YOU NEED TO GROW UP!

[Doclector]

I get this shit more than I should.

Mostly because there is a certain group of, let's face it, absolute pricks, at my uni who are constantly complaining about how immature everyone is, and how they're the only mature, sensible students.

All whilst they walk around bitching about people who don't fit in with their idea of the norm, literally mimmicking some "popular kid" clique from an american high school sitcom.

See, here's the thing. I know what some people mean by this. I know what those dicks from uni mean, which is basically "WAAH THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WORK AND THINK DIFFERENTLY FROM US, THEY SHOULD CHANGE!". What some people mean is "start taking responsibility for your own life". Which is important, no doubt, but nowhere near as easy as it should be, especially these days when the odds seem stacked against you, and the news, if you let it, attempts to remind you how crappy your chances are every single day.

It's even more difficult for me, having an autistic spectrum disorder. It's fairly minor, but I'm still behind some people in how I deal with my problems. I'm trying way harder than a lot of people realise. It's no excuse, but I get the feeling that people might not be as harsh on me if they understood.

Also, have some wisdom from the good doctor.

 

[axlryder]

I tell people to grow up when they're acting infantile. "Growing up" in that context, to me, means you lack the maturity or ability to behave constructively/productively/capably in a situation that might call for or require it (without having a good excuse). For instance, if someone clearly can't take any form of criticism, or if they can't even perform basic functions that are necessary for survival. I think it's a valid term, because it really gets to people. No one likes to be told they lack maturity, and sometimes that's what it takes to get people to actually analyze their own behavior. Of course, generally you should mention WHY they need to "grow up" instead of just blurting it out and walking away.

As for people criticizing me for liking "kidish" things. I dunno, it's not something I have had an issue with for a long time. My boss is 40 and plays video games, so it's not like I have to deal with a-hole co-workers giving me shit about that and most of the guys I work with are all nerds. Generally I've found that, past a certain age, people are less likely to give a shit about what you like unless they're not very mature themselves. I do think there's something to be said for age-appropriateness and entertainment, but it's a very broad range and not something I'd generally pass judgement on someone for. It would take a full grown, mentally mature adult unironically enjoying the shit out of teletubbies to make me consider bringing something like that up.

 

[rob_simple]

snip

It's not really about me hating reality tv it's more that people act so superior. In short it's when they don't leave me alone about what I like. At least with video games you are having some input.

I get that, it just seemed ironic to poke fun at people who enjoy reality TV just because you don't.

In my experience, people who act superior to others who are minding their own business would do it whether the subject was video games, books, TV shows, music; they're just spoiling for a fight, essentially.

When someone implies I'm too old to enjoy video games (or anything else) all it tells me is that they're too stupid to understand the hobby.

We shouldn't berate these people, we should feel sorry for them.

 

[Starik20X6]

I find the difference between needing to 'grow up' and just being a rad adult is this:

Can you be a functioning member of society as well as being able to love the stuff you love?​

I think a lot of the time people see "being interested in (so-called) childish stuff" as a sign that you're probably also living in your parents' basement, playing games one-handed because you're jerking off with the other. And I can't say I blame them- I know plenty of people like that. I know people who either can't or won't get a job because it would cut into their gaming time, instead choosing to live off government benefits. It's not a fair stereotype, and hopefully it'll be shed sometime soon.

As you said OP, as long as you're not a burden on society, nobody's got any right to tell you what to like or what you can't like.

 

[Strazdas]

My parents ***** at me with this shit all of the goddamn time. "Aren't you too old for this or that, etc." and my general response to that is "Fuck you, I do what I want!" and I proceed to do just that. It's why I own an SUV, and I plan to repaint it and put in a kicking sound system and neons, and why I am building a new computer with the same upgrades. It's the reason why I'm into independent filmmaking and don't want some "job" where there's a higher probability for success. I'm young and batshit crazy, and that's how I fucking like it.

no, you dont get to do what you want. if you want to do what you want go live in an anarchy. if you dont like that then follow the rules and get rid of the SUV thats killing nature and stop bothering everyone with your sound system (neons do no damage, except if you break them so keep them). having a hobby is not the same as "fuck everyone i do what i want". you shoudl go live on a moon, becasue as long as you live on earth you should not be allowed to destroy it.

 

[IamLEAM1983]

As far as I'm concerned, being an adult is limited to a fairly strict set of principles:

1. you've got a job;
2. you're paying your own bills;
3. you've either moved out, have moved out, thought of moving out or are in the process of moving out

Past that, anything goes. C.S. Lewis was absolutely right; it's childish to try and hide whatever it is you like. I've seen people make careers out of reviewing genre films and I've seen bullshit little auteur magazines turn into local institutions. Adulthood means being free to take whatever it is you find awesome, and taking it as far as you want to.

Whenever I get comments about how my master's might not even end with a job, I scoff. I might not be raking in tons of cash or I might not be graced with a wife and a house of my own, but I'm happy. I've seen tons of people throw themselves into fulfilling what someone else thought adulthood should be and coming out of it crushed.

Between a high-paying job that makes me utterly miserable and one that keeps me happy even if I'm maybe a coupla hunnerd bucks on top of the poverty line, I'll choose Option B. I've never picked my postings for how lucrative they are; I'd much rather go for fun or challenging propositions. Going to work with a smile on your face is what really matters.

 

[bluepilot]

Childish...moi? If other people want to spend there lives getting married, buying a house, having kids, getting that successful career, that is fine, I have no problem with that. For me, the best part about becoming an adult was having the ability to buy as many toys as I liked (yay plushies)

I do not think that your interests or life choices define you as a person. Being a grown up is all about being resourceful and being there for people. One of the most grown up people I know collects Sailor Moon plushies.

One of the girls at work told me to grow up because I was wearing Evangelion knickers. I will never be too old for Asuka underwear.

 

[KingKickass]

Grow up? I'm 5' 8"! I don't know when I'm gonna grow up!

Anyways, my response is normally something along the lines of "Don't different people have different interests and opinions on different topics?" Usually I'm asked why do I like a certain thing when I'm looking up different animes or drawing characters from the one I'm currently watching. Yet when I start looking up bass guitars, oh well now I'm "normal" and NOBODY asks me why I'm looking up basses.

*sigh* Society truly is a fickle *****.

 

[Raikas]

As far as I'm concerned, being an adult is limited to a fairly strict set of principles:

1. you've got a job;
2. you're paying your own bills;
3. you've either moved out, have moved out, thought of moving out or are in the process of moving out

I 'd be even more general than that and just say that the one rule is that you're contributing to your household/society. Because stay at home parents and retired people are contributing even if they don't fit your rule #1, and employed/bill-paying adults from backgrounds where extended-family living (or living with parents until marriage) is the norm are contributing even if they don't fit your rule #3.

 

[Flames66]

My usual response is:

Spoiler: response

I like what I like

 

[putowtin]

Grow up and take your responsibilities? Yup, we all have to at some point.
Grow up and stop having fun? Hell no! I have a job to make sure I have money to do fun stuff, and I'll spend that money (and what little free time remains) on whatever I like.

This!

I have a job so I can buy the stuff that makes me happy, just because the stuff that makes me happy is considered "juvenile" by my supposed peers (people with 2.4 kids, who have to spend their weekends watching said kids play football/ballet dance, washing the car and going to the mother-in-laws) does not change the face that it makes me happy, watching them get grotty about my life just makes me laugh!

 

[Angie7F]

Me too. I dress like a high school goth kid and have lots of earrings and bright red hair.
You can tell me to start acting like an adult, but I get to make a living off of doing things I like.
I will keep watching anime, and do stupid childish stuff just because I can.

 

[geizr]

Growing up does not necessarily mean you have to stop having fun or doing the things that you like to do. It doesn't mean you have to become a burnt-out, dead shell of a person, either. What it means is that you stop seeing yourself as the center of the Universe and that everyone must bow to your whims and preferences. It means that you should be more considerate of how your actions affect others. It means that you should be more willing to allow others the latitude to have the same freedoms of choice and expression that you enjoy (for example, calling someone an idiot or other pejoratives or lambasting them just because they use different electronic devices, play different games, or prefer a different gaming platform than you do). It's about recognizing your own mistakes and owning up to those mistakes rather than trying to blame someone else (i.e. personal responsibility and accountability). It's about learning to control your emotions, whims, and impulses rather than letting them control you; this does not mean you never act out of emotion, whim, or impulse, but that you are more decisive about when and why you do so (know yourself). It's about learning that you don't know everything and that sometimes mistakes happen; even further, to not get so emotional when the mistakes occur, but to deal with the mistake in a calm, reasoned and rational manner (player behavior in a MOBA, I think, is a good contrast of what I mean here). It's about being able to attain a balanced and stable perspective on life that is not so easily swayed by singular instances of happenstance. It's about being able to see yourself and others from a bigger perspective than simply what you want and what is best for only you. It's about learning to harmonize with others and being able to engage in a more stable, non-adversarial relationship with others. Growing up is about learning to live your life and letting others do the same.

Yes, you could say that by the above that there are a lot of adults, then, that need to "grow up", and you would not be at all wrong. However, just because you see some adults behaving poorly does not negate the truth or validity of the statement. It just means that they also have not "grown up".

Of course, here is one fact, no one can really make you do anything, not even grow up, if you truly don't want to; there is only one thing we absolutely have to do, and that is die (in the future, it may be possible that even that is not true). Just realize there are consequences, depending on the circumstances, for your actions, because no force of will (unless you are God) can change how the Universe works; it is up to you to choose the particular outcome you desire. If you are going to have the attitude that you get to do whatever you want, when you want, to whomever you want, for whatever reason you want, and no one better say anything to you about it, don't be surprised or complain when others visit that same ideal on you or start treating you poorly in retaliation for the poor treatment you give to them.

Ultimately, you are the one that decides your life and how you live it. However, this means that almost everything (pretty much 99.99%, barring natural disasters and other "acts of God") that happens to you is entirely YOUR OWN FAULT and the direct result of YOUR OWN CHOICES. So, you have to know the reason for your choices and understand your own mind well enough to know your true motivations behind your actions. There are no guarantees about anything in life; the Universe owes you nothing, not even the chance to live (e.g. still-born babies). Growing up is about learning to live with this and still not go insane in the process. Living your life to the fullest despite all the negativity that goes on in the world, despite all the failures and disappointments, and allowing others the latitude to do the same.

Notice, I've said nothing about having to stop playing games, watching cartoons (hell, I still do those myself, and I'm going on 42), or playing with toys. Nothing about growing up means you have to lose that child-like sense of wonder at the world around you. It simply means you approach life and others differently than you did as a child, particularly, you are no longer so self-centered, self-absorbed, and ego-centric. The old advice that comes to mind is having an old mind but young heart.

Apologies for the wall-of-text.

 

[GistoftheFist]

Before I was 18 I heard this a lot, usually from crotchety adults who use it as a way to feel superior. Now that i'm over 18, the one I hear is "you're an adult now". People say this to me as an excuse to avoid acknowledging any personal failings what aren't my fault. As if simply aging is supposed to allow you all the control that comes with being an independent person.

Doesn't anyone else see the irony that people who say "you need to grow up" are the same types who go to parties and get drunk to the point of passing out facedown in their own vomit? Because that's "what grown-ups do". Adults aren't supposed to play vid-ge-uh games, ignoring the fact that other adults created them.

 

[fezgod]

The only time I've really heard that type of phrase is in response to how a person reacts to something. If someone criticizes you and your first instinct is hostility, then yeah, you need to mature some what. But I've never been in a situation like yours, so I can't really chip in much. People have all sorts of hobbies, and actual mature people will accept all kinds of hobbies to a reasonable degree. For instance, I don't follow sports but all of my friends do, but they never give me crap about it because they're reasonable people.

Besides, you have a job and responsibilities, which is a reasonable indicator of maturity. If you lived with your parents and didn't work but continued to just faff about, then there is something a little strange about how you're conducting your life. In my opinion, you don't need to make huge amounts of money as long you're happy. But if your happiness comes at the cost of other people's happiness, than you're doing something wrong.

 

[Julius Terrell]

With me being 35, I grew up when video games were really just coming in the eye of society. My grandmother bought tons of games for me and my brothers. It was the thing to do. Now I try to talk to people about video games now-a-days, and they give me the strangest of looks. I was even told by one douche bag that adults don't play dance games. I have to look this kind of prejudice in the eye for the most part. I've never really had anyone tell me that what I do is outright childish, but their reactions say otherwise.

I try to talk to people whenever I go to any arcades. It's hard but I try. I love EVERYTHING that american society hates in so many words. I'm a hardcore gamer,Otaku, and a lover of classical music and electronic music. I hate team sports and I HATE pop anything. I've always been a mature individual, but to have every last thing I like belittled by society just hurts, but I want to be social. I don't want to hide in the closet like some scared person. Hell, I'm very athletic, but nobdy wants to hear about running so I'm screwed no matter what.

I'm going to try to enjoy life no matter what people think. You only have one life to live. It's tough because we exist in changing times where the very defenitions of what it means to be an adult is changing. I as long you work and take care of yourself, and have a roof over your head and food to eat, what does it matter what you do with your free time?

Try being an adult trying to talk to people about japanese anime? It's difficult with some people.

 

[an annoyed writer]

no, you dont get to do what you want. if you want to do what you want go live in an anarchy. if you dont like that then follow the rules and get rid of the SUV thats killing nature and stop bothering everyone with your sound system (neons do no damage, except if you break them so keep them). having a hobby is not the same as "fuck everyone i do what i want". you shoudl go live on a moon, becasue as long as you live on earth you should not be allowed to destroy it.

I'm not sure if I'm reading something by a person who is joking, or someone who is genuinely pissed at my loud and proud approach to life. If the first one is true, I commend your attempt at satire, but if you're dead serious I'll have you know my truck is a newer, more fuel-efficient model with an engine that just passed the US's emissions testing and the like. If that still pisses you off somehow, I suggest you move to Beijing and then complain about how I'm killing the planet. I've also been putting in better sound insulation, making it better for everyone, being quieter to the outside observer while I'm still getting some kickass sound. I may like to be loud and proud, but I don't like to be a jackass about it. The thing that makes me doubt your response's authenticity is the neons: if you were a true radical environmentalist, you would likely claim that my neons are causing light pollution and the like. Finally, no, I don't need to move to a moon since what I want to do is perfectly reasonable and legal on this planet. You're not talking to a deranged psycho murderer who wants to put an end to all civilized legislation on the planet. Besides, If I did have a colony on the moon, we would have actually progressed to some degree, which seems to be something humankind is afraid of for some reason.

 

[Mauler]

Just go into denial and (im speakin' about myself)hang around whith friends that kinda understand you whithout judging you and just screw the rest of em saying that: At least im hawing a good time ... Yeah...

 

[Dr. Doomsduck]

I HATE THIS STATEMENT!

With a burning passion, growing up? What does that even mean? The people who tell me to do this, are the kind of people who take a bunch of millionaires playing children's ball games so seriously they punch each other over simply the colour of their shirts.

Let me back track a little, I work in a pub, a sports pub to be exact, now I'm not a great lover of sports, I like watching a handful of them (Ice Hockey, Moto GP, Tennis) and I like playing them in general even if I suck at them. But I make no secret of my love for all things, well, escapist and fantastical, often during quiet periods, if I have no bar cleaning or stocking up to do, I'll whip out a pad or a book and draw/read something, which as anyone who's ever done either activity in public knows; draws a crowd.

But it does seem to me that many people take offence to this, with comments regularly coming in the form of; "What are you reading that for?", "Aren't you a bit old to be drawing Pokémon?" and "Don't you think it's time you grew out of that crap?" apparently being in your mid 20's and having an imagination is some kind of affront to these people. But typically, despite the burning rage it fills me with, the assertion, that somehow I'm childish for reading a book, but they aren't for jumping up and down when their favourite team scores is ridiculous to me. I however just brush it off with this simple comment; "What's the point of being an adult, with disposable income, if I'm not going to do all the childish things I ever wanted to do? So long as my bills are paid and food's in the fridge, why do you care?" Which usually shuts them up.

Then there was the time I wore my MLP;FiM shirt to work... but lets not get into that.

So my question to you guys is; How do you handle being called childish for enjoying things in realms many older people still see as the exclusive realm of children?

Whenever someone tells me to grow up, I usually respond like XKCD taught me to:

Captcha:rose bud

 

[Strazdas]

no, you dont get to do what you want. if you want to do what you want go live in an anarchy. if you dont like that then follow the rules and get rid of the SUV thats killing nature and stop bothering everyone with your sound system (neons do no damage, except if you break them so keep them). having a hobby is not the same as "fuck everyone i do what i want". you shoudl go live on a moon, becasue as long as you live on earth you should not be allowed to destroy it.

I'm not sure if I'm reading something by a person who is joking, or someone who is genuinely pissed at my loud and proud approach to life. If the first one is true, I commend your attempt at satire, but if you're dead serious I'll have you know my truck is a newer, more fuel-efficient model with an engine that just passed the US's emissions testing and the like. If that still pisses you off somehow, I suggest you move to Beijing and then complain about how I'm killing the planet. I've also been putting in better sound insulation, making it better for everyone, being quieter to the outside observer while I'm still getting some kickass sound. I may like to be loud and proud, but I don't like to be a jackass about it. The thing that makes me doubt your response's authenticity is the neons: if you were a true radical environmentalist, you would likely claim that my neons are causing light pollution and the like. Finally, no, I don't need to move to a moon since what I want to do is perfectly reasonable and legal on this planet. You're not talking to a deranged psycho murderer who wants to put an end to all civilized legislation on the planet. Besides, If I did have a colony on the moon, we would have actually progressed to some degree, which seems to be something humankind is afraid of for some reason.

Very good response.
My post was mostly joking but with a grain of truth. What your wrote here is not what was reflected by the post i quoted.

You're not talking to a deranged psycho murderer who wants to put an end to all civilized legislation on the planet.

and yet thats the vibe your first post was making, which is why i decided to response.
While i do care for enviroment i am nowhere near those radicals and i do agree that a person should be able to do what he wants provided he does not harm anyone else by doing it, like, say, murder. However stating "fuck you i do what i want" is exactly what anarchy is, and anarchy is nowhere near progress.