Trying to convince my friend he's not a paedophile

[ReservoirAngel]

The title in and of itself says it all really, but I'll elaborate so you can actually know what's going on.

Basically, for the past month and a bit now, my friend has been thoroughly convinced that he must be a paedophile, or at least some kind of potential sex offender. The reason for this? He has an immensely strong attraction to a 15 year old boy. My friend is 19.

He's been pissing me off with this because all he's talked about is either how much he likes this 15 year old guy, or how much he hates himself and fears he's going to go to prison.

So is there actually any way I can effectively convince my friend he's not a paedo for this? Or is he just a creepy freak?

 

[CompetingMantis]

I nearly weed my pants laughing when I saw the title of the thread for some reason =D

Anyway, the age difference isn't that big really. It does sound like he's being a bit weird though, especially if he won't shut up about it.

 

[JoJo]

Get him to check the "paedophile" page on wikipedia. That will state the actual scientific definition of paedophilia, which is an obsessive attraction to prepubescent children. Unless this 15 year old is very under-developed for his age then your friend should be in the clear, although obviously he shouldn't try anything with the boy as I'm guessing that's under the age of consent where you live.

 

[Gigano]

Well, paedophilia is by definition attraction to prepubescent children, so if he's attracted to a 15 year old with developed gender characteristics that would fall within the realms of a normal sexuality considering there's only a 4 year age gap. They're both past puberty and in their teens.

Of course, if the age of consent is above 15, which I'm guessing it is, then he of course he can't act on it, and will have to repress it all the same. Even if it happen to be legal, there would still be ethical considerations to make, as being within the sphere of normal sexuality does not automatically equal ethical (or the other way around).

So no matter what, he's not a paedophile in the medical sense of the word based on that, but it does appear that he has a compulsion to do something illegal, and thus every bit as much reason to not go along with it. The mere attraction in itself doesn't denote anything unusual or disorderly though, and he should be perfectly able to feel attracted to someone his own age.

EDIT:

Ninja'd on most, so a second opinion.

 

[BlastedTheWorm]

Bah, it's not really that big a deal. And since you're saying "paedophile", rather than "pedophile", I'll assume the age of consent is 16. Therefore, all he has to do is wait a year or less, and it'll be perfectly legal.

I don't think anything would happen unless he, y'know, fucked the boy or anything though. He's just being a paranoid parrot. The police have better things to do than hunt down a 19 year old with an attraction to a 15 year old.

 

[OrokuSaki]

If you have to convince him, he might be a pedophile. Perhaps not in the laws of nature or science...... but those aren't the laws he should currently concern himself with.

 

[Casual Shinji]

I think it's closer to "jailbait" rather than actual pedophilia.

Still jailbait though, so tell him to keep it in his pants.

 

[lostzombies.com]

Just tell him to wait a year before sexual contact. If its actual love then spending non-sexual time with him should be enough.

Remember up until a few hundred years ago, girls got married away at around 14 (before then it was around 9) to men who were any age. Society suddenly (in context) deciding that something is wrong will always cause some problems while actual human traits are changed.

 

[Orcboyphil]

Okay tell you friend he is not a pedophile as she is postpubesent and in theory is fully or nearly fully developed sexually, 15 being the age most girls reach sexual maturity. Also point to the fact that according to a British survey in the 50's or 60's something like 70-90% (I'm recalling this factoid from a documentry watched many many years ago) would, according to the common definition of a pedophile, be a pedophile. There is nothing wrong with any kind of sexual attraction, its genetics (though there are some cultural biases learn't c.f. the Neolthic image of the perfect woman was rather larger than todays size 0 models, but then most men really don't like thoose ) based. The problem is acting out of these urges within our current cultural framework. So just tell your friend its okay to look, just try not to touch. At least till she reachs 16 or 18 or 21 whatever the age of consent is in your country.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

Yeah, I'd suggest he just restrains his sexual urges til the 15 becomes 16, until then the parents can press all sorts of charges, and most will, because he's still their little boy to them, not a fully functioning sexual being.

Hell, show him this, if you think he won't go mad for you asking a question about him online

Really the entire paedophilia thing is something whipped into a frenzy by the media, there's not a creepy old man in every park bush and on every street corner, and unless he thinks 'Rugrats' is some specialised form of hentai aimed at him, he's not a paedo or a pervert for loving a man around the same ages as him.

 

[Hoplon]

One your actually talking about Pederasty [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pederasty] a pedophile loves children like a bibliophile loves books.

Being in love with some one younger than you does not make you either one. Having sex with them does how ever, even if it is only in a legal sense. the question is does he only ever fancy those younger than him? then he might have some issues.

 

[Scabadus]

I'm assuming you live in the US where the age of consent is 18? Look at it this way; in most places in the world it's 16, so feeling strongly for somebody who's 15 is natural, you just wait less than a year to be legal (and here in the UK at least most people don't wait until 16 anyway). There was a girl in my class at school who was dating a guy aged 20 when she was 15, it really isn't all that rare.

 

[Gigano]

If you have to convince him, he might be a pedophile. Perhaps not in the laws of nature or science...... but those aren't the laws he should currently concern himself with.

I'm not sure convincing someone that they're specifically attracted to children if/when it's not the case is a great idea, even if it's to detain them...

Sounds like he's simply a guy who fell for another guy, who happen to be too young in terms of law and ethics, and whom he then obviously shouldn't touch. Doesn't mean he couldn't fall for someone aged 25 next time, and reinforcing/imposing an identity which say he couldn't would be wrong.

 

[RobCoxxy]

Show him this thread.

"The internet people say you're not a peado."

 

[xmbts]

I don't think he is, the age is a bit risky but he is attracted not simply lusting. (At least from what you say)

Either way if he intends to act on that he should do it very delicately.

 

[RatRace123]

Technically, he's not a pedophile, he's attracted to a 15 year old, that makes him an Ephebophile.
Or he could possibly just be attracted to that one kid, stating that he's any kind of age related -phile means that he's attracted to someone simply because of their age. As I said, he may just be attracted to this one kid.

Has he shown an attraction to another man before, regardless of age?

 

[unicron44]

If anything if he acted on his actraction it would be statutory rape, but your friend is legally fine.

 

[GothmogII]

There's something wickedly amusing about some random 15 year old completely unaware there's a whole bunch of people debating on whether or not another person should approach them romantically or not.

As to the OP. Well, if your friend feels it's a compulsion (or indeed a very strong feeling) to follow through on the attraction, point him toward the relevant legal information and maybe consider having him at least gauge the other party's feelings in the matter. I mean, you don't say if the 15 year old is even gay or anything, so your friend's attraction could still end up un-reciprocated, and be harmful to pursue in the end, legal issues notwithstanding.

Do recall that, it's only the sexual relations that are illegal in many places, I'm going to look it up now, but, I don't think hanging out is a crime.