WTF Australia?!?!?!

[TheVioletBandit]

In my twenty years in this country I have been attacked by
-A king brown snake (survival tip 1-thick pants)
-A roo
-An Emu
-A cockatoo (fuckers can bite like all hell)
-Magpaies, lots of magpies.
-A saltie, (thank fuck I got behind that fence)
-All of the spiders (except white tails)
-a scorpian
-as well as a whole swathe of non-native animals
In addtion
-a frill necked lizard put my uncle in hospital
-I saw a wombat fuck up another wombat (who knew that they even fought)
-A guest got fucked up by a koala that she tried to touch (retard)
- A mate got stung by a platypus.

I read that the platypus sting is one of the most painful stings on the planet. Did you friend talk about the pain much?

well whenver I ave him shit about being fucked up by mother natures 'misc' pile, he would glare at me and tell me that it wasn't funny.

I'll take that as a, yes it hurt a lot. Nevertheless, since I was a a little kid I have wanted to visit Australia, and it's the wildlife that inspired that desire in me. I have always had an interest in animals, and I would still like to see Australian wildlife, but from a safe distance of course.

 

[YingDerpington]

It's the fucking platypuses, Drop Bears, Koalas and Possums you need to worry about! They defy the laws of nature, platypus belong to 2 different kinds of genus according to their biology, Drop Bears fuck you up if you spend even a second underneath that tree, Regular old koalas look fluffy and adorable but carve shit up with those razor claws. and Possums are like Koalas. But we still live in this place because we're just that good.

Honestly though there's nothing to be afraid of if you use common sense and you don't have the mental cognitive abilities of a drunk Floridian.

 

[Dryk]

Seriously tho. All these stories of snake eating spiders, boxing kangaroos, and man eating koalas is only making me want to move down there more. If it wernt for the fact guns are frowned upon, id probly already be making plans...

Guns aren't frowned upon if you live in the country and help keep the kangaroo, rabbit or camel populations down. Preferrably from a helicopter

 

[Malyc]

I get to shoot shit AND fly a heli?

WHY AM I NOT ALREADY DOWN THERE?!?!?!

 

[daveman247]

Just when I'd heard it all, just when I thought Australian wildlife couldn't get any more terrifying; fucking SNAKE-EATING SPIDER!! [http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/8454494/giant-queensland-spider-devours-snake] It's a spider. And it eats snakes. What. The. FUCK.

This is why I could never go to Australia. Even knowing this was on the same land mass as me would scare the shit out of me. Hell I'm having trouble with the fact it's on the same planet as me! How the hell do you guys not go insane?!

Discussion value: The spiders. How do we destroy them?

PHEW! I was thinking a giant spider eatting a boa constrictor or something XD


Spiders are cool, they keep the flies and the like away.

 

[android88]

The same way we do with the other billion weird and dangerous wildlife in Australia, don't think about it.

that may work until you fall asleep and the little fuckers have laid eggs in your eyes and the mother is literally eating out you ass hole while you scream but its too late and the eggs hatched, went through your brain, shat, and another mother is makeing its way leg first through your mouth from your stomach with the nasty-est taste imaginable and a mother fucking WETA crawls out from behind your eye!!!!


OH DEAR JESUS I CAN TOUCH THE FLOOR ANYMORE!!!!!!! EVERYTHING IS FUCKING LAVA!!!!!

doesn't work that way. Most of these big scary spiders don't go near towns as they are just as afraid of us as we are of them. If anything our most dangerous spider is the red back and that is quite small.

why risk it?
napalm for everyone down under!!!!

ahh...I'm good, thanks.

 

[ImmortalDrifter]

Think that's bad? Go to Afghanistan. Spiders there will stand up on their hind legs and fucking hiss at you.

 

[Merkavar]

i think the worse thing that happened to me in the 20+ years in australia was being bitten in my sleep by something that left 2 mm holes. was either bitten 4 times or twice by something with fangs 3-4 mm apart. left a giant red mark on my leg for days.

other than that ive had like white tail spiders, red backs, red bellies and wombats in and around my house.

so not that dangerous i guess.

I have told Aussies for years, if y?all will just ease your firearm and hunting restrictions, me and my buddies will come down and show nature who is boss. [small][sup]She is, but don?t tell her that.[/sup][/small]

what are you going to go hunt spiders and snakes? big man lol.

 

[Merkavar]

double post

 

[LongAndShort]

Just remember, for every poisonous snake or spider out to get you, there's a snake or spider or fucking kookaburra out to get them.

 

[lapan]

See this is why we should destroy Australia it's has nothing of value except for killers spiders and snakes! Oh and kangaroos, kangaroos are awesome. So yes it's decided, we must export all the roos in Aussie then nuke the country and hopefully not create radioactive spider snakes.

Kangaroos will drown your dogs and your pets or kick your skull in. Not so cute now, aren't they?

 

[ph0b0s123]

Just when I'd heard it all, just when I thought Australian wildlife couldn't get any more terrifying; fucking SNAKE-EATING SPIDER!! [http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/8454494/giant-queensland-spider-devours-snake] It's a spider. And it eats snakes. What. The. FUCK.

This is why I could never go to Australia. Even knowing this was on the same land mass as me would scare the shit out of me. Hell I'm having trouble with the fact it's on the same planet as me! How the hell do you guys not go insane?!

Discussion value: The spiders. How do we destroy them?

I seem to remember a stat, that was Australia has more dangerous / poisonous animals than all the other countries put together...

 

[Gregg Lonsdale]

So maybe everything in Australia wants to kill us. Also it's really bloody hot, which is why we go swimming in the ocean full of other stuff that wants to kill us. The worst part about living here is still paying $100 for most AAA games.

 

[Jegsimmons]

So maybe everything in Australia wants to kill us. Also it's really bloody hot, which is why we go swimming in the ocean full of other stuff that wants to kill us. The worst part about living here is still paying $100 for most AAA games.

also censorship, restriction on guns (in a place where spiders can eat a 5 year old i might add,calling cops racist for shooting a guy who was about to kill and innocent woman, its actually fatter than america (i shit you not), and that heat has fucking humidity to go with it.

 

[Gregg Lonsdale]

So maybe everything in Australia wants to kill us. Also it's really bloody hot, which is why we go swimming in the ocean full of other stuff that wants to kill us. The worst part about living here is still paying $100 for most AAA games.

also censorship, restriction on guns (in a place where spiders can eat a 5 year old i might add,calling cops racist for shooting a guy who was about to kill and innocent woman, its actually fatter than america (i shit you not), and that heat has fucking humidity to go with it.

I can't believe it's gonna take me a year or so to get a handgun licence. The internet connections are pretty terrible compared to some countries, and there's nothing good on tv. They do seem to be to be working on the censorship thing though, as long as they don't turn around and put filters on the entire internet when the nbn comes in.

 

[Jegsimmons]

So maybe everything in Australia wants to kill us. Also it's really bloody hot, which is why we go swimming in the ocean full of other stuff that wants to kill us. The worst part about living here is still paying $100 for most AAA games.

also censorship, restriction on guns (in a place where spiders can eat a 5 year old i might add,calling cops racist for shooting a guy who was about to kill and innocent woman, its actually fatter than america (i shit you not), and that heat has fucking humidity to go with it.

I can't believe it's gonna take me a year or so to get a handgun licence. The internet connections are pretty terrible compared to some countries, and there's nothing good on tv. They do seem to be to be working on the censorship thing though, as long as they don't turn around and put filters on the entire internet when the nbn comes in.

one year? son of a *****! be lucky you guys arent bordered my mexico, you guys would be fucking screwed!!!

 

[Gregg Lonsdale]

So maybe everything in Australia wants to kill us. Also it's really bloody hot, which is why we go swimming in the ocean full of other stuff that wants to kill us. The worst part about living here is still paying $100 for most AAA games.

also censorship, restriction on guns (in a place where spiders can eat a 5 year old i might add,calling cops racist for shooting a guy who was about to kill and innocent woman, its actually fatter than america (i shit you not), and that heat has fucking humidity to go with it.

I can't believe it's gonna take me a year or so to get a handgun licence. The internet connections are pretty terrible compared to some countries, and there's nothing good on tv. They do seem to be to be working on the censorship thing though, as long as they don't turn around and put filters on the entire internet when the nbn comes in.

one year? son of a *****! be lucky you guys arent bordered my mexico, you guys would be fucking screwed!!!

Yeah, lucky for us we're just bordered by ocean, which is full of sharks and killer box jellyfish and dinosaurs and shit. So we're all completely buggered if the ocean levels rise, since we built every piece of infrastructure about 3 inches from the coast.

 

[Jegsimmons]

So maybe everything in Australia wants to kill us. Also it's really bloody hot, which is why we go swimming in the ocean full of other stuff that wants to kill us. The worst part about living here is still paying $100 for most AAA games.

also censorship, restriction on guns (in a place where spiders can eat a 5 year old i might add,calling cops racist for shooting a guy who was about to kill and innocent woman, its actually fatter than america (i shit you not), and that heat has fucking humidity to go with it.

I can't believe it's gonna take me a year or so to get a handgun licence. The internet connections are pretty terrible compared to some countries, and there's nothing good on tv. They do seem to be to be working on the censorship thing though, as long as they don't turn around and put filters on the entire internet when the nbn comes in.

one year? son of a *****! be lucky you guys arent bordered my mexico, you guys would be fucking screwed!!!

Yeah, lucky for us we're just bordered by ocean, which is full of sharks and killer box jellyfish and dinosaurs and shit. So we're all completely buggered if the ocean levels rise, since we built every piece of infrastructure about 3 inches from the coast.

you guys really need a political reform.

 

[Cobbs]

I've lived in Australia all my life, 18 years, and the worst I've seen is a White Tail spider.
It's not that scary here.

Shhh don't let them know that.

 

[Thaluikhain]

I've lived in Australia all my life, 18 years, and the worst I've seen is a White Tail spider.
It's not that scary here.

Shhh don't let them know that.

Just because you can't see them doesn't mean they can't see you.