When do you rat out a friend, if ever?

[burningdragoon]

I'd probably give him a fair warning that he could either do the right thing on his own or I would turn him in after a couple days. Whenever someone commits a felony like that, all bets are off in my opinion.

Yeah I was going to say this. Give him a chance to do it himself. If he doesn't let him know that you feel like you will have to do so for him. Explain yourself if necessary. If friendship ends it will probably just be how it has to be and you shouldn't worry about that too much.

 

[Mimssy]

The only time I'd ever rat out a friend would be if he did something egregious, like when I turned in my (now former) 19-year-old friend for having a sexual relationship with a 13-year-old girl. I didn't care that he didn't want to be my friend anymore---he was a fucking child molester and I was tempted to kill him myself. (the girl was unrelated---I didn't know her beyond when my former buddy introduced her to me.)

If I found out a friend of mine was with a minor or ever raped anyone, it would take all my power to not slit their throat right there. Having been raped myself, I would never allow someone to get away with that shit.

Murder is another thing that I will not cover up.

 

[manic_depressive13]

No, you do not rat out your friends. If your (innocent) friend was taking the blame for the damage it would be different. He would have to weigh up whether this guy was worth it, and how much of a "friend" he really is. However, if he is only feeling guilty for not confessing what he knows, that's no excuse. You don't get your friends in trouble just to make yourself feel better. Leave it be. It doesn't affect you and it'll blow over soon enough.

Anyway, wouldn't ratting out a friend make you feel guilty as well? Keeping in mind I only have one person who I would consider a friend, and I care about them a lot. The looseness with which I've seen the term "friend" applied is quite shocking at times. Many people use it where I wouldn't.

 

[RandomWords]

Normally I wouldn't, but yeah you should

 

[lacktheknack]

Crime committed? Yes.

Inconvenience committed? Nah.

In between? Depends on my judgment.

 

[Paulie92]

I only rat people out about stupid things that don't matter e.g. Mr x student y forgot to do his assignment, then I run away giggling but if it's serious, I keep secrets

 

[SimuLord]

No, you do not rat out your friends. If your (innocent) friend was taking the blame for the damage it would be different. He would have to weigh up whether this guy was worth it, and how much of a "friend" he really is. However, if he is only feeling guilty for not confessing what he knows, that's no excuse. You don't get your friends in trouble just to make yourself feel better. Leave it be. It doesn't affect you and it'll blow over soon enough.

Anyway, wouldn't ratting out a friend make you feel guilty as well? Keeping in mind I only have one person who I would consider a friend, and I care about them a lot. The looseness with which I've seen the term "friend" applied is quite shocking at times. Many people use it where I wouldn't.

In most jurisdictions, if you know a crime is going on but fail to alert the police, you're guilty of aiding and abetting, which depending on the unreported crime may itself be a felony. Watch your cornhole, bud.

 

[Jedoro]

If a friend did something that violates my personal morals, which give plenty of room if you have justification, I'd rat 'em out in a heartbeat. I don't give a damn who you are, you know I'm someone who stands by his beliefs. You don't want a friend like that, there's the door.

 

[NotSoNimble]

In all honesty, I'd do nothing. I'd be too worried about the fallout to act. Cowardly, I know...

I hear ya, but that's the point. Being worried is why I ask in the first place. I, er uhm, I mean the one dude, feels bad because he knows it happened. Would it be more coward like to ignore, or go behind the other guy (friend) and tell/rat on him?

 

[NotSoNimble]

I wouldn't tell on him. But I certainly wouldn't let him be a pussy about it either.

It would get back to him that he told on him. Then some sort of repercussion would ensue. How do you weigh that out?

Is a strangers pain worth a friends pain?

Since there is clearly only one of them at fault, is doing the right thing worth losing a friend?

 

[NotSoNimble]

Well, it all depends on how good a mate they are and if the guy that got his car wrecked has insurance. If we're not good mates, and the guy with the wrecked car doesn't have insurance to cover the cost of repairs, then I suppose I probably would turn him in. A good mate would have to have done something pretty bad for me to consider turning them in.

He is a good mate, so to speak. But he is a type who has wronged many people, but not the guy in question.

No way he had insurance, even if he did, he was piss drunk, and will never step up to claim any wrong doing.

He did nothing to me, er I mean the guy, but it is weighing heavily on him for no other reason than moral thought.

 

[esliang]

You should rat someone out if they're being self-destructive. That is the true test of friendship. Having said that, this specific situation is a little tricky. However, it sounds like this person will someday do great harm to both himself and others. He should pay for his action, and someone who cares for him should be the one that draws attention to his behavior.

 

[NotSoNimble]

I wouldn't tell on him. But I certainly wouldn't let him be a pussy about it either.

The next time he is around, I'm sure he may get called Mr. Hit and Run. That might make sparks, but doing harm to an innocent is rather wrong, eh?

I am trying to figure out what to about him.

 

[Caligulove]

In this situation, yes, I would rat the guy out.
Not only does he apparently have a problem with not owning up to his own actions, but if I were the victim in this, I'd want some closure, and more importantly, some compensation from the asshole who did that to my car. He needs to get some punishment for his actions.

On the topic of ratting out, though- I would say that I would rat friends out if they were breaking the law and getting people hurt. Its hard to do, but its better than just letting it go on. For instance, I met a guy in classes at University, got along well with him and overall liked the guy- but then I caught him with a vial of GHB one day and wasn't gonna wait to find out what he was gonna do with it, especially when there was a rape on campus some time prior to that- so yea, I ratted the guy out. He was arrested, and hated me- probably still does.

 

[NotSoNimble]

I probably wouldn't tell on my friend, but pressure him into turning himself in or at least admitting he was drunk. It would depend on the damage to the person's car and general financial status of both parties. Then again, I'm morally fucked up with this stuff.

He would never admit to anything, he always makes up things so he is never at fault.

I have no proof about this, but from what he said about the incident goes along with his MO.

This might be his 'boy who cried wolf' moment, but I think it's just par for his course.

I still don't want to rat on him tho.

 

[toastmaster2k8]

When they pissed me off earlier that day.

 

[Paksenarrion]

I would feel very sad and terribly embarrassed. The person I chose to be my friend turned out to be an irresponsible drunk. I would leave an apology note on the wrecked car on behalf of my friend, then treat said friend to one final day of entertainment before I put them down. Assisting in honorable suicide is never an emotionless event.

 

[manic_depressive13]

In most jurisdictions, if you know a crime is going on but fail to alert the police, you're guilty of aiding and abetting, which depending on the unreported crime may itself be a felony. Watch your cornhole, bud.

True, but that would be practically impossible to prove. It's not the kind of thing that would be investigated and the owner's insurance would probably take care of it. Of course this depends largely on where you live. However, from what I understood from the OP, his friend is not facing consequences but rather just feels guilty. I stand by what I said and I think your vernacular sounds dumb. I rarely eat corn.

 

[SimuLord]

In most jurisdictions, if you know a crime is going on but fail to alert the police, you're guilty of aiding and abetting, which depending on the unreported crime may itself be a felony. Watch your cornhole, bud.

True, but that would be practically impossible to prove. It's not the kind of thing that would be investigated and the owner's insurance would probably take care of it. Of course this depends largely on where you live. However, from what I understood from the OP, his friend is not facing consequences but rather just feels guilty. I stand by what I said and I think your vernacular sounds dumb. I rarely eat corn.

Clearly you've never seen Office Space.

But you raise a good point. I wouldn't rat out a friend for being a fuckup, but when he sexually assaults, rapes, molests, or murders somebody, that's a different matter. My sense of justice can't allow me to live with aiding and abetting.