Women Troubles
- Thread starter Paragon Fury
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I don't get why the only posts you reply to are the silly ones. =PParagon Fury said:
Well.... that is a bonus.Golan Trevize said:
Plus I think its nice to be with someone who is accepting of your hobby, especially if you spend a lot of your time playing.
Because while I don't want the thread to die, I'm not quite up to answering or properly responding to the more serious ones yet.Phasmal said:
That and there are a few posts here which are just kind of "dead-end" posts which don't leave a lot of room for responding.
I wouldn't. Anyone who asks me to give up the hobbies I love, is not the love of my life.Golan Trevize said:
I'm going to hazard a guess that the OP is somewhat reclusive in general (can't be sure unless he tells us), not just towards women. I don't mean that in any cruel way, since this was an issue I had for a few years. Even if I'm wrong this post might still be relevant.Mortai Gravesend said:
The problem with being "dangerously" reclusive (as was my case) is that the major influencing factor in your life is media. And modern media is poison. It is a horrible learning apparatus, since its 80% bullshit and 20% fantasy. I would also say that Anime is likely the worst influence in this regard, especially as a westerner. Why? Because Anime (even those "slice of life" anime) are, far more often then not, a complete fantasy that obscures or ignores real expectations... and this is coming from a very different culture too, resulting in a very alien and inappropriate influence.
This isn't a rant against anime, I like anime... not as much as I used to, but I do like it. Again this is just an experience I had. A few years ago I was in a pretty low point in my life and I withdrew from... well, everything. Films, games, comics, books... all these things were, seemingly, keeping me sane during this time, but due to almost entirely cutting out social contact it started to warp my perceptions.
During a phase of reading and watching a few too many romances, my brain (I'd say heart, but that's not technically correct) literally started feeling a longing for a relationship (I was 21 so it wasn't a bizarre notion). I didn't think much of it at first, but after breaking out of the slump I was in I suddenly realised how bizarre some of my idle fantasies were. If I was to approach any sane person with this frame of mind I would have sent them running... I was quite literally deluded.
I did a double take on certain things I've done up to the point of lucidity, and I ended up scrapping a dozen stories (i'm a wannabe writer and an animator in training) that were just creepy in retrospect.
I was shocked about how much reclusion affected me and how badly media warped my mind (even biological urges were skewed). I was revolted. A lesson was learned (and an idea for a thesis was formed) during this time.
What made me realise just how off my view on life became, was just by interacting with other people. The more I reintegrated with people the more fallacies were shown for what they were.
I needed counseling to get out of the worst of the damage, and I still go to counselling as I find myself questioning my rationality sometimes and I need another person, not family, to verify my rationales integrity.
So in conclusion, and in response to your comment, I only have this to say. Introspection requires a reference... if that reference is bad then your views get skewed. You quite literally become delusional. There is no natural baseline for us to run off of as we, as people, are products of our environment (more or less).
EDIT: "Quite Literally" must be my word for the day.
OP, I think you are really overestimating the effect your enjoyment of anime has on people.
When women write up a list of "deal breakers" in potential partners, things like: must have same religion, own hair and teeth, financially stable, not an alcoholic or drug taker generally go on the list.
Many people you would meet in a social situation (other than some sort of anime convention) and talk to about anime would actually have no idea what the fuck you are talking about. Most people won't think your particular taste in anime is weird, they won't distinguish between good anime, bad anime, perverted creepy anime, or whatever it is you are watching (those videos are blocked for my country so I don't know what the are, but I'll assume they are kind of creepy).
That doesn't mean you should hide it, it just means it's not a great conversation topic.
Her: "So what do you like to do?"
Paragon Fury: "I like anime"
Her: "what's that?"
Paragon Fury: "a style of animated cartoon that originated from Japan intended mostly for adults"
Her: "Oh. Right."
Paragon Fury: "So what do you like to do?"
Her: "[insert some obscure girly shit that you've never heard of]"
Paragon Fury: "I don't know what that is, what exactly is a Kardashian?"
And then the conversation continues since now your talking about her, or the local band playing in the pub you're in, or the coffee in the coffee shop where you are chatting to her, or the weather outside... etc. My point is you're not going to spend 20 minutes describing the difference between the finer points of Cat Planet Cuites and Witchhunter Robin, because she simply doesn't care.
It's quite possible that she could be the love of your life and the two of you get married and live together for 60 years, and during that whole time she still never gives a fuck about your love for anime, to her its just a hobby you have that doesn't interest her.
When I first met my wife I was about 20 hours into Final Fantasy X. During those next few weeks I must have put 60 more hours into that game, though god knows how given the amount of hours we spent shagging. Man those were good times, shit I miss the hours we spent in that apartment. where was I going with this point?.. Oh that's right - we've been together for 10 years and she has never played video games with me or asked me about them, anymore than I go shoe shopping with her or listen to her gossiping with her friends. We have similar values, similar intellect, compatible sense of humour, and are compatible in bed. I think having separate interests is nothing but healthy for adults
I would have replied sooner but got distracted by this post
When women write up a list of "deal breakers" in potential partners, things like: must have same religion, own hair and teeth, financially stable, not an alcoholic or drug taker generally go on the list.
Many people you would meet in a social situation (other than some sort of anime convention) and talk to about anime would actually have no idea what the fuck you are talking about. Most people won't think your particular taste in anime is weird, they won't distinguish between good anime, bad anime, perverted creepy anime, or whatever it is you are watching (those videos are blocked for my country so I don't know what the are, but I'll assume they are kind of creepy).
That doesn't mean you should hide it, it just means it's not a great conversation topic.
Her: "So what do you like to do?"
Paragon Fury: "I like anime"
Her: "what's that?"
Paragon Fury: "a style of animated cartoon that originated from Japan intended mostly for adults"
Her: "Oh. Right."
Paragon Fury: "So what do you like to do?"
Her: "[insert some obscure girly shit that you've never heard of]"
Paragon Fury: "I don't know what that is, what exactly is a Kardashian?"
And then the conversation continues since now your talking about her, or the local band playing in the pub you're in, or the coffee in the coffee shop where you are chatting to her, or the weather outside... etc. My point is you're not going to spend 20 minutes describing the difference between the finer points of Cat Planet Cuites and Witchhunter Robin, because she simply doesn't care.
It's quite possible that she could be the love of your life and the two of you get married and live together for 60 years, and during that whole time she still never gives a fuck about your love for anime, to her its just a hobby you have that doesn't interest her.
When I first met my wife I was about 20 hours into Final Fantasy X. During those next few weeks I must have put 60 more hours into that game, though god knows how given the amount of hours we spent shagging. Man those were good times, shit I miss the hours we spent in that apartment. where was I going with this point?.. Oh that's right - we've been together for 10 years and she has never played video games with me or asked me about them, anymore than I go shoe shopping with her or listen to her gossiping with her friends. We have similar values, similar intellect, compatible sense of humour, and are compatible in bed. I think having separate interests is nothing but healthy for adults
I would have replied sooner but got distracted by this post
How have I never heard of this band? WTF they have been around 10 years? I enjoyed this song and have just bought a few songs. Thanks for putting me onto The NationalMoth_Monk said:OP you should get some sun... [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hf02SGcMPvo#t=0m20s]
I'll try to respond to as many of the posts I can here.
Yes, I know those three anime were full of boobs - and Sekirei and CPC kind of are. So is Witchblade, but then it also actually the story and characters to back it up, so its less fanservice than one might think. And yes, I do like boobs, particularly larger ones. I always have, but I never let it dictate anything I do - at least I hope not.
I have tried finding anime/video game conventions and the like, but they simply don't go on over this side of the country, except in NYC - which means I couldn't go if I wanted to. There were no anime/game clubs at university - and most of the people who like those kinds of things at school weren't very accepting of new people, and a few of them even Jurgen from WH40K would've avoided.
As for women not being a different species - while yes, technically true, the gulf of difference in experience and interaction may as well make it true. And when most of your interactions with females your own age over the course of your life have been negative, that just makes things worse. Sure, I got over it, but that doesn't make things any easier.
And yes, money does matter because it is one of the biggest influences of your SES (SocioEconomic Status) which is directly linked to your ability to find, attract and get along with potenial mates/members of the other gender. While you might argue that it isn't the determining factor, there is absolutely zero way for you to truthfully argue that anyone benefits from being financially stunted in social situations.
While I have been to therapy, I can't say it really helped - it was the university's free therapy, and it really just one of those talking therapies. While it brought up some interesting things (IE: that I might anime and things like that as symptoms rather than causes), I can't really say it solved anything.
For the age thing, while some people say I will have plenty of time, I have a hard time agreeing. This is the in people's lives where the important things get done, or the groundwork for them to be done gets laid. It might seem like cold math, but odds, particularly for men, first entering or finding a good relationship as they get much older do not improve - neither do women's, but men get much worse - which isn't good news.
Yes, I know those three anime were full of boobs - and Sekirei and CPC kind of are. So is Witchblade, but then it also actually the story and characters to back it up, so its less fanservice than one might think. And yes, I do like boobs, particularly larger ones. I always have, but I never let it dictate anything I do - at least I hope not.
I have tried finding anime/video game conventions and the like, but they simply don't go on over this side of the country, except in NYC - which means I couldn't go if I wanted to. There were no anime/game clubs at university - and most of the people who like those kinds of things at school weren't very accepting of new people, and a few of them even Jurgen from WH40K would've avoided.
As for women not being a different species - while yes, technically true, the gulf of difference in experience and interaction may as well make it true. And when most of your interactions with females your own age over the course of your life have been negative, that just makes things worse. Sure, I got over it, but that doesn't make things any easier.
And yes, money does matter because it is one of the biggest influences of your SES (SocioEconomic Status) which is directly linked to your ability to find, attract and get along with potenial mates/members of the other gender. While you might argue that it isn't the determining factor, there is absolutely zero way for you to truthfully argue that anyone benefits from being financially stunted in social situations.
While I have been to therapy, I can't say it really helped - it was the university's free therapy, and it really just one of those talking therapies. While it brought up some interesting things (IE: that I might anime and things like that as symptoms rather than causes), I can't really say it solved anything.
For the age thing, while some people say I will have plenty of time, I have a hard time agreeing. This is the in people's lives where the important things get done, or the groundwork for them to be done gets laid. It might seem like cold math, but odds, particularly for men, first entering or finding a good relationship as they get much older do not improve - neither do women's, but men get much worse - which isn't good news.
*sigh*Paragon Fury said:
What does that have to do with anything?
Were the interactions you had bad because the people you were having them with were women?
I'm guessing no.
When a bunch of guys are dicks to you, do you think `Oh, my experiences with men are bad.` or do you think `those guys are dicks`? Women are individuals. Stop lumping us together.
Well, yeah. There's not a whole lot to do when you've got no money, but internet dating exists, why not try that?Paragon Fury said:
Also, stop talking about relationships like they're a case of maths. That's not going to get any ladies hot in the downstairs.
As for peoples chances going down with age, I heard they go up again after a certain age cause of divorces (but that's not got anything to do with this).
My adivce- Try internet dating, try not to get bummed if it doesn't work for you straight away, work on yourself, don't judge a gender as a whole.
My advice: you gotta crawl before you can run.
it seems like as a young bloke you missed out on the vital skill of making new friends with people (not male or female, people) be at your own fault or not.
The disability of not being able to converse with (and make friends with) women stems from this - not your like of obscure anime or any other personality trait.
Try and make some more male friends first (the how has already been extensively covered). Don't worry about girls or being in a relationship with one. If you learn how to make new friends, these things will come as an extension.
it seems like as a young bloke you missed out on the vital skill of making new friends with people (not male or female, people) be at your own fault or not.
The disability of not being able to converse with (and make friends with) women stems from this - not your like of obscure anime or any other personality trait.
Try and make some more male friends first (the how has already been extensively covered). Don't worry about girls or being in a relationship with one. If you learn how to make new friends, these things will come as an extension.
Are you further south than NYC? cause if not there is: Anime Boston in Boston, PAX East in Boston, Connecticon in Hartford, ComiCONN in Trumbull CT, just to name a few.Paragon Fury said:
I can't get to any of those - no car, and no one willing to drive.
That and I'm pretty sure the PAXes are sold out before the last one is even over.
That and I'm pretty sure the PAXes are sold out before the last one is even over.
This one I can answer:Realitycrash said:
because they don't have that issue.
Just being a "gamer girl" usually qualifies them for a practical line of guys trying to be nice/date them.
If they're an exceptionally attractive "gamer girl", then the question isn't "Will anyone go out with me?" but rather "Will there be anyone left standing after they finish fighting each to the death for a chance to talk to me?"
Paragon Fury said:
No. Unattractive girls have about the same (higher than guys, but not much) odds than guys when it comes to getting laid. I'm gonna look around for the research. I'm fairly sure I've seen it.
People, in general, suck. (2).Phasmal said:
You do need the second bit of knowledge, too, in my experience.
Accept these two premises, do what you like, don't worry about women, and enjoy your damn life. It's more important to make yourself happy than to be unhappy to please some other person who will most likely be out of the picture before long[footnote]Most people don't marry their first boyfriend/girlfriend, and over 50% of marriages fail. Therefore, it's easy to see that more relationships end than go 'til death do us part'[/footnote].
Yes and what you said supports that - even unattractive women have better odds.Realitycrash said:
Its simply much easier for women than it is for men.
I said "better odds". Not "much better odds".Paragon Fury said:
And honestly, if an average-looking guy (and I'm sure you are at least average-looking, since probability dictates such) wants a "girl-gamer", and that is the ONLY thing he cares about in said woman, then he won't have any problems with finding one either. Why? Well, because there are most likely plenty of butt-ugly , boorish, mean-spirited girl-gamers out there that are also lonely and would leap at the opportunity to have a better-looking man than them.
But you don't want that, do you? No, you want someone atleast decently attractive, and with probably some social skills, humor, kinda nice, etc. And female. And THAT is where it gets hard.
But if all you care about is that she's a gamer..
If you just want someone to come home to... you could get a room mate.
Like a lot of people have said, you have to just treat women like people, not like they're scary. A problem that I think a lot of us have is that we only talk to people when we want something: ie. you want a girlfriend. You have to get used to talking to people just to get to know them, not because they might mate with you someday.
That said, I mostly try not to think about it, which is to say I've pretty much given up on the idea:
A friend of mine once pointed out a pretty girl walking by and said "You could ask her out."
I replied "Yeah... I could also read a book."
I think you'll find that apathy solves most of life's problems.
Like a lot of people have said, you have to just treat women like people, not like they're scary. A problem that I think a lot of us have is that we only talk to people when we want something: ie. you want a girlfriend. You have to get used to talking to people just to get to know them, not because they might mate with you someday.
That said, I mostly try not to think about it, which is to say I've pretty much given up on the idea:
A friend of mine once pointed out a pretty girl walking by and said "You could ask her out."
I replied "Yeah... I could also read a book."
I think you'll find that apathy solves most of life's problems.
Or..... it also just delay it and make it worse and cause you to have an episode later on in life.BeeGeenie said: