Worst review I have seen in a long time (borderlands 2)

[Vuliev]

the first-person shooter, published by 2K Games, inevitably invites comparisons with the Halos and Calls of Duty games

HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHHAHHAHA

The game isn't manga-like enough to be super-hip

AHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Borderlands 2's single-player campaign mode isn't as good as what you'll find in games like COD: Black Ops or the Medal of Honor series.

[HEADING=3]HAAHAHAAHAHHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA[/HEADING]

There were, however, too many interludes between pitched battles.

[HEADING=2]HAHAHAHAHAHHHAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA[/HEADING]

I think it's fair for players to demand...scads of downloadable content

[HEADING=1]HAHAHHHHHHAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH[/HEADING]

I don't even care that he doesn't like Borderlands, since I don't either--as a matter of fact, he even brings up a couple of gripes that I also have about the series. But the other, genuinely asinine, things he says make me double over in convulsions of both laughter and apoplexy.

EDIT: This comment on the article is particularly entertaining:

?Every year me and my son enjoy my wife?s vanilla cake. It?s light, moist and slightly sweet. This year we could not wait for my wife?s cake so we decided to get a bakery fresh apple pie. I was shocked to find out that the warm apple pie I had purchased was, in fact, not my wife?s vanilla cake. It was covered in some sort of crust and contained within warm, cinnamon coated apple pie filling which has a much different texture than cake. In short, next year I?ll wait for the same cake I always eat because apple pie is not cake.?

 

[Fiz_The_Toaster]

Borderlands 2 falls short because it's missing several key elements you need to have in a 2012 first-person shooter game - most notably, a rich multiplayer online mode. There's an extremely limited four-player cooperative mode, and if you have an Xbox Live Gold account, you can team up that way, but this isn't the type of deeply engrossing FPS game the headset-wearing COD crowds gather to play months and months after release. In comparison, I read on several sites that COD: Black Ops 2 will feature up to six teams, for a total of 18 simultaneous players, in multiplayer mode.

HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHA!!!!!

HAHAHAHAA!!!!!


FUCKCHUCKLES THAT IS THE MOST RETARDED BULLSHIT I'VE HEARD IN AGES.

Judging Borderlands by Call of Duty standards is utterly stupid, because that's exactly what it's NOT trying to be.

Borderlands 2's single-player campaign mode isn't as good as what you'll find in games like COD: Black Ops or the Medal of Honor series. There's too much "feast-or-famine" hunting for tasks, supplies and a good battle for this to be a fun game all the way through.

Yeah, because linear, heavily scripted shooting galleries are where it's at. BAWWWWW I don't like freedom in my games!!!

I had a good laugh at that part too.

I will respect that opinion, but what in the fuck is he talking about?

It's not good if it doesn't have a good and rich online multiplayer mode? Yeah, because, heaven forbid, if a game has a good story and really great writing, I mean, who cares about that stupid shit if there's great multiplayer. >.>

 

[BoredWalker]

...
...
...and this, folks, is why we leave these things to professional game reviewers. You know, the people who actually know what they're talking about?

Now excuse me while I go facepalm myself unconscious.

 

[Mike Richards]

I think it's pretty safe to say that we can use this as the go-to example of sub-par professional reviews for the next few years. Classes could be taught from this. Flawed justifications of flawed arguments supporting flawed premises acting under false assumptions, wrapped in a tone too serious to be simply stating one's personal opinion but too conversational to be an objective appraisal of it's successes and shortcomings.

All around, a masterpiece.

 

[StashAugustine]

Borderlands 2 falls short because it's missing several key elements you need to have in a 2012 first-person shooter game - most notably, a rich multiplayer online mode. There's an extremely limited four-player cooperative mode, and if you have an Xbox Live Gold account, you can team up that way, but this isn't the type of deeply engrossing FPS game the headset-wearing COD crowds gather to play months and months after release. In comparison, I read on several sites that COD: Black Ops 2 will feature up to six teams, for a total of 18 simultaneous players, in multiplayer mode.

18 players! If this guy ever sees TF2 he'll have a heart attack, never mind BF3. And I do love the "read on several sites."

 

[Charli]

9/10 would read aloud at a comedy club!

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Usually I check out these threads to hear fanboys whining about "reviewer from Serious Publication didn't like a game I thought would be good and everyone else likes," but this one is indeed something special. I mean, we go to this site specifically to see well written reviews tearing apart beloved games. This one is just so much delicious nonsense that it's difficult to even tell if he likes it or not. I doubt he knows.

"I play games like CoD and Halo and this game isn't anything like CoD and Halo... except the parts that are like CoD and Halo. But the parts that are like CoD and Halo aren't enough like CoD and Halo, so therefore you should wait until they make a new CoD and Halo. They have all the graphics. And blast processing. I read that on several websites."

 

[lunavixen]

Borderlands 2 doesn?t just bill itself as an FPS. It?s a space Western FPS or a role-playing shooter, with the ability to build and customize characters. The game?s premise is that you?re a loot hunter fighting to free the planet Pandora from the evil CEO of Hyperion Corp, Handsome Jack. The evil CEO wants to wipe out the planet?s ragtag population and turn Pandora into an industrial playground for his company. His presence is felt throughout the game by the hovering H-shaped space station that serves as his and Hyperion?s headquarters. In actual gameplay, you?re expected to fight your way across Pandora, hoping to stop Handsome Jack from awakening ?the Warrior,? an alien even more evil than he is. The events in Borderlands 2 take place several years after the original game and are a continuation of those events, albeit with four new playable characters.

So basically, they just ripped off the last half of the plot of Avatar, dumbed it down and made minor changes, I never liked the original Borderlands and this has not endeared me to the series, I'd rather play Modern Warfare.

 

[neonsword13-ops]

lololololol.

Is he really trying to take Borderlands seriously? Ha!

And multiplayer mode? EVEN MOAR LOLS.

OT: It's a great game so far. I'm playing Siren while my buddy is doing Assassin.

We just got to the Sanctuary, and let me tell you, I have not laughed so hard playing a game since Portal 2.

Handsome Jack and his diamond pony are fucking hilarious.

 

[lacktheknack]

I believe I've located a review that is to game reviews what Vampire's Kiss is to movies.

Vampire's Kiss is my favorite movie.

I'm pleased to announce that the expected extension holds true. This is possibly my favorite review ever written.

 

[Saika Renegade]

Well, one doesn't go to the WSJ for video game reviews, but while there are plenty of things to quibble over when it comes to Borderlands (my favorite so far is a persistent and undying glitch that renders only one very specific SMG combo almost entirely invisible), I'd dare say that if he's taking it as seriously as he's trying to make it sound, he's doing this very, very wrong.

Borderlands revels in its deranged cheerful violence, but also its affectionate interaction with its fanbase, if the Gearbox team recording and animating a comedic customized proposal for a fan and his fiance is any clue. Not about to see Activision okay that sort of thing...

 

[shrimpcel]

I just couldn't read past the first two paragraphs, it's just too ridiculous! Obviously a guy who doesn't really know what he's talking about.

 

[Dead Seerius]

This review made me real-puke my face off, but boy was it good for a laugh!

"Borderlands 2?s single-player campaign mode isn?t as good as what you?ll find in games like COD: Black Ops"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Ohhhhhh, man. That's good stuff! *ahem*

OT: The amount of shit that's going to be flowing his way is going to be crazy.

Haha, and that's the quote I found most hilarious. This guy better batten down the hatches. I see a shitstorm on the horizon.

 

[rayman56]

lololololol.

Is he really trying to take Borderlands seriously? Ha!

And multiplayer mode? EVEN MOAR LOLS.

OT: It's a great game so far. I'm playing Siren while my buddy is doing Assassin.

We just got to the Sanctuary, and let me tell you, I have not laughed so hard playing a game since Portal 2.

Handsome Jack and his diamond pony are fucking hilarious.

Calm down, Butt Stallion!

OT: This man, whoever he is, fails on such an epic level that I peed myself a little laughing. Who in thier right minds compares anything to CoD! My gI'd, my sides hurt.

 

[CannibalCorpses]

"Borderlands 2?s single-player campaign mode isn?t as good as what you?ll find in games like COD: Black Ops"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Ohhhhhh, man. That's good stuff! *ahem*

OT: The amount of shit that's going to be flowing his way is going to be crazy.

Well it's certainly true of the first game so why not the second? Remove the co-op and it is tedious. CoD single player is short enough to remain fun, even if it is a little too easy to be challenging. You managed to mock one of his more accurate points

 

[Rad Party God]

Wall Street Journal, comparing games to COD and Halo... I think they're up to something.

 

[Frostbite3789]

Here is my succinct response to his review.

 

[chiggerwood]

This reviewer missed the fucking point worse than a blind hooker on her first day at the cock sucking factory. The guy complained about the amount of travel and compared it to Skyrim... in a bad way, and said the travel in Skyrim was bad, and then he complained about the amount of guns, and he kept on comparing it to COD and MOH...THE FUCK IS HE TALKING ABOUT?! That's like complaining about an ocean being wet, and then comparing it to the fucking Sahara desert. What the hell did I just read? I feel like this kind of half baked, rambling stupidity should be reserved only for bathroom stalls or complete cunts. Not the printed word. My head hurts.

 

[Jason Rayes]

Oh, also: who is going to read the Wall Street Journal for reviews of entertainment products anyways!?!?

My guess is people who never play games who want reviews written by the same.