Vent? Are you kidding? Like every post I made today (and several of the ones I didn't) were me venting about something. And most of them involved me saying f*** because I don't have the balls to write fuck. Oh...wait.
F*** anime. And no, not for the reasons you think. F*** anime because I love it and it basically never conforms to my excessively high standards. And until Neon Geass Madoka Magica Lagann in the Shell comes out, it will remain that way.
F*** people who hate on Twilight. And again, not for the reason you think. F*** you people because you're equally stupid lemmings as the Twihards themselves. You don't even know WHY it's terrible you braindead dickwads. Also, vampires are cooler than werewolves. Werewolves are boring. Vampires are cool. Generally speaking, that is.
F*** Prometheus. I'm not even like a big Alien fan or something - I saw all four movies + AVP in the space of like a week a couple of years ago. That's it. God I hate that movie so much and I don't know why.
F*** Metroid: Other M. Yes it's been a year. No I will not get over it. And I probably liked that game MORE than you did. I was expecting it to get good until the moment the credits rolled.
F*** Final Fantasy. I have never played a Final Fantasy game in my life and it still annoys th e hell out of me the gap in quality between, say, FF4 and [insert which game you consider to be the "this is when Final Fantasy started sucking" game]. FF7 had some amazing sequences, but it didn't do anything with them. It would have made a great movie *glances at Advent Children* er, forget I said anything. FF8 was terrible on basically every level...and I like it anyway. Again, never played any of these. Also I liked Squall. Am I crazy? Screw FF9 because it looks stupid and screw it again because it's actually good. Except for the bad bits. The only thing worse than Final Fantasy X is...Final Fantasy X-2. Thank you, Spoony. After that I'm not even angry anymore, I'm just confused. Ever noticed that nobody talks about XI, XII, or XIV? Did you even know XIV was released? Final Fantasy XIII I...don't hate. Er, no, I hate it when surrounded by people who like it. If I was surrounded by haters, I'd be inclined to defend it, if only because half the haters probably jerk off to Rikku hentai. All it is is a big, dumb, shiny mess. It is the living embodiment of AAA Hollywood effects + modern JRPG. XIII-2, on the other hand, I doubly despise. As a sequel to XIII, it sucks beyond belief, has nothing to do with it, and makes worse anything it tries to fix. And to make it worse, if it was Final Fantasy XV or Final Fantasy XIV...it would have been good. Most of its awfulness is inherent to its being connected to XIII. Gah, my head.
Also, stop ruining Sephiroth. Well, okay, it's too late, he's already been ruined, but seriously. The Nibelheim flashback was amazing. So why is it that everything featuring Sephiroth makes him a completely different character?
FF7 Sephiroth: "I'M A MOOOOOOONSTER!!!!"
Other Sephiroth: "I'm a f***ing badass. I will now proceed to make vaguely profound statements while another remix of One-Winged Angel plays in the background. Ira vehementi, bitches."
Speaking of, One-Winged Angel is amazing. This is like the Twilight vent I did above - just because it's cliche and overused does not change the fact that it is a fantastic piece of music and possibly Nobuo Uematsu's best work. Birth of a God is not better. Dancing Mad is not better. Born Anew is DEFINITELY not better. All of these are really, really good (except Born Anew which while cool, is also a pretentious cacophony), but One-Winged Angel is better.
And no, I don't know why I'm ranting so much about a series I've never even played. But what the f*** is with Sephiroth having one wing? It's because the song One-Winged Angel is more popular than Sephiroth himself - that is, FF7 Sephiroth, who is actually a mass of shapeshifting cells. People identify Sephiroth as the guy from Advent Children, not Safer Sephiroth. And how many people even remember Bizarro/Rebirth Sephiroth? But no, Square is too busy rendering every hair follicle of Sephiroth Clone 672A (AKA Caius Ballad) (oops, I just remembered "Sephiroth clone" is actually a thing) to even give us a sexy updated render of Safer Sephiroth. They'd probably screw him up, anyway. Give em a bunch of belt buckles or something.
Oh, and before I forget, screw you Nintendo for this year's E3. You've got Pikmin 3 and...s***. NSMBWii was both fun and proved that porting pure Super Mario Bros. to a console wasn't going to fly. So you did it again. And THEN you had the balls to also make a NSMB2 for the 3Ds (little known fact - in Japan, New Super Mario Bros. 2 is called New Doki Doki Panic). And then you Nintendo Land. Make a 3D Kirby game! Do a thing with Metroid! Release a ten second Zelda teaser! Say something about Animal Crossing! Make a 2D Kirby game! Make a Pokemon console game! Make a Star Fox game! Make Kid Icarus a franchise! Make a new IP! There's so much Mario in your announcements I'm not even sure I care about the new Paper Mario anymore - I didn't know that was possible! Actually, I did, because your business model these days seems to be to make games that suck.
I STILL HATE SKYWARD SWORD. And it makes me mad because everyone else likes it! I liked Twilight Princess when I played it the first time, and liked it less and less as time passed, but Skyward Sword just pissed me the f*** off. I didn't even beat it - I quit right before the final boss fight. Yes, I liked Wind Waker. Actually, no, I did like Ocarina of Time a great deal, but I didn't play it until the 3Ds remake. Hey! Nintendo! You could have announced a new 3Ds Zelda! One with an actual villain instead of a big squid or a joke, even. Hell, I'd take the stupid antagonist. And the sailing. I'd even sail on a train if I had to.
