Why are women so fickle in love?

[EternallyBored]

Simple answer: because women are people too and romance stories (whether for men or women) tend to simplify what love is really like.

Long answer: Because the famous comedy routines that portray women as mysterious and complex, and men as simpletons with only sex on their mind, may be funny but they are gross oversimplifications. Women are fickle just as men are fickle, if you go into a relationship expecting a certain thing your probably going to find it, it's called confirmation bias. Go into any female dominated dating forum or site and you will see women complaining about men doing the same thing. People in general tend to be fickle and even when we think we are the ones being all laid-back and simple, that may not be how others perceive us.

So basically, love is a case by case kind of thing, women are fickle, complex, simple, compliant, defiant, willful, passive, emotional, stoic, and everything in between. They are struggling with changing gender roles in modern society and trying to find their place in a world that use to have men telling them what it was. Men have the same problem, gender roles are changing for them too and they find themselves in a society that seems to be uncertain what masculinity means and what is expected of them anymore. But then again society has often been in a state of upheaval so in some respects it's all working as intended, besides I personally would find the whole thing boring if we didn't mix it up every now and again.

 

[Jamieson 90]

I think the media has a big role to play and that it has to have a large portion of the blame assigned to it; from a young age girls are subjected to all sorts of fairy tales that have the heroin being rescued by prince charming with a Cinderella like wedding; in my experience most women have been developing fantasies for their dream wedding from young age all the way up into adulthood and beyond, with said fantasies often way beyond what is realistically possible, or at least way beyond what their guy could provide.

Then there are romantic novels out there that have super hot guys who are so good at sex they can have their woman orgaisming 50 times in one night alone, okay that's a gross exaggeration but that's the point; none of that stuff is real and it gives a lot of women false expectations which are only disappointed when their guy can't do the same. Of course it's not all one sided since there is loads of magazines that tell women how to be a great girlfriend, the best techniques to please their guy or even how to be better mother or friend, and I'm sure you could make an argument that pornography gives guys false expectations too, but it seems the media has a bigger effect on woman and in general is to blame for a lot of problems, which doesn't at all surprise me to be honest.

 

[Scars Unseen]

Why [are/aren't] [broad category of people] like [mass media/my parents/my friends/my own baseless perceptions] tell me they should?

Because somebody lied to [you/them].

 

[Miyenne]

Uh. I often wonder if I'm missing some essential gene that would make me a woman as most seem to be.

Love? Meh. Comfort? Yes please.
I don't want to be swept off my feet. I'd probably break his back, anyways. =P
I just want a friend who will stay beside me. Who has similar interests to me and is at about the same place in life.

I don't have any great expectations about love. I know love is magical, for a few days. The friendship lasts much longer. I'm not naive to think even that lasts forever.

Also, if he could play a tank to my dps and my twin's healer, we'd be set.

Isn't that romantic?

I don't get my friends sometimes. The huge weddings and wasting so much money on all that shit, wanting a perfect man, elaborate dates and such like that. I just don't get all that.

 

[Silverbeard]

Fickle women seem to be a very Western thing.
Most of my Indian/ Chinese/ Sri Lankan friends- males all and at the 'time to get married' stage- have their choice of brides. Prospective families send photos and resumes to them and politely beseech them to favour their daughters with their attentions.
By comparison, I know of few Europeans or Americans in similar situations.

Uh. I often wonder if I'm missing some essential gene that would make me a woman as most seem to be.

Love? Meh. Comfort? Yes please.
I don't want to be swept off my feet. I'd probably break his back, anyways. =P
I just want a friend who will stay beside me. Who has similar interests to me and is at about the same place in life.

I don't have any great expectations about love. I know love is magical, for a few days. The friendship lasts much longer. I'm not naive to think even that lasts forever.

This may be because you are quite different from the women that the OP seems to pursue.
All the spouses of my married friends have one thing in common: They all wanted something tangible from their mates. Money, a house to live in, children, a stable future and so on. This is in addition to the intangibles, of course. The successful marriages that I have seen remain so because the mate can provide the tangibles that the woman wants. If you want nothing of that sort, then you are very different from these other women.

 

[ShiningAmber]

Maybe you should try the other side of the fence. My first ever boyfriend was mentally abusive and controlling. My second was physically abusive and raped me. I don't believe all men are like that with love. My current boyfriend would never lay a hand on me and I know that.

I can play the game too.

Men love big boobs, nice eyes, a big ass, nice voice and don't think they're asking much of women. Why do men think it's ok to have multiple partners? Why do men think women who have multiple partners are whores? Why do men flirt with multiple women? Those are pretty generalizing statements and they sound unfair. Not all men are like that.

So, what I'm getting at is that you shouldn't say why are women so fickle? You should really ask why the hell you are hanging out with fickle people and stop blaming an entire gender.

 

[Aramis Night]

Well, remember about 3/4 of divorces are filed by women. So yeah, i wouldn't discount the notion that perhaps there is something to it and fickleness does seem like as good a reason as any though probably not the only reason. I know it will land me into hot water with most people here, but i do not believe that the only thing that separates males from females is plumbing. Also food for thought, it has been discovered that women do have a several year sexual cycle much like other mammals which seems to line up nicely with the length of time marriages tend to end in divorce(4-7 yrs). After which they no longer see their mates in a sexual light and tend to not desire them physically and sometimes become critical and hostile towards them. Even lesbians often suffer from LBD(Lesbian Bed Death) where they give up on sex entirely.

I may be mistaken, but i get the impression that you are young and your relationship not that old, so that may not apply to you. Perhaps in your case, the girl was at least averagely attractive. Average girls are attractive compared to men and have lots of options. They also grow up being fed a bunch of lines about how they are just naturally better at relationships than men which helps them justify whatever they choose to do in a relationship with no need to work at it or make any sacrifices for it. The default position tends to be that if you didn't make them happy then your the flaw in the relationship since they are so just naturally good at them, and men don't really feel emotions anyway and cant empathize with what they would want, so telling you about any problems would be useless.

Much like most of the men you will meet in your life, most of the women will be pretty terrible people. Eventually you may get lucky and find one that isn't. But more likely you will just think you found one that isn't and she will take advantage of you and your willingness to self-sacrifice on her behalf and leave you with nothing but a hollow feeling inside when she leaves you.

Good luck either way.

 

[knight steel]

Life is tough-I'm sure you'll find someone you can love and who will love you back just as much-just hang in there ok ^_^

 

[zerragonoss]

It's not just women. Men can be and are just as silly and illogical when they're 'in love'. It's very much quite pathetic.

And it's nothing to do with upbringing or social expectations, I think people all just have it in them to be like that. Some are just more prone to it.

Why are people so fickle in love*

I am a philosophy student so this is probably form to much of a theoretical perspective and its not refined yet. In my opinion illogical is completely the wrong word so much as confused and conflicted. To me the best description of love is a change in your base assumptions and priorities. All logic is built up on those. for the simplest example if some one loves ice cream they shift form. "Ice cream is tasty and eating tasty food makes me happy." to "Ice cream makes me happy." It is not a big change, but it does mean when some one say they don't like ice cream their first thought is not that it is a food they don't like, but that they don't like to be happy. Loving a person is far more complex and will often shift a very large number of the ways you view the world to include that person and their opinion. (This in itself is not a good and bad thing, you still have to consider what these changes are and balancing these sifted priorities with your own but that that is a different topic.) So when you are falling in love you have two or more conflicting logics in your head mixed with a lot of fear and doubt. This tends to lead to a lot of crazy behavior because half you actions are justified by the thought that this person is an important part of my life, while the other half are judged without that belief.

 

[DarkRyter]

Before I say any of this, please do not think me a misogynist. I don't really believe these things I am about to say, but I will play devil's advocate for the purpose of discussion.

In the days of primordial humanity, a woman's survival is dependent on her relationship to a man. Woman would not be able to hunt for food or protect herself from predators. Having a man equates survival, which creates the psychobiological need for a relationship, and the stereo-typically female obsession with romance.

Being fickle could also be an evolved response. Being overly attached to a certain male, especially when superior options are available, can be a liability. If a woman's mate were to die, being able to quickly move on to a new mate would be a significant advantage toward survival.

 

[Phrozenflame500]

People in general act irrationally in the face of love and do questionable things like asking a video game forum for relationship advice.

But specifically women, it's probably because in general sexual contact has more physical repercussions for women then men, and it's biologically advantageous to pick the best mate possible in a given situation thus making them more "fickle" as you say.

Also you should probably note in the OP that there are women not like that, it's just the stereotype has become "men laid-back women constantly complaining". If not this will become really flame-warry real fast.

 

[DefunctTheory]

Maybe you should try the other side of the fence. My first ever boyfriend was mentally abusive and controlling. My second was physically abusive and raped me. I don't believe all men are like that with love. My current boyfriend would never lay a hand on me and I know that.

I can play the game too.

Men love big boobs, nice eyes, a big ass, nice voice and don't think they're asking much of women. Why do men think it's ok to have multiple partners? Why do men think women who have multiple partners are whores? Why do men flirt with multiple women? Those are pretty generalizing statements and they sound unfair. Not all men are like that.

So, what I'm getting at is that you shouldn't say why are women so fickle? You should really ask why the hell you are hanging out with fickle people and stop blaming an entire gender.

Generally speaking, the answers to your rhetorical questions:

If a man thinks its okay to have multiple female partners, while simultaneously allowing one or more of those partners to think to think their relationship is somehow special, it's because he's an ass with no real emotional attachment to any of them beyond whatever he's getting from them.

Most men, even the whorish ones described above, really just want to be thought of as special to someone. In this, I'm sure men and women are similar. Hence a lack of respect for a woman who displays an apparent inability to give such attentions. The overlap with this, and the answer above, seems quite contradictory. I refer once again to them being an ass.

Men flirt with multiple women for two reasons: Flirting is fun (I've known a few women friends I'd flirt with on a regular basis, even though everyone involved knew it was just for giggles), and, if that man is also in a relationship and the flirting is genuinely searching for an 'appropriate' response, an ass. Again.

Generally speaking, the classical man (A male who operating under the man gender type, rather then on the current sliding scale) operates on one of two levels - a Gentleman, or an ass.

 

[Maevine]

Simple answer: They're not.

Complex answer: They're not. Also you're being really offensive.

 

[ClockworkUniverse]

I?m not generalising that all women are fickle in love. But there are a lot more fickle-in-love women out there than there are men who think along those lines.

The next sentence does not contain the word "blue." This sentence contains the word "blue." Saying something doesn't make it so, and the fact that you're feeling the need to say it indicates that you know it's not true.

Basically you've had a bad experience and you're reacting by pretending everything else sucks too. I suggest you take your mind off of it for a bit, then go back to living your life.

 

[Izanagi009_v1legacy]

Because they are taught those things at a young age . While i was watching movies like the lion king and Balto , my sister was watching snow white and cinderella . So in regards to love , some women have unrealistic expectations. This only get's worst when girls reach teenage age , with their boybands and teen hotties and teenager movies . Basically , teenagers ( both boys and girl) are hammered with bullshit , which affects their expectations and actions in the long run . Some grow out of it and understand the real world isn't like that , some don't.

So my advice to anyone who wants to date is , try to seperate the crazies from the normals . After a while it becomes apparent during the first few dates.

This might not be my place to add but what about a third option, Stoic separation from humanity. It is said that other people are hell and and My first crush sent me into a depression (not the girl's fault, I was too stupid in my emotional state and couldn't keep my head level).

People are creatures that hurt and get hurt without knowing it; emotions are the base of it. Would it be possible for a person to be able to separate all emotional ties to humans and simple become the ultimate stoic: logical, straight forward, capable of not letting emotions do anything to a person.

As you said, humans have unrealistic expectations, fantasies that should be destroyed. Separation of emotion would help keep people level

(P.S. This may be my more depressive state talking so please comment as soon as possible because I've sent myself down this one-way road for 4 years and my mind is starting to become conflicted)

 

[Aramis Night]

Maybe we should talk about your bad experience than make generalizations, especially since all you're going to get here is "I'm not like that" in one way or another

I would have indulged the man first, I suspect he's in pain.

the first rule of dealing with an emotional person actually is to indulge them, let them air everything out, and then go on form there.


Ironically, learned that in a Suicide prevention class......

Uh. I often wonder if I'm missing some essential gene that would make me a woman as most seem to be.

Love? Meh. Comfort? Yes please.
I don't want to be swept off my feet. I'd probably break his back, anyways. =P
I just want a friend who will stay beside me. Who has similar interests to me and is at about the same place in life.

I don't have any great expectations about love. I know love is magical, for a few days. The friendship lasts much longer. I'm not naive to think even that lasts forever.

Also, if he could play a tank to my dps and my twin's healer, we'd be set.

Isn't that romantic?

I don't get my friends sometimes. The huge weddings and wasting so much money on all that shit, wanting a perfect man, elaborate dates and such like that. I just don't get all that.

I would like to know how it is that there seems to evidently be tonnes of people having relationship problems on here to begin with, and yet I dont think I've ever written a thread dealing with relationships.


It's like I'm missing out on something.


or, you know, coming to a gaming website for articles and discussions about games.


On the topic at hand:

>Generalizations

The deffinition of 'fickle': changing frequently, esp. as regards one's loyalties, interests, or affection.

so....... to the OP, women are constantly changing their affection to people.


newsflash, that happens with a lot of people, men included.

But I'm not really getting what the OP is saying, to be honest, "there are more fickle-in-love women than men"? citation needed.

Maybe if the OP would post what exactly got him a bit angry, we would have a better understanding of what exactly he is trying to get at.

Yeah it is strange that an Off-Topic section of a forum would include discussions that are Off-Topic of the forum itself.