Witty/Effective Threats

[Drakmorg]

I haven't seen any recent threads regarding this so I thought I'd make one

"We're about to play a little game called 'Hide the shoe'. Lemme explain, the hiding place is your ass."
"All aboard the pain train to beat-town. We'll be making stops at punch-you-in-the-face-ville and stomp-on-your-head-junction."

That's all I got right now.

 

[Neonbob]

"I'm going to shove my foot so far up your ass, your tongue will have athlete's foot."

*looks at watch*
"Oh, look at that. It's time for your hourly ass kicking."

 

[Calobi]

"I will stab you."

It's less witty, and more direct. Plus, it makes the shock on their face when you shoot them all the sweeter.

 

[walls of cetepedes]

"You like your balls? How about if I sewed then into your mouth, eh?"

 

[Malevolent Stranger]

I'mma kick your ass so hard you're going to be shitting sneakers for weeks.


I'll send Chuck Norris on you.

 

[happysock]

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?'

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add.

Not so much threats ,more just witty/funny sayings

 

[Pandalisk]

"Ill Ram My fist into your Stomach, and tear out your goddamn spine!"

"Ill hit your so hard that your head will be rammed into your shoulders and you'll have to unbutton your vest to eat"

"Hey there princess, Someone here is in real trouble"

"i eat green berets for breakfast"

i once said to my friend, "oH you think thats funny do'ya?! Well im gonna kill your mother then kill your farther and your sister! then ill feed them to your dog and chop up your dog and feed your dog to you!"

my insanity was showing that day.

 

[lasherman]

"I'm gonna rip out your eyes and shove 'em down your pants so you can watch me kick your ass!"
Thank you Moe Syzlak

Also, one from said by Alice from Dilbert "I'll pound your head so far down into your torso, you'll have to drop your pants to say hello"

 

[Dash-X]

"You won't see me in the parking lot."

 

[Dogstile]

"I'm going to grab your fingers and break them, then I'm going to sew them together so you can flap about in pain like a chicken after!"

 

[Calobi]

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?'

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add.

While these were interesting to read, what did they have to do with pretty much anything at all?

Edit: OK, you addressed my question. Carry on, sir.

 

[Xero Scythe]

"Ill Ram My fist into your Stomach, and tear out your goddamn spine!"

"Ill hit your so hard that your head will be rammed into your shoulders and you'll have to unbutton your vest to eat"

"Hey there princess, Someone here is in real trouble"

"i eat green berets for breakfast"

you really like the third one, don'tcha?

my favorite is my motto:
you think you're fast, eh? think you're fast enough to outrun these?

 

[happysock]

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?'

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add.

While these were interesting to read, what did they have to do with pretty much anything at all?

Edit: OK, you addressed my question. Carry on, sir.

After i wrote it I thought exactly the same thing as you and told myself to sit in the corner in shame and think about what I had just done

 

[Drakmorg]

Got some more

"I'm gonna beat you so hard your grandmother will die."
if he responds "My grandma's already dead."
"Then I'll beat you so hard she comes back to life, so I can beat you harder and kill her again."

"I'll knock you onto Queer street." which is to say, I'm gonna hit him so hard he won't want to make love to women anymore

 

[happysock]

So your offering me double glazing eh come in and sit down next to my shotgun cabinet

 

[Mookie_Magnus]

"I'll eat your family..." That one's scary on many levels.

 

[Kuchinawa212]

I'm going to gut you like a cornish game hen

just random enough for them to be confused and you knock them out

( I do not condone the use of violence of course)

 

[Calobi]

After i wrote it I thought exactly the same thing as you and told myself to sit in the corner in shame and think about what I had just done

At least you realized what you had done and fixed it. That makes you a better person than most.

 

[muckinscavitch]

"I'm gonna rip off your balls and shove 'em up your ass, so that next time you take a shit, you shit all over your balls!"

teehee, pretty sure it is from Team America