Yet another girl trouble thread.

[Chris^^]

snip

I feel pretty bad for you man, I've been there, and for me it's never ended the way I want it to.. it might be that she can't read people either, i.e. can't comprehend you having a genuine interest in her.
I'd see what she's like after the break, and if she keeps up with the mixed messages just come clean with how you feel about her, even if she rejects you it'll save you a lot of heartache in the long run.

 

[quiet_samurai]

Am I reading into that waaaaaaaaay too much (I think I probably am)? Opinions are most appreciated.

You just answered your question right there buddy, yes... you are.

And the way you explain her I get the opinion that she may be sort of socially akward, like her telling you she's a loner is a big indicator. The reason she may seem so confusing to you is because she is new the the whole social interaction thing and may not be very good at it. Maybe she's wating for you to make the first move because she is inexperienced in the field and does not know how. It couldn't hurt, and besides it will let you know whether she likes you or not... so take a chance.

You said before you always let the girl make the first move, and by the content and tone of you words I would say you are let down in the romantic field a lot. So having said that... doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results each time is the deffinition of insanity... don't be insane bro. Just make the move, and if it doesn't work out, then at least you may be on the road to changing your habits with the females.

 

[darth gditch]

Edited for verbiage.

Same boat, mate.

Or at least I've been there before, empathize, also have trouble reading social cues, ect.

Although, as an observer, I'm fantastic at reading social cues and stuff, just never when it involves me. Go figure.

So what I see here is a classic case of neither of you knows what the other really thinks/feels. You're both playing the wait and see card. She doesn't seem to be showing overt signs of attraction, though she is showing at least that she enjoys your company. Thus it is possible that she views your friendship as platonic. Or she's playing it cool just like you are. Because you are not being overt either as far as signs of attraction go. You've asked her out on pretty safe friend things. You've been very careful to word your invites as not to imply "dating" while thinking to yourself-"this is a data."

I did the same thing with a girl I liked a lot last year. I was very political in my advances, never implying that I wanted to be her boyfriend while maintaining that I enjoyed hanging out with her. Asked her to go to a movie with her, went to my homecoming dance with her. And she seemed to enjoy herself ect. When she asked me to a dance, I thought to myself that this was "the sign" or whatever. Especially because my friends encouraged me that it was. Long story short, she told me she had no interest in pursuing a relationship.

After that, we stayed friends for a while, then we both went to different colleges and I haven't spoken to her in months.

On top of this, the year before this, my first girlfriend and I broke up in part due to miscommunication on my part. I never officially "asked her out." This little thing ended up being important to her, because it brings out into the open all of your feelings. We had been "dating" for about a year at this point. But I had never asked her out, and she never asked me out. We just kinda, had each other. When I saw pictures of her with another guy, I flipped. She responded with saying if I liked her so much, why did I never ask her out.

Wow, didn't mean to dump my stories on you....sorry about that.

Point being, diplomacy and playing the "nice, sensitive, mysterious" type might bring about rejection anyway. At this point, it sounds like you've developed enough of a friendly rapport. If you have feelings for her, ask her out officially. See what happens.

 

[zama174]

Ok.. After reading ALL OF THAT! No way in hell am I reading ALL the comments...

OT; Alright lets look at the facts.
Fact 1: She is a loner
Fact 2: she liked you enough to show you embarrassing things
Fact 3: She hangs out with you a lot.

So, for you she has nearly abandoned her loner ways and has been hanging out with you a lot... Well that starts you out on good ice.. But perhaps you are being a tad to slow? Maybe she wants you to make a move, but is scared that you don't like her and is perhaps now cutting you off in fear of being hurt? I dont know, but that is one possible area.. Another is she just wants you as a friend. Either way, best to let her know how you feel. You two have gone out enough it seems reasonable to think there might be something there for you two.

My advice, go get her.. If she says no, go home?

(Sorry, I don't want to write a whole lot after reading all that... I had a far better post thought out halfway threw.. Now I am just mind fucked.)

 

[Toasted Nuts]

MY MAIN POINT: You're not a mind reader, let this girl how you feel it will save you feeling like crap in the long run and messing around thinking if she likes you or not is NEVER worth it.

Now my large body of text if you want to read...

This takes me back a few years during my first year at University.

This sounds similarish to a situation I went through. I met this girl, who lived in my college housing. There was a physical attraction right off the bat (well me fancying her anyway). We started hanging out very innocently enough like you, and things slowly progressed, but that was the problem.

I knew i liked her, I wanted to take things further considering we spent ALL our time together. My friends could see i was getting miserable and to be honest i was acting strange compared to before i had met her. After around 6 months of messing around (yes 6 months...) and my friends saying who is she whats so special about her? shes just messing you around!!!

I finally just came out and said I like you, i want to be with you (not those exact words) and she turned around and said she wasnt looking for a relationship... i was devestated having i thought wasted 6 months of my time at uni going after her. We stopped talking for about a week, where she then got back in contact with me saying she didnt want to lose me as a friend blah blah, so i gave her a second chance as she said she wasn't ready right now. Then 3 months later... we were in a relationship...

We went out for a year and a half, where things kind of fell apart. I can't help but feel that her messing me around for 6 months (and sort of the other 3 ) led me to eventually resent her somewhat.

My point though is that from my experience all I can say is DO NOT become to obsessed with this girl. I understand how you are feeling, for example seeing her talking to another lad. It could be seen as a petty and jealous, but i know that hanging around someone you like and them not giving any signs away whether they like you in that way or not can be infuriating and make you act stupidly.

You are better off telling this girl NOW exactly how you feel, even if it costs you your friendship. I say this because believe me it is NOT worth it, not to feel like you probably are because its highly possible that if you get what you want, when you mess around not telling her for a few more months, it won't be as good as you thought.

Let her know, if she doesn't like you that way fine, better you know now than months from now.

 

[Solemn Marth]

I would like to say congrats my fellow escapee!!

 

[pigletbutt]

you answer your own question with the first line of the post. Whenever you meet a friend, guy or girl, there are natural feelings about how well you click. If its right you don't go through this questioning phase at all because it just clicks, walk away she's not really too nice or considerate, and she knows exactly how you feel and she uses that to manipulate your relationship to her benefit. If you have to "think" about this, and analize it then how right can it be ? Your heart always tells you the truth, its your head that plays tricks on you.
Quit looking and there it is !

 

[Crazy-Insomniac]

Well that was a fun read. All I have to say is well done, man. It takes a lot of courage to ask someone out the further into the "friend state" you get. I guess, at some point, you've got to stop being afraid of failure and just do it. So congrats and good luck!

 

[Hazy]

EDIT! UPDATE: Asked her out today and she said yes. For future reference and to make my wall of text even greater here's basically how the conversation went down.

Me: "Do you know why I first started talking to you?"
Her: "Because we sat next to each other?"
Me: "Because the first time you walked into class I thought to myself 'holy shit she's cute'".
Her: *laughed*
Me: "Anyway since then we've spent some time together and you've grown on me a bit and as such I'd like to take you on a proper date".
Her: *looked pretty damn happy*
Me: "And you should totally say yes because at worst you put up with me for a few hours and get a free meal and at best awesome happens"
Her: *laughed* "Yes I'll go on a date with you"

and that's the important part. Then I walked home and did a happy dance. Anyway mission successful, advice no longer needed.

OP, you are one smooth customer. Straightforward, clear, and funny to boot.

Right on. Hope it works out.

 

[laststandman]

What a pro