Why do i keep doing it when i know it ends badly?

[jasoncyrus]

snip

I've got to agree with Swarley on this one. You've got to be one of those people who ditch their friends at the sight of a relationship. People like you make me sick. I'll bet you have no close male friends? Because you ditched all your friends for some girl and then got dumped and had no one to hang out with, so you got a new girlfriend and probably married her.

That's a terrible way to spend life. Clinging to one other person's dreams and goals. Not having your own life, having joint bank accounts, etc. What if you got cheat on by your wife? Do you live in fear that it could happen because your life would be destroyed if it did?

So, before you "pity" anyone that doesn't yearn for "true, undeniable love", which IMO is bullshit, not everyone needs to be just like you. Other people have different perspectives and goals for life. Mmk. Thanks.

Oh so its going to be pointless flames like that is it?

Tut tut you think you are so high and mighty because you love to be the "lone wolf" type of guy who, in the words of the ever jaded foamy, "is an island and needs no one else". Well good for you, unfortunately for you, you have no idea who i am and what I've been through. Yes I was once like you and still am. Yes i've been dumped before, yes I've dumped plenty before. Yes I am an island, a pillar of support for everyone around and yes i am sick and tired of listening to the problems immature self rightoeus arrogant people like spout out every time someone states that they like clingy.

Unlike solitary people like most of the world can actually function extremely well with clingy people. As I stated before, when you both enjoy each other company THAT much that you are clingy then YES that is a ROCK SOLID relationship. I can guarentee you that niether myself or my fiancee will EVER cheat on each other because we actually CARE about each other, we love the same things and we dont NEED some "Time to ourselves and some space" because unlike you two, we actually picked a person we LOVE, LIKE and can TOLERATE. Honestly, how bad is your choice of partner if you actually need time to yourself and have to get away from them at times? Really, you must have a seriously messed up sense of what is good for you if you picked a person who gets on your nerves enought hat you actually need time to yourself.

I pity people like you because you dont know how to find love, you dont know how to be with a person for life to forge a LASTING relationship instead of one night stands, getting drunk in bars and sleeping with anything that has a heartbeat.

So take a look in the mirror, evaluate your own lives and realise just how hollow and unfufilled you must be if you cant happily be with your partner 24/7 and never want to leave them, ever.

Finally, one final remark: As can be seen from your comments and mine. I fear nothing, I am 100% secure in my relationship, you however seem to be absolutely terrified of being in a relationship where your partner trusts and wants you with all their heart and soul. Which simply tells us that you don't trust yourself to be 100% faithful to them.

So yeah, logically you are FAR more likely to cheat on your spouse and probably have done so before.

 

[Evil the White]

I wish my ex was like you. I'd rather have a clingy girlfriend than one that lies to not spend time with me.

Anyway, ignore the flames, I've seen this happen with one guy to several different girls. My advice would be to spend more time with your friends, so that way you are not as clingy and you don't annoy your friends by never talking to them anymore.

 

[Azure Sky]

Before I start. Jason, Swarley, cool it, this isn't the time nor place for personal bickering. Show a little respect at least.

OP, as many have already suggested, Get some Hobbies/Make some new friends/Find and join some shared interest groups/etcetera, keeping your mind active with various interests will most likely help you be at ease as well as take some of the burden away from being without your loved one for various lengths of time.

As for some of the other ideas people have suggested, self control goals/'cling night' thing/etcetera, they are good ideas and concepts if they are well thought through, they are not for everyone however, just remember to take your time and think things through carefully, don't over-Analise too much and you'll be fine.

At the end of the day, just remember that everyone is not made for everyone else, it normally takes people several relationships to find someone they really connect with at a deep emotional level. You are still young after all, don't stress about all the what ifs and enjoy yourself.

 

[swolf]

Yeah, a hobby would help but I think that it would help more if you explain the issue to him. It may make it more understandable and seem less random. I mean, otherwise, he may feel that it's an issue that you have with just him which can make a guy feel frustrated as he may feel that no matter what he does, you don't feel appreciated. Also, have you considered counseling. You may not need it but it won't hurt, only help. Also, it would help if you translate your affection in to "Guy Code", by giving them a sexual theme. I know that may sound weird but, to a guy, instead of feeling that you're girl is not confident and "clingy", he will feel compimented that you are "so attracted to him". That would be a huge ego boost and people are enjoy those so he will be more naturally inclined to stay. I'm not saying be sexual all the time, explain that you aren't aroused, that you just like doing that (i.e. "I'm just making sure it's still there" or "Ah, my favorite part of you...if only you didn't talk so much" making it a joke)...just don't be a tease...it's a thin line.

 

[MONTGOMERYWOODRUFF69]

Maybe you are just a glutton for punishment, but take heart not all of us guys are assholes, but there do seem to be a hell of a lot of them around.

 

[Insanum]

I felt like my Ex was like that. It all gets too much.

I get a boyfriend. I get "clingy" of him, want him near me constantly, tell him i love him and expect him to say he loves me back...

Thats usually (and this isnt meant as an insult) immaturity. You should grow out of it.

trouble is, they get annoyed and bored when this happens too much, being typical lads that arnt too keen on too much affection. I cant seem to help myself trying to get them to show me that they love me, but it takes them to say the words, or to cuddle me often to prove it.

"Forcing them" like that may only hurt yourself. Imagine you were going out with a guy who you werent decided on how much you liked them, and he was putting pressure on you to say you love him. Stuff that like breaks people up.

Maybe its because i've been hurt so many times, maybe its because i have no friends and no life outside of college and i live alone having had my mum die in January of this year.

In that order: Being hurt many times may mean you cling to something you like. You need to make some friends, Or take up hobbies to occupy your time. Thats the big one.[/B] You cant expect your other half to drop everything and cuddle you all the time, its just not rational. My sympathies about your mother. If you havent had chance to grieve, or if you're using your boyfriends to escape that fact, you need to grieve, it'll help you grow as a person.

I'm 19 and still need someone beside me that i can "cling to", to hold me in their arms and tell me they love me... Why the hell cant i learn to back off? Even my new boyfriend's mum realises how clingy i am, and she's only seen me and him together twice out of the month we've been together. He stays at mine most of the week, but thats also his choice, its not like im forcing him.

Maybe your not forcing him, But if he doesnt[/I] stay, Do you send him a lot of messages saying you miss him?

When he goes, even if its only been 1hr i begin to yern to have him close again, want to hear his voice, feel his arms wrap around me again... I know it isnt natural and many of you will be sitting there thinking "omg what the hell is up with her!?" Yet as much as i try to ignore the lonely feeling i get when he is away, it doesnt go and it hurts like hell.

You need to get a hobby. Or a group of friends. If you start doing things with other people, Social interaction, Then you'll lose the crazy, and probably become closer to your boyfriend. Its not Quantity of time together, Its Quality.

Also, i cant blame it on my mum dying because i was like this even before she died with my last boyfriend (some of you might remember Almightywabbit on here) and guess what?? We split up almost 2 months ago now. Now history is repeating itself and im clinging on again to a new and better boyfriend and although he says its not bothering him, i get the distinct impression that it does and i hate that, and now to think his mother is wary of the relationship really cuts deep.

Well if he's fine with it, This is good. This is your chance to be able to test easing off. If he's fine with you being all clingy and stuff, Just practice. Go two hours without texting him telling him you miss him, Instead of one. Take up a hobby, etc.

So im asking you all... Does anyone know of a way i can stop being so clingy before i lose another boyfriend... one that i know for a fact will be so much better then the last if only i can keep him??

Well, Stop worrying about losing him. That causes allsorts of crazy, thats completely unnessicary. Get a hobby and a group of friends too to occupy your time when he's not around. Try and keep your mind occupied to stave off "That lonely feeling".

Best of luck!

 

[PHOENIXRIDER57]

Just stay clingy. Yes you'll lose boyfriends who dislike this, but just look at that as meant to be. Those guys weren't meant for you. One day you;ll find a guy who loves the attention and you two will be perfect for eachother.

 

[Mcupobob]

Seen this before, you need to avoid reltionships till you can get past your clingy behavior just get out there and spend some time with friends or go out and meet some people, just learn to love yourself.

 

[Azure Sky]

Just stay clingy. Yes you'll lose boyfriends who dislike this, but just look at that as meant to be. Those guys weren't meant for you. One day you;ll find a guy who loves the attention and you two will be perfect for eachother.

This, sort of..

While bettering yourself is always good and should be encouraged at every turn, just remember that forcing yourself to change for the benefit of others is usually always going to be a bad idea.

 

[Primate]

Become a lesbian?

Wins the discussion

 

[LarenzoAOG]

Become a lesbian?

Wins the discussion

Why thank you.

 

[Dapsen]

Im very clingy myself, and on top of that i have problems showing affection, out of fear of being rejected/embarrassed...

I have a hard time going from the "Friend zone" to the "Boyfriend zone"...

OT: I just hold back. Sorry i can't help you further.

 

[Elle-Jai]

Just stay clingy. Yes you'll lose boyfriends who dislike this, but just look at that as meant to be. Those guys weren't meant for you. One day you;ll find a guy who loves the attention and you two will be perfect for eachother.

This, sort of..

While bettering yourself is always good and should be encouraged at every turn, just remember that forcing yourself to change for the benefit of others is usually always going to be a bad idea.

One of my ex-bf's feels the need to be in almost constant physical contact with his partner. He's the type of guy who wants to give back-rubs, place a hand on your back when escorting you, hold hands, hug, just... touchy. Several girls broke up with him because they didn't like it, but the one he's with now is just as affectionate as he is and they are amazing together, to the point where he's about to propose. Yet this is the same guy almost in tears asking me why girls didn't like/appreciate him.

Don't change who you are for a man, any man. Be aware of why you do it though. The first step towards a healthy median is to be aware of what drives you to cling... Coz if it's the fear they will leave, a relationship based on fear is not one I'd suggest will last.

What you focus on you become. The outcome ("He's going to leave me, I'm not good enough" or whatever) that you invest your energy in on the subconscious level becomes the reality you create. So like I said, just be aware.

 

[Cornish]

Get more to occupy you in your time on earth, that way you'll get less attached to one specific 'thing' and spread it out more over all of them. Though don't do this for anyone but yourself, it's just in my opinion not healthy to only focus on 2 things in live.

 

[s0denone]

They may put a little harsh, but I agree with D Bones and Swarley.

I'm saying this in the friendliest way possible: Seek help. There are psychologists for these kinds of problems.

On a side note...
What is with the incredible amount of people liking clinginess here? Maybe some sort of nerd-defect ;--)

 

[SilentBobsThoughts]

being typical lads that arnt too keen on too much affection.

I actually think thats quite harsh. I'd love to be shwon affection, yeah call me a wimp if u want but I don't like the stereotyping here...

O.T Learn to limit your self.

 

[DemonicVixen]

being typical lads that arnt too keen on too much affection.

I actually think thats quite harsh. I'd love to be shwon affection, yeah call me a wimp if u want but I don't like the stereotyping here...

O.T Learn to limit your self.

Without meaning to stereotype as such im merely saying that the lads i know 9/10 times do not like 2 much affection. Yes i do know there are many out there that do.