What to do if you're seated next to a jerk on an airplane

[Shamgarr]

1. Take out your laptop.
2. Slowly open your laptop.
3. Turn it on.
4. Make certain your neighbor is watching.
5. Open your Internet browser.
6. Close your eyes for a few moments, open them, and then look up to the sky, or the heavens, if you will.
7. Breathe deeply and open the following site: http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html
8. Look at the expression on your neighbor's face.

So two questions:

What do you do when youre seated next to a jerk?
and
What do you think would happen if you did this on an airplane?

 

[Insanum]

IM not clicking that link, If its NSFW remove it.

--

OT: Ill just drink apple juice, The toxic gas my body creates would EASILY out-do any Jackassery of any passenger.

 

[EMFCRACKSHOT]

That is frakking hilarious. I would love to do that one day XD

Of course, i have a feeling this thread will get locked as there isnt much to discuss

 

[Prof.Wood]

1. Take out your laptop.
2. Slowly open your laptop.
3. Turn it on.
4. Make certain your neighbor is watching.
5. Open your Internet browser.
6. Close your eyes for a few moments, open them, and then look up to the sky, or the heavens, if you will.
7. Breathe deeply and open the following site: http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html
8. Look at the expression on your neighbor's face.

haha very funny I need to try that one.
what I do is be a bigger jerk till they get the message or play up to what they do.
E.g. they complain about something and I agree then suggest some really stupid solution to the problem, it usually shuts them up.

 

[Shamgarr]

It's not too offensive, if that's what you're wondering. And I just wanted to sure that.

 

[Armored Prayer]

Be 10x more of a jerk back to that guy.

You know, fight fire with your fist.

 

[oldmeme]

Although I laughed like a king, I'd rather not have my face punched in as it closes to the 00 mark. There is absolutely no way to pull yourself out of a prank like that on a plane.

 

[Shamgarr]

i wonder what would happen if you try this

 

[AndyFromMonday]

You could just take those pliers you always carry with you out off your backpack and warn him that if he gets on your nerves one more time you will pull each and every single one of his teeth out as slowly as possible until his mouth is a shadow of its former self.

What, no one carries pliers with them wherever they go?

 

[Shamgarr]

You could just take those pliers you always carry with you out off your backpack and warn him that if he gets on your nerves one more time you will pull each and every single one of his teeth out as slowly as possible until his mouth is a shadow of its former self.

What, no one carries pliers with them wherever they go?

do airports in your country not have metal detectors?

 

[AndyFromMonday]

You could just take those pliers you always carry with you out off your backpack and warn him that if he gets on your nerves one more time you will pull each and every single one of his teeth out as slowly as possible until his mouth is a shadow of its former self.

What, no one carries pliers with them wherever they go?

do airports in your country not have metal detectors?

Nothing a bribe and a prostitute can't solve.

 

[ottenni]

Hell yeah i'm bookmarking that. But what does the writing say???

 

[BattlePope]

You'd probably be put on a "no fly" list and have bomb threat charges put on your record.

There was a George Carlin joke like this a long time ago, but it was to have a loud enough stereo and the sounds of catastrophic engine failure sounding from it while you have stowed it at the back of the plane.

A better idea is to look at the jerk and then start asking him a bunch of really inane riddles that third graders think are the hardest thing in the world to solve. That shuts them up or another fun one is to keep asking "and then?" like that scene from 'Dude! Where's my Car?' when he tries to tell a story.

 

[PureChaos]

that us a good link, i like it. if i saw that, i know i'd be concerned.

 

[Beartrucci]

I've just bookmarked it, that's hilarious!

 

[Shamgarr]

You could just take those pliers you always carry with you out off your backpack and warn him that if he gets on your nerves one more time you will pull each and every single one of his teeth out as slowly as possible until his mouth is a shadow of its former self.

What, no one carries pliers with them wherever they go?

do airports in your country not have metal detectors?

Nothing a bribe and a prostitute can't solve.

yes, yes. you bribe the security to let you smuggle your prostitute wife out of the country! and let her sit next to the jerk?

 

[AndyFromMonday]

yes, yes. you bribe the security to let you smuggle your prostitute wife out of the country! and let her sit next to the jerk?

I'm pretty sure I'd have to bribe the entire guard and the 2 plane pilots to attempt that.

 

[BlumiereBleck]

I'd do this to avoid that jerk.

 

[gigastrike]

That might just be enough to get you arrested if the flight attendant takes it seriously/ gets offended enough.