Write a Eulogy for An Escapist

[terribleyetfun]

Revolverwolf a man of simple pleasure and even simpler desire he was always there to help others and that will forever be his undoing I tried to warn him not to stick his head in that lawn mower but being the good Samaritan he was he could`nt refuse or he was under mind control I always manage to forget which one but none the less he was an idiot for sticking his head in that lawn mower but it made the wickedest spray ever with like brains flying everywhere some even got on this old guy and he was like so panicked he ran around in circles and then out onto the road and got hit by a truck man even in death Revolverwolf was killing all those around and that is why on this day we are gonna fire Revolverwolf`s remains into a fan to make sure he stays dead this time.

 

[goatzilla8463]

Terrileyetfun was......what are the words? Ah yes, he was terrible yet fun. I will make sure someone will piss on his grave.

 

[Hey Joe]

Goatzilla8463 was a good friend of mine, and I'd like the record to show that I certainly didn't murder him, rape his wife and poddle while slapping his cat in the mouth. I certainly didn't then burn down his house and pee on the ashes. Oh no, not me, I certainly would not do that...not in a million years.

Uhh, to sum up, I'm not guilty.

What?

This is a eulogy?

I thought this was the trial.

*looks around*

Disregard my testimony...to sum up, Goatzilla8463, yeah, cool guy...didn't murder and rape his family.

 

[ThePoodonkis]

Ah, Hey Joe. The man who threw a Molotov Cocktail at me because I said that it was cold. That's the man I remember. Hey Joe was always thinking of others. He was one of the most selfless people I've ever met.
Like this time when he burned down someone's house so he could gather the insurance money. Sure, Hey Joe didn't know that the man was in said house at the time of the burning, but the the man's wife gained over a million dollars of insurance money! Also, Hey Joe felt so bad about the accident, he consoled the man's wife and pets.
If that isn't true selflessness, I don't know what is...

 

[ThaBenMan]

We are gathered here to remember our dear friend, ThePoodonkis. We mourn not only for him, but for the death of his species - as implied by the "The", he was the last of that noble race, the Poodonki.

He died shortly after he started trying to make all of his posts rhyme again - he found himself trying to come up with something that rhymed with "orange", and suffered a fatal brain aneurysm. He will always be fondly remembered as the odd, googly-eyed pink dinosaur thing that brought joy to us all (when he wasn't sowing horror and destruction).

 

[SharPhoe]

Ah, Pankey, poor bloke did'n' kno' wot 'it 'im.

It was only a matter of time before he bit off more than he could chew, and those cursed Metal Slimes finally got the better of him. May he continue to level up in the great beyond...

 

[ThePoodonkis]

Our dear friend, SharPhoe,
As you all may know.
Has died, I know it's a shame.
You were fairly new,
We hardly knew you.
But your loss hurts all the same...

 

[Ultrajoe]

A eulogy for Ultrajoe, which may never be Ultra enough. I get bored easily however, so I might godmod Ultrajoe's eulogy to be longer. It would surely be fitting.

It would be more god-mode for me to do it myself. But also time-consuming, and I haven't had the drive to write a real god-mode post in months. Perhaps the eulogy is fitting, then, as the end to brutal Joe. Now we have an age of subtle, refined joe.

Nah, bugger that. I'm going to go and write 4000 words in response to a one-liner thread, devolving into posturing and angel metaphors by about word 2. Or not.

I might. I'll also come back and contribute to this thread at some point. Or not. I might.

 

[jebussaves88]

Ah Ultrajoe, whaddya know... apparanty how not to cross the road.
Yes the news hit us all quite hard when we heard that he'd met his demise at the hands of a heavy footed taxi driver, though obviously, it didn't hit us as hard as Pablo Gutamarez hit him.
It was a long, drawn out affair, putting great strain on friends and forum dwellers alike. Yet I'll never forget his last words to us, as we gathered at his hospital bedside. Well, they weren't so much words as a long painful exclamation of "Aaaahhahaaaaaarrgghhhhh!" Yes. I think that is a sound that will stick with me with the rest of my life, along with the image of his limbs in that bag.

 

[TheDoctor455]

Ah, poor Neonbob.
He was a simple person with a simple goal: to nuke the whales.
He had been talking about nuking the whales for a good long time, until, finally, he decided to put his money where his mouth was.
Unfortunately, he forgot the first rule of setting off a nuclear device: push the button while OUTSIDE of the blast radius.
And so, we don't even have ashes of him anymore.
Ah well...

 

[ThaBenMan]

We're gathered here to remember TheDoctor455, who was tragically taken from us long before his rightful time.

Unfortunately, the good TheDoctor was the only doctor present in the brothel at the time. And even if another doctor were on hand to aid him, it's doubtful that he would have been able to make sense of TheDoctor's strange, glowy blue physiology.

We may try and take comfort in knowing that TheDoctor455 now rests in whatever heavenly abode is reserved for his kind, which assuredly is glowy and blue just like him. And is a hellish place for the rest of us.