Work with it

[Code Monkey]

I use my sign language skills to give you an apology.

You are under siege by NINJA PIRATES!!!

 

[Jiggabyte]

I create robot unicorns out of a meteorite which out-awesome the scurvy shadow-dwellers to death.

You pull up outside your place of work to find that terrorists are holding a bus full of scouts hostage over a pit of lasers, lava and sharks until someone delivers to them the answer to their Maths homework. You are the only person able to inflitrate the office, but you are unable to calculate anything more difficult than "2+2=4."

 

[wolfy098]

I discover the question is 1+1

You need to cross a 70 foot bottomless pit with no way past other than jumping.
all you have is paper and a banana

 

[Jiggabyte]

And I bleed profusely.

Thou art dead.

 

[Lexodus]

I yell 'LOL REZ PLOX' and am revived.




Whilst doing the washing up, you are beset upon by zombies. In surprise, you accidentally blind yourself with washing-up liquid. DEAL

 

[Jiggabyte]

I discover the cure is a mixture of Pepsi and peanut butter following a rather amusing sequence of events. I sell this cure and become rich, ironically losing my immense fortune and my eyes in a wager that I could prove the existence of cake to the Yakuza.

You are a magical accordion. What do you do?

 

[Asturiel]

Let myself be sold to people and once the room is empty and their playing by themselves I whisper repeatedly. To be sure never to be actually heard clearly by the owner. Rinse and repeat.

You are turned into a pokemon.

 

[Disaster Button]

Avoid my capture at all costs because I will not be forced into a damn pokeball, those things are uncomfortable.

You are walking, skipping even, merrily down the street and you happen across a magical wardrobe in the street that may or may not lead to Narnia. What do you?

 

[Asturiel]

Throw a nuke in, my diplomacy is best.

You are thrown into a fighting arena with boxing gloves and light armor. A bear walks into the arena.

 

[SeanTheSheep]

Screw the boxing gloves and armor, I've been wrestling goddamn monster trucks since birth!
You are on an island, there is nobody there, there is no vegetation, therefore no cover, no means of escape, no internet and no phone or other way of contacting the outside world, go:

 

[I Stomp on Kittens]

Well since I always cary a jetpack on me this is fairly simple.
You are stuck in a room that is pitch black and there is no exit..

 

[Disaster Button]

I make an exit.

You are stuck in a funhouse surround by mirrors. In the mirrors there's a refelction of an evil clown who's going to murder you in the face. If you guess where the clown is he will let you go but if you get it wrong, the results will be unpleasent. What do you do?

 

[XJ-0461]

Because the clown is shown in mirrors, I guess that the clown is me, then I get to leave and go about my life.

Batman sees you commit a crime. Deal with it.

 

[Asturiel]

I roll diplomacy, 1 shit...I die.

You are transported into the universe of House while fully knowing this is a TV show.

 

[El Poncho]

I kill everyone

All Cats have grown godzilla size and you look like a nice play toy.

 

[Asturiel]

I rearange my DNA so im poisonous to the touch. Only to felines.

You are transported into a universe where humans killed off your entire race.

 

[patsburg]

I remind humans that they are supposed to be killing each other.


you are stuck in a small box with slugs crawling on you for eternity

 

[Asturiel]

I eat the slugs.

You find out the escapist is deleted from the interweb (the internet too).