Why are you hetero or homosexual?...

[Revolution -X-]

that gays are seen by some as rapists and child molesters (and contagiously gay)...

You forgot Catholic.

 

[InterestingKiwi]

Contrary to popular belief, i don't believe Sexuality is 'encoded' or we are 'born with it'...I'm sorry, but to me, that is right up there with saying 'god made me do it'. Sexuality, atleast to me, is determined by a persons nurture as is most other things. Ok, naturally SOME things are passed through genetics, not denying that, but Sexuality ain't one of them. Sexuality is a choice, that simple.

This kinda reminds me of when people say Evolution is a belief system.

It's really odd to me.

Because how would folks feel if someone just said one day "Arithmetic is a belief system, frankly I don't think division works that way."

Wouldn't that come across as odd? Kinda stupid, maybe crazy?

There is so little evidence to support sexuality as a choice that I find it so odd that anyone could say it without following it up with "I've done absolutely no research into the topic."

At least then I can read it and say "Well I suppose if I was just randomly making up theories about how the world works based on my own personal feelings I could come up with crazier things to say."

Otherwise I'm just left stumped.

There is a really long blurb about why this is a dangerous view even if you personally don't use it to hurt people, but this question gets brought up on these forums about once every three days so its obviously a waste of time.

Apparently nobody has access to case studies anymore. If only there was some interconnected series of computers where this sort of thing could be answered.

I'll see if Al Gore is around for some help on the problem.

The thing is, i havn't really yet to see anything that suggests that it is linked solely to nature either.

I guess if i see some evidence/reports/etc that do indeed prove that sexuality is linked mostly to nature rather then nurture, then i'll believe it. Part of the reason i believe it to be a choice is that...we all have free will. Even if it is limited by other factors in the society we live in, we still are fully capable of making choices and coming to conclusions. That's more or less why i believe that Nature doesn't really determine much about a person socially, including Sexuality.

As i said though, if someone or you did provide evidence that proves the contrary i'll gladly back off and say i was wrong.

I was always under the belief of it's not something you're born with, but it is still not a choice. I feel it's developed in childhood, and your surroundings, which is why parents who have a gay child, any subsequent children have a much higher chance of being gay as well.

THe thing is, it's not provable any way you look at it currently, because you have no idea how other people feel, only how you yourself feel. I've been a fan of the lazy defense of go ahead and choose to be gay than to the adamant people in support of it being a choice, and who don't put any thought in it. Infernai, I am NOT claiming that about you. I do respect your input because you clearly have thought put in. However, in those cases it usually shuts the other person up, because they are simply not attracted to their own gender, and never truly will be. Even if they fake it, it wont change anything.

But alas, I never get in this discussion intently because it is impossible to say it's one way for everyone. Maybe some people can just choose either or at will. I can't, I like men in one way, women in another, and there is nothing I can do to change that.

 

[Xaio30]

There's just love. Who we give it to does not really matter.

 

[Haukur Isleifsson]

Be cause I like having sex with girls. And I could not reasonably see myself having sex with guys. I'm not saying that I completely rule out the possibility of ever meeting a guy I would like to fuck or that I object to fucking guys in some objective way.

 

[HotKakes]

Wow my friend, I'm sorry to see such a backlash for your thread. Personally, I'm a heterosexual though I have spent some time considering the possibility of maybe being something else. Ultimately, my reaction to female characteristics are more in tune with my attraction for a companion.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

According to the Roman Catholic Church, a man not having sex with men is different than a man not having sex with women, since the latter can join seminary and become a priest. The former cannot, even though either would be taking a vow of celebacy and ergo not having sex.

To specific conservative protestant faiths, a man not having sex with men is not gay until he has sex with a man. If he has sex with his wife a thousand times and then has sex with one man, he will be ostracized for being gay, even if he has no inclination to have sex with another man again, and even if the sex occurred in unusual circumstances (say, he was raped by Bubba in prison).

That would qualify as the pointless bullshit society attaches to sex. I don't feel it's important to me or the philosophical issue at hand. No one (probably) has ever allowed an open and honest pedophile into the priesthood, yet children were raped. A pedophile who does not rape kids is not a pedophile. A celibate "heterosexual" priest who does, is a pedophile. Actions speak louder than alleged preferences.

(Also, pedophilia does not equate to homosexuality. The other poster brought up priests, not me.)

 

[MaxwellEdison]

Based on your first edit, you should probably get some experience before you judge
Yes, sexual attraction does play that much of a part. If I loved someone that much who was a guy, they'd be one of my best friends, not a romantic partner.

 

[ShindoL Shill]

*snip the massive wall of text.*

balls to that (pun slightly intended). i was raised by an irish catholic family but i'm bisexual. my family have expressed interest in my sex life, but always ask about girls and never guys. they havent entertained that notion. but there is no real proof.

There is way too much to this topic to read through it all. But I like the question.

I identify 100% as homosexual, however technically I'm bisexual.

Spoiler: Off topic tangent

I could go on to argue the notion that everyone is bisexual because humans are not literally attracted to gender. There are characteristics of the genders that people find attractive, and you'll often find people being attracted to traps of the other gender.

I find women attractive, I can get aroused until orgasm to women in porn, however what I can't/wont do is date women. It's more the normalcy's off their personality, habits, and other factors that just turns me off completely. In porn, I don't deal with any of that.

So, that is why I identify as homosexual, not because I don't find women physically attractive, but because I don't find them mentally attractive

i'm pretty much the opposite. I identify as hetero publicly, but that's mainly because of the people around me (central scotland, not a nice place to live). i do have a group of friends who are pretty much all bisexual who i'm more open with.

 

[Jedoro]

I'm straight because:
-Boobs are awesome
-Can't have a kid with another guy
-Female voices are much more soothing

I'm gay for all these reasons. Including not having kids.<3

Plus no scratchy facial hair when making out.

One reason I shave daily, but I do like to keep five o'clock shadow.

 

[Jegsimmons]

im straight and its because of...well...tits, hips,lips,ect...immature but why bother lying.


also, whats all this crap about "genetics"? It's what ever you people prefer. Some people prefer the same sex, some prefer the opposite sex, and some people are straight and turn gay and sometimes it's vice verse. And if you prefer to be gay, power to you brother (sister?) you have that right to choose who to go for.

 

[Jaime_Wolf]

TLR: How is it you're only heterosexual/homosexual? Am I completely over looking/ undermining the physical/sexual attraction aspect of relationships?

I tell people that I'm "gay", but that's a simplification like these things always are. I've had feelings for women before too, there've just been far, far fewer of them and all have been after knowing them for some time - I don't really ever feel attraction to female strangers. It's not like I would run and hide if I ever did though.

Edit: No, I've never been in a romantic relationship. [I know nothing about sex].

Even if you haven't, knowing something about sex is probably a good idea. Good thing you're posting this to the internet.

Edit II: Why do people keep thinking I said sexuality is a choice? If you get that impression I clearly need to have my post beta'd.

You cannot stop this stupid argument from happening. The whole ethical and moral argument against homosexuality is so incredibly terrible that this is the only place where there's really room left to argue. Despite the fact that we have no idea either way about it being a choice (nor is it clear how we would even go about figuring out such a thing), everyone just argues that the answer is clear and obvious and then gives whatever answer best aligns to their political/religious philosophy.

Edit III: Turn your Auto-Defense off! I'm not trying to convert everyone into a bisexual.

To a degree, you probably don't need to - the man or woman who has never had any romantic or sexual feelings for someone of the same gender is pretty rare. It's just a question of degree and whether they have any desire to act on it. Those that have feelings and no desire to act present an interesting case perhaps worthy of discussion though.

Edit IV: Is there a way to turn the anger off in here?

Internet forum, so no.

Edit V: I KNOW FOR MOST PEOPLE SEXUALITY IS NOT A CHOICE.

No, for most people we have no fucking clue whether it's a choice or not. Hell, we don't even really have a handle on what we mean when we say "choice". The arguments against choice are almost exclusively the result of gay people being asked and saying "I definitely didn't choose", which is not how you answer questions like this. You don't do psychology research by asking people how they think their mind works.

Edit VI: There is no way I am the only 16-year-old who has never been in a relationship.

Far from it. I had never been in a (real) relationship when I was sixteen. I "dated" a beard when I was sixteen, but that certainly shouldn't count.

 

[Laser Priest]

I'm only attracted to fictional species, and generally both genders of them.

I think I'm what is generally known as "Fucking weird"

 

[dark-mortality]

Okey, All I will write here is not to undermine ANYONE! Not you, not him/her, not whoever reads this, not some guy/gal somewhere in the world. It's simply my meanings and beliefs.

A quick note: I am not english, so expect some spelling/Grammatical errors and general misunderstandings. And in my opinion, Homo/Gay and Lesbian is about the same thing; an attraction towards the same sex, so I will use Homo/Gay both for guys and gals.

Now, I can honestly say I am Bisexual. I can say this by the fact that I am attracted towards both sexes. NOT by choice, like so many people think, but because this is simply the way I am. I can always "blame" the fact that since I never had a real male rolemodel, that it was that which made me more "Girly" ,(Not that being girly is a bad thing) but I have a feeling that I would have been Bisexual no matter what.

I can not speak for other people or for the plain Hetero/Homo/Asexual people out there, but I have a feeling that some people are together with the wrong sex for a "reason". I simply call that plain idiocy. Why should you fear being with someone you could really love just for the fact that your 'Social status' would drop? Or that you would never get children? (You could simply adopt, but the US state is pretty weird in my opinion... You know what? Everywhere is pretty weird when I think about it.) There's several other reasons that people date/are married to someone they are not attracted to, Family pressure/fear, your own insecurities Etc.

Why is Gay people any worse as parents than straight people? We constantly get news about children getting beaten, cursed out, molested, raped and killed by their Straight parents, and most people just think 'Oh, too bad for them, what comes now on the news?' But the very moment a Gay couple get a child through either Adoption or Test-tube babies, (For girls) Major riots almost happens throughout the world. Big news about scandales, poor parenting, how the child is guaranteed to be Gay themselves... THAT IS PURE BULLSHIT!!! GAY PEOPLE ARE NOT ANY WORSE THAN STRAIGHT PEOPLE!! (I can agree that some of their parades can get a bit meh, but still, ANY parade can get MORE than a bit meh...)

A child can not, and will not, be guaranteed to be Gay just because their parents are Gay. If that is true, then why are so many people that was raised from a "pure", Straight family, Gay? I am not religious, nor am I a scientific genius, but I believe that every person is pre-determined what gender they will prefer. (Or if they will prefer no gender at all.) A person can not "choose" to be Gay. A person is born Gay; A person is born with a feeling that they are the wrong gender, BUT they can choose to change their gender. THAT is a choice, not what gender you prefer, or what gender you think you should be.

I know that a lot of this may seem stupid, but really, what doesn't seem stupid anymore? This is my beliefs, and I give jack-shit about what any of you here believe about my beliefs. We are doing the very same thing that the White did to the Black; The very same thing Hitler and the Nazi did to the Jews; (And other religions and functional/mental diseased people in general.) We are Belittling and Undermining peoples right to care about other people, to foster a child, and generally live their lives. What would YOU feel, if you always were seen down on as "Less worthy", or "Unclean"? If you always had to watch your back to not get punched down in the street, or had to fight tooth and nail just to get a place to live because you aren't "Straight", or "Pure"?

I know that I would have broken down into a blubbering mass and sent into an Asylum before the first week was over.

And to TheSolemnHypnotic: It is in every living beings nature to want to reproduce, but every living being can also choose NOT to reproduce. (I.E. Ignore their instincts.) That is one of the few things one can choose, thankfully enough. To be honest, I am glad you posted this question since it may help people to think what they truly want, and what is the right thing to do.

 

[Baneat]

I was always under the belief of it's not something you're born with, but it is still not a choice. I feel it's developed in childhood, and your surroundings, which is why parents who have a gay child, any subsequent children have a much higher chance of being gay as well.

I can't be bothered with any arguments atm, but this claim is not one I've heard before. Can you cite the source on this? Also, if anything, that piece of evidence could just as easily point to nature genetically speaking. Anyway, source meh!

 

[5mj7R7yf4Dwr3gdZyyu9PeGNwYjlNrjzuh3iTXQG]

No one (probably) has ever allowed an open and honest pedophile into the priesthood, yet children were raped. A pedophile who does not rape kids is not a pedophile...

That's the sexuality = behavior standard right there, granted, in the case of pedophilia, there is some history backing it. According to the DSM III, a clinical pedophile was ruled out unless they acted on their sexual desires for prepubescent children. I don't know if that was altered in the DSM IV, but they were considering taking out the ruling, since those with pedophilic tendencies can be effectively treated before they act out, if they are detected early. Unfortunately, pedophilia is so stigmatic in the contemporary age, that no-one wants to be diagnosed as such, so in the DSM V they'll probably create another term for pedophilic tendencies. Still most people in the tendencies category don't act out on such impulses, though the difference between the categories specifically the issue of an offense.

But pedophilia when considered without its social baggage, should be regarded as a paraphilia like any other. In fact plenty of people who do exhibit it express it the same way that other dangerous paraphilias (rape play, weapon play, fire play, etc.) are indulged: in a controlled environment with other consenting adults. Pedophilia may technically equate to a child sexual abuse offense, but this confuses things; an attraction to children usually does not equate to actual child sexual abuse.

(Also, pedophilia does not equate to homosexuality. The other poster brought up priests, not me.)

I brought up the priesthood because it was an example of a conservative religious front that has taken the position away from the sexuality = behavior standard held by conservative churches. I wasn't intending on referring to the recent controversies regarding the pedophilia offenses and the cover-up. Whether or not they are the pointless bullshit society attaches to sex, they have a lot of influence regarding large bodies of people, and we New Atheists are not yet pursuasive in convincing the masses to excercise a a bit of judgement when their chosen leaders of faith feed them a line. Hence, I figure their opinion, no matter how absurd, needs to be acknowledged before it is then rejected.

238U.[footnote]In the event that Escapist requires me to view a commercial before getting a code, I will simply not post. Depending on the frequency, this may temper or cease my future participation in the Escapist community. Apologies in advance, if this policy prevents me from replying to you when it is proper to do so.[/footnote]

 

[Mechanix]

As a straight male, even if I met the best guy in the world, and we became closer friends than brothers, I'd still never have any desire to have sex with him, or kiss him, or do anything.

 

[Lonelykiller]

b.c I have the biological urge to root women, not men.

 

[gmergurl]

Please read. How is it that people are capable of just sticking to one gender of people? I understand that we need some people to reproduce but, idk. If you were in a romantic relationship with some one but met some one else of the same/opposite gender who made you feel 100,000,000 times better/more loved/more cared for, you wouldn't consider them an option based on what's in their pants? Gender is a very flexible thing (feminine characteristics found in males, vice versa). Or do you think this theory is the result of being alone for so long and once I engage in socionormative behaviors I'll be able to see in more black and white than gray?

*snip*

Quoted so you might actually read, was not about to read 10 pages of posts, and I know no one else will read.

As a heterosexual female:

I suppose I've just never found women attractive, and when I look for a partner, I look for someone who can satisfy me "intellectually" for lack of a better word (I have dated a complete idiot before, but that was just a bad idea to begin with... another discussion for another time ) and someone who can satisfy me physically. My current relationship is at 2 yrs and still going strong, and we've both acknowledged we're each other's best friends. We do pretty much everything together and enjoy a lot of the same things and have even gotten each other involved in new hobbies. So why did I never fall in love with either of my 2 best gal pals? I'm just not "programmed" that way as other people have said. Now if I were to find a female that would "complete me" as you described, I would think "yes! new best gal pal!" dating her would not even cross my mind. Why? Sad as it is, I'm just very attracted to the male gender :/ dunno why (okay I do, but I don't think I'm allowed to go into detail on escapist forums ). One of my best gal pals is even lesbian.... with my 3rd best gal pal (long story, again, another discussion for another time).

After all, a part of romantic relationships is sex. Some people might call that sad, but I doubt you could really be "completed" by a person if they did not fulfill your sexual desires. Now I'm not saying your other should bend over backwards every time you have a new fetish, but fetishes do actually come with that. Think about it, if you were really into role playing for foreplay and your partner wasn't (and thought it was strange/weird and called you a pervert, etc.)... would you really consider that person as your "other half"? Now again, that's not to say that your partner should be into everything you are, and vice versa, but they should be open to it. Genders play A BIG part in sexual desires, no matter what you think. When I fantasize, you best believe I'm picturing a hot man. That fact alone, would rule out me ever thinking of another woman as possible significant-other material. Best gal pal/friend? Definitely, but lover? No.

So long story short: Sex is a part of a healthy long-term relationship, and if you are just not attracted to the opposite/same sex, it's pretty damn hard to have a good relationship, no matter how well this person "completes" you. This is NOT the same that intercourse is a part of every relationship. By sex I mean the physical relationship, which is usually described as sex, but can also include hugging, kissing, cuddling, and etc. I doubt any person and here would kiss, or even hug and cuddle with their best friend they way they would with their lover.


Also: Didn't have my first bf until I was 17... and if I didn't rush the issue and date the first moron that would have me it probably would've been a month shy of my 18th birthday that I got my first relationship. I also know 20+ who hasn't had a gf/bf.... several actually >.> If you're really worried about how your thinking of things then this is probably what's happening:
1) You're getting desperate (I was too, read above) and therefore you're thinking of taking the first person who will have you, despite their gender and you want confirmation that this is okay. IMHO it isn't, but at least you'll know not to do it again, which is the lesson I learned with my first relationship, also exactly what I DON'T want in a guy.
2) You are currently in this situation (except instead of having a gf/bf you simply know what sexuality you are). If this is the case, think it over. It's perfectly okay to have a best friend. I'm not saying you couldn't be leaning a certain way, just think about it carefully, you also have to consider that person's feelings (are they even into you?)

If neither of the above cases are true, and you're just thinking, there's nothing wrong with that. Ideally your scenario is true, but the truth of the matter is, relationships include sex, even when you're not having any.

Sorry that took so long, wanted to give you an answer from someone who's been kinda there >.> not quite, I've always been 100% hetero.

 

[Clive Howlitzer]

I don't have any control over it. Its hardwired into my brain. I find what I find attractive because I do and thats that.