"Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

[NoeL]

We want to eat, fuck and be safe from predators. Everything else comes from these needs.

I'm curious...

How exactly does making posts on an internet forum in any way at all contribute to eating, fucking or being safe from predators?

I reckon human psychology might just be a tad more complicated than you're making it out to be.

Sorry for barging in mid-conversation, but it's called 'Maslow's hierarchy of needs [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs]'. The basic idea is that people don't tend to seek the higher order needs until they've satisfied the ones beneath it (for example, if someone wants to both guard their property AND take a dump, they're going to prioritise taking that dump and won't care too much about guarding their property until they've 'satisfied' that need).

Not exactly what the guy said (that everything comes from these needs), but "psychologically healthy" people will try to satisfy those needs before jumping on The Escapist.

 

[White Lightning]

Because girls are dumb and have cooties.

Probably because that's how the media portrays how people should live.

 

[Twilight_guy]

Having a girlfriend is not a sign of being in a relationship/sex. It also shows that you are a social person and can meet girls/get out a lot/know how to meet people/etc. Its a sign of social ability as well as just being about sex. It's considered odd to have little to no relationships.

 

[Yopaz]

Some guys get all the luck . You get girls throwing pussy at you and you don't take it . I want your life . Mine is void of women offering me pussy on a platter . I'm totally jelous .

I hope this helps somewhat

I know I'm not a woman, but still... it's a pussy on a platter.

That guy is adorable! Finally someone on the internet offers pussy on a platter and comes through.

OT: Just do what I do when people ask me about my romance life. I always tell them I got 5 girlfriends. They're all in my freezer and I have taken parts from each and them to make one perfect girl. It stops all serious conversation and the topic wont be brought up for some time.

 

[Baron_Rouge]

Well, relationships might not be essential for all people, but I think it's safe to say they're essential for most. There are a lot of people out there who need relationships to feel happy, and even if they don't need one, I'd say most people want one. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with people who don't, but they are in the minority, and so all they're doing when they say that is assuming you're in the majority, which is a pretty reasonable assumption. I suspect it'd probably (unconsciously) work something like this: Most people want a girlfriend, you're statistically a part of the group "most people", you could get a girlfriend, why don't you have one? That assumption may be wrong, but it's certainly not unreasonable to make.

 

[mysecondlife]

I dunno, single people get that a lot, not just guys.

I think most people just automatically think the best thing to be is paired up, which it might not be for everybody.
Still, I wouldn't take it personally.
I always thought of the `why don't you have a girl/boyfriend thing` was a compliment but I guess it depends.

For me, it would be a compliment if you get it from stranger and rather annoying if you get that question from someone like your parents.

 

[Neksar]

Because I'm an antisocial **** who has no feel for social cues in any way, shape, or form, and am not very fit. That said, I also have only dated one woman, who left me so jaded after four years that I'm far too reluctant to allow myself to trust like that again. Two years later, here I sit, actually preferring to avoid the silliness that is the dating scene. The women I know disgust me with the extent to which they manipulate the emotions of their potential suitors. I understand that, to them, it is all good fun and part of the game, but I prefer more transparency.

As an extension of that, I'd prefer to be in a stable financial situation first; working as a lab tech while earning a masters' in chemistry. Women who are blunt and/or transparent also tend to like people with more money than the amount I earn TAing and tutoring. On the other hand, as mentioned above, I'm pretty cool with being single.

 

[Murais]

My family has started to ask me if I am gay. I suppose being a theatre major who graduated from a male-only high school doesn't help my case.

Honestly, there were long bouts of time where I had the poor me's about not being in a relationship, especially when I became so good at being the third wheel amongst my friend circles that I could have made a career of it.

Now that I'm older and know myself a little better, I understand why: I'm picky. Very picky. This is neither a good nor a bad thing, but I soon began to realize that I was subconsciously rebuffing all of the women I wasn't interested in. I accumulated a lot of apologies to make after I made that discovery. I hurt a lot of feelings unwittingly.

I still get a little ego-hurt when I get the kind of question you describe, but it subsides much more quickly now when I realize that it is a choice and not a consequence. If you're the kind of person who doesn't settle, you shouldn't feel bad about it. Likewise, the suppositions of others on your social status because of your relationship status should be treated with equal irreverence. If you know why you're still single, and you're happy (or at least accepting) with the reasons you are single, then it doesn't really matter what people think out loud in your direction.

The questions will come, because they always do. But your conviction and commitment to yourself and your self-expression through a healthy, happy relationship should not falter. That conviction is the best shield you will ever have against the onslaught of the curious, and the subversion of your own doubts.

 

[Trippy Turtle]

Because relationships are fun.

Fun. Lets just forget about all the fighting and more than likely eventual breakup and awkward period.
Not that I would know, that just seems to be the only thing I ever see. I can't see how any of the perks make up for that.

 

[Neksar]

Another random thought - does anyone else have an inkling about how weird it is that, at least in America, there's an emphasis on individualism, but the idea of a marriage/relationship culture seems to suggest that you're weird for not seeking your own happiness before seeking it in someone else?

captcha: have an inkling. Felt like I needed to incorporate it into the post.

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

We want to eat, fuck and be safe from predators. Everything else comes from these needs.

I'm curious...

How exactly does making posts on an internet forum in any way at all contribute to eating, fucking or being safe from predators?

I reckon human psychology might just be a tad more complicated than you're making it out to be.

This question is partly answered when you look at the contents of the posts. Most of them scream "I'm right and you're not!!!" (including this one, and yours). Wanting to move up in some mode of the cultural hierarchy is part of how we acquire mates and survive.

 

[Daniel Ferguson]

I am not handsome, in shape, or particularly smart. People have told me I'm boring (though since those days I've grown and people say I'm awesome). Alas, online nobody responds, or if they do they won't go out with me, and if they say they will, they'll typically turn around and suddenly - and conveniently - have a boyfriend the next day, or come up with excuses not to meet. And in real life, I've yet to meet anyone single AND willing. In fact I can count maybe 4 who were actually single when I met them. Just four. One I only sort-of fancied, sometimes, and not strongly. The rest don't interest me at all, which is typical of the single women I do meet, which are both rare and don't have any common interests.

OT: I hear you, man. I only find drunk/loose/uninteresting women, and I don't want that. People do like how I've managed to "wait" so long, even though I don't have a choice in the matter. I think it's because I'm over 25 that it's somewhat admirable.

I now have a degree and a driver's licence, which will probably help in future. I also don't care about getting a girlfriend any more, which means I'm supposed to have found someone by now - you know, "The moment you stop looking, you find someone". Well I've stopped looking and it hasn't happened yet. But maybe it's because I looked for about 8 years, and it'll thus take a proportionate amount of time before someone finds me. Or whatever.

 

[Not Matt]

mom? what are you doing on he escapist?

you don't NEED one it's just nice to to have one.
the girl in your life will always be better then a life without your girl. she will make you a better person and will introduce you to new things. girlfriends are like candy, you don't need one. you want one. therefor you get one. yay



side note:

Hmm... I pick up random girls in the library, is easier than a bar. 1: costs less and 2: easier to talk to each other.

it works *kisses thekasp on the top of his head* you're a genius. it is easier to talk and they are more intellectual (and it cost less). thank you

 

[Captain Anon]

because i'm overweight and a gamer nerd and i go to a disabled school plus i don't care about what i wear.

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

(Responding to OP not title)

Because it is an achievement, and for some people, incredibly hard. You don't necessarily see it that way because apparently you're alright with talking to people and basically have your pick. Not everyone does, and from that perspective it's strange that you don't exercise that skill.

 

[Saulkar]

Because it consumes time and I have not met anyone I am willing to give that time to. When I meet that person I will give them all the time I humanly can without affecting my job and arts or over saturating our relationship. I am still undecided as to whether or not I want a girlfriend or a boyfriend.

 

[conmag9]

I suspect people care because it seems an anomaly. Most people want to find love, so when someone doesn't either fit or appear to seek to fit that mold, it stands out.

Me, I don't want a relationship like that. They're high investments on time and energy (physical and emotional), their endings (which happens more often than not, eventually) tend to be painful, I'm the type who prefers dealing with people (even people I'm very fond of) in small doses, and the type of women that I would find attractive are the type that I could never keep up with. There are quite a few other reasons, but in the end it's not really for me. My best wishes to those who are looking for love, and I shall leave the field one man clearer for you.

 

[A Satanic Panda]

Because relationships are fun.

Fun. Lets just forget about all the fighting and more than likely eventual breakup and awkward period.
Not that I would know, that just seems to be the only thing I ever see. I can't see how any of the perks make up for that.

Well there's your problem. Who ever told you that is full of it.

 

[Childe]

LOl I never been asked if i have a girlfriend. And humanity seems to have, as Obi Wan would put it, a giant sith complex. If someone isn't dong something exactly one way then they have to be the other way. i.e. if you don't have a girlfriend then your gay. Thankfully never really been asked if i was gay except by a close friend that was a girl, who i actually liked. That hurt lol. Anyway on topic I've never believed in the whole dating for dating's sake; I'm extremely old fashioned and well really picky. I have also inherited my fathers belief in beauty is only brain deep. Long story short my magic eight ball predicts I'm going to be single for a long while =/:{

 

[Mr.Cynic88]

My theory about why I don't have a girlfriend boils down to: girls don't like what I have to offer.

I'm the kind of person that isn't necessarily immediately likable. I love to think, and that usually manifests itself into me challenging people's ideas even if its just in a "devil's advocate" sense. I have plenty of meaningful friendships, but it takes time to understand where I am coming from.

Generally speaking, since girls have control of the dating market, I'm not nearly as appealing as somebody who seems to agree with their values, even if the guy is speaking a load of shit just to get laid. Since I value sex far less than I value a meaningful relationship, I'm waiting to meet a girl who appreciates my unique qualities.

Statistically it makes sense that I'm single. As a 24 year old who is no longer bunched together with a substantial number of peers like in high school or when I lived in a college dorm, I don't meet new people all that often. Most (attractive) girls I meet are serial daters, so they require that perfect storm moment when they are looking for something their current boyfriend isn't offering. Finding a girl that is single and looking is rare enough, and then finding a girl who appreciates my sarcastic sense of humor and liberally minded ways is even tougher.

My past relationships have all been mentally unhealthy. Part of that is that since I'm bi-polar and suffer from anxiety, the girls I most relate with have similar issues. This has sort of poisoned me to the opposite sex, and given me a skewed view of how women are.

It used to really bother me that girls generally don't want a relationship with me, but I've come to terms with the fact that I don't need a partner until I find somebody who I'm compatible with. In many ways it's nice to live alone and watch what I want, play video games when I want, and go to bed whenever and wherever I please.

I've been single for the last year, and I see it as a way to more fully understand myself without being distracted by somebody else's desires. It's important to fully develop independence before any co-dependence. My mom tells me that since she got married at my age, there are some things that she never learned. She's never handled personal finances or negotiated with a car dealer, and she didn't develop self-confidence until she became a mother in her 30s.

My friend recently remarked that she doesn't feel comfortable without sleeping next to her boyfriend - a relationship she's had since high school - so at least I get the benefit of knowing that the source of my happiness lies in me, and not a significant other.