lol. I read it right before popping over here and seeing this thread. I wonder if the article inspired it.Worgen said:
This is true of any relationship.inu-kun said:
Understanding Polygamy
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Man, you made my mouth water so much with this post. I need to have sex with at least one of these meats before the day is done.DevilWithaHalo said:
The only real boyfriend (relationship lasting a year) I had and me, we were open from the beginning. It is very much less uncommon between gay guys (at least openly lived) it seems to me. I never had an issue with him having sex with others, I did the same.
For me a relationship was and is more about making dinner with him, going on vacation, watching TV on the couch and stuff like that. Somehow I never saw a problem with the arrangement. He might have overdone it from time to time but then it was somehow his problem with needing too much validation from sex in general but he had that issue before and after the relationship.
Problems we had were typical ones in a relationship like how much time we spend together, what we have planned in our lives or our very different takes on politics and religion for example.
Since we had some sexual urges which didnt really work with the other one it was one way to actually have less trouble in the relationship because everybody was free to pursue his interests there separately from time to time. But like I said many gay guys separate sex with love and sex for kicks quite easily and so did we. I know gay couples who are monogamous and some who are not. The way you handle sex only has to work for both, that is important. So we talked about basically everything in our relationship at length. And we even had some more good sex after we broke up.
For me a relationship was and is more about making dinner with him, going on vacation, watching TV on the couch and stuff like that. Somehow I never saw a problem with the arrangement. He might have overdone it from time to time but then it was somehow his problem with needing too much validation from sex in general but he had that issue before and after the relationship.
Problems we had were typical ones in a relationship like how much time we spend together, what we have planned in our lives or our very different takes on politics and religion for example.
Since we had some sexual urges which didnt really work with the other one it was one way to actually have less trouble in the relationship because everybody was free to pursue his interests there separately from time to time. But like I said many gay guys separate sex with love and sex for kicks quite easily and so did we. I know gay couples who are monogamous and some who are not. The way you handle sex only has to work for both, that is important. So we talked about basically everything in our relationship at length. And we even had some more good sex after we broke up.
The guy in the middle crawls into and out from the middle, I guess the rest of us are heavy enough sleepers that it doesn't bother us.thaluikhain said:
I think a lot of people WANT it to work, and for a while it may seem like it does, but in the long run it doesn't.
Kind of like any one-on-one relationships, but I think those have a better chance at lasting.
Kind of like any one-on-one relationships, but I think those have a better chance at lasting.
Something I'm seeing a lot of in this thread... A whole bunch of people that are focusing on the negative aspects of relationships and how those would all be magnified in a poly-amorous relationship.
You do realize that applies to the good stuff too right?
I can only speak for my own, but a really large part of how me and my partners made it through the initial rough spots in becoming poly is because we all had at least two other folks we could lean on for support and help. When I get home from a rough day at work I get three hugs and two kisses. And three different sets of sympathetic ears. Three sets of good advice rooted in love and care and support. Three people that I can completely be myself around and be accepted and loved for it.
That's a frickin' high folks. In a hardcore way. I don't think I could ever express how insanely awesome my relationship is.
The sex is nice too.
Finances are easier as well. All four of us have jobs, and we're able to afford a really nice place that we totally wouldn't have been able to as just couples.
You do realize that applies to the good stuff too right?
I can only speak for my own, but a really large part of how me and my partners made it through the initial rough spots in becoming poly is because we all had at least two other folks we could lean on for support and help. When I get home from a rough day at work I get three hugs and two kisses. And three different sets of sympathetic ears. Three sets of good advice rooted in love and care and support. Three people that I can completely be myself around and be accepted and loved for it.
That's a frickin' high folks. In a hardcore way. I don't think I could ever express how insanely awesome my relationship is.
The sex is nice too.
Finances are easier as well. All four of us have jobs, and we're able to afford a really nice place that we totally wouldn't have been able to as just couples.
Many focused on the good or even both to give how their experience was like in the beginning. For you and others it works. No major problems, all the rough edges smoothened out in the beginning and trust established. However, for other it wouldn't work for them cause they had tried it out themselves and things didn't work out too well or just prefer being with just one person or just themselves. The good, the bad, and even the ugly side of trying to attempt such relationship has been expressed in this thread and I appreciate and respect everyone's answers and responses.dragonswarrior said:
It's also great that you are your partners are happy and open about the relationship and trust you have for each other which is the most important thing to any relationship. Clear communication and trust. Those two are also the final few puzzle pieces of love that some may not realise.
It's not like people have a finite amount of love and only have enough for one person. There are plenty of polyamorous people who make it work.
That said, it wouldn't work unless everyone involved really cares about each other, otherwise it's going to fall about very fast.
That said, it wouldn't work unless everyone involved really cares about each other, otherwise it's going to fall about very fast.
Sounds like a lot to handle, I'd rather just devote myself to one person totally. I know a few people in open relationships, not the same kinda of set up though as the OP describes. One couple I know are swingers, and another friend of mine is a domme, her b/f is cool that she has 'play buddies', but for the most part I think she puts it to them, not the other way around.
I think it takes a certain frame of mind to be ok with a poly relationship. Open communication is a must (as it is for any relationship imo), but also very low inclinations towards jealousy.
Queen Michael, sorry to hear you went through that.
I think it takes a certain frame of mind to be ok with a poly relationship. Open communication is a must (as it is for any relationship imo), but also very low inclinations towards jealousy.
Queen Michael, sorry to hear you went through that.
Been in an open relationship with my wife for 5 years now. The amount of honesty and communication is INSANE to keep this thing going. If you have trust issues, jealousy issues, or any past issues, this may not be the relationship type for you. But it's amazing for me and mine.
What's not to understand? You marry or fuck more than one person at the same time, and everybody's okay with it.
Of the people I follow on tumblr I only know of one person who has been in a pretty successful polygamous relationship with two men (and a couple of women coming and going depending on how their friendship turns out.)
I would honestly say that it takes a very particular person to be able to do it. For one, all parties involved (at least for them so this is hardly a standard.) seem to put a lot more emphasis on just being HONEST and openly communicating with each other about issues or other feeling developments. For instance if one of the men really wanted to bang someone else, he would simply have to notify everyone else of this. If the other two have a problem with it then they can sit down and at least discuss it. But a heads up is really the only requirement.
That's what it really boils down to for this person (one woman two man group.), and like all relationships they've had their ups and downs but in general being blunt, open, honest, and clear about your feelings and intentions.
If your going to start harboring "I thought I was the special one." feelings than your gonna have a super hard time. The fact of the matter is that everyone in the group is the "special one" so asking which partner prefers who over the over is the fastest way to end these kinds of things.
Think of it like this. If you were pulled in to the group for this kind of relationship anyway it's solely because the person in question has just as much of a special spot for you as they do with the others in the group.
I would honestly say that it takes a very particular person to be able to do it. For one, all parties involved (at least for them so this is hardly a standard.) seem to put a lot more emphasis on just being HONEST and openly communicating with each other about issues or other feeling developments. For instance if one of the men really wanted to bang someone else, he would simply have to notify everyone else of this. If the other two have a problem with it then they can sit down and at least discuss it. But a heads up is really the only requirement.
That's what it really boils down to for this person (one woman two man group.), and like all relationships they've had their ups and downs but in general being blunt, open, honest, and clear about your feelings and intentions.
If your going to start harboring "I thought I was the special one." feelings than your gonna have a super hard time. The fact of the matter is that everyone in the group is the "special one" so asking which partner prefers who over the over is the fastest way to end these kinds of things.
Think of it like this. If you were pulled in to the group for this kind of relationship anyway it's solely because the person in question has just as much of a special spot for you as they do with the others in the group.