"Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

Aaron Sylvester

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Jul 1, 2012
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WaitWHAT said:
Funny you should say this, I read a really good article [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-20219349] on this lately.

It basically said that there's a strong social trend to portray being in a relationship as a sign of success and social competence and, therefore, not being in one is grounds for considering oneself failed or wrong in some way. I mean, just think about it. How often, when advertisers, T.V. directors, writers, etc, want to portray someone as being happy and successful, do they put them in a relationship? And how rarely are said characters not?
Pretty sure the pressure of having a partner is far more heavily applied onto men than women.
To put it extremely bluntly, a guy without a GF = unsuccessful, someething is "not right" with him, etc. Meanwhile a girl without a BF = cautious, pure, difficult to get with (and that much more rewarding), called smart to play it safe, etc etc.
That's now the media portrays it, that's how society portrays it, that's how most of the world is still wired to think.

A successful woman won't be asked "you're beautiful, successful, where's your man?" as much as she'll be told "you go girl, who needs a man!". Meanwhile if a rich successful and handsome guy is seen on his own, people start wondering why he doesn't have a girl clamped onto his arm 24/7 like a freaking accessory. It's just how it works.

So it's no surprise that if the OP is in his 20's and has a secure well-paying job, people are asking him why he isn't in a relationship. If it was a girl she would've been told to keep pursuing her career or something.
 

Mr F.

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Jul 11, 2012
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ImBigBob said:
I've noticed lately that people have met me and automatically assume I have a girlfriend. "You're handsome and smart and funny. Why don't you have one?" It's like they're saying "I know you're not a loser, and only single guys are losers". Yeah, with a college degree and a well-paying job I've accomplished a lot with my life before I've even hit 25. So people are shocked when I say I don't have one.

It's not because I particularly LIKE being single. I've just never met a girl who made me want to be with her. I find that the only girls who ever flirt with me are either slutty/ditzy/drunk, which I really don't find attractive. Yet some friends act like I'm an idiot for not going for the easy lay. On the other hand, every girl I find myself attracted to turns out to already have a boyfriend (at least, that's what they tell me when I ask them out).

Why is society so obsessed with relationships and sex? I've seen people suggest sex as an intrinsic need that humans have, but I've done just fine without it. I highly doubt going to a bar and picking up some random girl is going to make me feel better about my life.

Captcha: Stand And Deliver
Well...

Society is obsessed with relationships and sex because without the two, there would be no society (Or human race). Your reaction is rather strange, can you really not see why people are shocked that you single? If you are all of the things you state yourself to be, does it come as a surprise that people are shocked when they find out you are single?

So... Nothing to see here, move on? This thread is devoid of discussion value.

And it just seems like a way of massaging your ego. I mean "Look at me, I am smart, Funny, and people just think I should have a girlfriend! I turn down bar-skanks! Super successful me! Could people tell me feel better about being single by claiming that society is flawed?" Personally, I have no problem with this. I mean, I have a beautiful girlfriend and my life aint going too badly so, yeah, I have no problem.

However, going onto a website filled with people who have got very used to the idea of being foreveralone.jpg to complain about how people instantly assume you should have a girlfriend and how you hate turning down bar skanks? Just seems like a kick in the teeth to the community.

Oh, and your entire post is devoid of any discussion value.

Unless you really want to get into the sociological reasoning behind all of this, in which case one could cite popular media and stuff like that... Or just look at history and accept that humans are expected to form family units once they are old enough to do so.
 

launchpadmcqwak

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ImBigBob said:
I've noticed lately that people have met me and automatically assume I have a girlfriend. "You're handsome and smart and funny. Why don't you have one?" It's like they're saying "I know you're not a loser, and only single guys are losers". Yeah, with a college degree and a well-paying job I've accomplished a lot with my life before I've even hit 25. So people are shocked when I say I don't have one.

It's not because I particularly LIKE being single. I've just never met a girl who made me want to be with her. I find that the only girls who ever flirt with me are either slutty/ditzy/drunk, which I really don't find attractive. Yet some friends act like I'm an idiot for not going for the easy lay. On the other hand, every girl I find myself attracted to turns out to already have a boyfriend (at least, that's what they tell me when I ask them out).

Why is society so obsessed with relationships and sex? I've seen people suggest sex as an intrinsic need that humans have, but I've done just fine without it. I highly doubt going to a bar and picking up some random girl is going to make me feel better about my life.

Captcha: Stand And Deliver
cause its nice too be in love, real nice.
 

Zio_IV

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Sep 17, 2011
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I get asked the same question every time one of my more distant relatives shows up. Back when I was in my teens, when I would tell them I didn't want one, they would always just say that I'll change my mind later on. In my mid-twenties now, and I've still had no inclination to be in a relationship at any point in my life.

Every time people try to describe the reasons why relationships are awesome, they're all things that sound terrible, unnecessary, and a waste of time and money (to me). I honestly can't think of one good reason to be in one (not even sex; tried it a few times. Wasn't impressed.)

In any case, it's already been said, but if you don't want one, then don't be in one. It really is that simple.
 

launchpadmcqwak

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why do single people always have an excuse for being single...like it is their conscious decision to be single. It wouldnt bug me if maybe just a few people admitted they are bad with members of the opposite sex.
 

Agent Larkin

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I never really get asked this one to be honest.

Usually the people that know me well know damn well why I don't have a partner (inert whiny insecure rant here).

What annoys me however is when certain people I know assume that a girl I hang out with is my partner. It bugs the hell out of me and I know for a fact it makes her pretty fucking uncomfortable.

OP Don't worry about this stuff. It happens when it happens.
 

miketehmage

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Jul 22, 2009
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Yeah, I have some friends like that. Everyone I work with is desperate for me to get a girlfriend, and I don't think they believe me when I tell them that I don't really care. I see a lot of people that are in relationships for the sake of being in a relationship or to avoid being alone. Me? I'd rather be alone, of course there are girls out there that I'd love to be with but they are taken so I'm not gonna obsess over them. As an interesting side note, I am very capable of having one night stands, but they don't interest me at all.
 

Generic4me

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Oct 10, 2012
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Many people ask me why I don't have a girlfriend. Most do so because they think I'm a loser that's too afraid to ask any girls out.

I don't think they could be any more incorrect. I'm not impeccably attractive, but I know some girls who would say yes if I asked them to a movie or something, but I'm not really interested in that. I know that all the girls I'd ask out wouldn't mean shit in a few years, and I'm just setting myself up for disappointment, so why bother?

I only want to ask out a woman who I actually really like, shares interests with me, is nice, someone I'm actually interested in spending the rest of my life with. Then I'd ask her out.

So myself in woman form.
 

DoomyMcDoom

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Jul 4, 2008
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I can understand this, I used to get asked shit like this, it's been awhile, but I used to just ignore it and talk around the issue, cuz honestly I couldn't care less. Still, I used to try and find a woman, thing is, not saying all women are crazy, flippy floppy, moronic, overly emotional creatures, just, what I've found, is a LOT of women who I would classify as so psychologically unstable that they make me look like a granite fortress of mental stability, and being a slightly eccentric/nutty person myself, to say the least, this isn't exactly a very encouraging thing for me. Dated more than a few women over the years, I'm not some sort of trogloditic momma's basement dwelling cavegeek.

So yeah, when I ended up contracting genital herpes off of a chick who I was with for 5 months(my current longest relationship ever) who herself was a carrier, and didn't know, or so I am led to believe, after being in a relationship that cost me over $1000 due to my own stupidity, and after looking at how my life was stable, and enjoyable, and my friendships were great, and how having a woman in my life who I fell for, pulled apart the fabric of stability that allowed me to stay afloat, I ended up just... stopping.

If I find a woman who doesn't care that I won't be that into sex (mainly due to my condition, meaning I always hafta wear a condom, and since I may as well be wearing a steel banded tire for all the sensation I can feel through even the thinnest rubber, makes sex itself, pretty well pointless for me for the most part), a woman who I find interesting enough to stay with, one who is not either straight up stone/stump stupid, one who doesn't think I'm an immature baby for playing games from time to time, and who can appreciate that YES I AM allergic to cats(even though they are cute, and whatnot, I can appreciate that, and they tend to like me).

Yeah, also, I'm not a financial success, I'm not in the greatest physical shape, I don't drive, or have a car right now, I can't dance worth shit anymore, and I have a partially gimped leg, a bent spine(birth defect, barely noticable when I'm fit and muscly, which I currently am not, so yeah I have a hard time not slouching after I've been on my feet for any length of time.) a small dick, and a few other things that make me sufficiently less elligable than most if not all other men in the country in which I live.

I honestly don't care anymore, even the best relationships I've been in, have been short lived, generally end either with me ending it, or her ending it due to me being outshined by some other guy(big fucking suprise there).
Why would I continue to struggle away in a constant never ending battle to pursue a relationship, especially when I cannot find anyone who I find interesting enough to even ask out anymore.
Hell, the only women I've found attractive in the last year or so, have all been either married or engaged, or are in a relationship with a friend of mine (I will never let myself get into a situation where a friendship is threatened or damaged by my personal feelings of attraction to any woman, EVER, cuz in my life, without my friends, I would be starving on the street, so I won't jeapordize something as important as my relationship to those even closer to me than family, for any reason).

I won'd kid myself and say "I'm perfectly happy single." but I do know that I'm currently not interested in taking on the stress involved in bothering with such bullshit.

But hey, if I find someone who isn't more attracted to someone else, who I find interesting enough in the right way, then I'll be more than happy to transition from my single state into a relationship.

Until then, I will carry on, and I will continue to not give a shit.
 

thesilentman

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Jun 14, 2012
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We're hardwired for sex, that's the only explanation I can give. Other than that, just tell them you haven't found Mrs. Right yet.
 
Apr 24, 2008
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launchpadmcqwak said:
why do single people always have an excuse for being single...like it is their conscious decision to be single. It wouldnt bug me if maybe just a few people admitted they are bad with members of the opposite sex.
I'll admit it. I'll also admit that I'm bad with people of the same sex too.

I've carved out a niche, I at least know how to put people at ease...but it's a superficial way of dealing with people really. In social situations I get lost, never manage to find any kind of flow, and then quickly become exhausted by it.

Happy?
 

Zio_IV

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Sep 17, 2011
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launchpadmcqwak said:
why do single people always have an excuse for being single...like it is their conscious decision to be single. It wouldnt bug me if maybe just a few people admitted they are bad with members of the opposite sex.
Because there do exist people who truly don't care about being good with the opposite sex. Some people may be trying to make excuses, sure, but not all.
 

YingDerpington

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Apr 23, 2012
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Most likely because every single girl that has ever been interested me I unknowingly turned down, even when the flirting was amazingly obvious and unsubtle to everyone but me.

Also because I live in Australia and I just graduated, so just about all the girls in my age bracket will be shallow, I've gotten the line of "Why don't you have a girlfriend? You're always nice and you're a great listener" plenty of times from the women that aren't interested in me. None of them ever seem to be able to just come out and state that the reason is because I am a fugly bastard, like they're afraid of hurting my 'oh so sensitive feelings'. To sum up, it's because I am an ugly ************, oblivious to the most unsubtle hints and i'm never actively trying to look for or enter a relationship.
 

MrHide-Patten

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I never get asked that question, probably because I look like a cross between Jack Black & Shrek and Indie Games Developer isn't exactly a well paying job... unless your Notch.
 

DeltaEdge

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May 21, 2010
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Because I am socially awkward and lazy. I have been at college for over almost 3 months and only have 2 friends, my roommate, and my suite mate (our dorms consists of two double occupancy rooms connected by bathrooms spread out across the floor). I spent most of my time when not around friends feeling lonely and dejected about not having a girl friend but I just recently stopped caring. I don't know how I managed to do so, but I sure as hell am glad that is now the case because now I can finally enjoy all of my video games instead of constantly reflecting sadly on how I am forever alone.
 

Hell-On-Wheels

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Sep 30, 2011
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I've been asked that a few times.

The conversation usually boils down to:

A. Explaining what's it is like working as a through freight conductor. Especially the part about the 3 a.m. phonecalls that lead to myself disappearing for a couple of days.

B. The fact I live on a farm in what most people would consider the middle of nowhere.
 

SEPECAT

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Nov 15, 2010
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launchpadmcqwak said:
why do single people always have an excuse for being single...like it is their conscious decision to be single. It wouldnt bug me if maybe just a few people admitted they are bad with members of the opposite sex.
Thank you, everyone so far seems to be sweeping the idea of "girls don't like me" under the rug.

Meeting girls who were single was almost impossible for me until recently. Now all the single girls I'm meeting just don't click or have any similar interests so the search is kinda stale.
 

JagermanXcell

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I'm probably that 1% of single bros who really doesn't want a relationship and constantly gets that "Why don't you have a girlfriend?" phrase thrown at him. Which I take as a compliment.

When I was younger I was very flirtatious, it didn't end well, so I gave up and stuck with the friend card. Now I stay single because I want too. My relationship with the opposite gender is also very stable, I can thank the internet for that one (its the best source on how NOT to understand woman). Real talk though: Having just friends in high school right now is and I quote AWESOME. When I'm not home playing Dark Souls or at work for hours I'm out with friends watching movies and eating.
 

Olas

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Dec 24, 2011
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Ya, I always hated it in highschool when people asked me who I liked or why I didn't have a girlfriend. Why the fuck can't I just not be interested in relationships? Why can't there be more to me than that?

Every male, by nature of being born a male, is expected to want a girlfriend. As a rule you have to. If you say you don't your lying to cover up your shyness. You can't just not find romance appealing. I feel like it's a very specific social convention every single well adjusted person in the world is just expected to fall into.

No offense ladies, for the most part you're all wonderful people.