button to save this child
You look like an idiot with your top half off
That lens flare makes you look retarded
Why did you take a photo in your bathroom?
Like for a few lines? VAIN PRICKS
Like for an rate? IDIOTS
Like and I'l like your best pic? AAAAAAAAAAGH
Posting random 'meaningful' things? FGUCK
Yolo? Fuck off wankers

 

[ReadyAmyFire]

I wanted to complain this morning about the results of a survey which reported that 27% of people here would mind having a homosexual neighbour. But it's likely 27% of my friends are homophobes.

 

[danodanz]

I literally wouldn't know where to begin.

All I do know is that my Facebook needs a 'clear out' but as somebody in this thread already noted. It's like a train wreck, and dammit I've never seen a train wreck so this will just have to do!



I have a thirty something year old woman who looks about 80. Seriously, she must do that much heroin it's probably like 95% of her bloody system.
Her status's usually consist of hating on her ex husband (They split after 5 weeks). And why the governments shit for not giving her a three bedroom house. Her solution is try and get a new baby I believe.

This was a status of hers the other day.

"Just man fucking lieing why lie it don't give a shit what he is doing but when he phone tell me he going and and I find out he gone out that fucking piss me of I don't do lieing **** at all it piss me of big time lisa don't fuck lie 2me"


Don't ask. I have no clue.


Consider that episode one of my Facebook friends.

 

[Apollo45]

I've got a "friend" who constantly shares his liberal (by which I mean the truly bad kind of liberal, similar to the bad side of conservatism)"wisdom" with the rest of Facebook. I'm pretty moderate as a rule, but looking at the stuff he posts... It's not that it's liberal, it's that 99% of it is factually wrong on many levels and everyone on the site just agrees with it. For the love of all that is good in this world, look up some basic information people and figure out that politicians on both sides of the fence lie out their asses. That and random bar graphs you find on the internet are not always correct.

 

[aksel]

Worst? I am "friends" with a fairly well-known guy. He's a musician and the director of the biggest festival in my country. He constantly posts stupid shit, like political-cartoons about some conspiracy, or some stupid as all hell status update.

Here's a recent one: "A visit to the doctor will do more harm than good! Educate yourself on vaccinations and drugs!"

84 likes, 21 comments (by now).

I had typed out a whole rant about how fucking stupid he is, and how he himself is actually (sort of) brainwashing many young adults, who follow his stupidity, like a trained monkey. I ended up not posting it, because the repercussions would destroy my social life. Of well.

On another note, someone that I answered to (a hot girl, too...!): "We only live once, right? ;]"

I don't like how people try to post motivational shit on FaceBook. Quotes of the day and shit, fuck that. So I answered "Yup. Life sucks, and then you die. Deal with it."

I got many a like from people who feel the same way about motivational shit, and many a hate-filled post from her stupid-as-a-door friends.

EDIT: OH OH ALSO THIS! A group of "edgy and deep" hipster twats. I swear to god, you could recreate their day in real-time, just by putting together all of the pictures they post when they go gET FUCKING COFFEE.

I mostly end up shutting off my computer, and going for a walk to calm myself down. So fucking annoying...

 

[rob_simple]

I've been deleted by a few people for telling them I'm going to file all their posts under 'shit nobody cares about' or just spamming them with the Forever Alone face every time they post self-deprecating bullshit for attention.

It's a great source of catharsis and it means I don't need to listen to their whining anymore. And if maybe, just maybe, they take my point onboard then they'll stop boring the rest of their Facebook with their problems, too.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I just generally block people who post to much from my wall, the ones who feel the need to update their status every time they take a shit.

There is one girl I can't block though, she's too entertaining. Her and her boyfriend change their relationship status every other day and a couple of weeks ago she posted these within half an hour of each other about her boyfriend:

'so upset and pissed off how could I have been so stupid feel so betrayed!!!! :'(((('

'Nat long left n da film den its cuddles wif my sexy man mwah! :* ♥'

 

[Colour Scientist]

Another thing that gets to me is people who post about friends/family members who've died. "Yes, I'm sure it was a tough time and it was a horrible loss....FOR YOU. But seriously, all they're doing is shoving their troubles into other peoples faces in the hopes for a few fucking sympathy likes. If you want to remember a loved one then just fucking remember them, no need to go putting that shit on facebook for the whole fucking world to see."....

I hate that, especially when they didn't really know the fucking person. A guy who was in the year below me in school died a few years back from a brain tumor and this girl I know (who I know for a fact never met him, she just likes attention) posted about how devastated she was and how they were great friends and, of course, all of her friends who didn't know any better rushed in to tell her it would be okay.

Now, I never knew the guy but I'd be friends with a few people who were close to him and they were so angry that she used his death to get attention for herself.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I just generally block people who post to much from my wall, the ones who feel the need to update their status every time they take a shit.

Unless you have friends with IBS that's 2 times a day max. Which is something like 5 billion times less than everyone on my bloody friends list. Ugh.

Oh, it's worse than that. The girl I mentioned actually updated her status once telling the world she was about to have sex with her boyfriend.

How does she think people are going to react to that? Congratulate her?

 

[Something Amyss]

There's this one dude who constantly puts down my town. It's like, jeez. If you hate how horrid this place is, why don't you move somewhere else? I mean, you whine so much about EVERYTHING....

Jesus, I think I liked you better when you were a juggalo.

Oh, OUCH.

 

[AngloDoom]

Attention-whoring girl on Facebook posts for the eighteenth time that month about how the house is free and she can, of course, be naked. Then followed by 'jokey jokey' comments from friends like "tits or gtfo, lol! jk jk" and part of me just wants to write "JUST FUCK ALREADY! CHRIST!"

I don't, though. The inevitable man-brigade wouldst fell me for assaulting such a vulnerable damsel. *Grumble grumble*

 

[Colour Scientist]

Attention-whoring girl on Facebook posts for the eighteenth time that month about how the house is free and she can, of course, be naked. Then followed by 'jokey jokey' comments from friends like "tits or gtfo, lol! jk jk" and part of me just wants to write "JUST FUCK ALREADY! CHRIST!"

I don't, though. The inevitable man-brigade wouldst fell me for assaulting such a vulnerable damsel. *Grumble grumble*

There's a girl I'm friends with on Facebook and she's pretty hot. Every time she posts a status about ANYTHING, going to the shop say, there'll be 10 or 12 guys posting on it asking her if she'd like them to go with her or just telling her she's hot.

Every time she changes her relationship status, which isn't often, the amount of likes she gets is ridiculous. It's so funny because she doesn't really encourage it but some of the guys come across as so fucking desperate, they may as well be posting 'Please have sex with me, please!'.

 

[Nathan Josephs]

>.>

<.<


.....

where i buried the bodies.

 

[Aprilgold]

Mine would be, "quit being vague in your posts." I have a lot of facebook friends who reference things that I have no idea of.

Yeah this, except for with some of my 'people-I-used-to-hang-with-list' there is a person who posts like "I hate you for being so fuckin' edgy" or something and it was obviously aimed at someone on their list but here's the thing, I don't check everyone's facebook wall because thats a pain-in-the-ass so I always felt like being a snarky asshole and posting "So you hate me now don't you ya dick?"

Wait, I have one more.

Has this "Sharing" craze reached the US yet, or is it a Germany thing? Jesus Christ, it pisses me off so much. "Share this picture if you feel sorry for this little boy" - FUCK YOU. How fucking dare you use a picture of some poor kid to get attention for your stupid Facebook page. You are the fucking scum of the Earth and I hope someone stabs you in the eye with a needle, slowly. And if you share those pictures? Fuck you too. Or maybe I should thank you for your incredible contribution to the African hunger crisis. Sharing that picture to show you care actually fed a child for a week.

Wait - it didn't. So stop doing it. I mean seriously. Fuck. That's the one thing that pisses me off most on the entire vast plains of the internet. Just... How much of a fucking asshole can you be to upload a picture of someone less fortunate than you and pretend you care so much JUST to get attention for yourself? I hate that. Legitimately hate it. Actual hate. Not dislike, HATE.

Trust me bro, it has. It god damn has. But in a different way, I saw a picture once that said essentially "Since Atheists exists, this child didn't get fed" and I wanted to snap that pictures neck if it had one. The poster was like "Hey, do you think this is bullshit? If you say no then your incorrect." Another one was essentially the above but it was "Since Homosexuals exist then this child is starving." Just fuck whoever made those.