Where do babies come from?

[Elburzito]

"Who won World War 2?"

*Facepalm...

 

[emeraldrafael]

After setting about 3 tables at a restaurant the other busboy (whose supposed to be training me) comes over and asks me if I knew how to set the tables.

Were youi doing it worng?

I get asked constant stupid questions when i worked at a theatre, but i think my favorite was when i man walked out and said, "hey, i just watching my movie, and it wnet black and words started comming up. I wanna know hwo it ends! Why kinda scam is this?"

((it was a series movie. I forget which, after three years, they all blend together.)) but i couldnt help but laugh.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

''why are you soooo big''

This. I'm not trying to be the resident giant with all these recent posts about my height, but seriously, I had a dentist once ask me "Boy, how'd you get so tall?" like I was taking some secret dietary supplement that I could turn them onto. Do these same clueless dipshits walk into the local VA and ask soldiers if they were born without limbs? I'd like to include my most commonly-used witty comeback to this question that I hear so much of, but doing so would be embellishing on my part, because I don't have one; I mostly just act modest about it and try to explain that it's not a big deal. At all.

I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU POINT OUT THAT UNINTENTIONAL PUN, I WILL BLUDGEON YOU UNTIL YOUR LIFELESS BODY LEAKS YOUR SOUL INTO THE NEAREST STORM DRAIN.

Im going to ignore serj tankians look of "dont do it you sneaky bastard " and go ahead.

Ahum:
"I think it actually IS a big deal haw haw haw"

When told about the hole in the ozone and the fact lightning strikes create ozone a girl asked if we could fly the ozone back up to the hole and fill it in. Jesus. Just jesus. This was 2 years ago when we were 15. I dont think theres an excuse.

 

[Nieroshai]

"You cant disprove existence of God".

Do it then.

 

[DeepComet5581]

We don't have morals. We have something better.

Common Sense.
Logic.
The ability to think freely.

I have Common Sense, Logic, and the Ability to think Freely regardless of my Religious Upbringing (I am a Catholic, though most people here would swear I am a "Christian Deist"). Why? Because I don't think of god as some stiff prick who'll burn your face off if you look at him. To me, God is the most caring person in the universe, and is like "As long as your good out does your bad, you get into my kingdom", and he just laughs at anyone who makes fun of him and says "Yeah, that's funny".

1. Do you go to Church?
2. Do you pray before meals?
3. Do you hate homosexuals?
4. Do you hate abortion?
5. Do you hate contraception?
6. Do you use God as an excuse for anything?
7. Do you quote the Bible where it isn't relevant?
8. Are you opposed to sex before marriage?

If you answered yes to 4 or less of them, then you are of tolerable faith. I abhor the restrictions religion puts on people. As if the restrictions by governments and laws weren't enough. I'll take all the personal freedom I can get, thank you very much.

 

[Nieroshai]

Back on topic: "God is dead."-Nietzsche

 

[Declaro]

"Why is your lip all weird?"

I was born with a cleft lip. (Incidentally this is a great way to pick a fight with my dad if he's around.) Usually said only by very stupid people. Another one:

"Is that a real tattoo?" said when I had my hand covered in henna. It was fading! And brownish-green! I mean, I get if you've never seen henna before but no tattoo is gonna look like that.

 

[BiffyClyroEqualsSex]

Also, someone stubbornly defended that SAS (the special air service, very famous in the UK) stood for "Save are souls", specifically mentioning that it was "are", rather then "our".
No joke.

Haha i've heard someone try and defend that before!

OT: This morning I was opening the door of the shop I work in, after I'd opened it, someone outside asked me what time we were opening...

i just replied "umm we're open now..."

 

[The Stonker]

Well a girl asked me the most stupid question when I was playing my ds.
Why do you play video games? :3 With a very bitchy act, and the only answer I gave her was this:
Well I would stop for about 10 minutes if you show me your tits.
So I got bitchslapped but I did make her feel importand and that's what matters in the long run! :3

And she was my girlfriend...Yeah I was a douche at the time.

 

[Mr.Mattress]

1. Do you go to Church?
2. Do you pray before meals?
3. Do you hate homosexuals?
4. Do you hate abortion?
5. Do you hate contraception?
6. Do you use God as an excuse for anything?
7. Do you quote the Bible where it isn't relevant?
8. Are you opposed to sex before marriage?

If you answered yes to 4 or less of them, then you are of tolerable faith. I abhor the restrictions religion puts on people. As if the restrictions by governments and laws weren't enough. I'll take all the personal freedom I can get, thank you very much.

1: No not really but I plan on starting when I am 18. I have gone to my Dad's Methodist church from time to time though.
2: Yes actually, I do.
3: No. I don't think god see's Homosexuality as a sin.
4: No.
5: Not at all.
6: Well, I do think god caused all the Sciences of the earth if that's what you mean.
7: Nope, not at all. But I have read the bible.
8: Nope.

 

[Nieroshai]

We don't have morals. We have something better.

Common Sense.
Logic.
The ability to think freely.

I have Common Sense, Logic, and the Ability to think Freely regardless of my Religious Upbringing (I am a Catholic, though most people here would swear I am a "Christian Deist"). Why? Because I don't think of god as some stiff prick who'll burn your face off if you look at him. To me, God is the most caring person in the universe, and is like "As long as your good out does your bad, you get into my kingdom", and he just laughs at anyone who makes fun of him and says "Yeah, that's funny".

1. Do you go to Church?
2. Do you pray before meals?
3. Do you hate homosexuals?
4. Do you hate abortion?
5. Do you hate contraception?
6. Do you use God as an excuse for anything?
7. Do you quote the Bible where it isn't relevant?
8. Are you opposed to sex before marriage?

If you answered yes to 4 or less of them, then you are of tolerable faith. I abhor the restrictions religion puts on people. As if the restrictions by governments and laws weren't enough. I'll take all the personal freedom I can get, thank you very much.

Nice generalization. Thanks for insulting a very large chunk of the world's population. I'm certain you're only insulting Christians, because people love to insult "religion" and yet defend Buddhism and Islam and Scientology.
1. Do I go to church? Yes. What's it to you?
2. Once again, what's it to you? Does it hurt you if I choose to pray?
3. I believe homosexuality is immoral, but I do not hate homosexuals. Or liars. Or smug bastards.
4. I can hate abortion if I want because I have a different view of the value of human life than you do.
5. I don't hate contraception because it helps there be less abortion, abandoned babies, and families that can't handle their kids. And nowhere in the bible does it say sex has to make kids.
6. I do not use God as an excuse. He gave a mind of my own, and I use it under my own will as does everyone else. It's precisely because of free will that the world is screwed up, but it's better than slavery.
7. I don't quote the Bible at all unless I'm discussing the Bible itself with a fellow Christian.
8. I'm not opposed to sex before marriage. I do, however, support mating for life, out of a belief that that's the way we're made, and hope those who choose that path will make that contract binding. I personally believe that promiscuity is wrong, but that opinion need not harm you.


EDIT: MANY but not all forms of ORGANIZED religions put restrictions on people to control them. Often these rules aren't even in their holy texts.
EDITEDIT: "If you answered yes to 4 or less of them"
OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Misread you there. Thats what you meant. Thats ok then. Sorry for the wall o' text.

 

[willsham45]

oh and "Why did you mutilate your face like that" referring to my facial piercings coming from the mother baring a 2 year old child with pierced ears...She then went on a bit of a rant on how on earth do you get a job with that on your face etc etc...
Was thinking of coming back with something like I am your new boss or something

 

[jamradar]

I was buying groceries at my local grocery store. I had just finished getting everything that I was looking for and I was heading for the checkout line, and when I got there the women working that line asked me this:

Woman: "Are you buying these?"

Me:"No I was planning on stealing them I just wanted to make sure it was okay first."

Apparently she didn't like my response.

 

[Breaker deGodot]

"what holds up the earth?"

Atlas, that's who.

 

[WhoaItsBrett]

"Where does this show take place?"
My older brother asked me this while watching Survivor:China.

 

[DeepComet5581]

We don't have morals. We have something better.

Common Sense.
Logic.
The ability to think freely.

I have Common Sense, Logic, and the Ability to think Freely regardless of my Religious Upbringing (I am a Catholic, though most people here would swear I am a "Christian Deist"). Why? Because I don't think of god as some stiff prick who'll burn your face off if you look at him. To me, God is the most caring person in the universe, and is like "As long as your good out does your bad, you get into my kingdom", and he just laughs at anyone who makes fun of him and says "Yeah, that's funny".

1. Do you go to Church?
2. Do you pray before meals?
3. Do you hate homosexuals?
4. Do you hate abortion?
5. Do you hate contraception?
6. Do you use God as an excuse for anything?
7. Do you quote the Bible where it isn't relevant?
8. Are you opposed to sex before marriage?

If you answered yes to 4 or less of them, then you are of tolerable faith. I abhor the restrictions religion puts on people. As if the restrictions by governments and laws weren't enough. I'll take all the personal freedom I can get, thank you very much.

Nice generalization. Thanks for insulting a very large chunk of the world's population. I'm certain you're only insulting Christians, because people love to insult "religion" and yet defend Buddhism and Islam and Scientology.
1. Do I go to church? Yes. What's it to you?
2. Once again, what's it to you? Does it hurt you if I choose to pray?
3. I believe homosexuality is immoral, but I do not hate homosexuals. Or liars. Or smug bastards.
4. I can hate abortion if I want because I have a different view of the value of human life than you do.
5. I don't hate contraception because it helps there be less abortion, abandoned babies, and families that can't handle their kids. And nowhere in the bible does it say sex has to make kids.
6. I do not use God as an excuse. He gave a mind of my own, and I use it under my own will as does everyone else. It's precisely because of free will that the world is screwed up, but it's better than slavery.
7. I don't quote the Bible at all unless I'm discussing the Bible itself with a fellow Christian.
8. I'm not opposed to sex before marriage. I do, however, support mating for life, out of a belief that that's the way we're made, and hope those who choose that path will make that contract binding. I personally believe that promiscuity is wrong, but that opinion need not harm you.


EDIT: MANY but not all forms of ORGANIZED religions put restrictions on people to control them. Often these rules aren't even in their holy texts.

I will never defend any religion. ESPECIALLY Buddhism, considering how much that restricts some people. I focused on Christianity in particular because the person I was quoting was Christian. I will do the same for ANY religion.

1. Fine. Nothing wrong with that.
2. Again, nothing wrong with it.
3. How is it immoral? Most religious texts mention condemn it ONCE, but they then condemn heterosexuality dozens of times.
4. A foetus is not an independent life-form. It cannot survive without the mother, therefore it is dependent. The person it is dependent on should decide what to do with it.
5. The Pope (Who is this 'bridge' between Heaven and Earth) condemns contraception (But mostly condoms), and he is the representative of Christianity.
6. Good, but there are people who don't think freely, who just use God as an excuse whenever they see something they don't understand, and condemn other theories.
7. Good.
8. Nothing wrong with that. It's the promotion of abstinence I hate. It's just one more rule for young, horny teenagers to break.

I couldn't give a flying f%@* if I insult Christianity. What are they going to do? Murder is a sin, is it not?

 

[Freedomario]

we were watching a video on africa and someone asks me "are those black people?" whereas i responded "is that a chair?"

 

[DeepComet5581]

Why does every mention of religion on this site turn into a debate? Jesus! [sub]*chortle*[/sub]

But hopefully this one won't turn into a flame war.

 

[Elephant Walker19]

"what holds up the earth?"

Atlas, that's who.

But the world is round and floating in space how can someone hold it up?

OT:wiki will explain http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birth

 

[kwagamon]

Being asked "What's up?" when the person asking knows I'm currently walking a different direction and will be unable to provide an answer before they're gone.