What's the acceptable age difference in a relationship?

[Ekit]

I think it was How I Met Your Mother that established the rule: "Your age plus 7, divided by 2."

 

[Navvan]

It's "fucked" based on your own opinion only. Nothing more. Other people have other opinions, there is no "definitely".

For example, in Australia where you live the age of consent is 18 for marriage. In Japan its 20. Are you barbarians because you picked a different arbitrary number? In the US of course a good number of states allow marriage at ANY age, as long as you have parental and/or court consent.

It is not my opinion only. It is the opinion of enough people in my society that there are laws prohibiting those things. The only morality is the collective morality. To the Japanese perhaps we are barbarians.

OT: The half plus seven rule stands. It allows a generous dating pool for each age bracket without falling into "that's just gross" territory. As for why? I don't know. I guess the younger the person is, the more it seems like you're taking advantage of their naivety and insecurity. Someone much older getting with someone relatively inexperienced with the world just seems predatory.

"I don't know" is the key to what you say above, it is totally without any foundation.

Are you sure you're not angry enough? The "I don't know" indicated that I can't can't say for certain why pedophilia or significant age gaps in relationships aren't smiled upon, but I have a general idea which probably constitutes at least part of the reason.

But of course you don't mind pedophilia or slavery. You're a hardass little nihilist. You'd kill me as soon as look at me, eh?

A moral relativist and a pragmatic walk into a bar...

Seriously though I always found normative moral relativism to be a bit off. While I agree with the overarching stance that there needs to be some room for tolerance (as most would) it has its limits. Taking it to the extremes if someone murders for their perceived good I'm not going to tolerate it. It also never really explains the connection.

"There is no objective right or wrong -> You should be tolerant of other moral systems"

In fact I would argue that this implication is a contradiction.

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

Here's the issue with me.

people are stupid.

a 17 year old guy getting a 15 year old pregnant because of stupidity has real ramifications. If their parents don't approve and kick the teens out (I don't think that happens any more, but it could), how will they raise that costly baby and keep themselves fed? Not to mention the real strain on her developing body that is not finishing growing.

if a 27 year old guy got a 25 year old girl pregnant because of stupidity... well, tough. They are adults. They should have shit figured out in terms of supporting themselves. That's what comes with adulthood. And her body (unless she has am abnormal condition) is fine for childbirth.

TLR version, if the woman's body won't come to harm if pregnancy occurs and the entire family can be taken care of, knock yourself out.

recpatcha: prickle-cell onthsur. It's upset now that it knows I'm on to it.

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

I see a lot of the people know the (age/2)+7 rule... that is the acceptible standard! But it works for a male pretty much only. If the female is older then I haven't heard of any particular rule, as it doesn't seem to be frowned on as much!

Can anyone shed any light on this?

 

[The Dutchess]

Rule of thumb: There is ALWAYS a relevant XKCD comic for every situation. Here ye are.

My boyfriend and I are just on the edge of that xkcd equation.

Boyfriend: 31

(31/2)+7 = 22.5

Me: 22.5 years old

He sold me my new gaming laptop, we discussed games like raging nerds, bam!

I'm not much of a 22 year old partier. I enjoy playing games and snuggling on the sofa with a good movie as does my new squeeze. Never thought I'd date someone this much older but we get along perfectly and it would have been a waste not to go for it.

Basically if you truly have things in common and seem to be on a similar level it can work. I see people try and kid themselves a lot in ANY relationship. You can often tell when you meet a couple whether or not they go well together.

I do sort of have my own rule which is "if they're old enough to be their father/mother then it starts getting creepy".
My boyfriend's boss is 39 and has got his 21 year old girlfriend pregnant. That makes him 18 years older than her - more than old enough to be her father. Noooooooo.

 

[ShindoL Shill]

As for why? I don't know.

It's actually just a pretty basic linear recurrence relation. High-school maths.

...What? The fact that a two or three year age gap in a relationship is far more socially acceptable later on in life than it is in one's teenage years has nothing to do with high school maths

That's why it works out at the difference it does. If you see an 83 year old with an 80 year old as more acceptable than an 18 year old with a 15 year old, that's your personal belief.

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

I've always heard the acceptable low end was half your age, plus 7.

That's just a silly internet meme.

Actually it's been around a lot longer than that! I heard it way back when I was in school!

 

[manic_depressive13]

That's why it works out at the difference it does. If you see an 83 year old with an 80 year old as more acceptable than an 18 year old with a 15 year old, that's your personal belief.

Yes, and I accept that. I just don't understand why you quoted me to tell me about maths when my question was clearly in a different context.

 

[Monkeyman O'Brien]

The only thing that matters is the legal limit. I am 27 and am doing a 16 year old. 16 is the legal age here so who cares what anyone else thinks?

 

[kaizen2468]

Her father probably cares lol

 

[ElPatron]

The only thing that matters is the legal limit. I am 27 and am doing a 16 year old. 16 is the legal age here so who cares what anyone else thinks?

Doesn't that end up weird? You'll reach 30 before she reaches/just reached 19.

Not that you should care about what people think, but I don't think that when I am 30 I wont be able to maintain a sex drive that matched a 20 year old.

Not to mention the real strain on her developing body that is not finishing growing.

Uh... Say what? After 15 you won't be growing too much unless you started puberty really late.

Plus, I am pretty much convinced humans used to have children when they were 15. I don't know how could have we ever survived before we invented the consenting age.

So, I'd kinda like actual sources to those findings.

 

[kaizen2468]

I suppose it would be fine if both people were at the same maturity level. I'm 26 and I'm friends with a 17 year old who is more mature than most of the people my age. However, every other 17 year old I've been around has been incredibly stupid and immature. So I guess it just depends on the people and the norms of their country.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

There is no acceptable age difference when both parties are above the age of consent. PERIOD.

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

Not to mention the real strain on her developing body that is not finishing growing.

Uh... Say what? After 15 you won't be growing too much unless you started puberty really late.

Plus, I am pretty much convinced humans used to have children when they were 15. I don't know how could have we ever survived before we invented the consenting age.

So, I'd kinda like actual sources to those findings.

Yeah, sure.

I did just a quick google search because my primary was my sex ed teacher.

http://pregnancylifestyle.com/risk-of-teenage-pregnancy

Physical Risks of Teenage Pregnancy
One risk of teenage pregnancy is physical. Of course, the younger the girl the harder a pregnancy and delivery would be on her body. Although most girls between ages 15 and 19 have few problems, anyone younger would face serious risks since the body would not yet be fully developed as a ?woman?.
Therefore, the number of cesareans sections is high in that the birthing canal is simply not large enough to accommodate the baby. Along with numerous health risks to the expectant mother, risks would also exist for the fetus and baby.

http://www.pregnantteenhelp.org/facts/risks-of-teenage-pregnancy/

Teens are at the higher risk for health problems during pregnancy and for the baby. The reason for this is because many teens who get pregnant are not fully developed and have issues with the toll pregnancy takes on their body.

http://www.phaa.com/teenage-pregnancy-dangers-to-mother-and-baby-managing-the-pregnancy.htm

Adolescence is the time of normal growth and development of the body. If at this time, additional strain is put on the body as a result of pregnancy, the teen?s body may not be fully equipped to cope with such a situation. This physical strain, compounded with emotional and social issues, especially in case of unmarried teens, may pose various threats to the pregnancy as well as health of the mother and her child

.

http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/family/a-guide-to-pregnancy-complications-ga2.htm

Risks
Compared with mothers in older age groups, teenage mothers are at greater risk of having medical complications. Because the teenage mother is more likely to receive little or no prenatal care, she often becomes anemic and is more likely to develop preeclampsia, a severe condition associated with high blood pressure.
Vitamin deficiencies are more common, and the teenage mother's weight gain is likely to be inadequate. Since the teenage mother is still growing herself, she needs to eat properly not only for her own growth but for normal growth of the fetus.
Pelvic bones do not reach their maximum size until about the age of 18; therefore, the pelvis of the teenage mother may not have grown enough to allow vaginal delivery of a normal-size baby. For this reason, the incidence of cesarean section is higher in teenage mothers -- a baby that can be delivered vaginally when the mother is 20 is often too large to have been delivered vaginally when she was 14 years old.

So, I mean you can take your pick on what you want to believe.

 

[Active Schizophrenic]

Hell, when my mother was 39 she married my stepfather when he was 29. thats a whole ten years age difference and it never seemed weird. but then again my stepfather looked 40 at the time lol

 

[ElPatron]

a baby that can be delivered vaginally when the mother is 20 is often too large to have been delivered vaginally when she was 14 years old.

So, I mean you can take your pick on what you want to believe.

That part made me think of the Nicholas Cage image macro "You don't say?"
I am by no means an expert on underage vaginae, but I am sure that a 14 year old teen is physically different when she gets to 15-16.

Look, I am by no means defending teenage pregnancy. But:

- Teenage pregnancy isn't related to difference of ages. So it might have been a 17 year old knocking up a 15 year old girl. That's an issue of stupidity, because it could have been a 14-15 year old anyway.

- Those websites, whenever they link to something, they are linking to themselves or other "teen problems" websites. If they knew what they were doing I am sure they would not have any problems linking to medical/scientific research.

Again, we need a lot of c-sections on *grown women* too, not just teenagers. I think it has more to do with our lifestyles than the age you get knocked up, because sincerely I don't see our ancestors waiting until they were 18.