"Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

[Hagi]

Snippety

The reason you get horny is because your body wants to get down and dirty. If you don't get any it will go away on its own, sure. That doesn't mean horniness isn't entirely linked to a want for sex. And masturbation is just simulated sex.

And you do have "status bars". They don't float over your head but that doesn't mean they're not there. What do you think hunger and thirst is? It's your internal "status bars" telling you that you have a need that needs being filled. Sex and security have similar but less obvious "status bars". Healthy humans do want to have sex and we want to feel the security that comes with being part of a group that you can rely on. If we don't get one of these we do feel "bad". You feel lonely or you feel frustrated.

That in the end everything everywhere comes downs to atoms (I know there are smaller particles) in the end doesn't matter. We are an animal and like every animal we have instincts. The drive to procreate (sex) is one of these instincts.

Oh, come on...

Do you have any idea how unreliable hunger and thirst are when it comes to your body's actual needs? Just look at the vast amounts of obese people eating whenever they're hungry.

It's not a status bar, it's just a feeling. It has purpose and it's useful but it's not some sort of magical measuring device that monitors your body's need for nourishment. Simply eating the exact same quantities of food irregularly will cause it to go off, even though your body is getting enough to sustain itself.

All hunger is is the release of hormones, causing contractions in your stomach muscles. Hormones that are many times released when they're needed and often enough at times when they're not really needed, more of a first world problem though.

Those hormones and similar structures are at the basis of our psychology. Not the resulting feeling of hunger. And understanding that is vital to a healthy lifestyle. Understanding that feelings of hunger, thirst, lust, tiredness, fear etc. are simply that, feelings. They're simply warning signs of our body that something is going on, the result of incredibly complex interactions that occur in our nervous systems and bodies. They are not the building blocks of our psychology, they are merely the resulting awareness of it.

 

[Hoplon]

Because I can't eat a whole one in one sitting.

 

[theparsonski]

Mostly for the same reasons as you, but I know a girl who I've come to really like, so perhaps something will happen. Doesn't help that I went to a party last night, got pretty drunk, made an ass of myself in front of her and then got off with someone else, but I'm going to apologise for what I said to her at school tomorrow and then I'll see. I don't really know her that well, but I think there's definitely chemistry there.

I really hope it goes alright.

 

[Atrocious Joystick]

Snippety

quote]

Oh, come on...

Do you have any idea how unreliable hunger and thirst are when it comes to your body's actual needs? Just look at the vast amounts of obese people eating whenever they're hungry.

It's not a status bar, it's just a feeling. It has purpose and it's useful but it's not some sort of magical measuring device that monitors your body's need for nourishment. Simply eating the exact same quantities of food irregularly will cause it to go off, even though your body is getting enough to sustain itself.

All hunger is is the release of hormones, causing contractions in your stomach muscles. Hormones that are many times released when they're needed and often enough at times when they're not really needed, more of a first world problem though.

Those hormones and similar structures are at the basis of our psychology. Not the resulting feeling of hunger. And understanding that is vital to a healthy lifestyle. Understanding that feelings of hunger, thirst, lust, tiredness, fear etc. are simply that, feelings. They're simply warning signs of our body that something is going on, the result of incredibly complex interactions that occur in our nervous systems and bodies. They are not the building blocks of our psychology, they are merely the resulting awareness of it.

I never said hunger and thirst were as reliable as an Atomic Clock. But they are indicators of needs.

I'm not arguing that our perceived needs, emotions and even our very identity is in the end down to Chemicals and hormones. We are looking at different levels of the human experience. We are an animal, not unlike any other animal. We have similar needs and desires. Everything we do is intended to satisfy our needs and fulfill our desires. We are just extremely intelligent so we are much better at it. Dogs can form groups of a couple of dozen individuals, we can form nations of hundreds of millions of individuals. But the instinct is the same. The need to acquire safety and more effectively fulfill our desires through co-operation.

We have certain needs, these needs can not in the long term be completely denied and even if you succeded you would not be happy. I hold that since almost everybody procreates, and since so much of what we do is to attract a partner. That sex is one of our basic needs, just like hunger and thirst.

That it all comes down to Chemicals in the end is irrelevant.

 

[Kae]

Wait being asked that is a compliment?
Then I must be quite a catch because just two days ago when I was asked this question as soon as I said I didn't have one I got asked if I'm gay, so it must be quite preposterous that I'm single, odd I never thought of it like that I was just thinking that he was really annoying.

As for why don't I have one?
Eh.. I'm not really good with people and I don't really have any interest in that, so it would be odd to pursue such a thing.

 

[Chasing-The-Light]

To me, it sometimes feels as though saying, "Why don't you have a girlfriend?!" etc etc is almost a sort of social convention that we go through. Either, because we're friends and we want to show that we think you're an awesome guy and therefore should have one. Or because we're flirting and trying to show that you're boyfriend material. I equate it to when someone says, 'Hello! How are you!" And the immediate response is, "Fine" or "Good" regardless of the kind of day we're having.

I don't really know why society is obsessed with relationships and sex. Perhaps that unconscious primal desire to be with someone and procreate with someone? I'm not sure... personally, I'm in a relationship at the moment, but I usually prefer to be on my own. It's just simpler. I don't need to consider anyone else when planning life goals, and I can go and do whatever, whenever I want. Just a lot simpler that way.

 

[DevilWithaHalo]

I've noticed lately that people have met me and automatically assume I have a girlfriend. "You're handsome and smart and funny. Why don't you have one?" It's like they're saying "I know you're not a loser, and only single guys are losers". Yeah, with a college degree and a well-paying job I've accomplished a lot with my life before I've even hit 25. So people are shocked when I say I don't have one.

I came up with a pretty good response a few years ago...

"Wow, how can I guy like you be single?"
"If you're looking for a reason not to date me I'd be happy to provide you one."

It tends to confuse people long enough for me to just walk away from the conversation.

I would agree that 'most' people that ask that question are fishing. It's the ones that don't bother I'm interested in. Are they going to send a thank you card to my exes?

 

[Hagi]

Not arguing with you on that point. Sex, food, water, rest, security and entertainment are all very definitely human needs we require.

What I am arguing is that they're the definite complete list of human needs from which all human behaviour can be explained.

Explaining everything people do from such a small set of, usually, evolutionary-based needs just leads to incredibly convoluted reasoning and pseudo-psychology once you start getting into the full range of human behaviours.

It's been tried many times before. Freud tried putting sex as the origin of all behaviour and ended up all men secretly being in love with their mothers and all women secretly desiring to have a penis.

It just doesn't work. You can't simplify human behaviour down to such a list of abstract needs as their basis because the real basis of human behaviour doesn't lie in such a simple rational system but instead in a complex organic system. You can't just boil billions of neurons down to a small set of human needs from which all our decisions originate.

Yes, you need food in order to live a happy life. And water, sex, rest, security and entertainment. But how many people have those things and still don't consider themselves happy? Are they somehow mentally ill, having all your 'basic needs' but still needing other things? Or how about asexuals or even adrenaline junkies, eschewing either sex or security in their needs? Is there something wrong with those? Are they just pretending? How about art, philosophy and science? Is that merely entertainment? Our subconsciousness having figured out there better ways to achieve our needs? Then why do some people dedicate their lives to studying stars or ants? How would that possibly help them achieve that very short list of needs you say explain everything?

The full range of what we people do, from sending people to the moon to philosophising under the shower and from building pyramids for dead Pharaohs to fantasising about being a hero and saving the day, isn't so easily explained by a small and insignificant list of abstract needs.

 

[IckleMissMayhem]

Because relationships are fun.

Good relationships are good. And fun.

Bad relationships... not so much.

Oh GOD. Why can't married people understand that this is no longer a polite question to ask? We wouldn't rush up to THEM and roar, "How's your marriage going? Still having sex?" Everyone knows that dating in your thirties is not the happy-go-lucky free-for-it-all it was when you were twenty-two and that the honest answer is more likely to be, "Actually, last night my married lover appeared wearing suspenders and a darling little Angora crop-top, told me he was gay/a sex addict/a narcotic addict/a commitment phobic and beat me up with a dildo," than, "Super, thanks.?

SINGLETONS HURRAH!!!!! I love that book. Super excited for the third one, if/when it appears. Anyhoo... must drag self back on topic...

I am sick to death of being asked the same question. Unfortunately now, my mother has joined in the game of making comments about "I was pregnant with you when I was your age" (Grrrrr!) and my grandmother, bless her(!) has told me that "it's ok if you're one of those lezbons[sic]. There's lots of them around these days" (!!)

Putting up with the comments is easier in the long term than having the conversation about how, (two years ago) after spending nearly 5 years with a man I truly loved and thought I would spend the rest of my life with, waking up at 2am and finding him shagging someone else on our living-room sofa sorta left me feeling as though I can't trust anyone like that again and I can't trust myself to pick someone who won't turn around and do something similar... And until I do, I'd prefer to be single. Actually, no. I'm single and lonely and I fucking hate it, but vicious circle much?!! Arrrgh!!!!

Holy cheesetoasties, where did all that just spout from?! I'm nowhere near as depressed as that lot just made me sound, honest!!

 

[chaser5000]

I think it is more like they are recommending something they enjoy to you, like you may have told someone they should read this book, or watch this movie, or play this game.

 

[Patrick Buck]

I highly doubt going to a bar and picking up some random girl is going to make me feel better about my life.

Hmm... I pick up random girls in the library, is easier than a bar. 1: costs less and 2: easier to talk to each other.

THERE'S NO TALKING IN A LIBRARY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU SIR?!

And I don't know OP. I don't understand it either.

 

[Hoplon]

Because I can't eat a whole one in one sitting.

I love you man. Fuck these, lonely, worthless signleton pricks, let's get married!

[sub]*Just kidding guys. Please don't kill me *[/sub]

okay, but I haven't any space in my diary till 22nd of December. how does that suit you?

 

[ImBigBob]

It seems kind of paradoxical to me. I see PLENTY of people who stay in terrible relationships, and I can't imagine being in a bad relationship as still being preferable to being single. And it's not single girls who ask this question, it tends to be guys and married women.

 

[Filiecs]

I'm still single because I'm very picky. I'm looking for a certain kind of girl and hope that I find her. (Or she finds me)
Until then, I'm just going to be all alone.

 

[Berithil]

*shrug*

I don't have a girlfriend because it's not something that interests me at the moment. I've got more important things to worry about, more important than trying to get into a relationship.

Although I will say it's weird, what with all my peers my age having a significant other, and a lot even getting married (I'm 19 by the way 0.o)

Also, it is annoying having both my parents bugging me to get a girlfriend. Is it really that odd to not have "Being in a relationship" as my number one priority?

And lastly, I'll admit I'm pretty picky...

 

[Combustion Kevin]

"well shit, dude, I keep trying but I never seem to hold their interest, how was your goddamn morning?"

no seriously, this conversation actually took place.

 

[Ljs1121]

Most of the time, people skip asking why I don't have a girlfriend and just assume I'm gay.

I don't mind, though. They're just jealous of my faaaaaaabulous fashion sense.

 

[C F]

↑ Three posts up ↑

Hey, I'm right there with you. Except I'm eighteen. Though I'll likely be in the same shoes a year from now, so that doesn't actually mean much.

Having a relationship right out of the gate isn't important. I've got another seventy years, and nothing but patience.
Sweet, autonomous patience.

 

[AngloDoom]

I've noticed lately that people have met me and automatically assume I have a girlfriend. "You're handsome and smart and funny. Why don't you have one?"

Wow, what dicks.

Spoiler: Just in case....

/sarcasm

OT:

I've personally not had this sort of thing directed at me which, now I think about it, is making me paranoid. Are people just looking at me, assuming I'm already foreveralone and have come to accept it?
Oh gods!

 

[Calibanbutcher]

okay, but I haven't any space in my diary till 22nd of December. how does that suit you?

I'm ready.

This should be your new avatar.