The day the ULTRA died...
It was a normal day for the Escapist. Grammar Nazis were running amok, and trolls were being slain. One such slaying was garnering more attention than most. For His Ultraness had begun a battle of wits, cunning, guile and massive egos with the troll to end all trolls. He rode on skies of purest darkness to make war with the enemy as each Escapist looked onwards. I remember specifically the battle. Clash of swords and a battle of words to end in his death.
"Have at thee!" screamed the knight, in a booming and sexy voice to rival Nilcyphers, swinging his sword to cut the troll in twain. But it was stopped at the troll's will. "LOLWUT, NUB!?" it shrieked, the voice foul with everything an Escapist would fight to destroy. It pushed the knight away, eager to return to it's task of destroying The Escapist.
The armoured man rose, his rage for this abomination reaching dangerous levels. Sword held high, ready to cleave a man into his very particles, he drove the sword into the ground. A hole opened, sending both the knight and his adversary into the depths of the forum. No-one knows what has happened to them.
It is said that they fought for months on end, only taking time out for their birthdays and Christmas. The battle was finally won, as the troll screamed it's final thoughts to the Heavens. "I LIEK MUDKIPS!" it cried. And the knight listened. Before stabbing his sword through it's heart. The knight had won, and The Escapist was safe. But as he walked back, the troll returned. It leaped for the knight, and wrenched his head from his body.
The troll raised the knight's head aloft, and The Escapist wept. It's cries rang out throughout the internet. For the day had come when Ultrajoe had been out-godmodded.
And now we celebrate his long and troll-free life, rather than mourn his death. He was indeed the most Ultra of any of the Joe's any of us have ever had the fortune to know. We can only hope that his memory goes on, and that he is slaying that troll in Heaven right now.
A eulogy for Ultrajoe, which may never be Ultra enough. I get bored easily however, so I might godmod Ultrajoe's eulogy to be longer. It would surely be fitting.