What do you think a relationship is about?

[DBarrieau]

I am not asking what you think each member of the couple needs to do or how they need to be, but instead, what are the reasons for people wanted to be in a relationship?
What do people look forward to when they want to form a relationship? Sex, intimacy, more time together, making the other one happy? While this is good and all, intimacy is the only true difference between friendship and relationship; sex can happen between friends; you can hang out as much as you want, no excuse needed; while you can annoy your friends, we all want our friends to be happy (I am guessing, otherwise it would be a strange friendship).

So why do people strive for relationships so much? I understand that some want sex and that sex friends isn't a concept that is generally accepted (once you bring religion into this especially). But why build up so much for so little?

I am pessimistic, never been in a relationship, very left-brained (logical, mathematical, rational) and not right-brained at all (art, language, emotions, instincts). So I don't understand the concept of love or relationships at all (seeing as I am making this topic). I have felt and feel for some people, but never knew how to act upon them, what to expect and what to think about it. This is why I am wondering what people think about the subject

TL;DR - What do you want and expect from a relationship? What is your opinion on the whole subject?

 

[adamsaccount]

very good question, i dunno if i can answer myself cos most of my relationships have been fucked up somehow by drugs or this depression which leaves me unreachable to most everyone but im really interested in what "healthy people" have to say about this. Should probably say that a relationship based on crack cocaine addiction is something to avoid, but hell youd have to be me to not understand that.

edit: just changed my mind on that, a relationship is whatever works and makes you happy!

 

[piinyouri]

Well, very generally speaking it's about love.
What is love you may ask?
Love is being absolutely fine with sharing your germs with someone else. : D

 

[0 to 3 Sad Onions]

There's never a hard and fast rule or a clear-cut answer as to what relationships are based on. Some are about love and others are about money or status. They may be the result of pressure from outside, e.g. arranged marriages in Middle Eastern cultures or random people being shipped together by mutual acquaintances in the West. They may be borne from a desire to play house, fear of being alone or conformity to the unspoken expectations of others. That last one is key: societal and interpersonal pressure to couple up, to sow one's wild oats (for men) or settle down with one person and make babies (for women), is pervasive and immense. It. Infects. Everything. Not even Madagascar is safe. And failure to comply with the directive is grounds for reprisal. This is why the unbelievably sexist bald tire of a trope about the successful thirtysomething career woman who only finds completeness and grounding when the male lead comes into her life is the basis of every other romantic comedy being made. This is why the guy who remains a virgin at an advanced age gets laughed at behind his back. This is why the lady who developed uterine cysts at 19 and had them taken out a short time later is so frequently treated like she's useless.

Ideally, a relationship should be about love, companionship, support and all that shiny happy crap, but this is the case maybe 50-55% of the time. And that's a generous estimate.

 

[SadisticFire]

Well, very generally speaking it's about love.
What is love you may ask?
Love is being absolutely fine with sharing your germs with someone else. : D

:O IM IN LOVE WITH EVERYONE!
But really, I've wondered the same thing for a long time. After a very painful/abusive relationship I decided that I find them kinda meaningless. Its really dependent on what YOU think it is. It's about having fun with the other person from what I can observe. Wanting to have fun with them on a regular basis. Having something to fall back on when you feel like no one else can support you.
But that isn't for anyone. Especially someone like me.
I feel I might've gotten a few facts wrong.

 

[Billy D Williams]

Well, they are about whatever the people who are in the relationship want it to be about. I mean that normally ends up being in some way or another love/intimacy, so if your looking for what most people want out of a serious relationship there you go.

If your looking for the logic in it, since when in the bubblesucking fuck has there ever been ANY logic in human emotion? Like it or not, we aren't programmed for logical emotions, Hell in a lot of ways emotion is the antithesis of logic. All I can say is being with someone you really like/love feels really fucking awesome, I'd recommend trying it.

And, I mean this in a serious way, do you not understand relationships because your 'logical' as you put it or is it because your cynical, which is how you sound. Not trying to be insulting or tell you what kind of person you are from one post you made on the internet, but I did get a little bit of that vibe so just something to ponder.

Oh, just remembered, if you don't like reading just watch this!

 

[KOMega]

Not been in a relationship myself, but I'd be happy with someone to just cuddle with.

There are plenty of other things, but that's the first thing that comes to mind.

The best kind though I think would be if it progressed from being good friends with the person, like a linear progression.
It'd be a lot simpler than how a lot of other people (at least from what I've seen around me) treat or think of relationships.

 

[TWRule]

I don't know what 'people' look for in relationships - I imagine many different things; some of the nobler reasons to look for them might be to combat loneliness and/or to bring some kind of meaning into their life by participating in something that transcends them and yet is highly personal.

Most people go about it for less noble reasons, or in misguided ways, though.

Still, everyone needs someone who accepts them for who they are and believes in who they can be, someone who can be a companion to them through the changes of life...

Sex is a separate and complex issue - J.F. Lyotard once said sexual desire was origin of thinking...

Sex definitely shouldn't be a major reason you get into a relationship, but it definitely adds a new dimension to things once you are there...

 

[loc978]

A combination of the desire for sex (or to reproduce... sexual hormones in general), and the human need for social contact. It gets more complicated, of course, but those are the basic needs it covers. Some people's need for social contact can get possessive, they can develop abandonment issues, sometimes sex is just something that people want because they feel society/friends/family expect it of them... but again, the basic drives are the same.

As for me personally... I've deconstructed myself many a time, been broken down physically, mentally and emotionally enough times and in harsh enough environs to know myself quite thoroughly... and I just love the physical feelings of sex. I also need to have friends. I don't confuse those two things. If I have a friend that I also want to have sex with, good... but I don't believe romantic love is actually anything more than confused hormones and societal expectations... and I make that clear to everyone I know.

 

[DefunctTheory]

What everyone wants from a relationship is quite different. For example, I've known people who prefer wives that are completely subservient to them. They wanted a woman who would listen to them, agree with them, and follow their direction. They wanted a woman who wouldn't challenge them.

Basically, they wanted a partner to be less then them.

While I try not to judge people on how they run their relationships, I can't help but be disgusted by people like this. It also seems horribly unhealthy.

Personally, in a relationship, any relationship (Friendship, romantic, etc), I think the key is that, through that relationship with that individual, both of your lives become better when combined.

 

[manic_depressive13]

I don't get it. That IS what a relationship is about. Having a friend you can have sex with.

 

[Ratties]

I always feel like I am an outsider looking in. It has sharpened my instincts on human behavior. People love to be in a relationship because it sounds good on paper. They feel that it is the next logical step. That's why people that are older and still single, are often looked at as strange. Women especially don't like it. They might not come out and say it, they are studying you. They are trying to find the flaws, why is he still single? Is he secretly abusive? Does he become more boring? Is he scared to commit? Once they think they have found it, they can let their mind rest. My friends girlfriends do this. This is what I mean when I say it looks good on paper. We get taught these rules early in life. Get a good education. Get a good job. Find somebody. Settle down. Raise a family. Sometimes, people don't follow that path. They refuse to do it. More often than not, society starts adding strikes against you. You don't have a college degree, there's a strike. Don't have a good job, there's a strike. You sleep around and never settle down, there's another strike. It's a poisonous circle, some refuse to be a part of it.

 

[ZZoMBiE13]

Relationships should be about sharing. Sharing the good, sharing the bad. The benefits and the burdens. Holding up your partner when they are low, and knowing they can be there to do the same for you. Not expecting them to, not hoping they will, but knowing that they are there for you and that you in turn will be there for them.

That is the essence of romantic love from my perspective. It took me 40 years to find it, and I'd do whatever it takes to hand on to it.

 

[norashepard]

From what I can tell, it's about having a Co-op partner in life who plays in a way that makes the game super fun. Unfortunately, most people seem to be griefers or noobs, so your partner is often so rare that it can almost seem like you'll never find them, and all the interim co-op partners who don't work out just make you think that the game should've just stuck to single player in the first place.

But yeah it's about finding someone who can take your life up to 11, no matter how you may be feeling. Sad? Awesome. Happy? Awesome. Flippin pissed? They're right there with you. Or so I'm told. I find the whole thing weird and just not something I ever want, but then I'm weird and not something many people ever want so what are you gonna do?

 

[littlealicewhite]

If you're asking, I don't think you'd understand. I'm not questioning your intelligence, it's just something that you either get or don't get. It's okay to not get it.

 

[James Joseph Emerald]

I am pessimistic, never been in a relationship, very left-brained (logical, mathematical, rational) and not right-brained at all (art, language, emotions, instincts). So I don't understand the concept of love or relationships at all (seeing as I am making this topic).

This might be a little off topic, but I feel I should mention that the whole "left brain is for logic, right brain is for creativity" thing (also known as hemispherical lateralisation [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lateralization_of_brain_function]) is a myth. There is no scientific basis for it whatsoever.

In fact, modern psychological studies have shown that language, emotional/intuitive reasoning and creativity are all inherently necessary for rational cognition.

So, barring some sort of psychological disorder, there shouldn't be anything precluding you from being in touch with your emotions. Aside from personal preference.

 

[Naeras]

The only really important thing for me about a relationship is that it makes me happier than being single would make me, and that the other person feels the same way. Exactly what that would involve isn't necessarily set in stone, but that one thing is the reason why I would be in a relationship with someone.

I don't get it. That IS what a relationship is about. Having a friend you can have sex with.

I disagree. You can have sex with your friends without being in a relationship with them, and you can be in a relationship with someone without having sex with them.

 

[MetalMagpie]

For me, it's about having a life partner. I think the "buddy-cop" films actually sell it best. When you're faced with gun-toting bad guys (metaphorical or otherwise) you want to know that someone has your back.

My boyfriend is my partner. He's got my back and I've got his. Whether we're gaming coop together or struggling with family/work/landlords/other-problems-of-modern-life.

 

[MetalMagpie]

From what I can tell, it's about having a Co-op partner in life who plays in a way that makes the game super fun. Unfortunately, most people seem to be griefers or noobs, so your partner is often so rare that it can almost seem like you'll never find them, and all the interim co-op partners who don't work out just make you think that the game should've just stuck to single player in the first place.

But yeah it's about finding someone who can take your life up to 11, no matter how you may be feeling. Sad? Awesome. Happy? Awesome. Flippin pissed? They're right there with you. Or so I'm told. I find the whole thing weird and just not something I ever want, but then I'm weird and not something many people ever want so what are you gonna do?

Double points if your life co-op partner can also be your gaming co-op partner.

I was always very happy single and I never went looking for a relationship. But when I met my boyfriend it all just clicked. And now I can't imagine my life without him.

Relationships can be weird like that.

 

[Shymer]

It is a natural instinct to want to bond with a partner for procreation, security, comfort. Not everyone feels this the same way but very few don't feel it at all. Most people have an immediate sense of well-being when they are falling in love, which lingers long into the relationship if various factors are right. Sex bring intense and immediate pleasure, which is part of it, but by no means all. It hurts when relationships end, which shows us how important they are in our lives. The hurt is seldom powerful enough to prevent us from seeking more at some point - particularly when we're young. This underlying biological need drives most people to form relationships (sexual or otherwise) through their lives irrespective of cultural upbringing.

Society tells us about relationships, what is normal and why they are important to that society. Different societies around the world teach different lessons. There are some common threads (family units, monogamy, provider/caregiver roles). There are aspects where cultures are divided (same sex relationships, male/female roles, denigration of divorce and childlessness). None of these societal norms are unchallenged and some people are driven to "swim upstream" all of their lives, perhaps cynical about what society teaches them. This either reinforces the biological drive, or, for some people, drives them to behave against their instincts.

The interaction of individual drive and social conditioning can be very destructive - homophobia, rape, eating disorders, child abuse - but generally society thrives because, for most, society reinforces biology.

It sounds like you're young and confusion about relationships is natural. All I can suggest is that you relax and stay curious about yourself and others. Relationships will either happen - or not, but either way you can be good, happy, healthy and worthy person.

One truth you may find as you get older is that you can only really be happy when you're helping other people. Being in a relationship gives you unprecedented power to make someone else happy (partner and children) - and that can be a powerful thing as you get old and you find people drifting away from you. Without that - you might want to consider how to gain happiness for yourself by helping the most people you can who you don't have a relationship with.

Good luck.