Transformers Fanboy-Free Breakdown

INF1NIT3 D00M

New member
Aug 14, 2008
423
0
0
There's a lot wrong with this movie. I've expelled my bile elsewhere. I just want to point out that Ken Jeong making a cameo is a brilliant choice. See, to the douchebags this movie is both marketed to and enjoyed by, The Hangover and The Hangover 2 are not just funny movies. They are funny movies about how awesome and fun life is when you're a single douchebag in Vegas (or Shanghai, I guess). To them, Ken Jeong is the funniest Asian man they have ever see. Finding him in their new transformers movie causes their leftover love for The Hangover 2 to instantly be added onto their love for this new Transformers movie. Well, I guess I just kind of described to an internet community the purpose and function of a movie cameo; that wasn't what I was going for.
Basically what I'm trying to say is that although it seems like a weird, out of place thing to do, it's actually pretty good casting. If there's anyone these douchebags would want to see in a cameo role right now it's "The Asian dude from Hangover 2...... Bro".
 

Not G. Ivingname

New member
Nov 18, 2009
6,368
0
0
MovieBob said:
MovieBob: Transformers Fanboy-Free Breakdown

Another week, another breakdown of a lackluster, nonsensical movie.

Read Full Article
WAIT! That "military group in the desert" sub-plot totally DID have a reason!

To get a blurry, hard to see picture to the goverment agency that knew of it's fellows existence anyway!
 

Imperioratorex Caprae

Henchgoat Emperor
May 15, 2010
5,499
0
0
MovieBob said:
MovieBob: Transformers Fanboy-Free Breakdown

Another week, another breakdown of a lackluster, nonsensical movie.

Read Full Article
Bob, considering your last point of politics bleeding through... are you surprised more by the idea of current event politics being present or the possibility of the movie possibly NOT supporting (which I doubt is intentional) a non-liberal point of view? Knowing Hollywood's track record of backing the left, I have a hard time believing a summer "blockbuster" having an anti-liberal point of view being presented in a decent light.
 

Hungry Donner

Henchman
Mar 19, 2009
1,369
0
0
So it's not a movie for fans of the originals, the original fans hate it. And it's not a movie for kids (the presumed target of all the toys) because it contains a number of risque elements.

Who is this a movie for? Teenagers who don't particularly care about transformers? That's an odd target audience for a transforms movie.

Although what really kills me are the A-list actors involved: Nimoy, DiMaggio, Tudyk, Weaving, Turturro, Malkovich . . . I realize from their perspective it's a nice fat paycheck for easy work, and I don't begrudge them at all, but it's still disappointing to see them involved.
 

Tireseas_v1legacy

Plop plop plop
Sep 28, 2009
2,419
0
0
Wow... I hope Captain America is the best damn action film of the summer or we're going to have to put Bob on suicide watch...
 

INF1NIT3 D00M

New member
Aug 14, 2008
423
0
0
Vegan_Doodler said:
This is a horrible plan. No part of it makes chronological sense, it involves 3 simultaneous and needlesly complicated plans to do things that have no real meaning. The screenwriters never put any thought into them, or into their interpretation of Megatron as a character. Well, actually, never mind. I suppose the stupid, inept Megatron the writers for this franchise produced would be expected to have 3 simultaneous horribly flawed plans. Flawed plans are kind of a staple of movie villans, but these plans are designed to fail.
The way they planned to execute phase 3 makes no sense and would have killed EVERYONE. You can't just bring a celestial body halfway across the galaxy into our solar system and pretend nothing's going to happen. With Cybertron being as big as it is, it would have collided with Earth within a few days, destroying all life on our planet (including their entire slave labor force). When the portal shut down, it cut off part of cybertron, meaning that even if they had succeeded at that point, all life on Earth would STILL be destroyed by that huge chunk colliding with Chicago. They could then return to their stupid 4/5 of a planet. And why did all this necessitate moving to Chicago? Why did they attack and start blowing things up? Every nation already signed over all their rights and submitted to Emperor Megatron. At that point they could have just stationed some occupying forces, no big deal. And why did Cybertron have to come to Earth anyways? Wouldn't it just be easier to send starscream to Cybertron with 4 or so of those cores, then teleport all the humans to Cybertron instantly? You could even send your troops back and forth faster.

Finally, one unrelated question: Am I the only one a little suprised that the Autobots don't care at all about any of the things they say they do? I mean, this IS Michael Bay we're discussing, but still. Nobody ever mourns an Autobot dying, even if they're a main character with a face and a name and perhaps even some screen time. Optimus doesn't care at all about any of his subordinates or their conditions. And finally, why did they not bat an eyelash when they completely destroy Cybertron? Sure it's a desolate wasteland, but it's still their old home. You can tell me "Earth is their new home" all you want, it doesn't change the fact that no planet ever fully replaces your old one. We humans have a massive boner for the Earth, no way would we watch it get destroyed the way Cybertron was without so much as a comment. They pretty much imploded it, scattering space debris all over their old system. No worries?

-Edit: Why did I snip the plan that I'm calling out as making no sense? /Fail.
 

rda_Highlander

New member
Nov 19, 2010
69
0
0
Feeling bad because I still think of first film as "good" because OH MY GOD ACTUAL WALKING TRANSFORMERS!
 

Tarkand

New member
Dec 15, 2009
468
0
0
I actually watched Transformer 2 not too long ago on The Movie Network... I was really bored and the movie actually made me rage several time... I kept watching in rapt fascination, the same way you can't look away from a car crash...

It wasn't so much how ugly the robots were, how Sam and the military took to much screen time, and so forth... those were annoying, but I can deal with it.

What bothered me was all the non-sensical stuff that happened in there, i.e:

- If the Decepticon can turn into human being that are so perfect that you still can't tell their robots when they are on top of you in a bed straddling you... well, humanity would be truly fucked. This opens up such a huge can of worm of possible conspiracy and make you wonder how stupid the Decepticon have to be to not use this further.

- Why is Devastator bothering to fight the Twins and the Sector 7 guy... they are providing a 'distraction'... but from what? Sam is gone and running away, Devastator's job is to destroy the pyramid and the Twins/Humans have no chance of really damaging him, so why does he waste time throwing stuff around instead of just walking away?

- While Sam is running to Prime, 13 or so Decepticon land and engage the Military and there 2-3 Transformer allies... but what exactly is happening in this 30 minutes scene? We see the military yell and shoot alot and we see some of them get shot back... but are we supposed to believe that a bunch of dude with weapon that are incapable of arming their target are 'holding them at a standstill'... why didn't the decepticon walk up to them and crush them? Why are they hiding behind 'chest high wall' as if this was some kind of Gear of War remake when their enemy's firepower isn't even capable of denting them... it's not like the 4-5 Autobots gathered there could prevent all 13 Decepticon from going through and kicking the soliders around...

- Why did the Decepticon bring Sam's parent to Egypt exactly?

- Why does the Fallen land on the planet 5 seconds after Prime is resurrected... so prime can kick his ass? Why did he wait so long to join the fight, his underlying were getting slaughtered by the US Army, but he himself destroyed the entire US forces assembled there with his 'gravitic wave' move... had he landed with the rest of this troop, there would have been no contest.

And that's just on top of my head.

I have to say, I really envy people who can 'shut their brain down' and enjoy movies with such poorly thought out plot... I just can't do it - the stupid just smacks me in the face too hard.
 
Feb 13, 2008
19,430
0
0
Michael Bay is selling explosions and "romance". And god help you if you try and get in his way. Because that's all he knows.

And that's wht sells the trailers and that's what gets the morons in eating popcorn troughs and coke lakes.

And NO...I'm not sying tht anyone who watches it is a moron, I'm just saying that morons watch it. Lots of them. Millions of the mouthbreathers.

Smokescreen said:
Bay is Nimoy's nephew, if that helps.
He's what?

Seriously?

Oh god, can this get anymore fucked up?
 

enriquetnt

New member
Mar 20, 2010
131
0
0
I work at a movie store and, the sad, SAD true is that the vast majority of people are bumbling morons, thats whi they would told you that great movies like sucker puch, scott pilgrim and kick ass, sucked because they didnt "get" them (those two functioning neurons can only do so much) the same people who would tell you that amazing movies like Black Swan and True Grit, are "boring" (actual comments ive heard from such people) and the SAME people who would tell you Transformers and The Expendables are "great" because a lot of shit blow up (ACTUAL comments again) my soul dies a little every time i heard people talking like this, and you know the WORST part this is about 9 out of every ten customers we get, is hopeless, this is the reason Hollywood keep pushing this horrible drivel because it SELLS and they are in it for the money NOT the art (ask James Cameron if you dont believe me)

excuse my english im writing this from latinamerica im not a native english user
 

Vegan_Doodler

New member
May 29, 2011
201
0
0
INF1NIT3 D00M said:
Vegan_Doodler said:
"This is a horrible plan. No part of it makes chronological sense, it involves 3 simultaneous and needlesly complicated plans to do things that have no real meaning."

Of course its needlessly complicated otherwise it wouldn't be (theoretically) fun, It's like saying inception would have been better if they had gone with the simple plan and just beaten and threatened the guy and then just sat on a plane in awkward silence for 2 hours. I don't understand what you mean by "no real meaning", so they could win the war, simple as.

"The screenwriters never put any thought into them, or into their interpretation of Megatron as a character."

True, I completely agree with this but, unintentional or not though (I at least think it's a good plan), and yeah I was pissed that Megatron spent three films being someone's ***** to varying degrease.

"Flawed plans are kind of a staple of movie villans"

Flawed plans are a staple of every story in every genre (except for Watchmen) otherwise how would the heroes win?

"The way they planned to execute phase 3 makes no sense and would have killed EVERYONE. You can't just bring a celestial body halfway across the galaxy into our solar system and pretend nothing's going to happen. With Cybertron being as big as it is, it would have collided with Earth within a few days, destroying all life on our planet (including their entire slave labor force). When the portal shut down, it cut off part of cybertron, meaning that even if they had succeeded at that point, all life on Earth would STILL be destroyed by that huge chunk colliding with Chicago. They could then return to their stupid 4/5 of a planet."

To be fair Transformers as a concept makes very little sense anyway (Why get to the point where you destroy your own planet, why have your final battle relay on a backwater planet, when transformers scan a vhiecal how do they produce glass plastic and leather) and I've seen other Sci-fi stories being called brilliant for more blatant screwing with the laws of physics than this

"And why did all this necessitate moving to Chicago? Why did they attack and start blowing things up? Every nation already signed over all their rights and submitted to Emperor Megatron. At that point they could have just stationed some occupying forces, no big deal. And why did Cybertron have to come to Earth anyways? Wouldn't it just be easier to send starscream to Cybertron with 4 or so of those cores, then teleport all the humans to Cybertron instantly? You could even send your troops back and forth faster."

This I completely agree with, it just doesn't make sense, also why did the Autobots concentrate there army of FIVE robots where the Deceptacons had an entire fleet of battle ships, I assume they could have still stopped the space bridge by destroying the others around the world, that where only guarded by two Deceptacons.

"Finally, one unrelated question: Am I the only one a little suprised that the Autobots don't care at all about any of the things they say they do? I mean, this IS Michael Bay we're discussing, but still. Nobody ever mourns an Autobot dying, even if they're a main character with a face and a name and perhaps even some screen time. Optimus doesn't care at all about any of his subordinates or their conditions. And finally, why did they not bat an eyelash when they completely destroy Cybertron? Sure it's a desolate wasteland, but it's still their old home. You can tell me "Earth is their new home" all you want, it doesn't change the fact that no planet ever fully replaces your old one. We humans have a massive boner for the Earth, no way would we watch it get destroyed the way Cybertron was without so much as a comment. They pretty much imploded it, scattering space debris all over their old system. No worries?"

I can answer this in two words, bad writers.
 

Mister Linton

New member
Mar 11, 2011
153
0
0
So... you aren't a liberal Bob? But an ostensibly conservative message in movies bothers you? Check again Bob, your lib is showing.
 

almostgold

New member
Dec 1, 2009
729
0
0
What the Fuck?

When did "Pro'Military" start to mean "Neo-con"? (Hint: it doesn't. stop being ignorant)

Hell, I love the military aspect of the movies. Replace Whitwickey's screen time and with Optimus Prime's, and having a movie about Special Forces and Giant Robots teaming up? Sound awesome!
 

Gunnyboy

New member
Sep 25, 2010
103
0
0
Megatron's plan in this is directly from an old episode of the cartoon, where he brings Cybertron to Earth.


And Optimus kills everything in sight.
 

maninahat

New member
Nov 8, 2007
4,397
0
0
What is wrong with having a neo-con message? Ignoring all the shit in the rest of this movie, I am straining to get over that one point raised.

Just having a conservative message does not necessarily work to the detriment of the film. In a movie that borrows Pentagon equipment and features battling army and robots, the movie is not likely to be promoting a message of diplomacy or "appeasement" (conservative for "surrender"). In the context of the story, it also makes sense that warrior robots and jarheads aren't likely to be keen on the idea of cutting deals with an enemy. Especially an enemy called the DECEPTICONS.

Conervative messages are pretty much part of the package in any combat orientated movie. Even liberalist conspiracy thrillers like The Shooter will still have quintessentially conservative sentiments of "never give up, never surrender, do the right thing for justice".
 

commasplice

New member
Dec 24, 2009
469
0
0
maninahat said:
What is wrong with having a neo-con message? Ignoring all the shit in the rest of this movie, I am straining to get over that one point raised.

Just having a conservative message does not necessarily work to the detriment of the film. In a movie that borrows Pentagon equipment and features battling army and robots, the movie is not likely to be promoting a message of diplomacy or "appeasement" (conservative for "surrender"). In the context of the story, it also makes sense that warrior robots and jarheads aren't likely to be keen on the idea of cutting deals with an enemy. Especially an enemy called the DECEPTICONS.

Conervative messages are pretty much part of the package in any combat orientated movie. Even liberalist conspiracy thrillers like The Shooter will still have quintessentially conservative sentiments of "never give up, never surrender, do the right thing for justice".
While I consider myself a liberal, I kind of have to agree with you. I don't really think it's necessarily a bad thing to represent conservative values in a movie . . . but I think the inference here is that they're doing it while pretending they aren't, and are therefore being deceptive about it. Or something. I dunno.

Anyway. Here's what I don't get about the plot (of the second movie in particular): why the fuck did The Fallen give a shit about harvesting our sun? I mean, I get that he believed Cybertronians to be superior beings, but there are so many more stars out there without life orbiting them. To me, it seems like the only reason he got locked away in the first place is because he was a lazy asshole. He'd rather organize an army to subvert the orders he was given than, I dunno, go look somewhere else.
 

008Zulu_v1legacy

New member
Sep 6, 2009
6,019
0
0
MovieBob said:
Another week, another breakdown of a lackluster, nonsensical movie.
I notice that you like ripping on Michael Bay, and while I agree he deserves it, I can't help but pick up on the feeling that he is capable of growing and becoming a better director. He is in a state or "arrested development" (a term not really used anymore), that or he really is a puppet for the US Army's recruitment division.

Destroying them mentally and emotionally by exposing them to bad movies or exposing them to the horrors of a real war. Both are not a pleasant thought.

I'm not saying stop pointing out the fact he couldn't direct his way out of a wet paper bag, in fact I find it amusing. We all have to accept him for what his is, and that's a bad movie maker.
 

Rooster Cogburn

New member
May 24, 2008
1,637
0
0
amaranth_dru said:
MovieBob said:
MovieBob: Transformers Fanboy-Free Breakdown

Another week, another breakdown of a lackluster, nonsensical movie.

Read Full Article
Bob, considering your last point of politics bleeding through... are you surprised more by the idea of current event politics being present or the possibility of the movie possibly NOT supporting (which I doubt is intentional) a non-liberal point of view? Knowing Hollywood's track record of backing the left, I have a hard time believing a summer "blockbuster" having an anti-liberal point of view being presented in a decent light.
maninahat said:
What is wrong with having a neo-con message? Ignoring all the shit in the rest of this movie, I am straining to get over that one point raised.

Just having a conservative message does not necessarily work to the detriment of the film. In a movie that borrows Pentagon equipment and features battling army and robots, the movie is not likely to be promoting a message of diplomacy or "appeasement" (conservative for "surrender"). In the context of the story, it also makes sense that warrior robots and jarheads aren't likely to be keen on the idea of cutting deals with an enemy. Especially an enemy called the DECEPTICONS.

Conervative messages are pretty much part of the package in any combat orientated movie. Even liberalist conspiracy thrillers like The Shooter will still have quintessentially conservative sentiments of "never give up, never surrender, do the right thing for justice".
You are addressing the guy who painted Bungie as white supremacists for their work on the Halo series. I don't think he's going to see your side.
 

rossatdi

New member
Aug 27, 2008
2,542
0
0
So what, exactly, is Transformers selling?
Explosions mostly.

I wouldn't read too much into it. Michael Bay is all about making macho films which when you're american and the story is set in a global conflict is always going to end up seeming a bit 'USA! USA! USA!'. The films are just pandering to their demographic with vague messages - nothing intentionally propagandist.

I gave up on the franchise when 4 multi-storey megaton robots where successfully able to avoid detection by 'hiding' from Sam's parents.