What to do if you're seated next to a jerk on an airplane

[Cid Silverwing]

I do believe this prank will cause people to get sued up the ass.

 

[Pegghead]

I'd probably just get up and move, It wouldn't do much good if I sought to eliminate a jerk by essentially being a jerk.

But if there wasn't another seat to commandeer and I was seated next to a very annoying jerk I might pretend to go to sleep and ramble wierd shit like "You've got ten seconds before I blow your damn head off" or "I buried the body in the lake next to her two children", that ought to scare the jerk off.

 

[CaptainPommby]

Hijack the fucking plane!
Theres only room for one asshole on this flight!

 

[troth]

My translate toolbar said this was german.

OT: This freaked the hell out of the smelly guy next to me on the bus. Thanks!

 

[maddawg IAJI]

Is ignoring him an option? Also, I pretty sure that could get you in serious trouble with the Air Marshals. They don't take that kind of stuff with a laugh.

 

[Flame Sama]

Music or give twenty to the guy behind him and ask him to kick the hell out of the guy's seat.

 

[Drakon Blade]

I would verbally rip off his ass, put it on a platter, hand it back to him and say "see this? that's your ass!", obviously not with those exact words that's the description of what I would do.
Basically, in a low menacing voice, make him wish he sat somewhere else. >

 

[El Poncho]

Google chrome said, This page is in German, would you like to translate.

I lol'd.

 

[mcgroobber]

Lmfao, that is hilarious.

Otherwise poison his food.

my gosh

that will get you sent straight to prison though

My gosh, you didnt realise i was not being serious.

yes i did, pretty much everyone posting here isn't being serious, so why wouldn't i think the same of you, i know that no one in there right mind would do that

D=

 

[Grayjack]

That would get you sent to prison.

 

[Klarinette]

If someone next to me did that, I'd be immediately concerned. I'd grab one of those mini bottles of wine, suck it back, and go hide in the bathroom. After two minutes have passed without an airplane explosion, I'd go back and say, "As funny to you as I'm sure that was, you're kind of a dickhole," grin, and have some more wine. I hate any crap like that on airplanes because, being 30,000 feet in the air in a confined, airtight cabin, I'm generally pretty nervous and irritable. Two of my phobias stuffed into an aluminum tube D:

 

[w@rew0lf]

IM not clicking that link, If its NSFW remove it.

--

OT: Ill just drink apple juice, The toxic gas my body creates would EASILY out-do any Jackassery of any passenger.

If you haven't clicked that link yet I really suggest you do.

 

[Samoftherocks]

Fart...loudly...

 

[The Heik]

1. Take out your laptop.
2. Slowly open your laptop.
3. Turn it on.
4. Make certain your neighbor is watching.
5. Open your Internet browser.
6. Close your eyes for a few moments, open them, and then look up to the sky, or the heavens, if you will.
7. Breathe deeply and open the following site: http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html
8. Look at the expression on your neighbor's face.

So two questions:

What do you do when youre seated next to a jerk?
and
What do you think would happen if you did this on an airplane?

Wow that is funny, but only if seen out of the context of being in the plane.


As for me? Has anyone ever seen the plane scene from the Daredevil movie?..........

 

[FalloutJack]

Well, if overtly telling him to shut up didn't work, then I know the way to incapacitate a person by gripping points in the back of the neck. To whit, I would calmly explain to the jerk that I am inclined to inflict pain in high quauntities upon stupid people who can't understand the phrase "Shut up".

 

[CloggedDonkey]

I would whip it out.

Spoiler: you know what they say

anyway, I would just play some random Middle Eastern rock music, loudly. and if he asks what it is, I'll say "a call to arms from my people". even though I am whiter then a polar bear in a snow storm eating marshmallow and vanilla ice cream, I have a fealing he would have a fresh new brick in his pants.

 

[Chicago Ted]

You could just take those pliers you always carry with you out off your backpack and warn him that if he gets on your nerves one more time you will pull each and every single one of his teeth out as slowly as possible until his mouth is a shadow of its former self.

What, no one carries pliers with them wherever they go?

do airports in your country not have metal detectors?

Nothing a bribe and a prostitute can't solve.

I no longer care about context, and this is completely off topic, but I am quoting the hell out of that.