I was walking down the street, watched by the brooding white moon and the drooping street lamps.
I saw a cat on the side-walk under one of the street lamps, he said "Hello" then ran away into the darkness.
It then became a huge lemur and started chewing at my flesh.
This caused me a mild sensation of pain and a desire to buy womens underpants.
So I went to David Jones & bought a lovely pair of blue knickers.
I then realised that I was already wearing women's underpants, as I was on my way to a party.
I sometimes wonder why i go to these sorts of parties, but then again i also wonder why a cat turned into a lemur and i also wonder why my shoes are grinning at me again.
Then I realized I was drunk, so I started attempting to make sweet creamy love to the nearest speed limit sign.
However the sign would not satisfy my urgings so I abandoned it and started heading back to the party, whilst talking to my left eyebrow.
It turned out he was having an affair with my eyelashes, so my right eyebrow got very jealous.
When I arrived at the party, I realized that I was entirely naked except for my left sock, one sleeve of the shirt I had earlier, and a cowboy hat.
This made me think of the possible things that could have caused this to happen during me 15 ft walk across the street to where I now stood.
I used my cowboy hat to cover my private parts, took off my left sock because it wasn't very fashinable, and went to the bar to order a Vodka Red Bull from the burlesque bar tender.
And that was the first time I died.
It was, however, not as cool as the second time I died but that is much later in the story.
And then I was awoken to the harsh, pained screaming of a drunken Scotsman crying over a spilt curry.
This sucked because the Scotsman then proceeded to press-gang me into his biker gang called the "Raging pink elephants"!
However, he did give me an awesome machine gun, which I shot myself with.
This was in due part due to the fact I am not Rambo, or trained to use a gun, so I had to be run to hospital after shooting myself in the left foot, which made the Lemur upset.
However the one good side of all this was I got a beautiful nurse to look after me whilst I re cooperated!
Later that night, I took the lemur, punched it unconscious, and jumped out of the hospital's window.
It was not a pleasant experience, and that was the second time I died.
I woke up and saw some fish swimming in a bowl in front of me.
It turned out that I was actually one of the fish in the bowl, and was shocked to see that I couldn't blink, or remember what had just happened 3 seconds ago - what was I talking about again?
However before I could wonder at my new predicament, suddenly the bowl began to get very small, and then eventually exploded as I returned to normal size.
I looked out the window and didnt reconize anything. I realized that im not on earth.
Which really sucked as I had left my mobile at home and couldn't phone to say to my mum "I can see our house from here".
Then I realised that I was still drunk and that what I had thought a window into outer space was instead a car window of a car I'd just broken into.
This even more so unfortunately was the time at which a high and drunk local beat officer decided it time to do some work and then arrested me for attempted GTA.
The officer pulled down his pants, and after I saw a blue, humongous ape on fire jump out, I ran toward the nearest café that would sell me drugs, where I bought a few hundred grams of some transparent and black shit with the money I found in my nostrils.
That was the third time I died.
After I was resurrected by a gang of boys dressed with hip-hop clothes who were trying to imitate Satanic rituals, and I found that actually I was not resurrected, and did, in fact, not die, because I discovered before that I'm immortal.
[small]If you people don't mind, we could start using spoiler boxes to make chapters for the story, for easier copying and easier reading.[/small]