Tipping, let's talk about it

[Xprimentyl]

"Tip": a voluntary monetary gift given to someone as an appreciation for their services atop the paid service fee.

Apparently, there's been a tacit outrage about tipping lately, mostly because social media has given everyone a voice to share their opinion. The Today Show had a whole segment showcasing TikTok and Instagram videos of people complaining about tipping, and my eyes rolled so hard, I almost choked on them. In "my" day, you tipped or didn't, then went home and shut the fuck up about it, but it's en mode to complain about it, specifically when and where to tip, and how much, and I don't get it.

I tip. My normal is around $10 for any bill less than $30; I tip more beyond that. I appreciate that people are working in service to others to make a living wage, and the fact that someone accepts being at my beck and call fetching food and drink for a meager salary is not lost on me. $10 doesn't pay for much in my life, and I'm likely to spend $10 in far more wasteful ways than appreciating someone literally bringing me shit I don't need, but asked for, with a smile on their face. But people are complaining that they feel "forced" to tip, and to that I say if you "feel" any sort of negative way about tipping, you're doing it wrong. Complaining because it's suggested or, God forbid, suggested tip amounts are listed upon an electronic payout, is more than entitled.

Servers don't make much, often less than minimum wage because tips are expected and how they make their living feasible. Now, if you're someone who walks into their place of employment, and expects expedience and excellence, and only want to pay the price of the meal, OWN IT and shut up about it. Don't complain when the bill comes and the math has been done that suggests 15-20% gratuity. You didn't cook, you didn't serve; you asked and waited while another adult(s) did the heavy lifting; the least you can be is thankful in a dismissible amount extra for someone who gave you the experience you wanted.

Yes, I understand that those same people serving are there of their own accord, and accept the terms of employment. Got it; thanks. I also know that it's not an easy job, and that someone has to do it for the health and sustainability of the service industry, y'know, the same industry many want to partake of, but don't think tipping is necessary or fair.

Sorry, I got a little bit ramble-y there, but it really pissed me off to learn that in this day and age, some actually feel emboldened enough to rail at gratuity as if it's a personal affront. My take? If you don't want to tip, stay home and do for yourself; don't go out and ask someone else to do it for you, and expect $2.75/hour to be the measure of their worth.

TIP PEOPLE. Tip extra. Let them know their work is appreciated. Your casual dining is their bread and utilities; if an extra $5 offends you, stay home and reserve that seat for someone who deserves it.

 

[Worgen]

Tipping is a blight. I tip 20%, but the fact that tipping has become so ingrained in the culture is stupid and an excuse for restaurants to pay their servers a pittance. If tipping stayed in the lane for servers who make way under minimum wage then it would be stupid but ok. But, the big issue is we see tipping an the tipping expectation worming its way into other jobs that aren't under minimum wage. We see more and more service jobs with tip jars, we see starbucks workers with tip jars (even though I'm pretty sure they get full hourly wages). Then there is the issue with restaurants having 20% service fees already added onto a bill but they still have places to add a tip.

Tipping should really just be for being able to give a bit extra for above and beyond service, but now its become expected for basic service.

 

[BrawlMan]

I tip when I can, but I don't eat out a lot much anymore. Or if I am getting something, I just usually do take out. That said: I try to keep it between 5 to 10 dollars.

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[Xprimentyl]

Tipping is a blight. I tip 20%, but the fact that tipping has become so ingrained in the culture is stupid and an excuse for restaurants to pay their servers a pittance. If tipping stayed in the lane for servers who make way under minimum wage then it would be stupid but ok. But, the big issue is we see tipping an the tipping expectation worming its way into other jobs that aren't under minimum wage. We see more and more service jobs with tip jars, we see starbucks workers with tip jars (even though I'm pretty sure they get full hourly wages). Then there is the issue with restaurants having 20% service fees already added onto a bill but they still have places to add a tip.

Tipping should really just be for being able to give a bit extra for above and beyond service, but now its become expected for basic service.

And to that I say: tipping is voluntary. It's not "ingrained" because certain outlets decide to make the option to tip available. I don't personally care; tip or don't; that's between you, God, and the worthy service you either received or did not receive. But complaining about tipping grinds my gears down to the nub.

Yes, restaurants/bars are allowed to pay less than a minimum wage because tips are expected; got it. Knowing that, what reasonable person patronizes those places and gets upset when it comes to the tip? If the tip is going to ruin your evening, stay home; make your own food, pour your own drinks, and sleep comfortably knowing you haven't fed the capitalist machine that is the service industry preying on the dregs of your wallet.

And we're talking tips, not fees. A tip is literally a pittance when compared to the bill. A conservative 15%? That's literally $0.15 per dollar spent. If you go out and splurge on a $100 night out, all accommodated by a singular person in your server, is $15 a deal-breaker? If $15 hurts your feelings and is that important, then perhaps, your $100 could have been better spent.

 

[Worgen]

And to that I say: tipping is voluntary. It's not "ingrained" because certain outlets decide to make the option to tip available. I don't personally care; tip or don't; that's between you, God, and the worthy service you either received or did not receive. But complaining about tipping grinds my gears down to the nub.

Yes, restaurants/bars are allowed to pay less than a minimum wage because tips are expected; got it. Knowing that, what reasonable person patronizes those places and gets upset when it comes to the tip? If the tip is going to ruin your evening, stay home; make your own food, pour your own drinks, and sleep comfortably knowing you haven't fed the capitalist machine that is the service industry preying on the dregs of your wallet.

And we're talking tips, not fees. A tip is literally a pittance when compared to the bill. A conservative 15%? That's literally $0.15 per dollar spent. If you go out and splurge on a $100 night out, all accommodated by a singular person in your server, is $15 a deal-breaker? If $15 hurts your feelings and is that important, then perhaps, your $100 could have been better spent.

Tipping is only technically voluntary, if you don't tip you are seen as a miserly sack of shit. The only reason that restaurants got away with being able to pay under minimum wage is because they made the argument that tips are expected so they should be able to pay those workers less. And it worked, so now servers get to worry about tips being skimmed, or put into a shared pool, or just taken by managers or bullshit like that.

Sounds like you want everyone to add tipping to everything. Guy at the gas station has to hand you a drink from behind a counter, 20% tip. Said hi to the checkout person at target, 20% tip. Lawyer helps with contract negotiation, 20% tip. Fuck off with that Nickle and Diming, its bad enough that sales tax isn't added to the price tag till you are at checkout.

 

[Majestic_Manatee]

Vote in less corrupt politicians and don't fall for the propaganda of "the American dream." They're rinsing the working class population dry and people get understandably passionate about it.

 

[Phoenixmgs]

I tip (the standard 20%) because I know for servers to make proper money, you have to. I'd much rather have it where you tell me what I actually owe vs me trying to figure it out. I hate tipping because the servers should make more normally and it just shouldn't be something anyone should have to deal with.

 

[Hades]

I think this risks becoming a very America centered conversation because its about the only(or at least the most well known) place in the civilized world where waiters and cooks starve to death if you don't tip. If you live in Europe the discussion becomes a lot less important.

My golden rule for tips is thus: If you make me pay to use the bathroom then you automatically forfeit your right to be tipped. Its about the most customer unfriendly thing a restaurant can do and thus they fall under the minimum standards required to earn a tip. They serve the drinks that makes you need to pee and get paid for doing this so they are obligated to let me use the damned toilet.

 

[Piscian]

I small tip like a maniac. I'll tip like $5 on a cup of coffee at a diner. When it's a big bill I'm usually like 20-50% depending on how drunk I am. At the end of the day I'm paying to live like a noble. Someone else is literally making and bringing me food. It's honestly the most demeaning and slave like form of labor. When I do the math I say in my head "what would I charge to do this shit for someone else?" and I pay it.

Is it disgusting that the US allows lower pay for food service? Would I ban tipping if I could and replace it with a living wage? Absolutely and I'd support any candidate who would do that, but staaaates riiiights. Until then I tip like I'm uncle scrooge and I just got my ass beat by 3 ghosts.

 

[Zykon TheLich]

I think this risks becoming a very America centered conversation because its about the only(or at least the most well known) place in the civilized world where waiters and cooks starve to death if you don't tip. If you live in Europe the discussion becomes a lot less important.

My golden rule for tips is thus: If you make me pay to use the bathroom then you automatically forfeit your right to be tipped. Its about the most customer unfriendly thing a restaurant can do and thus they fall under the minimum standards required to earn a tip. They serve the drinks that makes you need to pee and get paid for doing this so they are obligated to let me use the damned toilet.

What the fuck kind of restaurant makes you pay to use the toilet? I think I'd just walk out immediately if I found there was a charge for that.

I don't really eat out much. I'd usually give a 10% tip. As Hades said, not really much of a discussion outside the US.

 

[Phoenixmgs]

Absolutely and I'd support any candidate who would do that, but staaaates riiiights.

Uhh... It's a federal law that can be changed.

 

[Piscian]

Uhh... It's a federal law that can be changed.

By that I mean, even if you changed it at a federal level Cities and States would go to war over it, if nothing than to just be contrary. Idk, "crime would go up" if we got ripping of server minimum wage or some bullshit.

 

[Xprimentyl]

Tipping is only technically voluntary, if you don't tip you are seen as a miserly sack of shit. The only reason that restaurants got away with being able to pay under minimum wage is because they made the argument that tips are expected so they should be able to pay those workers less. And it worked, so now servers get to worry about tips being skimmed, or put into a shared pool, or just taken by managers or bullshit like that.

Sounds like you want everyone to add tipping to everything. Guy at the gas station has to hand you a drink from behind a counter, 20% tip. Said hi to the checkout person at target, 20% tip. Lawyer helps with contract negotiation, 20% tip. Fuck off with that Nickle and Diming, its bad enough that sales tax isn't added to the price tag till you are at checkout.

That's quite a hyperbolic take on my words. I said nothing along the lines of "tipping to everything." How you got that is beyond me. I'm simply suggesting that tipping in situations where it can be reasonably expected, shouldn't be a point of ire for anyone, and if it is, reassess your priorities.

I small tip like a maniac. I'll tip like $5 on a cup of coffee at a diner. When it's a big bill I'm usually like 20-50% depending on how drunk I am. At the end of the day I'm paying to live like a noble. Someone else is literally making and bringing me food. It's honestly the most demeaning and slave like form of labor. When I do the math I say in my head "what would I charge to do this shit for someone else?" and I pay it.

Is it disgusting that the US allows lower pay for food service? Would I ban tipping if I could and replace it with a living wage? Absolutely and I'd support any candidate who would do that, but staaaates riiiights. Until then I tip like I'm uncle scrooge and I just got my ass beat by 3 ghosts.

I'm a generous tipper, "generous" meaning the amount is inconsequential to me, but potentially substantial to someone just doing their job and trying to make me have a pleasant experience. I am not wealthy, but I appreciate being able to go out to eat/get a drink, and have a stranger fetch it for me, and how demeaning such a position can be. I appreciate other people's time and effort; I don't care if they're making an substantive hourly wage or not, the tip is a "thank you" from me to them. Why anyone takes issue with basic appreciation enough to make a video saying how they shouldn't have to to be expected to tip is some 1st world bullshittery.

 

[Worgen]

I think this risks becoming a very America centered conversation because its about the only(or at least the most well known) place in the civilized world where waiters and cooks starve to death if you don't tip. If you live in Europe the discussion becomes a lot less important.

My golden rule for tips is thus: If you make me pay to use the bathroom then you automatically forfeit your right to be tipped. Its about the most customer unfriendly thing a restaurant can do and thus they fall under the minimum standards required to earn a tip. They serve the drinks that makes you need to pee and get paid for doing this so they are obligated to let me use the damned toilet.

I remember hearing that they tend to charge for bathroom usage in europe. That is a whole other kind of bullshit and would make me want to piss in the corner just to spite them.

 

[Worgen]

That's quite a hyperbolic take on my words. I said nothing along the lines of "tipping to everything." How you got that is beyond me. I'm simply suggesting that tipping in situations where it can be reasonably expected, shouldn't be a point of ire for anyone, and if it is, reassess your priorities.

My point is that tipping should never be the expectation, it should be for something exceptional. Not because if you don't then little Timmy the server will starve that night.

 

[Phoenixmgs]

By that I mean, even if you changed it at a federal level Cities and States would go to war over it, if nothing than to just be contrary. Idk, "crime would go up" if we got ripping of server minimum wage or some bullshit.

No, the federal law is the minimum every state must do. It literally works exactly like the normal minimum wage and there's never been a war over that. Sure, there will be a "war" over it on the Internet but not like an actual war. There was a "war" over MrBeast curing blind people, there's a war over everything in that sense.

 

[Xprimentyl]

My point is that tipping should never be the expectation, it should be for something exceptional. Not because if you don't then little Timmy the server will starve that night.

But it IS the expectation. Given that's not what you think it should be, why is it okay to treat it as anything other than the expectation? It's not perfect; I'll give you that, but when I leave my home to go to a place where tipping is expected, what right do I have to take issue with tipping? I deal in reality. Ideally, everyone makes a living wage just showing up and doing their job, but since that's not the case, when I'm served, I don't take exception to tipping. I expect to tip, and I tip based on the service I receive. Basic service? Basic tip. Exceptional service? Exceptional tip. I don't go out and snub a server because I think their employer should pay them more.

And so we're clear, I'm not attacking your beliefs or practices; to each their own. I'm simply taking issue with people who post videos railing against an established system of etiquette as if abiding by the status quo is somehow a burden. If I go out to eat, I'm already indulging in a privilege many cannot; if I want to be upset because a little on top for good service is a bridge too far, then fuck me. There are leagues of people for whom a meal isn't guaranteed; if I'm able to go out and demand I'm all but spoon-fed a meal, the least I can do is tip the person holding the spoon.

 

[Worgen]

But it IS the expectation. Given that's not what you think it should be, why is it okay to treat it as anything other than the expectation? It's not perfect; I'll give you that, but when I leave my home to go to a place where tipping is expected, what right do I have to take issue with tipping? I deal in reality. Ideally, everyone makes a living wage just showing up and doing their job, but since that's not the case, when I'm served, I don't take exception to tipping. I expect to tip, and I tip based on the service I receive. Basic service? Basic tip. Exceptional service? Exceptional tip. I don't go out and snub a server because I think their employer should pay them more.

And so we're clear, I'm not attacking your beliefs or practices; to each their own. I'm simply taking issue with people who post videos railing against an established system of etiquette as if abiding by the status quo is somehow a burden. If I go out to eat, I'm already indulging in a privilege many cannot; if I want to be upset because a little on top for good service is a bridge too far, then fuck me. There are leagues of people for whom a meal isn't guaranteed; if I'm able to go out and demand I'm all but spoon-fed a meal, the least I can do is tip the person holding the spoon.

In my second sentence I said I tip 20% when going out to eat. If tipping culture was fine to just maintain it with workers that earned well under minimum wage in expected tipping jobs then it would still be stupid but fine. The main problem I have is when tipping culture tries to rope other workers into it that make at or over the minimum wage. Like with starbucks, you have a tipping expectation, but the barista isn't making under minimum wage, they are making at least $15 an hour (depending on where you are) that is a wage where you don't need a tip to survive.

 

[Elvis Starburst]

... Bloody hell that's one heavily charged OP. Tackling this should be interesting.

1. It's been said before, but tipping was supposed to be a system of showing gratitude for excellent service. Now it's used as a supplement for people's wages that we, the customer, now have to pay for when it shouldn't be our responsibility to do so.
2. Worgen touched upon it, but there's now a societal expectation that if you tip poorly (or not at all) you're an asshole. Sure it's easy to just say "then stay home 4head" but that's a dismissive argument that doesn't tackle the issue itself.
3. Further to the above, the people you point out that complain about tips and how much they're being asked for are likely the types that see the pre-determined tip options slowly creeping up higher and higher. I remember when 10-15% tip was a show of great to exceptional service. Now some places are putting 20-25% as the expectation for base level service. It's super easy to say "That's just how it is. Don't like it? Stay home" but that comes from a place of, I'll say it again... pure dismissal.
4. This is largely a cultural problem as well. Some cultures either only expect tips as an extra but aren't necessary, and some flat out won't accept tips. We have a ramen shop here in town that doesn't take tips because they charge just a little more for the food (but is still a largely reasonable cost) and pay their workers a more fair wage. There's also a donut shop that does something similar, and only suggests a tip if you're feeling generous.
This is how it should be. It's not, and that's largely what many consider a problem.

But it IS the expectation. Given that's not what you think it should be, why is it okay to treat it as anything other than the expectation? It's not perfect; I'll give you that, but when I leave my home to go to a place where tipping is expected, what right do I have to take issue with tipping? I deal in reality.

Because questioning the way "reality" is at present is a good way to build discussion and possibly bring about change? If we all just sat down and rolled over because "that's just reality" then the world would be dramatically different than it is now. Just because you're comfortable with rolling over, it doesn't mean everyone else should be.

And so we're clear, I'm not attacking your beliefs or practices

Then maybe dial it back a notch there, skipper.

If I go out to eat, I'm already indulging in a privilege many cannot; if I want to be upset because a little on top for good service is a bridge too far, then fuck me. There are leagues of people for whom a meal isn't guaranteed; if I'm able to go out and demand I'm all but spoon-fed a meal, the least I can do is tip the person holding the spoon.

Right, and ideally there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I agree with you. However, I am one of those people that think the societal expectation is getting a little bit out of hand, and the ways the employers are benefiting from it need to change. I'll still tip, I'm not that much of a shite. Doesn't mean I'm happy with it and that this is the way it should continue to be

 

[Hades]

I remember hearing that they tend to charge for bathroom usage in europe. That is a whole other kind of bullshit and would make me want to piss in the corner just to spite them.

I wouldn't say its exactly common. I've been to multiple European countries and the experience of paying for the toilet fortunately remains very rare, but it can stink up an otherwise enjoyable meal those few times it does happen.