Thinking about it, what is the stupidest fictional thing ever?

[otakon17]

Four turtles and a rat mutate developing not only human level intelligence but in the turtles mammalian characteristics like opposable thumbs, endothermic temperature control and are trained in the collected martial arts of samurai for hire, with no scruples but get the job done.

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

Really, just about any "aliens invade Earth to steal stuff" scenario. There's almost nothing on Earth that couldn't be gotten from some airless, lifeless rock, and any species advanced enough to travel between stars isn't going to need slave labor. So unless they have some urgent need to steal our trees and can't even conceive of the idea of trading for them, it's not gonna make a lot of sense to come blow us up to take our stuff.

A close second: Giant megacorporations who routinely suffer catastrophic losses due to ridiculous malfeasance (engineering a zombie plague, for example, then letting it get loose) without being discovered and sanctioned by every last government on Earth.

 

[YingDerpington]

What are these from? I don't remember either of those, but the second one sounds familiar.

I figured I'd give others a sporting chance to figure them out first.

But as a hint:
One is from a movie.
The other is from a very stupid video game.

The second one sounds a hell of a lot like Dirge of Cerberus, but I haven't played that since it came out, and very stupid video game sums it up almost entirely. The first is entirely unknown to me.

 

[Brian Tams]

Reversing the Earth's rotation causes time to go backwards. This still stands as the biggest (and dumbest) Deus Ex Machina I've ever seen.

 

[TheSYLOH]

Theres a fictional material that regulates anti-matter/matter reactions.
That isn't the silly part.

Somebody digs up a new form of that material in a far away place and use it in a power source that allows a ship to travel at infinity miles power hour.
A ship FOLLOWS the infinite velocity ship as it ACCELERATES to infinity miles per hour, then is surpised that the infinity ship is "gone"
After going through every point in the universe at once, it returns to the spot where it left once the engine is turned off.

Yes, worst episode of Star Trek: Voyager EVER, and that's saying something.
This just scratches the surface, the full stupidity is enumerated here.
http://sfdebris.com/videos/startrek/v832.php

Also captcha reads "live long + prosper", "die soon in poverty" you bunch of hack writers.

 

[Thaluikhain]

I would further say, we could just drive our missiles to new locations, ICBMs could probably be reprogrammed to donate in space pretty easily, and the dodging thing... yea sorry but, no, to leave our atmosphere a projectile has to be traveling at around mach 25 or faster. Unless the aliens already knew where it was headed and we couldn't just redirect the missile (which we can do, look at how cruise missiles work)dodging something going that fast would make dodging bullets look like child's play.

Cruise missiles and ICBMs behave very difficult, ICBMs are like mortar shells (they can't really manoeuvre), cruise missiles like aeroplanes (they can).

But, yeah, depending on where in the orbit they wee, they could have very little warning (no way of saying if it would be too little, though). However, it might be possible for them to move around erratically anyway, like someone running in a zigzag because they think someone might try shooting at them.

However the whole, "they ARE aliens" thing is one of the main things I wish people would address, and it's far less intellectually vacant then trying to figure out how they could kill us all without even giving it much thought. Aliens would actually be pretty unlikely to know where our missile trajectories are or even how our stuff works. Who's to say a alien race even knows how nuclear weapons work in the first place? There are probably ways to achieve space flight without knowing how nukes work. In fact the connection between the two subjects is pretty loose to say the least. What if they have no idea about the 100 foot rule?

Well, ICBMs follow predictable trajectories, though the aliens might not know that in advance.

Even if they understand nuclear weapons, until the first ones are initiated, they'd not know that's what was being used. They could detect the presence of radioactive material and guess that's what was there, but they wouldn't know for sure.

 

[Moderated]

A magical crossdressing zombie with a chainsaw, a mute necromancer, a girl with a chainsaw and magical powers, a vampire ninja who hates him, a vampire ninja who loves him, and a vampire ninja who loves his ass all do stuff.
It's great.
(Kore wa zombie desu ka)

 

[hermes]

A group of gods keeps an entire population imprisoned and in fear of a giant moon while randomly selecting some people among them to do their chores, except they don't tell them what the chores are or how long they have to make them. If they fail, their punishment is death, if they succeed, their reward is death. This have gone for thousands of years, and some gods are tired of it, apparently. Also, they get magical powers and people hate them, apparently.

A race of martians have been undercover on Earth for thousands of years, but they didn't know that Earth was filled with bacteria and viruses. So, when they tried to invade, they caught a cold and die.

The core of the planet is stopping, so we need to detonate A atomic bomb in the Earth's core to give it a boost.

Reversing the Earth's rotation causes time to go backwards. This still stands as the biggest (and dumbest) Deus Ex Machina I've ever seen.

You think that is bad? How about kissing a person gives them selective amnesia, a power he just finds out he had.

 

[Thaluikhain]

A race of martians have been undercover on Earth for thousands of years, but they didn't know that Earth was filled with bacteria and viruses. So, when they tried to invade, they caught a cold and die.

And they predicted where the population centres would be.

 

[FalloutJack]

Okay, I don't agree with everything that everyone's said here, but some of them. Here's one I just thought up.

Y'all know that I am a big Fallout fan. "Naw, Jack! How would we ever get that from you?" Well anyway, much as I like the Fallout series - all of it - something bugs me. How in the buggery hell does anyone realistically fear Caesar's Legion? This is something that I've brought up a number of times in my RP and in discussion, but there's no two ways about it. Most of the Legion is fighting with knives and sticks! Do you know what the tribals of Arroyo did with knives and sticks for the most part when the Enclave came? Uhh, THEY DIED, except for the ones who were captured.

True, the Enclave is several levels of advancement above them AND the NCR, but you've seen the current modern NCR of the Mojave. Dudes with combat armor and modern military hardware. Not like jets or tanks, but I seem to recall that Vertibirds were present in NCR. Seriously, air supremacy! The Legion have NO WAY to attack an air vehicle, mostly, because they hardly ever use guns! What do they have? A hazy understanding of the Roman empire, spears, blades, and SOME firearms. Some.

Everything about the history of warfare tells me that the gun replaced the sword and spear for a reason. WHY is there a Legion that isn't cowering before the might of people with LONG RANGE WEAPONS? Hey, I love Fallout and NV's gray-on-gray morality in the wasteland is very cool, but Caesar's Legion is frigging ridiculous. THERE ARE RAIDER GANGS IN THE GAME USING LASER TOMMYGUNS. Make THEM the big threat from the east!

 

[ZippyDSMlee]

Okay, I don't agree with everything that everyone's said here, but some of them. Here's one I just thought up.

Y'all know that I am a big Fallout fan. "Naw, Jack! How would we ever get that from you?" Well anyway, much as I like the Fallout series - all of it - something bugs me. How in the buggery hell does anyone realistically fear Caesar's Legion? This is something that I've brought up a number of times in my RP and in discussion, but there's no two ways about it. Most of the Legion is fighting with knives and sticks! Do you know what the tribals of Arroyo did with knives and sticks for the most part when the Enclave came? Uhh, THEY DIED, except for the ones who were captured.

True, the Enclave is several levels of advancement above them AND the NCR, but you've seen the current modern NCR of the Mojave. Dudes with combat armor and modern military hardware. Not like jets or tanks, but I seem to recall that Vertibirds were present in NCR. Seriously, air supremacy! The Legion have NO WAY to attack an air vehicle, mostly, because they hardly ever use guns! What do they have? A hazy understanding of the Roman empire, spears, blades, and SOME firearms. Some.

Everything about the history of warfare tells me that the gun replaced the sword and spear for a reason. WHY is there a Legion that isn't cowering before the might of people with LONG RANGE WEAPONS? Hey, I love Fallout and NV's gray-on-gray morality in the wasteland is very cool, but Caesar's Legion is frigging ridiculous. THERE ARE RAIDER GANGS IN THE GAME USING LASER TOMMYGUNS. Make THEM the big threat from the east!

From playing it for 10ish hours it seems Caesars Legion has more numbers than the NCR dose in any particular region, also the higher level you are the more guns they use. It also seems only the initiat's have only spears and knifes. Also they seem to be better organized and trained than most raiders. As they expand and brainwash/conscript new fighters they are a power to be reckoned with. The NCR might have vert birds but whatever number they have probably protect specific core regions of the NCR. Also if FO3 is any indication a couple misses and a vert bird is down so you need a sizable force to lose in large scale battle.

Tho as I do random quests I am thinking about heading out and wiping out the legion areas. Got just about the rest of the map explored.

 

[ZippyDSMlee]

I'll give you one while I do not think its 100% correct this is what I surmised from it.

Multidimensional female warriors travel to earth to destroy by mistake and they can only be disabled if you date them.


Oh anime sometimes even you make my brains hurt.

 

[FalloutJack]

Okay, open discussion.

If any force around there has superior numbers, it really doesn't show it as well as it could or should. If they two armies have been fighting like hell over the Hoover Dam this long, then neither one of them has an overwhlming amount of numbers over the other. There is no shortage of gun power in the Mojave, and an undisclosed amount of vertibirds. Now, I know that vertibirds are not invulnerable. I've blown some up. However, mostly you need rocket launchers or better to actually down one. The Legion might have some of this stuff. Hell, one of their top commanders may have even been saving a fatboy for a rainy day. Not likely, though. I say you can go and bomb most Legion camps with impunity, like the Enola Gay of old.

That said, I cannot stress enough the way in which the bullet has dominated in war. Legion armor is also crap. It's not designed to withstand the bullets. I can guarantee that a small team of gun-toting vigilantes can overpower a large Legion force. And if not, then hey...Mr. Courier...how are you still standing? Okay, he's the main character, but I actually died to NCR gunfire before during an accidental discharge. The Legion couldn't handle my guy buck naked.

 

[EyeReaper]

Ooh, I gots a good one. In the early 1900's steam power is used to create giant robots to fight Ghosts. the elite team of pilots are also the staff of a theater, and the team includes: a cowgirl, an androgynous girl, a samurai, Dora the Explorer, A psychic Medic, and a lawyer.
Basically, Broadway Steam Machines vs. Japanese Ghost Warlords

 

[NightmareWarden]

The Skullknight not just killing Griffith when he was still a human, thereby avoiding the flipping apocalypse. That's one thing I never really got about Berserk.

The dude obviously knows way ahead of time that Griffith is to join the Godhand. And even if he doesn't know about his rebirth as the fucking anti-Christ on Earth, him joining the Godhand should be enough to want to avoid it. You could agrue he has his own agenda, in using the Eclispe ceremony to break into Hell and get a piece of Void, but still...

Thanks for being a dick, Skullknight.

I'm going to assume that you've read the manga. I haven't seen the anime so I can't comment on that. If you haven't read the anime, this might be full of spoilers:

Spoiler

You know how the Skull Knight rarely tries to encourage Guts? How he is willing to help him and he notes how hard Guts struggles, yet he isn't really on the same team? As far as I can tell, this is because what Guts is attempting to do (stop/kill femto) is supposed to be impossible. Prior to noticing the anti-demon properties Guts' Dragonslayer eventually developed, the knight seemed to think Guts was hopeless, crazy, and pitiful. The fact that Guts was becoming strong enough to actually be a factor in the fate of the world (in terms of the God Hand's mysterious plans) was shocking to him. He learned this long after the eclipse; before that knowledge, why (besides for the sake of helping people) would he risk his endgame for the sake of saving people from eclipse?

Before the eclipse he was alone in his efforts, working his own angle towards whatever goal his fancy sword involves. Unlike Guts, he believes in destiny and fate. Perhaps Guts' strength is starting to waver his belief in fate, but he seemed to know the prophecy beforehand. It seems like he was trying to do something for the greater good during the eclipse, but I can't say what...

 

[Eldritch Warlord]

An almighty being of pure malevolence, transfers his powers into a tiny golden ring and then dies when someone cuts it of his fingers. So wait you become weaker by making an all powerful jewel? I mean most people survive having their fingers lopped off, but not the Supreme Evil?

Sauron didn't weaken himself by pouring energy into the One Ring such that he would "die" if it were taken from him. It did make him stronger and that was how he was able to survive the Downfall of Númenor.

 

[Atmos Duality]

The second one sounds a hell of a lot like Dirge of Cerberus, but I haven't played that since it came out, and very stupid video game sums it up almost entirely. The first is entirely unknown to me.

Correct. The second description is indeed Dirge of Stairs Cerberus.
The first is from a schlocky holiday-themed film.

 

[ZippyDSMlee]

Okay, open discussion.

If any force around there has superior numbers, it really doesn't show it as well as it could or should. If they two armies have been fighting like hell over the Hoover Dam this long, then neither one of them has an overwhlming amount of numbers over the other. There is no shortage of gun power in the Mojave, and an undisclosed amount of vertibirds. Now, I know that vertibirds are not invulnerable. I've blown some up. However, mostly you need rocket launchers or better to actually down one. The Legion might have some of this stuff. Hell, one of their top commanders may have even been saving a fatboy for a rainy day. Not likely, though. I say you can go and bomb most Legion camps with impunity, like the Enola Gay of old.

That said, I cannot stress enough the way in which the bullet has dominated in war. Legion armor is also crap. It's not designed to withstand the bullets. I can guarantee that a small team of gun-toting vigilantes can overpower a large Legion force. And if not, then hey...Mr. Courier...how are you still standing? Okay, he's the main character, but I actually died to NCR gunfire before during an accidental discharge. The Legion couldn't handle my guy buck naked.

Ya but if they out numbered the enclave 5-10 to one the enclave would have limped to victory instead of sprinted.Notice how the legion patrols tend to have twice the number as the NCR.


At under level 10 the legion assassins over powered me every time. Heck even now at lvl 22 with high gun skill and luck its 50/50 if I am alone and I am wearing power armor(on PC on very hard), even tho I managed to take out the Nipton guys only because you can dodge spears in real time and there were houses to hide behind still was a very hard fight not so much luck with most close range gun fights too(even worse with death claws who can run with crippled legs now) tho this is the first FO game I could not strictly solo in on high difficulty.


So I can't discount the legion as a threat, not raided their side of the river yet but the assassins have been mixed in weapons used tho a few of their own raiding parties are woefully under powered against the traveling merchants they attack. Also I have yet to see them start to take the Mojave like the Super Mutants did in FO1. I hear after a quest they start a hard push across the Mojave.

All in all I think the legion only gives guns to non fodder class fighters and their forces have yet to really build up to fight the NCR whose the main established power in the area.

Tho if you look at it from the bigger picture the NCR has the advantage but I can not help but think the final conflict(outside the scope of the game) would be different. IE the Legion would be armed with guns but the low level fodder class would probably still use spears and swords.

Tho in the game the main thing keeping the NCR from taking the legion in the area is they are spread too thin policing and protecting to much if it was not because of that the legion would have no chance of winning.

 

[FalloutJack]

The old stand-by: Who would win in a fight?

I'm fairly certain that most cases of primitive-but-effective against most anyone toting powersuits, laser gatling guns, and of course plasma weapons is going to have not a phyrric, but a clear-cut victory in the case of the powersuit brigade. But the question of Enclave is neither here nor there. We're talking New California Republic. So!

The first thing I should acknowledge is that I am slightly-coloring this with my incredible ability to kill things in the wasteland, earning me multiple levels of Lord of Death in short order. I shouldn't speak of any side's abilities in reference to my own, because I shoot ALOT of things. That said, I've actually sat there and watched two sides duking it out as well. The usual case of something attacking the NCR patrols is that they raise their guns, they shoot at it until it dies, and they return to their duty. The time it takes for a Legion acolyte or something to do the running towards them, he could be dead before the spear lands, if it ever flies.

Okay, let's take Camp Forelorn Hope. There is a mission where you go there and you do things for these guys, but most importantly you help them out with their constant assault of Legion SOBs from an encampment. Now, I was figuring that this was going to be a terrible fight where everyone but me ends up dead in the first few seconds, and then perhaps I get dead too from overwhelming numbers. This was before I really understood that the Legion weren't all that great. I led the charge, chose my targets, and the guys following me cleaned up almost as well as I did. I think maybe one of them died from a spear to the face. While I was raiding all of the bodies, I wondered what in the hell the big deal was all about. Here I was, thinking we'd all - you know - die...and we were all badasses. Not just me, but them too.

I think, if anything, the thing holding NCR back is not them, but itself. I don't think their leadership is any good. They phased out the Tandi stuff and that made me sad. I think Caesar successfully got them to shit their pants because of brutal cutthroat attacks and propaganda, not actual power. The truth is, I think the Jackals are a greater threat, brutallity and technology, no regard for human life while living in an operational VAULT. I have a feeling that if the Legion were as powerful and as numerous as claimed, they'd march thousands west, kill their fill, and be done with it. The REAL Romans did that. These are just low-brained butchers.

 

[Therumancer]

Gunblades, i.e. weapons that combine a melee weapon and a firearm within the same object, are of 'sounds mathematically good on paper, turns out to be completely retarded' area of stupidity.

As far as I know, part of the reason why guns are designed the way they are is to deal with the recoil of essentially setting off a small explosion in your hand. So what happens when you put this in something not equipped to deal with the recoil? A load of broken hand bones, that's what. And this is without even considering the weight issues, or accidentally shooting yourself.

These weapons are all over the place in Roosterteeth's very stupid anime-inspired series RWBY, where just about everyone seems to have one of the fucking things. The dumbest of the lot belongs to the main character, combining a scythe (already a decidedly impractical weapon) with some sort of high-powered rifle. And is wielded by a girl about half its size. And to top it all off, she says she made it herself! Did she download the plans off the internet or something?

Errr, well Gunblades exist, Italy it seems was REALLY fond of them. I've visited a number of museums that have had them (and lots of them) on display like "The Higgen's Armory Museum". Now granted these are NOT the typical Anime gunblade or anything modern, they also having been intended for use in very close quarters fighting, the idea that you could pretty much drop some dude running up to swordfight you and still have your sword in hand pretty much.

What's more the concept of the "Bayonet" has lead to some interesting developments that could only be called gunblades. Military organizations of course kept it simple, putting basically a dagger/spearpoint onto a gun and intended them to be used en-masse in formation. On the other hand various explorers, adventurers, warriors, etc.. (many of whom were not famous) seemed to love having their own custom weapons, some of which made it into museums, we're talking cases where someone might have what amounts to double edged axe attached to his gun, the basic idea is that when out of bullets instead of just clubbing someone with it he could pretty much use it as a battle axe. Allegedly the weight of the axe blade also helped compensate for the recoil a bit too.

It seems like most of the elaborate personal weapons you see are largely inspired by what real life adventurers and such did during the age of exploration/conquest, etc... albeit made a bit more exciting for fantasy. Sure, a Sythe blade attached to a rifle isn't really going to be workable for example, but that's kind of one step removed from something someone actually did. Personalized weapons are fine IMO and the crazy ones simply require a bit of suspension of disbelief, I tend to mostly find it eyerolling when you see really exotic weapons supposedly put into mass production for military use as opposed to being the product of individual/independent warriors, since by and large the point of a military and mass weapon production is to keep things simple. That more than anything is my problem with things like the "Chainsaw Gun" and the like, I mean teaching people to break down and reassemble regular guns is hard enough when they have no base of knowledge, add on complicated motorized functions and everything else and your just asking for trouble, a military that requires Private Bob to basically have detailed knowledge of engineering and gunsmithing to perform maitenance on his weapons in the field has problems.