You must change a paradise into a hell, by changing one thing...

[spwatkins]

From my childhood - Liver and Onions for every meal, with a side of beets. (Gag city)

 

[Hambers]

Bubblewrap. Bubblewrap everywhere. None of it pops. None of it.

 

[Use_Imagination_here]

No wifi.

There is no OR. There are no other posts. You won.

GG fuckers, GG.

OT:

Boring answer: I'd create an omnipotent genie that accomplishes the mission withing accepted parameters to the best possible degree.

Fun answer: Every single video game is now Kane and Lynch 2.

 

[Sellon88]

Put the U.S government inside it and watch everything collapse.

 

[Grach]

Hmm. I have a few:

Change everyone to look like Steve Buscemi. Women are turned into Steve Buscemis with vaginas.

Or I'd make it smell strongly of ammonia or like musky farts.

Finally, sexual acts would feel like fucking a snail. Smush smush smush.

 

[James Joseph Emerald]

Everyone now has one tooth that is six inches longer than the rest of them.

That is actually the best one I've heard yet. Though even half an inch would probably do it.

 

[Kevlar Eater]

I'd make it so that all drinkable liquids that isn't urine will taste like the lowest quality American beer.

 

[penguindude42]

Fellatio will be impossible due to "Something In Your Mouth" playing from nowhere in particular once the giving party ingests the first inch of manhood.

 

[EyeReaper]

Hmm... Oh, I got one.
All sexual organs will feel like they're coated in sandpaper to the other person whenever sex happens. and hell, let's lace the food with aphrodisiacs while we're at it.

Or, how about this: the paradise? a library filled with the greatest works you can and will ever experience. the hell? to get a hold of these works of art, you must first read through every fanfiction that has ever been posted.

 

[AlphaCookie]

I would make sure that no matter where you might run to, a just audible enough to notice light pinging sound is heard. You can never naturally learn to tune it out, and it always sounds distant, yet close enough that you're are compelled to look for it. Attempt to enjoy anything with that constant nag, it'd drive anyone mad after some time. Then after about 5 years of exposure, it'd suddenly stop long enough for you to finally calm down and then start right back up again.

So... you would give everyone tinnitus.

OT: I would make it permanently rainy. Not like storming, but that shitty rain that makes the day feel gloomy and shitty.

Pretty much yes, but more severe. Tinnitus sufferers can grow tolerant and eventually at least partially tune out the ping over time. My ping is much more severely annoying than that and can never be tuned out. It's like someone is always 10 feet away with a dog whistle tuned specifically for your ear.

It'd be living hell.

 

[Xisin]

I would make it so that Kreayshawn's Gucci Gucci would play on an endless loop.

 

[Itdoesthatsometimes]

Everyone now has one tooth that is six inches longer than the rest of them.

That is actually the best one I've heard yet. Though even half an inch would probably do it.

Thanks!

Half an inch would only be a nuisance. You have to imagine how much more hell a few more inches would cause. Imagine it.

I am willing to meet you in the middle with four inches. Anything less would not cause as much pain and facial distortion.

 

[Dimitriov]

I'd change it so that every male voice sounds like Gilbert Gottfried and every female voice sounds Fran Drescher.

That... that would be the funniest thing ever. I can't even here those two speak without cracking up! I'm sorry, sir, but you just improved paradise.

 

[Spartan448]

People can only communicate as if they were 10 year olds playing Call of Duty on XBox.

 

[schrodinger]

Remove all porn from the internet.

Just imagine the mass chaos and confusion when not a nipple or a nut can be found anywhere on the interwebs

 

[The Enquirer]

Everything feels like butter. Everything. Try gripping anything now! *Maniacal laugh.*

I don't know if that would make sex better or worse...


Anyways, I would make it... groundhog day. Go Bill Murray on their asses, where every day everything starts over, but everyone still remembers what happened the day before.

If everyone remembered wouldn't it just be a day with the same weather and limited travel distance?

Me personally? I would make the only available movies to view The Room and the romance scenes from Star Wars Attack of the Clones.

 

[Zeldias]

There's a random chance at any moment when you're asleep that you will have the sensation of a very wet tongue slithering into your ear canal.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

Simple: I would have sneeze guards removed from all of the divine Buffet tables. It seems like a small thing until you realize the volume of people who go through those things...sure, it's paradise but that doesn't stop people from shedding...is that vermicelli or, that one asshole's lip hair? Did that old ***** just cough over the crab legs?! THEY JUST BROUGHT THOSE OUT! Uncle Chuck just fell over into the tomato soup!! Do you know how expensive that fuckin' suit was!?!

...

It'd be paradise but bureaucratic. An infinite number of luxuries available but each would have a corresponding set of forms to fill out and send off... better have your references ready!

Your idea is far better than mine...so I'll augment yours by adding in Office Hour, including the observation of Earthly Holidays. You may have the proper paperwork filled out but good luck requisitioning your golf cart on Boxing Day.

 

[SuperSuperSuperGuy]

Everyone is constantly being chased by a boulder. Just the one. But it's somehow chasing everyone at once. Don't think too hard about it.

Never again will anyone be able to rest without fear of being crushed by a giant rock!