Have I actually seen a person die? No. But in June one of my closest friends who I'd known for sixteen years was killed after a two car collision that killed three others and left one car a fireball. He was only 21. I've known his family most of my life and worked with his sister at the time and she called me to tell me, absolutely hysterical.
My reaction varied over time. At first, I was shocked; this was the first death of anyone close to me, and after that I cried for an hour, even while I was still on the phone. Then all of a sudden; all I felt was a sort of responsibility to both him and his sister. The day after it happened I was due to be catching a train to go on holiday in the morning, but I took a detour to go and lay flowers for my friend first. There was a journalist there at the time and he asked questions. I didn't give my friends name out of respect for the family but I felt I needed to tell everyone what a wonderful person he was, but then my mood changed to anger when the journalist (who I know was probably just doing his job) started asking whether the crash was his fault, or if he was on drugs when I knew for a fact that he had been a back seat passenger. I called his sister again that afternoon and she thanked me for what I said about him in the newspaper, and once I got back home I went straight to see her where we worked and stayed there the rest of the day just reminiscing.
I grieved again at his funeral, but once it was over I felt strangely peaceful; I don't know if that's common since it's the first funeral I've attended. I visited his grave two weeks ago and it just felt like I was visiting an old friend, regardless of the fact that he was buried. But sometimes I do catch myself remembering how quickly I stopped crying when others were still crying around me, and I do wonder whether I accepted it too soon, even though I know we all cope differently.