"You were an accident!" .. so what?

[Hiname]

I was always wondering about this kind of thing. Whenever I see it in a movie, read it in a book, hear it from friends or see it on the internet in forums like this..
Whenever people hear from their parents that they were an accident, mostly in rage during fights or whatever, people behave like this truth would be the end of the world. Mostly followed by lots of tears and general QQ and open rage toward their parents. Same applies for the matter of "What, my parents were not married when i was made? ZOMFG!!"

.. in both these cases I generally ask myself "So what?".. What is so horrofyingly bad about these things? Why do people even care?
Myself, I was neither planned nor were my parents married by that time. Both my mother and m father told me when asked. back then as of today, I don't really cared much about this simple truth, yet some people seem to think of this of some major deal.
My parents loved me, raised me well, gave me opportunity and access to more then decent edjucation, so why should I think ill about them because they preffered to mate like rabbits instead of waiting?

So.. maybe you guys and girls can explain this to me. Is that some kind of american thing? ( Most people I hear this from are from around these parts, no generalization intendet.) is that just me being generally a bit cold toward such matters?

So, please share your thoughts about this with me.

 

[Julianking93]

Really? Because I was kinda under the impression that most kids were accidents >.>

Anyway, no I don't get it either. It's not something I really even think about. My mum told me I was an accident. I thought it was kind of funny to tell you the truth. Maybe I'm just demented like that but it didn't phase me.

It does though have a lot to do with context. Having your parents say "You were an accident" when asked is fine but the implication of that isn't so lighthearted when in an argument. I was told because I asked and laughed about it when mum told me. If it were in an argument... that's far different. It's as if to say "I never wanted you and you're just a burden."

I would imagine that's a pretty difficult thing to hear.

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

Because you werent wanted. And in some cases you might have been the thing that RUINED your parents lives or ambitions.

 

[Hoplon]

Accident? more like stupendous fluke.

 

[intheweeds]

Relevant. Sent it to my father on fathers day.

Seriously? A bunch of grown men who believe 'pulling out' is a method of birth control?

Everyone who didn't immediately think "Really?" needs to go back to grade school sex ed.

 

[intheweeds]

OT: People like to think they are loved, and that their parents wanted to have them. It's easy to see why this could upset a kid. The fact that they were an accident kinda lessens the whole thing.

I'm sure for some it doesn't mean shit. Sometimes an accident can better be described as a 'surprise'. For others, like me, it was pretty obvious my parents were only together because of me. They divorced pretty early and fought constantly throughout my childhood. I don't feel bad myself, I'm pretty hardy, but some people are more sensitive or were personally affected more. I think whether it matters to you depends on the situation.

 

[Ruwrak]

People like to think they are loved, and that their parents wanted to have them.

This mostly. For arn't parents supposed to love you unconditionally? It's real easy to see that hearing they didn't really want you can trigger a emotional response.


Back to my own murmering.
I mean.. come on.. The two people you knew who would love you 100% say they never wanted you. Can't make it more obvious then that right?

 

[trooper6]

You have to look at context.
In all the examples you talk about, the context is an argument. So, "You were an accident!" isn't "oh here's a funny story about your birth" it is, in context "I don't love you, I never wanted you, and I wish you hadn't been born." That is the thing that upsets people.

Now if the context were parent and child sitting on the porch drinking lemonade and the child asks, "Tell me about when I was born" and the parent responds, "Oh...we weren't planning you...I thought the rhythm method would work...but that turns out not to be the case...but we are so glad to have had you." You don't tend to get drama...but funny family stories.

Heck I know a number of people who were unplanned pregnancies and they know it and are fine with it. But it was never thrown at them as an attack by their parents.

 

[intheweeds]

Seriously? A bunch of grown men who believe 'pulling out' is a method of birth control?

Everyone who didn't immediately think "Really?" needs to go back to grade school sex ed.

... I see someone failed "Sense of Humour 101"
You must be a real blast at parties chap.

I am a blast a parties thank you very much. Also not a 'chap'. Making fun of stupid things is funny too(which is what i was doing). You can't say someone has no sense of humor in response to a joke. No one is requiring you to think I'm funny, but saying i have no sense of humor is a little much.

 

[intheweeds]

OT: People like to think they are loved, and that their parents wanted to have them. It's easy to see why this could upset a kid. The fact that they were an accident kinda lessens the whole thing.

I'm sure for some it doesn't mean shit. Sometimes an accident can better be described as a 'surprise'. For others, like me, it was pretty obvious my parents were only together because of me. They divorced pretty early and fought constantly throughout my childhood. I don't feel bad myself, I'm pretty hardy, but some people are more sensitive or were personally affected more. I think whether it matters to you depends on the situation.

My post was in the context of the thread being: Parent and child are fighting, parent yells "You were an accident!" and that sucks. I can see why that would upset someone. I added that to my first post now.

Yeah, I was really just quoting you to agree with you and elaborate. I should have said as much.

 

[LongAndShort]

I know I was a surprise...

I think like many things it depends on tone. I mean I use a lot of insulting words to talk to people (****, poofter, arsehole, bastard, wanker etc) but whether or not they take it as an insult is usually decided if I want it to be an insult, and say it in such a tone. This does not always happen, but I try and avoid doing it around people who might misunderstand my casually calling them a *****.

 

[Sneaky-Pie]

Hell, I was conceived through two forms of birth control.

I am destined for great things.

[sub]At least that's what I tell myself to help quell the tears.[/sub]

 

[mcpop9]

I think i'm an accident. not sure though, never had the balls to ask. went on storm runner in Hershey but wasn't man enough to ask if i was planned. anyway, thank the goddess for my mom and grandparents being catholic or else i wouldn't be posting this!

 

[wilsontheterrible]

Another topic in which the denizens of the internet hold a different opinion from quite a large chunk of the public. I've seen whole families turn on a member that's had a child out of wedlock and it's not just religious families and well-off ones either. I don't think the 'accident' part of this is that big a deal but when it occurs outside of a married couple there is a definite stigma towards both the parents and the child.

Is the stigma justified? Against the parents, debatable. Against the child, absolutely not.

 

[Brandon237]

I was an accident, and one that made for some rough times. I don't really care, it does mean that I can see it was my parents lack of responsibility that led to me, and thus they have to pay for their mistake... by giving me presents

If you take that entirely literally (only ever so slightly accurate is a good representation) then maybe your humour meter needs oiling...

 

[Kieran Shuttleworth]

Whenever my sister tries to pull this one on me by saying that I was an accident and she was planned I always say, "No. I'm the unexpected miracle. You were a bad idea."

 

[A Pious Cultist]

I'm was the fittest of millions of sperm cells. Fuck the haters.

 

[emeraldrafael]

Me parents never even married so, I dont know. at least I know my father and he accepts me. I remmber someone said that to me once a few years ago. they said "you were an accident, your parents ddidnt even plan on you. MY parents wanteed me, cause they always plan their children."

So of course that stung for about a second, then I just looked up and said thats funny, I remember hearing your mother is the one who's had three abortions and and she was in fact born as a victim of rape and just kinda left it at that. Apparently that was a secret she was never told.

 

[Riff Moonraker]

I was always wondering about this kind of thing. Whenever I see it in a movie, read it in a book, hear it from friends or see it on the internet in forums like this..
Whenever people hear from their parents that they were an accident, mostly in rage during fights or whatever, people behave like this truth would be the end of the world. Mostly followed by lots of tears and general QQ and open rage toward their parents. Same applies for the matter of "What, my parents were not married when i was made? ZOMFG!!"

.. in both these cases I generally ask myself "So what?".. What is so horrofyingly bad about these things? Why do people even care?
Myself, I was neither planned nor were my parents married by that time. Both my mother and m father told me when asked. back then as of today, I don't really cared much about this simple truth, yet some people seem to think of this of some major deal.
My parents loved me, raised me well, gave me opportunity and access to more then decent edjucation, so why should I think ill about them because they preffered to mate like rabbits instead of waiting?

So.. maybe you guys and girls can explain this to me. Is that some kind of american thing? ( Most people I hear this from are from around these parts, no generalization intendet.) is that just me being generally a bit cold toward such matters?

So, please share your thoughts about this with me.

ANY parent that says that to their child is garbage. Its just that simple.

 

[Dogstile]

The one I don't get is implying they had sex with your mother.

Well done, you had sex with a 60 year old woman. I hope you're proud of yourself.

This is the one I don't get more than the accident one. I have roughly the same reaction, Its like well done mate, you've seen my mother, she's massive.

On accident terms, I assume you'd feel bad if your parents actually didn't want you for it. I however, was the the only non accident in my family so I'm ok.