A neutron walks into the bar and asks the bartender how much a drink is. the bartender says "for you no charge."
Worst puns ever!
- Thread starter Simalacrum
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Congratulations for being the only person to catch my subtle witticism. Treat yourself to a candy bar, on me.Sennz0r said:
-Dread_Reaper
I think these work:
A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ow."
The farmer couldn't help but be drawn to his new tractor, but it was holding up the barn around it. So it couldn't be used cause it was a tractorbeam.
A stone cat held up the house. One day it turned into a butterfly because people said it was a caterpillar.
On the internet, people formed little pods. They are called i-pods.
Exasperated the bird watcher's date said, "You said we were going to get ice cream." "No, I said we would see basking robins."
Wow...I need to stop before something really bad happens.
A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ow."
The farmer couldn't help but be drawn to his new tractor, but it was holding up the barn around it. So it couldn't be used cause it was a tractorbeam.
A stone cat held up the house. One day it turned into a butterfly because people said it was a caterpillar.
On the internet, people formed little pods. They are called i-pods.
Exasperated the bird watcher's date said, "You said we were going to get ice cream." "No, I said we would see basking robins."
Wow...I need to stop before something really bad happens.
Okay here goes....
I'm trying to drink my orange juice, but can't "concentrate"
Tried working one summer at the beach, but I wasn't "cool" enough.
I thought of racing in NASCAR, but didn't have the "drive"
Tried making watches, but couldn't find the "time"
Friend of mine was a garbage man, got in trouble with the law, and couldn't make a "clean" getaway.
I wanted to be a gynecologist, but couldn't find any openings. =D
I'm trying to drink my orange juice, but can't "concentrate"
Tried working one summer at the beach, but I wasn't "cool" enough.
I thought of racing in NASCAR, but didn't have the "drive"
Tried making watches, but couldn't find the "time"
Friend of mine was a garbage man, got in trouble with the law, and couldn't make a "clean" getaway.
I wanted to be a gynecologist, but couldn't find any openings. =D
After the death of Quasimodo, Notre Dame Cathedral no longer had anyone to take care of the bells. It was hardly a high-paying job and thus there were few interested candidates.
In fact, only one man showed up to fill the position, and he had an odd method of doing his work - rather than pull the ropes, he would run at full speed straight into the giant metal instruments, the impact of his blow causing it to sound. Since there were no other applicants, the man was accepted. On his first day on the job, however, he was so excited that during the noontime sounding, he completely mis-timed one of his runs, missed his target, and was carried by his momentum off the edge of the cathedral and died on the ground far below.
"What was his name?" asked one of the investigating officers later on.
"I'm not sure," answered the attendant friar, who had not asked the man his name, "but his face rings a bell."
Later that same day, another man showed up, looking remarkably similar to the first man. In fact, he pointed out, the first man had been his sibling. Wanting to 'carry on the family tradition,' he also was applying for the position his brother had briefly held. Again, as there were no other applicants, he was accepted.
He, unlike his brother, had a far more traditional method of sounding the bells, leaping from rope to rope to get them to sound. Unfortunately, he was not the most agile of men and so misjudged the distance of a jump and missed the rope, plunging down to his death.
"And what was HIS name?" asked the same investigating officer a few hours later.
"Still not sure," the attendant friar replied thoughtfully, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
In fact, only one man showed up to fill the position, and he had an odd method of doing his work - rather than pull the ropes, he would run at full speed straight into the giant metal instruments, the impact of his blow causing it to sound. Since there were no other applicants, the man was accepted. On his first day on the job, however, he was so excited that during the noontime sounding, he completely mis-timed one of his runs, missed his target, and was carried by his momentum off the edge of the cathedral and died on the ground far below.
"What was his name?" asked one of the investigating officers later on.
"I'm not sure," answered the attendant friar, who had not asked the man his name, "but his face rings a bell."
Later that same day, another man showed up, looking remarkably similar to the first man. In fact, he pointed out, the first man had been his sibling. Wanting to 'carry on the family tradition,' he also was applying for the position his brother had briefly held. Again, as there were no other applicants, he was accepted.
He, unlike his brother, had a far more traditional method of sounding the bells, leaping from rope to rope to get them to sound. Unfortunately, he was not the most agile of men and so misjudged the distance of a jump and missed the rope, plunging down to his death.
"And what was HIS name?" asked the same investigating officer a few hours later.
"Still not sure," the attendant friar replied thoughtfully, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."