Why is it almost taboo to enjoy being alone?

[renegade7]

Yea my roommate pulls that crap too.

When he's failing a class: "Well at least I leave the room and have friends!" (I take my studies very seriously, so I always finish my homework crap first regardless of how long it takes. He doesn't)

I tell him he should study more: "The social and life experience of college is the most important part, not like you would understand!" /goes off to drink and party/

The amusing thing is that due to whatever problems he has, he utterly lacks social and interpersonal skills. So when he starts talking about (of all the damned things) his weight with a girl he is trying to pick up (which he does with almost every girl he meets) and she leaves like any normal girl would, and I try to give him some pointers about more appropriate conversation topics, he brushes me off by saying "I'm not taking girl advice from you, you don't even go to parties!" (I'm not kidding. That is exactly what he says. Every single time)

But in short, anyone who resorts to saying you spend too much time by yourself has run out of valid criticisms.

 

[Ishal]

I'm "the lonely only child" the "demographic disaster" so I was spoiled a bit, but not intentionally.

( I'm intrigued by threads like this, makes me happy I joined these forums. Are there any other only children here? )

But back on topic, I don't generally like being too social and I'm often strongly and cruelly ridiculed for it. I don't consider myself that great looking, and most attempts at relationships I've failed at (the ones where I've asked girls out). I'm not really an introvert though, that is to say, if one would examine my time at uni, they would find a uni ambassador, a teaching assistant, a member of the activity board, and mentor of freshmen as well as a volunteer tutor. I couldn't have done all that if I was an introvert. But I always had to turn on the charm and "play the game" as it were. I'm quite good at it. But its only superficial really. Once people get to know me they prob won't want to continue hanging out with me, unless they somehow share similar interests.

I dislike clubbing and bars (I never drink or have been drunk and generally am ill at ease around most drunk people)
I don't enjoy team sports
I'm a gamer who has an eclectic taste even in videogames
I recently discovered that I enjoy My Little Pony

Alone time is the most rewarding. Growing up my parents worked all the time and were older than most parents to begin with, because of that I'm pretty sure I matured far quicker than the peers in my age group. Also, no matter what happened with friends that I had, almost 90% of the fun I ever had was by myself either golfing, hiking, running, swimming, reading, playing guitar, and yes.. since I'm posting on the escapist.. videogames.

I've also had experiences where people try and force their social lives on me, and when I object I'm ridiculed and insulted. Its not too fun, so I just walk away usually.

Alone time is something I'll be having for a long long time. Its probably a good thing I mostly enjoy it.

 

[velcrokidneyz]

I just got out of a long term relationship recently and I am remembering why I also prefer time to myself, yes I too have some great friends that I enjoy hanging out with but I honestly like to be by myself and do my own thing.

 

[Satocreed]

Live life how best it makes you happy, I say. Then again I was (and still am) the guy that no one even bothered to approach about being alone. I have good friends, just don't spend every waking moment with them. Then again I'm also a man who is neither a zealot nor a wild party animal, which is exceedingly rare in my community.

 

[SmegInThePants]

I have had the same problem.

I'm actually very social, not shy at all, often the life of the party. But i usually prefer to be alone.

Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy hanging w/friends, but I prefer to do it like once a month. The trouble is, I go hang w/friends and we have a great time, then they want to hang again - the very next day. So I of course, decline. Then I decline again the next time they ask, and yet again the next time they ask, and yet again the next time they ask, so they begin to think I don't like them or that I'm a dick or that i'm having a secret love affair w/their mom.

They don't understand that although I really enjoy their company, I'm just not a party sort of person where I can enjoy partying every weekend all weekend, taking completely from any time I could have for myself. Although I really enjoy parties, going out to the bar w/friends, or even just going to see a movie w/friends, part of the reason I so enjoy it is that I don't do it *all the time* like they do. Its rarity makes it even more fun. For me at least.

Just as they see me as being anti-social and worry about my well being, I see them as being far too social, consumed w/the need to always be in a party, and conversely worry about them. It goes both ways.

 

[Jamieson 90]

Because we live in a world where the extroverts way of life is predominant. If you don't enjoy partying, meeting up with loads of friends then you're anti-social and a loner.

This article goes a long way to explaining why extroverts don't understand introverts.

http://mysuperchargedlife.com/blog/extraverts-dont-understand-introverts/

 

[Murmillos]

Because generally, the ape species (that we branch off from) have been small group socially dynamic. So for most people, there is that innate instinctual desire to be around other people. So when they are around other people who don't share that behavior, they view that as being abnormal; thus, feel its ok to use it as an insult.

 

[Meatspinner]

The closer you get to thirty the less people will give a shit.

For some reason everybody has a strong opinions how "young" people should live their lives.

 

[Galletea]

Generally people like to assume that stuff they like is stuff everyone likes.

Even my bf of 9 years occasionally makes sure I don't mind that I don't have many friends that I hang out with, but I've always been like that. I have a couple of good friends who happen to be in other parts of the country at the mo and I spend most of my time being creative or just pottering about the house (as there is a lot of pottering about the house that needs doing, it's not really a hobby, I'm not that weird)
I can socialize if the fancy takes me, but generally I'm quite content in my own company.

 

[IronMit]

This article pretty much nails small minded people with no perspective but their society approved lifestyle.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-20219349


''They look down from the high castle of coupledom, protected from such a fate. But if I were to ask: "Why have you settled for him? Why are you stuck with her? Were you so afraid of being alone?" such questions would be thought rude, intrusive.

Last week a friend of mine went on a date. A foolish thing to do. The man she met had been married three times and had a child by each wife. An example of emotional continence I'm sure you'll agree. And he asked my friend, single and childless, why she had failed at life.

It was a shortish date. Failed at life?''

 

[sam13lfc]

I'm pretty introverted, which you may be too, and we're pretty poorly understood for some reason

 

[dvd_72]

I know how you feel. While I enjoy being social (and indeed, after extended time alone I feel I NEED to get out and be with people) I also really enjoy being alone (if I've been too socially active for too long I just want to get away and be on my own for a bit).

There is nothing wrong with being comfortable in your own company. In fact I'd say that's a prefer quality. Someone who isn't afraid to be alone with themselves and their thoughts is usually someone who is comfortable with their identity and independent enough to not need constant affirmation from their peers.

If you literally had no friends then while the above might still be true, it would indicate a lack in social skills. As we are social creatures this can and is seen as a failing in someone's character. As you said you have friends, I don't see this applying to you.

In the end there is nothing wrong with enjoying alone time but as with everything the key is moderation. Are you able to be social now and then? IF so then continue to enjoy your own company and ignore those who try to make you feel guilty for doing so.

 

[Angie7F]

I an am introvert through and through and I need two days of sleep to recover from spending time with groups of more than two.
My best friend, mother and aunt is a total extrovert.
All of the shut the F**k up after an attempted suicide after they took me to a party I did not want to go to.

People just need to accept that a lot of people prefer to spend time alone.

So, yeah, I totally support you and think that there is no need for you to change.

 

[A.A.K]

2 main philosophies of thought - at least in the West.

1. People are inherently social. People want people. We see value in others, intellectually, sexually, emotionally, etc.
Someone who isn't social then, is fighting common human nature.
2. People are inherently anti-social, however, people need people. We need them for a functional society, functional relationships, mindsets, etc etc.
Someone who is anti-social then, is fighting basic human necessity.

 

[Cranky]

Wow, sure seems to be tons of relatable people here. I wonder of its that that makes us come here to post? To get social interactions?

Ontopic: I'm introverted too, though I've always wanted a close companion.

 

[DTWolfwood]

Propagation of the species is a genetic imperative. Therefore, being anti-social, alone, and not actively seeking companionship is frown upon in ALL SOCIETIES. Its not uniquely a first world thing.

Personally I don't see a problem with anyone wanting to be alone forever, do what makes you happy. If everyone only worried for themselves the world would be a better place lol.

Also "It's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all."

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

Propagation of the species is a genetic imperative. Therefore, being anti-social, alone, and not actively seeking companionship is frown upon in ALL SOCIETIES. Its not uniquely a first world thing.

Personally I don't see a problem with anyone wanting to be alone forever, do what makes you happy. If everyone only worried for themselves the world would be a better place lol.

Also "It's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all."

In fact, you could make a pretty good argument that first world societies, with their higher wages and better standard of living, are the /only/ societies in the world where a loner can survive, let alone where they're accepted. I mean, extreme example but if you need three generations of your family to work your farm, you literally can't afford to be anti-social.

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

I've had as slightly similar argument with a sibling like the OP had and one of their greatest battle plans is to try to put me down on anything that they believe will hurt me, as well as them being more out-going. It didn't work, obviously, because they are a sad, immature excuse of a flesh sack that tries to hang out with the older, cooler crowd, doing idiotic things and being allowed to do so because they are not worth the time for our parents (seriously).

They tried to harp on how I am an introvert because I would spend a good deal of time in my room. This is a crime because...? I have everything that I like in my room. Its the smallest in the house, yes, but all my books, fictional works, movies, video games, laptops, and TV fit perfectly, so I have a place to spend my time in. Also, I always get sunlight and fresh air in my room, and if I want to go outside, the door is right across the hall. I enjoy being in my room when I have nothing to do and no where else to go; no one else in my home does.

My sibling is the one with the issues; all they do in their room is sleep and they only spend time outside because the desktop is in the dinning room and they needed to move the Wii out in the living room because it was "interfering with his studies," so now he watches Netflix in the living room instead of their room.

Bottom line is that if you have some place to go to where you can relax, kudos to you. If you enjoy your time spent being alone, that's fine as well. No says you have to interact with people daily; just be mindful and respectful of others when you do need to speak with them.

 

[Product Placement]

In japan, loners are actually becoming a genuine concern among people. They have their own word for such people, "Hikikomori", which basically means shut-ins or hermits.

Basically, the irony is that they allowed a culture of loners to develop there, and now they have over million people who are not actively seeking employment, dating, having kids or anything else that a normal sociable person would do.

Many things are blamed for this development, for example the ever growing Otaku culture, the fact that school/workplace bullying is so rampant and isn't being dealt with anyone, the fact that mothers tend to provide food and financial support to people who develop these anti-social tendencies, thus they never need to leave their place to get money or food. Of course, one of the biggest contributer to the problem is the Internet; some work via Internet, purchase everything they need via Internet, communicate with other people via Internet but they have otherwise never left their house in years.

So basically, the fundamental reason why people are talking more and more about the Hikikmori is because there's now a really big shortage of births in Japan. A healthy society needs about 2.2-2.3 births, on average, per couple, in order to maintain a stable population (the .2 - .3 is to compensate for people who die young or never have children of their own). Japan's national birth rate is around 1.3, making it one of the countries with the smallest birth rates in the world; birth rate in the capital is only 1.09. This problem has persisted for 20 years now, meaning that the percentage of young people and children are shrinking, while people that are retired or about to be retired are growing.

And that is one of the reasons why being a shut-in is a taboo; you're not making babies.

 

[Andalusa]

There was a point in my life not too long ago when I literally had no time to myself. Not even when I was sleeping. If I wasn't at work surrounded by people I was at home surrounded by people, if I wasn't there I was out with friends surrounded by people, if I wasn't there I was in my bed that I shared with the boyfriend. I managed to stick it out for about 2 weeks before I lost it. Broke up with the boyfriend, fell out with my friends, pushed my family away from me and distanced myself at work.

I thrive on solitude. There's nothing wrong with it. It's all well and good talking about any problems you might be having, but I need me time to work through it.

Some people need to be surrounded by others. For the same reason I need solitude, they need constant company.