Who's Ready for The Emoji Movie?

[Rangaman]

This is another example of why I've lost so much faith in humanity, and here's why.

1: Two dick-nuggets came up with this idea.
2: This idea was constructed and drawn out enough to create a pitch.
3: This pitch was presented to studio executives.
4: These studio executives green-lit the project.

You forgot the part where creative, original films were turned down in favor of this inevitable tanker. Also, if this entire shitstorm (I refuse to refer to it as a film) is in portrait mode, then that sends it from Z- to the Netherelms.

 

[Barbas]

I wish I had a gun...

 

[Queen Michael]

Okay, I'll be honest, I really don't get the hatred for this film.

That's not to say it looks good, mind you, but, what, is talking emojis somehow crossing some invisible line? Talking toys, talking animals, talking food, films set in videogame worlds/the Internet/cyberspace/whatever is fine, but emojis is one leap of faith too many? And thanks to YouTube links, it at least looks a bit more tolerable than Despicable Me 3.

Talking toys? Sure. Toys are made to represent actual people. Even before the cartoon came, Transformers were made to be characters with personalities and backstories. (You just had to imagine them for yourselves.)

And toys that are toys in-story? Obvious story there. What's it like to live only to make a kid happy? What happens if the kid gets tired of you--or grows up?

Talking animals? Sure. Every single animal in the world has a personality and backstory. Lots of stories to tell.

Talking food? Sure, because there's an obvious story there: What does the food think about being eaten? Does it even know?

But then there are emojis. They weren't created to have any real personality. They have no obvious story to tell. In short, it's completely unthinkable that anybody looked at emojis and thought "These things would make for a great movie!" Nothing ever happens to emojis, unlike toys, the characters toys are meant to represent, and even food. So I repeat: Emojis have no story to tell.

 

[Hawki]

I've ignored most of the quotes I've got, but the rationale here was just too bizzare to ignore:

Talking food? Sure, because there's an obvious story there: What does the food think about being eaten? Does it even know?

But then there are emojis. They weren't created to have any real personality. They have no obvious story to tell. In short, it's completely unthinkable that anybody looked at emojis and thought "These things would make for a great movie!" Nothing ever happens to emojis, unlike toys, the characters toys are meant to represent, and even food. So I repeat: Emojis have no story to tell.

Christ, I can't believe you've got me defending emojis, but...no. Just no. I'm not saying that these are good ideas, but if you said "write me a story based on emojis," I could instantly come up with:

-Is an emoji tied to its supposed personality, or can it change? (which is the plot of the movie)?

-If an emoji is deleted, what then? How are they stored? How do they perceive the world? How do they regard their creators? (Tron, Wreck-it Ralph, etc. have toyed with this idea)

-How would an emoji react to written text? Do they have a good/bad relationship? Is an emoji inherently non-articulate, and if so, does that say anything about us, or is this simply form following function?

I'm not saying these are good ideas, or that I could even execute them well (this being from someone who wrote a oneshot in 2015 where notes of the musical scale are given personalities as a parody of 'The Sound of Music'), but you'd easily have a better time writing for emojis than food, if only because they have pre-set personalities (or at least abstract representations of personalities) that a writer can work with, and plenty of things you could say about digital media and how we consume it. Certainly an easier time than food, of all things.

Does this mean the film will do these things? No idea. Probably not, and I do suspect that the reason this film exists is because emojis would make writing for characters easier. But in world where emotions are given a film built around them, I don't see why a film about abstract representations of said emotions couldn't work inherently.