What's the acceptable age difference in a relationship?

[The Dutchess]

Rule of thumb: There is ALWAYS a relevant XKCD comic for every situation. Here ye are.

My boyfriend and I are just on the edge of that xkcd equation.

Boyfriend: 31

(31/2)+7 = 22.5

Me: 22.5 years old

He sold me my new gaming laptop, we discussed games like raging nerds, bam!

I'm not much of a 22 year old partier. I enjoy playing games and snuggling on the sofa with a good movie as does my new squeeze. Never thought I'd date someone this much older but we get along perfectly and it would have been a waste not to go for it.

Basically if you truly have things in common and seem to be on a similar level it can work. I see people try and kid themselves a lot in ANY relationship. You can often tell when you meet a couple whether or not they go well together.

I do sort of have my own rule which is "if they're old enough to be their father/mother then it starts getting creepy".
My boyfriend's boss is 39 and has got his 21 year old girlfriend pregnant. That makes him 18 years older than her - more than old enough to be her father. Noooooooo.

 

[ShindoL Shill]

As for why? I don't know.

It's actually just a pretty basic linear recurrence relation. High-school maths.

...What? The fact that a two or three year age gap in a relationship is far more socially acceptable later on in life than it is in one's teenage years has nothing to do with high school maths

That's why it works out at the difference it does. If you see an 83 year old with an 80 year old as more acceptable than an 18 year old with a 15 year old, that's your personal belief.

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

I've always heard the acceptable low end was half your age, plus 7.

That's just a silly internet meme.

Actually it's been around a lot longer than that! I heard it way back when I was in school!

 

[manic_depressive13]

That's why it works out at the difference it does. If you see an 83 year old with an 80 year old as more acceptable than an 18 year old with a 15 year old, that's your personal belief.

Yes, and I accept that. I just don't understand why you quoted me to tell me about maths when my question was clearly in a different context.

 

[Monkeyman O'Brien]

The only thing that matters is the legal limit. I am 27 and am doing a 16 year old. 16 is the legal age here so who cares what anyone else thinks?

 

[kaizen2468]

Her father probably cares lol

 

[ElPatron]

The only thing that matters is the legal limit. I am 27 and am doing a 16 year old. 16 is the legal age here so who cares what anyone else thinks?

Doesn't that end up weird? You'll reach 30 before she reaches/just reached 19.

Not that you should care about what people think, but I don't think that when I am 30 I wont be able to maintain a sex drive that matched a 20 year old.

Not to mention the real strain on her developing body that is not finishing growing.

Uh... Say what? After 15 you won't be growing too much unless you started puberty really late.

Plus, I am pretty much convinced humans used to have children when they were 15. I don't know how could have we ever survived before we invented the consenting age.

So, I'd kinda like actual sources to those findings.

 

[kaizen2468]

I suppose it would be fine if both people were at the same maturity level. I'm 26 and I'm friends with a 17 year old who is more mature than most of the people my age. However, every other 17 year old I've been around has been incredibly stupid and immature. So I guess it just depends on the people and the norms of their country.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

There is no acceptable age difference when both parties are above the age of consent. PERIOD.

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

Not to mention the real strain on her developing body that is not finishing growing.

Uh... Say what? After 15 you won't be growing too much unless you started puberty really late.

Plus, I am pretty much convinced humans used to have children when they were 15. I don't know how could have we ever survived before we invented the consenting age.

So, I'd kinda like actual sources to those findings.

Yeah, sure.

I did just a quick google search because my primary was my sex ed teacher.

http://pregnancylifestyle.com/risk-of-teenage-pregnancy

Physical Risks of Teenage Pregnancy
One risk of teenage pregnancy is physical. Of course, the younger the girl the harder a pregnancy and delivery would be on her body. Although most girls between ages 15 and 19 have few problems, anyone younger would face serious risks since the body would not yet be fully developed as a ?woman?.
Therefore, the number of cesareans sections is high in that the birthing canal is simply not large enough to accommodate the baby. Along with numerous health risks to the expectant mother, risks would also exist for the fetus and baby.

http://www.pregnantteenhelp.org/facts/risks-of-teenage-pregnancy/

Teens are at the higher risk for health problems during pregnancy and for the baby. The reason for this is because many teens who get pregnant are not fully developed and have issues with the toll pregnancy takes on their body.

http://www.phaa.com/teenage-pregnancy-dangers-to-mother-and-baby-managing-the-pregnancy.htm

Adolescence is the time of normal growth and development of the body. If at this time, additional strain is put on the body as a result of pregnancy, the teen?s body may not be fully equipped to cope with such a situation. This physical strain, compounded with emotional and social issues, especially in case of unmarried teens, may pose various threats to the pregnancy as well as health of the mother and her child

.

http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/family/a-guide-to-pregnancy-complications-ga2.htm

Risks
Compared with mothers in older age groups, teenage mothers are at greater risk of having medical complications. Because the teenage mother is more likely to receive little or no prenatal care, she often becomes anemic and is more likely to develop preeclampsia, a severe condition associated with high blood pressure.
Vitamin deficiencies are more common, and the teenage mother's weight gain is likely to be inadequate. Since the teenage mother is still growing herself, she needs to eat properly not only for her own growth but for normal growth of the fetus.
Pelvic bones do not reach their maximum size until about the age of 18; therefore, the pelvis of the teenage mother may not have grown enough to allow vaginal delivery of a normal-size baby. For this reason, the incidence of cesarean section is higher in teenage mothers -- a baby that can be delivered vaginally when the mother is 20 is often too large to have been delivered vaginally when she was 14 years old.

So, I mean you can take your pick on what you want to believe.

 

[Active Schizophrenic]

Hell, when my mother was 39 she married my stepfather when he was 29. thats a whole ten years age difference and it never seemed weird. but then again my stepfather looked 40 at the time lol

 

[ElPatron]

a baby that can be delivered vaginally when the mother is 20 is often too large to have been delivered vaginally when she was 14 years old.

So, I mean you can take your pick on what you want to believe.

That part made me think of the Nicholas Cage image macro "You don't say?"
I am by no means an expert on underage vaginae, but I am sure that a 14 year old teen is physically different when she gets to 15-16.

Look, I am by no means defending teenage pregnancy. But:

- Teenage pregnancy isn't related to difference of ages. So it might have been a 17 year old knocking up a 15 year old girl. That's an issue of stupidity, because it could have been a 14-15 year old anyway.

- Those websites, whenever they link to something, they are linking to themselves or other "teen problems" websites. If they knew what they were doing I am sure they would not have any problems linking to medical/scientific research.

Again, we need a lot of c-sections on *grown women* too, not just teenagers. I think it has more to do with our lifestyles than the age you get knocked up, because sincerely I don't see our ancestors waiting until they were 18.

 

[Vanilla_Druid]

It is not my opinion only. It is the opinion of enough people in my society that there are laws prohibiting those things. The only morality is the collective morality. To the Japanese perhaps we are barbarians.

The general opinion that Japanese people have of Occidentals is that we are, indeed, "hairy barbarians."

 

[mattvwj]

Plus, I am pretty much convinced humans used to have children when they were 15. I don't know how could have we ever survived before we invented the consenting age.

So, I'd kinda like actual sources to those findings.

I don't have any sources but i think when it comes to the whole 'humans used to have children at 15' that's a totally different issue; These days, our society as a whole is pretty invested in keeping the idea that we are, at least legally, children until at least 16. Technically humans can conceive and even take till full term from around 12, possibly younger, though this would probably lead to complications. But the original human society that would favour younger childbirth would have been a short lived one, without modern medicine, so there would be a shorter span to allow for childbirth and the death rate in infants would have been high; whereas now, not only is this not so, people, at least in my opinion, mature later and we are able to stretch the perceived childhood later.

Also, moral relativism only works in some cases, murder and peadophilia (and other crimes)are not morally justified even in the most anarchic societies.

 

[Vanilla_Druid]

I think it was How I Met Your Mother that established the rule: "Your age plus 7, divided by 2."

You mean "(age/2)+7"? I am sorry for correcting you, it is just that the results of this formula create some -interesting- reactions. For example: I am 18, so (18+7)/2= 12.5; and I am not a fan of lolis.

 

[irishda]

Its kinda weird, for an example a 17 or 18 year old dating a 15 year old is a bit weird but fastfoward another 10 years and a 27 year old dating a 25 year old is more than acceptable, why is that :S

Who people are change dramatically from year to year during adolescence and early 20s. As time goes on, people change less and less frequently, and so differences in age aren't that big of a deal. To use your example of 2 year increments, rewind the clock even further. From the time you're born to the time you're 2, you've gone from a helpless feeding machine, to someone that can walk (albeit awkwardly) and probably say one or two words. By the time you're 4, you can say complete sentences and can run without much trouble. By the time you're 6, you now know basic math and have basic reading and writing skills. Even all the way up to high school and early college, every two years sees dramatic shifts in a person's capabilities. But as time goes on, these leaps in experience and learning come less and less frequently.

That's why it's so hard for those high school romances to last so long, the person you started dating even as little as six months ago might be a whole different person tomorrow. Conversely, once you get beyond 24 or so (the number's a bit arbitrary but mid-twenties is usually right), people remain pretty static for most of their life. Any sort of dramatic change takes years or decades.

 

[ElPatron]

But the original human society that would favour younger childbirth would have been a short lived one, without modern medicine

We lived without modern medicine for 200,000 years. There was no "original society" back then. We consisted on communities and the oldest evidence of a "society" are "only" 50,00 years old.

It's just that the complications mentioned in those websites also apply to every woman, not just teenagers. The number of c-sections performed has been rising in the past decades, it's not just teens who have them.

So yeah, I don't completely trust those websites.

 

[mattvwj]

But the original human society that would favour younger childbirth would have been a short lived one, without modern medicine

We lived without modern medicine for 200,000 years. There was no "original society" back then. We consisted on communities and the oldest evidence of a "society" are "only" 50,00 years old.

It's just that the complications mentioned in those websites also apply to every woman, not just teenagers. The number of c-sections performed has been rising in the past decades, it's not just teens who have them.

So yeah, I don't completely trust those websites.

Ok, so my use of 'Society' is perhaps misjudged, but i think my point still stands. Yes all pregnancies can go through complications, but i was more talking about the sociological standpoint. Younger childbirth was needed in many societies (As well as communities earlier on) because the average lifespan was much younger. Even, say, 1500 years ago, in the roman empire, the average age of death was 34 (not including some of the higher classes) so middle age would have been around 20 (although this term probably wouldn't have made much sense) so, logically, younger childbirth would have been better, as the parents would have stood more chance of surviving long enough to provide for the infant. However, because of our much greater lifespans (owing in no small part to 'Modern' medicine) it makes more sense to allow our youngsters to mature more slowly, so they are more prepared for adulthood and parenthood. Although judging by people today, this has not been totally successful.

 

[Braedan]

A 18 year old dating a 15 year old is weird because a 15 year old can not handle a serious relationship.

As well, the changes in personality and maturity that happen during those years is huge.

 

[ElPatron]

Younger childbirth was needed in many societies (As well as communities earlier on) because the average lifespan was much younger. Even, say, 1500 years ago, in the roman empire, the average age of death was 34 (not including some of the higher classes) so middle age would have been around 20 (although this term probably wouldn't have made much sense) so, logically, younger childbirth would have been better, as the parents would have stood more chance of surviving long enough to provide for the infant.

Still, you are viewing everything from a sociological standpoint.

I am viewing trough a biological. When a being reaches sexual maturity, it starts looking for partners to mate with. And we still do, even if it doesn't grants results.

This predates our recognition of the advantages you mentioned.

Although judging by people today, this has not been totally successful.

QFT.