Write a Eulogy for An Escapist

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goatzilla8463

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Dec 11, 2008
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StarStruckStrumpets said:
ElephantGuts said:
This thread is really depressing. I refuse to participate.
I agree...I don't want to be imaginerery dead-ified. (My bad grammar was done purposely.)
Why are you here then? (Both of you)

Alas, poor Wonderfreak, I doth knew him so well. You really shouldn't have chased that girl. I told you she was trouble. But you didn't listen. *sob sob*.

I will avenge you.
 

stormcaller

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Sep 6, 2008
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goatzilla8463 the world is worse off without your psychotic little ball of fluff avatar. Wherever you are never forget that we hate everything too... *sobs*
 

revolverwolf

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Jul 1, 2008
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Oh stormcaller. No-one could have known that day that you would have fallen from a hill and into that sharp bed springs factory. Perhaps you might have survived if that passing troll hadn't pissed on you and then called his friends. Oh the tragedy that has befallen the Escapist as stormcaller is sent to the great roleplaying forum in the sky.

We shall slay a troll in your memory.
 

ravensshade

resident shadow
Mar 18, 2009
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ah revolverwolf i didn't really know you well but i'm bound to miss you.. Well maybe you shouldn't have taunted the man with the gun..
 

revolverwolf

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Jul 1, 2008
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The day the ULTRA died...

It was a normal day for the Escapist. Grammar Nazis were running amok, and trolls were being slain. One such slaying was garnering more attention than most. For His Ultraness had begun a battle of wits, cunning, guile and massive egos with the troll to end all trolls. He rode on skies of purest darkness to make war with the enemy as each Escapist looked onwards. I remember specifically the battle. Clash of swords and a battle of words to end in his death.

"Have at thee!" screamed the knight, in a booming and sexy voice to rival Nilcyphers, swinging his sword to cut the troll in twain. But it was stopped at the troll's will. "LOLWUT, NUB!?" it shrieked, the voice foul with everything an Escapist would fight to destroy. It pushed the knight away, eager to return to it's task of destroying The Escapist.

The armoured man rose, his rage for this abomination reaching dangerous levels. Sword held high, ready to cleave a man into his very particles, he drove the sword into the ground. A hole opened, sending both the knight and his adversary into the depths of the forum. No-one knows what has happened to them.

It is said that they fought for months on end, only taking time out for their birthdays and Christmas. The battle was finally won, as the troll screamed it's final thoughts to the Heavens. "I LIEK MUDKIPS!" it cried. And the knight listened. Before stabbing his sword through it's heart. The knight had won, and The Escapist was safe. But as he walked back, the troll returned. It leaped for the knight, and wrenched his head from his body.

The troll raised the knight's head aloft, and The Escapist wept. It's cries rang out throughout the internet. For the day had come when Ultrajoe had been out-godmodded.

And now we celebrate his long and troll-free life, rather than mourn his death. He was indeed the most Ultra of any of the Joe's any of us have ever had the fortune to know. We can only hope that his memory goes on, and that he is slaying that troll in Heaven right now.

A eulogy for Ultrajoe, which may never be Ultra enough. I get bored easily however, so I might godmod Ultrajoe's eulogy to be longer. It would surely be fitting.
 

Zombie_Fish

Opiner of Mottos
Mar 20, 2009
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revolverwolf Elegy

And so the wolf lies, finished as we know,
How will we remember him? How can we show
This feeling, this love, we can't let him go,
But sadly he's gone, like he went gonzo.

No longer will we see that avatar, those badges, that name,
No longer will we he hear of his rise and his fame,
The glory he kept in his heart and the pain
That's in ours, like a dog we can't tame.

Forever let him rest, in happiness and peace,
He was a friend to plenty, and they all have grief,
When they no longer see words formed from his teeth,
And no longer PM him when he sleeps.

So in honour of him, let's have a toast,
As I read out this final post.

(In case you're interested, I layed it out in a sonnet rhyme scheme- Doubt you're interested though)
(EDIT:Sucks I know, but I don't really care)
 

jebussaves88

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May 4, 2008
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Thankyou all for coming. As you know, we're here to celebrate the life of my old friend, Zombie_Fish, who could have been my brother in law, had it not been for the baffling decision by his sister, Natasha to break off our engagement some six months ago. I think what I'll remember most about Zombie_Fish was his common sense and his love of justice. To take Natasha's dumping off me as an example, he would often say how it was a terrible idea, not just senseless and mystifying, but also cruel... and, that's what...he said.
During his illness, he behaved in his typical selflessness manner. Whenever I visited him, he never let me ask him how he was. "Let's not talk about me mate," he'd say. " How are you? Has that sister of mine come to her senses yet?" "Not yet Zombie_Fish," I'd be forced to say. "Not yet".
 

ThePoodonkis

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Apr 22, 2008
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*Ahem*
What's there to say about jebussaves88? Well, what isn't there to say about jebussaves88?
He was a friend, a buddy, and a pal.

What? NO! They are NOT the same things!

Anyway, I remember there was this one time. We were surfing through the skies over Bangladesh, and he hit this bird. An pterodactyl, if I remember correctly. He hit this bird, and it freakin' exploded. Not like, "Oh, I just hit a bird with my car, now there's feathers on my windshield".
I mean the thing exploded in a giant fireball, hit a taxi, and made the thing explode in a giant fireball. HIS GREATNESS CAUSED A FREAKING PTERODACTYL TO EXPLODE!!! It was one of the most magnificent things I've ever seen.

What is it now? SHUT UP! Pterodactyls are birds! Don't ask me how I know this! Look, do you want to argue about this at his funeral? No I have not been drinking! I swear to the heavens, if you don't shut up, I'll cut ya.

*a poison dart flies through the air, hitting ThePoodonkis in the jugular vein.

And that is why I believe jebussaves88 should be the next Ms. America.

*A thud is heard as ThePoodonkis falls to the floor. Two men dressed in black suits carry him off.*
 

Zombie_Fish

Opiner of Mottos
Mar 20, 2009
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And thus, ThePoodonkis is dead. Umm... since we're at a funeral anyway, may as well bury him here too.

Some of you may ask why he was just killed there and carried off. Well, that's his fault for posting those blogs about rebellion on the internet.
 

runedeadthA

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Feb 18, 2009
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Alas poor Zombie_fish, Flushed away before his time. We mourned his passing, but he was then revived from death, And thus we rejoiced for he was not forever gone. But then to his misfortune, he played to much left 4 dead, and he got shot in the ass, by Chicago Ted.
In the short post I've known you by, you've been a true friend. Goodbye, and try stay dead this time.
 

Berethond

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Nov 8, 2008
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Ahhhhh. runedeathA.

I may have met him once or twice. Anyway, he's a great person, yada yada yada.
Where's the jazz band?

Wait.......
This might be the wrong room.
Apologies.

*Grabs cookies on his way out*
 

Aloran

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Oct 9, 2008
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Ahhh berethond.
Your everlooking eye no longer looks up at us, but down instead. As if somebody switched brains from the worlds smallest midget to the worlds tallest man. We shall always remember you.
.
.
.
Can I have your stuff?
 

ThaBenMan

Mandalorian Buddha
Mar 6, 2008
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Anarchemitis will be fondly remembered. One of his great passions was 3D animation, so it was fitting that he passed away from exhaustion and starvation while working on his latest piece for a whole month, nonstop. It's a terrible loss, but at least he died doing what he loved.

We will now view his last masterpiece...

*clip plays for all gathered*

Wha...what the hell was that??? Was that thing some kind of dog or something? And what was it doing to that thing that looked like a giraffe? And the colors... they burn my soul... I almost wish we had just been Rick Roll'd instead... that'd have been kind of cool, actually, a Rick Roll from beyond the grave... ah, anyway. RIP, Anarchemitis.

(I hope this doesn't offend you at all, Anarchemitis. It's all in good fun.)
 

The Iron Ninja

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Aug 13, 2008
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I'm bored, so here comes a bunch of them.
A Eulogy said:
Poleboy... What can be said about this great, perpetually punched man that hasn't yet been said?
It's a pressing question to be sure, not one that can be answered easily.
Considering it was the overflow of compliments that lead to the horrific circumstances of his death in the first place, I think we've said enough on the subject.

So instead, here are some increasingly irrelevant non sequiturs.

Voltaire

Hackneyed

Trepidation.

... That's all.
That's the Eulogy.

Oh okay, I see how it is. Don't y'all clap at once or anything.
Bastards.
A Eulogy said:
If there is one thing I can look back on and remember fondly, it the memory of hiking through the Swiss Alps with my good friend Armitage Shanks.
Oh aye, many a good high altitude party was had on that journey.
Let me tell you something, gathered relatives and acquaintances.
You haven't truly lived till you've had a hangover at fourteen thousand feet while making a dangerous ascent, wearing nothing but boyshorts, two layers of socks and a backpack with several comatose centipedes slung across your shoulders. I am proud to have shared those memories with him.

Those snivelling nay-sayers can say what they want, but I couldn't be happier at the nature of his untimely demise. Armitage died as he lived. For Armitage was a man of action, a man of adventure. A man, dear friends, of lovable childish abandon. I cannot think of a more fitting death than what befell him.

Maybe it was asking for trouble trying to juggle those bear cubs in addition to the whole "walking across Niagara falls on a tightrope" thing. But I won't apologise to anyone for my part in pressing him into trying it anyway.
I stand by my belief that, had he pulled it off, had the mother bear not awoken from her winter slumber and come after him with murderous intent, had the line not snapped, had the current not been quite so powerful. it would have looked fucking awesome.

Until we meet in Valhalla dear friend, farewell. I salute your courage.
A Eulogy Haiku said:
The Necroswanson
A scary man who liked blood
May he rest in peace
A Eulogy said:
Well guys... We all saw this coming didn't we?
The ghost of Anarchemitis strikes again.
Now TheBenMan is pushin' up the daises with the rest of them.
Shoulda kept his mouth shut.

I suppose a few words are in order.

I remember TheBenMan well... I think.
If I'm not mistaken. He was the one that thought the Australian flag was the flag of Wales.
To clarify, dead body of TheBenMan. Wales is the place with a Dragon on it's flag. A fucking Dragon!

Well now... Chastising of the dead. It appears I've reached a new low.
Might as well hand me one of them whisky bottles then.
No no, that big one.
Yes I have already had a few... What of it?
 

Lost In The Void

When in doubt, curl up and cry
Aug 27, 2008
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*ahem ahem* Is this thing on?

Alright this is a happy day, that turned into a sad day.

Like all great posters Iron Ninja could not die, but lived on....until he actually did die what a twist eh?

But back on topic, I never really talked to the Ninja himself, but slowly stalked his comic thread waiting for a comic that will never come.

However there were many great things about the Ninja that I did see, he was the life of a thread, and Gerald was a constant insperation for us all....alright does that sound ok overlord, no I can't make it better....this was your old master your talking about here....fine Go Gerald

But I suppose I should wrap this up I do have some important dying to do and I hope to see you all in that pie in the sky called Heaven....unless you go to Hell which in that case I say, enjoy taking over it.
 

maddawg IAJI

I prefer the term "Zomguard"
Feb 12, 2009
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To Shapsters

You suck. I liked your master kitty avatar better.


the end

Short sweet and expresses my feelings to him.
 

goatzilla8463

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Dec 11, 2008
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There was a young maddawg from Kent,
Whom most people thought was bent.
He acted so camp,
But was brighter than a lamp,
So off to rehab he went.
 

Shapsters

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Dec 16, 2008
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*Walks up to podium, happiness on his face*

Finally! That bastard Maddawg is gone!! That sick son of a ***** pranced around this place like he ruled the roost, but it was far from it! And the avatar?! What in the hell is with the avatar!? Nobody knew what it was dumbass! I shall now read a poem.

Ahem.

Maddawg, you lived
Maddawg, you loved
Maddawg, you wont be missed.

Thank you.

*jumps off stage and kicks his feet together*

Yippie!
 

revolverwolf

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Jul 1, 2008
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Shapsters could have been discribed by many as a simple man, with simple pleasures in life. He enjoyed his television channels, and his Ben and Jerry's ice cream. He never cared for the feelings of others. What a piece of...

What? A eulogy? like that one for Joe? You're fucking kidding right? I'll just throw something together!

*cough* How could we have known that he would explode due to an ice cream overdose?

Did you see that explosion though? 'Twas never a more tasty and colourful explosion.

And so we send Shapsters into the rocky road ice cream flavouring machine, as were his wishes. Goodnight, you ice cream obsessed freak.