Why are parents getting all the blame?

[maddawg IAJI]

I never blame the parents for what happens, it's the kids fault

The law and modern medicine disagree with you.

There's a point where the child's action is inexcusable. That is why we have Juvenile and Youth Courts. At the age of 8 and older, they know the difference between what is right and what is wrong.

 

[xdom125x]

I recall being a complete dick as a child. I really should have been held accountable for my actions because I wasn't nearly as stupid as people thought I was. Also, I figure most kids are probably around how intelligent I was at their ages, so they should be held accountable for what they do. The only problem is that everyone seems to be afraid to hold a child responsible for their actions, so they take the second best option and blame the parents.

 

[dagens24]

I read that recent article on the kid spending over a $1700 on his xbox, and it reminded me of a similar experience in my family, which I will get to.

I think the trend is to immediately point fingers at the parent when a kid does something stupid, or get into something they weren't suppose to get into. Some have said it was was the mom's fault for not paying closer attention/teaching her kid the value of money/etc.

I think people forget what natural little manipulators kids can be.

Case in point: my 6 year old second cousin. This child is brilliant.
Example:
He memorizes his friend parents' license plates, then points them out on the road. ("Look! It's Matthew's car!" Sure enough, drive up, and it's Matthew's mom driving the car.)
I bring him trick-or-treating in a neighborhood unfamiliar to him, and the little whiz mentally maps and memorizes our progress with the street signs.

Now, this kid got in some trouble recently.

He often went on Facebook supervised(his account is now disabled, don't worry) where he would chat with relatives and play games. One night, in the middle of the night, he secretly went into his dad's wallet, removed his credit card, and purchased 260 DOLLARS worth of farm-cash for none other than Farmville. By the next month, his dad had discovered the charge, and has now banned him from the computer for six months.

I don't see how this was the dad's fault.

I realize that he shouldn't have been on Facebook, but when it came to the trouble, it was not the father's negligence. The dad would supervise him, and by the kid's secretive actions, the kid KNEW he was doing something wrong, and knew he shouldn't have been spending that money.

Responsible parenting only goes so far, and then we have to take an honest look at our kids, and realize that upbringing can only do so much. At what point do we blame a kid's upbringing, and at what point do we say that manipulative people will do manipulative things.

As long as you agree it isn't facebooks fault. The reason people are blaming the parents in the xbox thing is because she is saying it's microsofts fault. It's the kid's fault, and by extension hers, but for sure not microsoft's.

 

[Plurralbles]

these stories make me never want to have kids.


Probably won't have the chance, but seriously, it's scary stuff.

I'll blame both on a case by case basis.

 

[Jamieson 90]

How about passwording your computer or facebook account so the kid can't access it without your permission?

Would you give your kids the key code to your safe in the house with your savings in? No you would not, its the same priciple with a computer, don't tell them the password so you can know for sure you can always watch them.

 

[jack_hectic]

why? because its time to discourage this generation's reproduction in favor of curbing the population boom. collective unconscious behavior to protect the human species over time.

 

[jack_hectic]

im already on board; im never having children

 

[e2density]

You don't give your kids your credit card.

Regardless of how "bright" that 100% average child is (it's not that amazing that he can recognize strings of numbers, it's the equivalent of knowing a phone ##) you shouldn't treat a 5 year old like he's 20...why don't you just give him a lighter and say "Oh well hes smart he won't burn the house down because he can read a license plate and look at names of streets, durr we can't even do that!"

 

[jack_hectic]

im already on board; im never having children

 

[Tealia3]

You don't give your kids your credit card.

Regardless of how "bright" that 100% average child is (it's not that amazing that he can recognize strings of numbers, it's the equivalent of knowing a phone ##) you shouldn't treat a 5 year old like he's 20...why don't you just give him a lighter and say "Oh well hes smart he won't burn the house down because he can read a license plate and look at names of streets, durr we can't even do that!"

I don't know about you, but when I was a kid, my parents sang me our phone number and address in a catchy 'jingle' to help me remember it. Kids don't remember things well that arn't drilled into them by a adult, unless it's something fun like a cheat code.

But I doubt an average kid memorises multiple license plates of different cars.

I will even admit, some of the first times I ever used street signs for direction is when I started driving! I simply didn't have a need to pay attention to them as a kid.

 

[DirgeNovak]

*snip*
He often went on Facebook supervised(his account is now disabled, don't worry) where he would chat with relatives and play games. One night, in the middle of the night, he secretly went into his dad's wallet, removed his credit card, and purchased 260 DOLLARS worth of farm-cash for none other than Farmville. By the next month, his dad had discovered the charge, and has now banned him from the computer for six months.

I don't see how this was the dad's fault.
*snip*

In this case, it's not the dad's fault. Ok, he could have put his wallet in a safer place, but the kid stole from his parents and has been punished. This parent didn't blame FarmVille for his misadventure, he rightfully blamed the kid.
However, you mentioned the £1000 XBL kid. In that case, the mother is to blame. She only had to use the parental control options to make sure her kid didn't spend her money on his games. And check her fucking bills. And especially not try to put the blame on Microsoft, who had no way of knowing what was really happening. That woman is a moron. Also if the news stories I read are complete, she didn't punish her kid. This is another occurence of a lordling kid who gets all he wants. Same goes for that autistic kid whose gamerscore was reset for cheating. His mom went to cry to Fox News because Microsoft picked on her schmoochie-pie, even if she knew he actually cheated.

The trend is not to systematically blame parents. It's to blame incompetent parents who treat their kids like princes and blame third parties when either of them screws up. YOUR SPECAIL.

BTW, thanks for the golden opportunity to vent after a terrible day. And welcome to the Escapist.

 

[Jodah]

Its the "parents' fault" because they do not discipline/educate their children. Rather they blame others. The problem is when the parent thinks their "little angel" is infallible and the "evil video game" corrupted them into doing bad. Rather then realize that their little demon spawn made a mistake they cry bloody murder and call for new laws.

Part of being a parent is realizing your kid will screw up and you are going to have to give him a good backhand (or whatever form of discipline you choose) to set him straight.

 

[DasDestroyer]

Notice how your cousin managed to purchase the Farmville stuff on his own, whereas the kid in the article apparently didn't even know he was spending money when he was buying stuff.

 

[Nouw]

Two very different situations. The mother gave the money whereas in your case the kid got it himself.

 

[Soviet Heavy]

Snip

There is a difference here though. The mother from the article didn't blame her son, or do anything to punish him. Instead of disciplining him, or thinking about how she fucked up by not checking on him, she decides to push the blame onto someone else.

Your story on the other hand is different. The kid made the mistake of taking the money in the first place, the father found out, and reacted accordingly.
Your cousin sounds like he is very smart, but the parents are also. Your uncle didn't try to deny the kids actions, had no way of knowing about his money being stolen beforehand, but he reacted in the proper manner. Punish the kid, and be more vigilant.

 

[Kakashi on crack]

I never blame the parents for what happens, it's the kids fault

The law and modern medicine disagree with you.

There's a point where the child's action is inexcusable. That is why we have Juvenile and Youth Courts. At the age of 8 and older, they know the difference between what is right and what is wrong.

The law and modern psychology also disagrees with you. Such a blanket statement is simply absurd. There is many an eighteen-year-old who knows not right from wrong, and too many a seven-year-old who does. This is where the courts have discretion.

We are largely a product of our upbringing. We owe much, if not all, of who we are to our parents and the environment they raised us in. This is why until an individual is eighteen years of age, the first job of the courts is the assess how much of the child's actions were truly their own, and how they were told societies 'good' and 'bad'. Raise a child to believe men have the right to beat women should they disobey, and an eight-year-old boy who hits a female classmate when she refuses to share, is hardly to blame. They did indeed commit the action, but they themselves did so under the education that it was right.

Nice way of misconstruing my words, Rule #12

If a parent teaches a kid things that are generally considered morally incorrect, then yes it falls into a whole other category. I'm following the general topic starter's example though. There's a whole difference between negligence to teach things such as the value of a dollar, and teaching bad examples.

Now, in my example I was looking at this from a social viewpoint. Ignoring law and all its (pardon my language) bullshitery it pulls, the kid is at fault. His dad knew he was playing this since, as they mentioned, he was supervised. The kid stole the dad's wallet so he could buy a ton of stuff, and as such the child is, socially speaking, at fault in the blunt look at it. This is where it gets tricky, but based on my own past experience, the reason the child -didn't- ask if he could buy things is -probably- because he knew what the answer was probably going to be, so he did it anyways without asking. (children pull this all the time. I did, my friends did, my siblings did, children I see at stores do, etc.) As such, the child stole his dad's wallet and purchased the items. This puts him at fault, but the real question is how the father reacted to this.

If the dad had overreacted, done something drastic, then yes, they would both be at fault. Instead, the dad punished the child in a civil, yet effective manner and as such the problem was resolved, and the dad is likely storing the wallet in a safer place out of reach. Now, assuming that this happened again, it would be because of one of two things. A. The father didn't teach the kid the first time properly, and as such the dad is at complete fault or B. The kid is doing it on purpouse out of a rebellious state, and its the kid's fault.


Yes, in a lawful view the father is automatically at fault as the child was a minor, but as much as we would like to beleive it is completelty non-biased, and isn't flawed, the contrary is true. The law -is- flawed, and -is- biased. It is convinced that by some magical cosmose one becomes somehow more intelligent, and capable of processing things without requiring someone elses decisions when they turn 18.

I'd like you to elaborate though on what you mean by modern medicine, as I have never considered phsycology a form of medical practice, or science for that matter. If you're discussing things such as bi-polar disorder, or things such as ADD and autism then I'll have to dissagree with you. With the exception of rare cases, most people are capable of functioning as regular human beings even with mental dissabilities that we would like to see as "affecting their minds and making them not know any better." Even at young ages.


Right, sorry if I seem condescending, I tend to sound like that later at night ^^

 

[Kyogissun]

Um, nobody's saying that mom needs to accept fault for the kid spending money, I think the kid is full of shit, realized what he did and played 'OH MY GOD I'M SO OVERWHELMED WITH GUILT I'M SO SORRY MOMMY' and chances are based on the article, the parent has never seen this kid act like this before so she's falling for it hook line and sinker.

What they ARE blaming her for is being full of shit when she passes the buck ENTIRELY to microsoft. There are MULTIPLE options to lock a kids account and prevent them from doing anything outside of playing games online, which is what she signed him up for. Does she ever say she bothered to do it? No? Then she has to accept PART of the blame of laziness, MUCH LIKE ANY STORY INVOLVING A SIMILAR PREMISE.

Your situation on the other hand is clearly a kid being a smart little shit and thinking he could get away with it. The kid is entirely to blame, but in that case of the microsoft points, the mother needs to accept... At least an eighth or PERHAPS even a meager tenth of the blame, the rest needs to go on that fucker of a son she has, because EVERYTIME you make a purchase for points/games/whatever, IT CLEARLY DISPLAYS THAT YOU WILL BE CHARGED MONEY IN ORDER TO MAKE A PURCHASE. And bullshit is anyone going to believe for five seconds that the kid 'HAD NO CLUE WHAT WAS GOING ON'.

 

[olicon]

It might not have been his dad's fault directly, but he sure as hell hasn't taught the kid about stealing (he would now, I'm sure).

It's hard being a parent. You have to teach your kids A LOT of things to make them a decent human. Parents can instill compassion and commonsense in a child too, not just knowledge. It's usually the parents' fault if they fail to instill proper values in children, but I think we all recognize that it's an incredibly hard thing to do.