What the hell, ladies!?

[game-lover]

I don't go to clubs for the reason that I don't want to be like those girls.

Which makes me think that probably some of those girls are:

1)Dragged there by their friends probably against their will so no, they really aren't in the mood to dance and just wanna go the fuck home.

2)Incredibly self-conscious about their dancing and basically don't wanna embarrass themselves

or...

3)Not the slightest bit interested in the music which takes away any urge to dance whatsoever.



All 3 of those are the reasons why I've stood. Of course, I don't like going anyway so usually I was in the situation of number 1 all the time. Until people got off my damn back and stop insisting I accompany them.

 

[Phantomess]

The most hilarious thing about this is that I know I'm just as guilty of this as those girls. Let me explain:

I live above two bars AND a nightclub. Most of the time, it's pretty busy in my building. Its fun and I'm friends with the DJs who work there. The bouncers all know me on sight and I'm occasionally treated to a free drink at either of the bars.

Some days I will happily get dressed up (so as not to feel out of place) and listen to the music downstairs while standing or sitting in the corner. Sometimes I even have friends with me who do the same thing. It's not really an antisocial thing; at least, for me it isn't. It's about the music and what I enjoy.

I can't speak for the girls you are talking about, but there is at least that reason for their actions. Hey, it's a possibility, right?

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

Have you considered the possibility that the girls were there to talk to their friends and drink? Granted, I usually prefer a quieter bar for socializing, but some people like to do it at clubs.

So yeah, those women might just be there to hang out with one another and drink. They may not want to dance at all. I think it's an odd place to do it, but I don't think they're just trying to cock-tease you.

Really, on the average day, having a bunch of random semi-drunk guys hit on you isn't ego-affirming - it's just annoying.

You know, I understand doing this in a bar, especially if it's got, say, pool tables, darts, or a trivia night, but at a club? Most clubs that I've been to keep the music so loud that to actually talk to anyone, you have to put your mouth right next to their ear, and you still wind up shouting. Not exactly the most conducive environment for hanging out with people. I agree that it's probably not an attempt at a cock tease (wouldn't that require at least some semblance of feigned interest, instead of the complete disinterest the OP was talking about?) but I don't think they're there to just hang out.

I think it's more likely that they went out as a group, and some or all of them just aren't as comfortable dancing with strangers as they'd like to think they are. I'm a guy, and every time I go to a club with a group of guys, I'm one of a very few that actually gets on the floor and dances. The rest of them stand on the side-lines, too embarrassed or scared to actually ask anyone to dance. I have a feeling the OP was dealing with girls going through their own version of that particular form of stage fright.

 

[Tselis]

Sorry hon, I met my husband when I was 19, so I never really got into the 'club scene'. If there was live music there, then maybe they came to see it. Otherwise, I can't think of a reason why they make the effort to go to a place and then not participate in the main function of the place. I know I only have a passing relationship with sanity as times, but that is just crazy to me. Wasteful too.

 

[Nicholas Woodruff]

This is really why I prefer going to pubs and bars instead of clubs.
Really, clubs are crap for socializing. It's far too crowded and noisy to talk.
There are plenty of women who are happier talking to a guy in a regular bar.

Lounges are just the same, but with class.

 

[Astoria]

Did you consider that maybe they just wanted to talk with each other and not get hit on that night? Or maybe they all had boyfriends? You may be a nice guy but chances are a majority of guys those girls had met in clubs were jerks which is why they were so hostile.

 

[Ruwrak]

Really, on the average day, having a bunch of random semi-drunk guys hit on you isn't ego-affirming - it's just annoying.

Hey, someone with common sense.
In all seriousness, this really is true =/

I've stopped clubbing because

1) Im not gonna get hammered on the watered down alcohol
2) Im not rich enough to drink enough of said alcohol to get hammered
3) Egh... I hate the music frankly..

But the OP's problem seems to lie with himself, sorry to say. But it's not like every girl wants to get attention from every guy there is. I can understand why -people in general- might not look for possible dance partners (or other things, lord knows what happens in the alleys) or just... want to hang with friends. Since that is very well the top 3 of reasons why you're going out in the frist place.

'Sides, I'm much more at home in pubs and bars since I'm not a physically handsome person per sé, nor can I dance proper . I like the more laidback 'getting to know you' attitude while enjoying a pint or five.

 

[bluepilot]

Getting dressed up pretty which yeah, takes two hours...look, maybe if the general interpretation of `pretty` changes maybe we ladies can get ready sooner. But with hair washing, straitening, styling plus getting rid of unwanted hair (the brazilian has a lot to answer for) covering our faces in plastic makeup and artificial colouring, then choosing the right outfit, handbag and shoes...yeah it is going to take two hours.

It is pretty hard to look like that, but then even harder to maintain it. Guys cannot come close because the sweat and moisture from breath ruins the over-priced flimsy made-by-child-labour branded clothes, not to mention makes the hair go frizzy again. Kisses and not possible as the lipstick would smudge.

Also, the lack of facial expression that you get from us ladies when you look like this is not cold indifference, no we just cannot move our faces as a) out makeup would crack and b) botox.

As for not dancing..have you tried walking in those stilletto things, we girls in clubs are not rejecting you because they do not like you/for power, our feet hurt.

Lesson to be learned: Choose a nice girl who looks good with minimal makeup, jeans and doc-martains. The hyped up porcelain dolls paraded on magazine covers are not real. Those `pretty girls` are hard hard work.

(Written from occasional `pretty girl` who sometimes dresses up to go clubbing...and rebelled once and jumped into a fountain because she could not take it anymore=panda face, ruined outfit, broken stiletto heal, yeah it was awesome)

 

[Colour Scientist]

Its because they want to go out and "be seen" but guys approaching them is creepy. I don't do this personally but I am also highly antisocial. Though I also don't have many girl friends. I have one. They feel they need to pretty themselves up but they judge their self worth on how many guys try and approach them and then later go and post it on the internet that "OMG they had so much fun at (insert club) but they didn't dance with any boys boo hoo" In other words they are basically drama queens and not worth anyone's damn time unless that's exactly what you want....

That's not true at all, at least not for the majority. If you don't have any girl friends who do it it's a bit unfair to come to that conclusion.

I love getting dressed up and going out with my friends (both guys and girls), whether it be to a club or a bar. My friends and I dress up because, oh, I don't know, we like to look nice when we hit the town. I'm in a long term relationship but my boyfriend doesn't like clubbing so I rarely go with him, I dance with my friends, have a few drinks and sit around sometimes.

A girl's presence in a club does not automatically mean:
A) She has to dance with strangers who have one thing in mind.
B) She judges her self-worth on how many men hit on her
C) She is some air-head who loves to mess with people for funsies
D) If she ignores guys there she's a ***** and if she goes home with thems she's a slut.

I don't understand why there is even a stigma. Getting dressed up to go out and have fun without going off with strangers? I don't see the problem.

 

[Safaia]

You try applying liquid eyeliner without getting any in your eye and even then you can complain about how long it takes me to get ready.

As for clubbing I've been once. It was awkward for me because I don't dance and I was only there to celebrate a co-worker or something. It's not my thing so I was somewhat dressed up but sat at a table with no intention of dancing with anyone. Maybe these girls are just awkward, I know I sure as shit was, and they don't want to dance.

Side note: The only bar I go to a hole in the wall Irish pub that has no windows and where you know all of the bartenders on a first name basis. I was there Saturday where I had a few beers and watched my soccer team get their asses kick. During the world cup games, whenever the US scored, the bar would shake it was so loud. I love that place.

 

[Alexnader]

Wait, is this a "why are you ladies being unfair with me?" thread or a misogyny thread? I'm rather perplexed.

oh so I'm not the only one that's getting a misogyny vibe from this? good to know.

I think you guys are barking up the wrong tree. He's frustrated and venting. His points do make a kind of sense, particular as he seems to be saying ALL the women at this particular club when he was there were staying aloof, and that's kind of odd. So how about we not automatically come to the knee-jerk half-assed conclusion that he hates women?

pointing out undertones of misogyny and saying OP hates women are two very different things, and last I checked "blowing off steam" wasn't an excuse for saying stupid ass shit.

Oh my god really? Misogynist literally means hater of women and to say something is "misogynistic" is to say that it's inspired or influenced by a dislike or hatred of women.

All these accusations of misogyny are over the top in my opinion. There may be misogynistic undertones but I believe the OP is simply driven by a lack of understanding. As a guy I may go to a club to hang out with friends but at all time I have the expectation that I'm looking for a girl as well. Maybe I won't spend the whole night trying my luck but I acknowledge that it's a very definite possibility. To me the notion of going to a club (while single) with the sole and express purpose of ONLY hanging out with your friends and everyone else be damned is a little weird to me. Maybe that's just me but this may be where the OP is coming from. He certainly isn't being a woman hater or at least not in a way that can be discerned from 3 paragraphs worth of text. Honestly, any discussion on the internet involving girls seems to be a mix of misplaced white knighting, ignorance and a couple of actual rational people and/or actual girls thrown in as well.

Anyway so long as the girls are polite(ish) when they reject you then they can do what they want.

*My Perspective as a borderline misogynist who's fighting it with every ounce of rationality in my possession

 

[StBishop]

Putting it out there; as a dude I use to go out to clubs more than twice a week when I was working full time. I went out to party and hang out with my mates, maybe dance badly and shoot some pool at a pub early on in the night.

I use to either ignore girls or politely tell them no thank you unless they were offering free drinks.

It's not just girls man, some people don't go out looking for partners.

For the record, I would spend the better part of an hour getting showered, shaved, changed etc.

 

[DeltaEdge]

The only possible way I could maybe understand where your coming from is if the girls were:
In the corner, Not talking to anyone in the club, not dancing, and not talking with each other either, not drinking, and just silently closing themselves off in the corner of a club and just sitting there with their faces down for the hours that they are there. If that were the case, then I think that would be quite strange. If they aren't with friends and they are just there quiet and anti-social, then there's something wrong. But otherwise there is nothing wrong. If they're with their friends, then they are with their friends. If they are there for a drink and they want to be in a loud environment to completely drown out other thoughts, then that's fine. If they are there just to dance then that is fine. There is nothing wrong with them not wanting to dance with guys at the club though. Plenty of crazy things can happen at clubs and it can be dangerous to get involved with random people that you don't know. It could be an issue of distrust. Or maybe they get hit on frequently, to the point where people who just saw and heard her shoot down an asker telling them that she wasn't interested in anyone decided to go ahead and ask even after hearing that. And after having this happen frequently, they are probably prone to get agitated quickly when they are asked. It may not be you personally, but everyone who asks collectively. And it's really none of your business if they want to stand in the corner either. They can spend 6 hours getting ready and then go stand in a deserted plot of land for all I care, if they want to do that then it's their choice and no one has the right to complain. And like some other people said, sometimes it's a peer pressure thing and they only went because their friends told them how fun clubs were. Or they might be getting stood up by a date who didn't show for an hour and then they are quite bitter and angry. But seriously, if they are really there to do nothing, then just go enjoy yourself and don't worry about them. You can dance alone, you don't have to dance with a partner every time you go to a club. Just leave them be.

 

[Blow_Pop]

Its because they want to go out and "be seen" but guys approaching them is creepy. I don't do this personally but I am also highly antisocial. Though I also don't have many girl friends. I have one. They feel they need to pretty themselves up but they judge their self worth on how many guys try and approach them and then later go and post it on the internet that "OMG they had so much fun at (insert club) but they didn't dance with any boys boo hoo" In other words they are basically drama queens and not worth anyone's damn time unless that's exactly what you want....

That's not true at all, at least not for the majority. If you don't have any girl friends who do it it's a bit unfair to come to that conclusion.

I love getting dressed up and going out with my friends (both guys and girls), whether it be to a club or a bar. My friends and I dress up because, oh, I don't know, we like to look nice when we hit the town. I'm in a long term relationship but my boyfriend doesn't like clubbing so I rarely go with him, I dance with my friends, have a few drinks and sit around sometimes.

A girl's presence in a club does not automatically mean:
A) She has to dance with strangers who have one thing in mind.
B) She judges her self-worth on how many men hit on her
C) She is some air-head who loves to mess with people for funsies
D) If she ignores guys there she's a ***** and if she goes home with thems she's a slut.

I don't understand why there is even a stigma. Getting dressed up to go out and have fun without going off with strangers? I don't see the problem.

However, out here in Southern California, that is how it works at least around my area from what I've seen. I USE to have more girl friends. I got tired of the bullshit and being bitched at that I'm not enough of a girl because I DON'T enjoy getting dressed up. I DON'T enjoy going out. I enjoy working on cars and playing video games and reading. I especially DON'T enjoy makeup or conversations regarding hair/makeup/how hot x guy is especially compared to y guy. I understand that some people(male and female) enjoy getting dressed up to have fun. What I don't understand is if a guy approaches you, even just to talk, why you're going to completely snub him and not even give him a basic conversation to see what he wants. I know we have a lot of gay guys who so don't fit how gays are usually depicted(overly flamboyant, lisps, etc though mind you we do have our share of them who do) so for all you know it could be a guy asking where you got your dress at or what shade lipstick etc(yes, they do do that. I have plenty of gay friends who do which is why i don't need girl friends). Its like the girls out here get this "oh he's a guy go into automatic shutdown snub mode and pretend he isn't there". It's ridiculous. Yes, I have been to clubs out here which is why I know I don't enjoy them at all. And it happens all the time. I've had guys have me go up to them to find that kind of stuff out. And then I make the girl feel like shit after I find out. But then that's just me. Also, in regards to your first point, not all people who go to clubs have one thing on their mind. Some people go just to meet other people.

 

[Felstaff]

Sounds like the Social Police have arrived to tell females they're not behaving in the way that the OP wants them to.

I heard that, by being female and entering a 'club', you are entering a legally binding contract in which you must behave in exactly the way the OP wants you to: i.e. dance with him! If you do not even dance, you risk not attending the standards and etiquette in which he has set you, painted woman!

It's nice that you presume that those "two hours spent getting ready" was exclusively for your benefit, as--let's face it--that's the only thing that matters here.

You spend so long getting ready, yet you don't even entertain my desires? What other possible reason could you be here other than to entertain me, a man? Silly girls!

Sarcasm mode off for a second;

You realise that your diatribe was pretty misogynistic. Your anecdata was essentially demeaning to all females; by going to "a new club every week" you've written off the entire female side of the species by observing the behaviour of possibly up to 0.0000001% of the global female population (providing you've witnessed ~350 ladies). It likely says more about your shitty choice of club, and the approach taken by the men expecting these girls to dance with them, rather than the behaviour of an entire sex.

Anyway, I could just flip this round and say, from a woman's perspective: "there's this guy who turns up at these clubs every week, and he constantly badgers us to dance, because that's what we're supposed to do, according to him. He's actually pretty creepy. I thought a good reason for me coming was not to be hit on by random sleazy strangers who judge us by our aesthetic value and impose his own social values upon us. I want to actually spend time with my friends, and have paid to come into this club, and I have instead spent all night being hit on by a plethora of guys who expect me to dance with them. It almost makes me think guys only go to clubs for the base and neanderthallic reason to hit on women. Jesus Christ, all men ever, get your act together! The fuck's wrong with these men?

 

[Thaluikhain]

Anyway, I could just flip this round and say, from a woman's perspective: "there's this guy who turns up at these clubs every week, and he constantly badgers us to dance, because that's what we're supposed to do, according to him. He's actually pretty creepy. I thought a good reason for me coming was not to be hit on by random sleazy strangers who judge us by our aesthetic value and impose his own social values upon us. I want to actually spend time with my friends, and have paid to come into this club, and I have instead spent all night being hit on by a plethora of guys who expect me to dance with them. It almost makes me think guys only go to clubs for the base and neanderthallic reason to hit on women. Jesus Christ, all men ever, get your act together! The fuck's wrong with these men?

Heh, indeed you could.

 

[hooksashands]

Hos be trippin'? I dunno, man. The last place I look for girls is a bar or pub. Most of the time I meet people at a weird places, like one of my exes I knew from her workin' in a grocery store. Once I took dance classes and almost all the people there were female, ages 18 all the way to 49, but everybody either knew each other by age or name. I talked to a fairly attractive girl named Melissa, and even got her number (also dance tips.

I guess my point is even if you ease a bunch of animals into the same field and feed them alcohol and put on music, there's no guarantee they will mingle.

 

[bipolarpatient]

I have never had this problem in a strip club. try that.

 

[Sandernista]

"Wrong with them"? Um, people are allowed to go to clubs and not have to dance with guys, you know.

But that would imply women are regular human beings who have feelings and rights..! We all knows THAT'S not true.


Incidentally, why can't I get any dates?

I think it's the sarcasm ;]

OT: Meh, generally not good to generalize. (See what I did thar?)

Aside from that there are a lot of better responses.

 

[TheDooD]

As a woman, I can say it's partially a "look, but don't touch" tease for men, but moreso out of a desire to impress their friends. Women dress up for other women. We compare each other and judge. I'm sure men do the same, but instead of make-up and heels, it's muscles and hair or some other shit.

Guys really don't care as long as there no stains, holes or smells and even then we might troll that friend who doesn't notice those things. Yet I noticed for years women dress up to impress each other and personally I like looking for who pulled off the look the best without looking skanky or a clown. Women that can look sexy without trying too hard they're the ones I talk to see if I chose right.