Worst puns ever!

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Sennz0r

Sennz0r

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May 25, 2008
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You can't write manslaughter without laughter.

You can't write studying without dying.
 
Simalacrum

Simalacrum

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Apr 17, 2008
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Da_Schwartz said:
::TOP TEN WINNERS OF THE INTERNATIONAL PUN CONTEST::

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The Stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
The one turns to the other and
says, 'Dam!'

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it, too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron. The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6.A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse. But why they asked, as they moved off.
'Because,' he said,
'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.

7. A woman had twins and gave them up for adoption.
One of them went
to a family in Egypt, who named him Ahmal.
The other was takin in by a
family in Spain; they named him Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture
of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.

8.A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious
thug in town to 'persuade' them to close.Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so.... thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9.Mahatma Gandhi , as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad breath.This made him (Get ready...)) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10.And, finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.

And also:

1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2.Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was
resisting a rest.

3.Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now

4. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

5. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

6. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

7. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

8. A thief fell and broke his leg in wet concrete.
He became a hardened criminal

9.Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with
stalking.

10.We'll never run out of math teachers because they always
multiply.

11. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

12.The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on
shaky ground.

13. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

15. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

16. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)

I love Puns
Click to expand...
hmmmmmmm... although some of them are good, i'm afraid others aren't quite good... top marks for quantity though! if only i could get so much for juggling tricks...
 
Dread_Reaper

Dread_Reaper

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Dec 4, 2008
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EmileeElectro said:
What's red and blue?
Purple

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
Click to expand...
Christ that's awful! When you die, I hope you get sent to Hell for your eternal punishment.

-Dread_Reaper
 
clarinetJWD

clarinetJWD

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Jul 9, 2008
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So...a baby seal walks into a club.


(Oh, and methinks a few people here don't really know what a pun is!)
 
The_root_of_all_evil

The_root_of_all_evil

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Feb 13, 2008
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I used to be really into tractors but I sort of got bored in the end. Does this make me an ex-tractor fan?

Is "The Rock", better because he's boulder?

Do Gold Farmers on World of Warcraft get there because of their Korea Guidance?

What did the slug say to the snail? "Big Issue, sir?"
 
The_root_of_all_evil

The_root_of_all_evil

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Feb 13, 2008
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I was thinking of opening a Computer Programming Retreat in Hawaii. That way I can sell C Shells by the seashore.

Does a Pregnant Socialist go into Labour?

A man walks into a bar with a lizard on his shoulder.
"One pint for me and another for Tiny."
"Why do you call him Tiny?"
"Because he's my newt."
 
Sennz0r

Sennz0r

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May 25, 2008
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Dread_Reaper said:
EmileeElectro said:
What's red and blue?
Purple

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
Click to expand...
Christ that's awful! When you die, I hope you get sent to Hell for your eternal punishment.

-Dread_Reaper
Click to expand...
Eternal pun-ishment?
 
Zetona

Zetona

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Dec 20, 2008
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Two fish were in their tank. One turns to the other and says,
"I'll man the guns, you drive."

I once had a science teacher who specialized in bad puns. I can't remember any of his at the moment.
 
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