"Well That Didn't Take Long"

cojo965

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Jul 28, 2012
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Also called, "fastest time you've given up on a game." Evolve managed a record in how fast I gave up on a game. I started Evolve with the tutorials and was like, "oh, okay, I get the principles of the game." Then I played the game proper, and to make it quick:

Monster: frustrating, hunters already know all the monster's tricks

Hunters: boring, long stretches of fuck-all followed by brief bursts of activity that still somehow manage to be boring

After two games as both Hunter and Monster I pictured a chart, with these complaints across all my future matches, at the end of which is a hypothetical God of Evolve point, but with what it would take to get there I said, "FUCK THAT!" and sent it back. Given the additional complaint of long wait times to find matches, I'm guessing I'm not the only one with these sentiments.
 
Sep 9, 2007
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I think that has to go to an old RTS called Battle Realms. I forget the length of time in hours, but it was 3 campaign maps and 2 attempts at skirmish against the AI and I was done. The campaign was mediocre and the skirmish was a race to who could make Ninjas first (Pro-tip: It was the AI, by a wide margin). Thankfully it was only $5, so I didn't lose too much.
 

CrimsonBlaze

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Aug 29, 2011
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I would say Mod Racers for the PSP with Mugen Souls for the PS3 being a close second.

I tried everything to get good at Mod Racers, but it was frustratingly hard, had little pay off to actually learning the tracks and redoing them, and the fact that it is almost impossible to get 2nd place on the very first track is a true insult. After a few hours, I gladly deleted this game from my PSP's existence.

Mugen Souls only took me slightly longer to quit because I was trying really hard to like it. A single digit dipping frame rate for just moving around in the overworld, mini games that allowed you to see still frames of characters in 'compromising' positions, and a combat system that required a devoted Compile Heart fan to love, I finally accepted that I wasn't going to have any fun with this game, and so I just promptly returned it.
 

Scarim Coral

Jumped the ship
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Oct 29, 2010
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Zykon TheLich said:
Mass Effect. Didn't get off the bridge. Who's this gormless twat? What kind of fucking space ship is this? Lets talk to someone...this goon here...what? Stop making up shit about my past, we've never met before in my life, I...fuck this game. uninstall.
This but in saying so my reason was different.

I was on the mission to find that blue alien girl and I think I was underlevel? It starting off being in the Mako vehicle and drop off from the ship. After going throught dodgy terrian on a dodgy ship and once I finally got off it, there were some large enemies nearby that lay waste to me and my crew. The last save files and checkpoint was when the ship drop me off therefore I was stuck and the only option left was to start the game again... WEell ok I think I still ahd one or two past files but those were way back!

OT- De Blob to me. People see it as some kind of an artistic game, I just see it as the quickist time to paint the whole place from white to a different colour. Also no I'm no longer a kid who have fun colouring in a colour book especially when I don't have a timer against me!
 

Zhukov

The Laughing Arsehole
Dec 29, 2009
13,769
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Alpha Protocol.

You start off locked in a room with guards outside. An NPC asks you via radio how you want to get out. I wanted to be smart about it so I picked a dialogue option saying "ambush". My gormless fuckwit of a character promptly says, "Set off the alarm, that'll bring the guards running." Both the NPC and I called him an idiot.

Strike One.

Then I started moving around and discovered that making decent walking or running animations is beyond the skills of those master game craftsmen at Obsidian. I envisaged having to play an entire third person game while watching movement animations in which the protagonist's feet don't match his movement speed or direction.

Strike Two.

Encountered a hacking minigame. Discovered that the controls for it were poorly adapted from console.

Strike Get The Fuck Off My Hard Drive.

Total play time: roughly five minutes.
 

Bob_McMillan

Elite Member
Aug 28, 2014
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Every single PS+ game that I have gotten so far, besides Injustice and Rocket League.
 

Joccaren

Elite Member
Mar 29, 2011
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Eh, I never even installed Evolve. Having played Parasite, Metastasis, and all the variations thereof in WC3 and SC2, I knew a AAA game would never hold up to that standard, and from what I've heard - yeah, not a damn chance. One of the biggest pulls of that game; The 'Mafia' game aspect where you don't know who is the alien and who is a human - was removed, probably because then players would have to think too much, and its basically just a cat and mouse arena shooter. Yay. Was never going to be on my Hard Drive like that. Gimme mystery, multiple alien types you can evolve to in a single game, and a bunch of stuff for the non-aliens to do during the build up to the final confrontation and maybe it'd be a decent game. From what I've heard of it? Yeah, no.

As for my experiences with games like that... I don't think there's been anything I've dropped straight off the bat with no real time spent with it, but Dishonoured was one of the faster games I've dropped. End of first mission, after trying hard to be stealthy because the game punishes you for not being, end up dying. "Oh well, I guess I'll just re-do this guy's house...". Nope. Back to the very start of the level, because who uses autosaves these days? Spent 5 minutes trudging through the same shit I'd already done and dropped it because it was boring, and there was going to be a whole lot of boring on the way to the end of the level again. Never neglect autosaves. These days they're an expected feature.
Meridian; New World or whatever its called I also dropped damn quick. Got into the first mission, and a bug somewhere meant that it just didn't progress. It wasn't all that engaging to begin with, so I dropped it. Might try it again one day, but too many other games to play ATM for that to be the case.
Vanilla Civ V, before they fixed it. Started a game. Horrid FPS compared to previous civ titles, for not a huge improvement on graphics. In fact, in some cases they were worse, where I was in 'plains' that looked like desert. Little depth to mechanics, stupid ass AI, and brokenly unbalanced systems... Dropped it before finishing my first game. With all its expansions and some mods that actually balance it, its good, but vanilla... Oh god that was horrid.
Probably a bunch of other games, but I don't really remember them.

The only time I've ever had a straight off the bat "WTF is this" drop moment was with an anime called Excel Saga or something. Halfway through the first episode it had failed to produce a single likable character, anything that wasn't a caricature, even the slightest semblance of a coherent plot, and all it really consisted of was a series of nonsensical skits that weren't even funny. Only thing I haven't finished at least 1 part of before dropping, whether it be level, chapter, episode or whatever other metric you could measure other mediums by. That was just... No.
 

Saelune

Trump put kids in cages!
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Mar 8, 2011
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Smite. My friends love it and I like playing with my friends, so I gave it a shot. Was presented to me as more action oriented and skill based. Its not, its just a console moba, and I hate mobas.
 

Avatara

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Aug 5, 2014
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For me it was Braveheart.(pc) The "in game" pictures of what the battles looked like on the back of the box were awesome. Looked almost like Mount and Blade but with some more strategy. The game was very much not that.
 

Fappy

\[T]/
Jan 4, 2010
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I didn't even beat the first level of Sonic '06. The game felt so horrible. Everything about it was bad. I just couldn't.

I lasted longer playing Superman 64!
 

Politrukk

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May 5, 2015
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Zhukov said:
Alpha Protocol.

You start off locked in a room with guards outside. An NPC asks you via radio how you want to get out. I wanted to be smart about it so I picked a dialogue option saying "ambush". My gormless fuckwit of a character promptly says, "Set off the alarm, that'll bring the guards running." Both the NPC and I called him an idiot.

Strike One.

Then I started moving around and discovered that making decent walking or running animations is beyond the skills of those master game craftsmen at Obsidian. I envisaged having to play an entire third person game while watching movement animations in which the protagonist's feet don't match his movement speed or direction.

Strike Two.

Encountered a hacking minigame. Discovered that the controls for it were poorly adapted from console.

Strike Get The Fuck Off My Hard Drive.

Total play time: roughly five minutes.
Ah you didn't even get to the point where the game blatantly stops working properly then?
that happened to me after about 15-30 minutes in?
 

Cowabungaa

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Feb 10, 2008
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Can I pick something else?

Because I want to pick these grapes I currently have in front of me.

I made it like five grapes in, out of half a kilo of grapes, all of them were insanely sour. I doubt they're going to improve at this point. That's ?2,50 I'm never getting back.

Game-wise? The last one was probably Crypt Of The Necrodancer. Half an hour in I got real tired of the jittery, weird feeling in my gut I got from being forced to do rhythm stuff in a dungeon crawling context. Oh well, at least the soundtrack is on Spotify.
 

Mstrswrd

Always playing Touhou. Always.
Mar 2, 2008
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Fappy said:
I didn't even beat the first level of Sonic '06. The game felt so horrible. Everything about it was bad. I just couldn't.
Dude, I didn't even make it to the game. I played the demo, remembered going "Wow, this is... absolute shit," And uninstalling it. In like 10 or so minutes. And I only lasted that long because I kinda wanted to see if it was actually physically possible to beat the demo because I kept like jerking to the side into pits as I ran because I'd move the stick a fraction of a degree, and so couldn't advance.
 

happyninja42

Elite Member
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May 13, 2010
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Prince of Persia: Warrior Within.

Got to the part in the tutorial (that was all death metal music by the way, not cool Arabian style music), where they introduce the antagonist....ass first...in her metal thong outfit. Her ass filled the entire screen....in slow motion. I turned the game off at that point, realizing that whoever had made that game, didn't understand what was fun and cool about the first one.
 

Mister K

This is our story.
Apr 25, 2011
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For me it was Valkyria Chronicles II. I tried to play it, but characters that were offered to me to play as were so boring I couldn't play further than the first mission.
 

Neurotic Void Melody

Bound to escape
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Jul 15, 2013
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Defense Grid 2 (And maybe other tower defense titles i guess). I don't like feeling stressed with a game that makes you stare intently at the same spot for half an hour. Every wave brought with it a heavy sigh. Then i noticed the total wave count and instantly turned it off. Good thing i'm no border patrol guard.

A lot of japanese anime-type games i turn off as soon as the first line or two of dialogue makes me cringe into a tight ball of embarrassment and pity. I think the last one was a demo of Disgaea 5. Something really rubbed me up the wrong way with the introduction and didn't even get to the gameplay. Oh well.

Dynasty warriors (and all its' inbred cousins). Sooooo repetitive and easy! My other unworked brain cells were planning a mutiny against me, it had to stop.

Edit: Ah, pretty much any modern multiplayer-only game gets exhausting after a couple of matches. I do appreciate these open Betas that clarify my eventual/imminent distaste for each title free of charge, as i am one of those filthy liberal benefit-of-the-doubt types. Apart from Battlefield 4 and Hardline. But not only do they have incredible depth and dynamic scenery with vehicles, they also have bloody single player campaigns!! However, they do repeatedly get deleted to make way for my latest single player plaything. Thanks, sony for the shit HDD space.
 

Ihateregistering1

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Mar 30, 2011
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Happyninja42 said:
Prince of Persia: Warrior Within.

Got to the part in the tutorial (that was all death metal music by the way, not cool Arabian style music), where they introduce the antagonist....ass first...in her metal thong outfit. Her ass filled the entire screen....in slow motion. I turned the game off at that point, realizing that whoever had made that game, didn't understand what was fun and cool about the first one.
Yeah, I ended up finishing Warrior Within, but Christ did that game miss the point. Luckily "The Two Thrones" was vastly improved and went back to the Persian/storybook theme of the original.

Anyway, for me it was probably Hotline: Miami. I get that part of the game's schtick is that when you die, it takes like 0.005 seconds to reload your game, so it wasn't a big deal, but I think I died 250 times in a row on one part, and just lost all interest at that point.
 

Something Amyss

Aswyng and Amyss
Dec 3, 2008
24,759
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Zhukov said:
Alpha Protocol.
Does it count if you can't get the game to run?

My old rig will run the game--at a gloriously cinematic 3 FPS.

My new rig won't run the game past the title screen.